Ex opened Child Support Modification Case

[lifetime]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My ex just reopened for Child Support Modification but he hasn't paid me Child Support OR ANYTHING in over a year -I have the 3 kids (13, 11, 9) 100% of the time - he took off and left the state a few years ago on his own and I went back to court for visitation/long distance parenting plan - after him being gone for 2 years. He saw the kids once in December 2015 when the kids were visiting his parents over XMas and prior to that he saw them March 2015. He's in GA now.

I hired a lawyer and was in the process of filing Child Support Enforcement through the state when the lawsuit came through. He lied on suit saying he just got fired from a job bc of his drinking and is about to enter inpatient rehab - through a facility that is free. Thing is - last year he entered inpatient rehab that his parents paid for ($$$$) (after being Baker-acted) then got a job and declared bankruptcy in January 2016. He is NOT going back to rehab and is alive and well - working a new job. His parents lied to me and said they aren't in contact with him but my kids are up there visiting and I just got a text saying ex is at the house and will be there every night but not during the day because he's working. Ex is representing himself in this case (but getting legal advice from a lawyer in GA).

I have the docs showing his rehab from last year, proof of all unpaid bills and emails/texts showing no financial support at all, etc.

I won't be surprised if he's granted modification but am wondering what to expect. I wouldn't think the judge would be happy with him lying to the court and also not making any attempts to see his kids and not paying a dime or helping raise them.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My ex just reopened for Child Support Modification but he hasn't paid me Child Support OR ANYTHING in over a year -I have the 3 kids (13, 11, 9) 100% of the time - he took off and left the state a few years ago on his own and I went back to court for visitation/long distance parenting plan - after him being gone for 2 years. He saw the kids once in December 2015 when the kids were visiting his parents over XMas and prior to that he saw them March 2015. He's in GA now.

I hired a lawyer and was in the process of filing Child Support Enforcement through the state when the lawsuit came through. He lied on suit saying he just got fired from a job bc of his drinking and is about to enter inpatient rehab - through a facility that is free. Thing is - last year he entered inpatient rehab that his parents paid for ($$$$) (after being Baker-acted) then got a job and declared bankruptcy in January 2016. He is NOT going back to rehab and is alive and well - working a new job. His parents lied to me and said they aren't in contact with him but my kids are up there visiting and I just got a text saying ex is at the house and will be there every night but not during the day because he's working. Ex is representing himself in this case (but getting legal advice from a lawyer in GA).

I have the docs showing his rehab from last year, proof of all unpaid bills and emails/texts showing no financial support at all, etc.

I won't be surprised if he's granted modification but am wondering what to expect. I wouldn't think the judge would be happy with him lying to the court and also not making any attempts to see his kids and not paying a dime or helping raise them.

Is this the same ex who filed for bankruptcy earlier this year?

 

[lifetime]

Ex

Is this the same ex who filed for bankruptcy earlier this year?

Yes same ex...

(he racked up $$$$ after our divorce on stuff - nothing to show for it, of course. Got a bankruptcy lawyer right after rehab and guessing lawyer recommended bankruptcy. - some bills were his cell, his rental apartment, his medicals, $50k in credit card bills (unsure for what)). I'm also guessing this lawyer is advising him to do modification, even though CS can't be changed in a BK (but again, he hasn't paid me CS in 1 1/2 years anyway).

 

[stealth2]

What have you done to enforce the CS?

And what proof - besides what the kids have said - that ex is working and in contact with his parents (not that the latter really makes any difference, tbh)? Judges tend to frown on children being put in the middle of these situations.

 

[lifetime]

What have you done to enforce he CS?

And what proof - besides what the kids have said - that ex is working and in contact with his parents (not that the latter really makes any difference, tbh)? Judges tend to frown on children being put in the middle of these situations.

I haven't done anything to enforce except email him - our last contact was a year ago when he said he doesn't have the money to help me - but because his parents have been helping me out - AND he was in rehab - I didn't pursue.

My kids are staying at his parent's this week - that's how I found out ex is living there and working. Last I heard ex had an apt (kids saw it over Xmas) and working at a hardware store. In ex's statement last week he said he was fired from that job and about to enter an inpatient rehab.

I have never put my kids in the middle - they are excited (and we are all surprised) that they are spending the week with him. It's been 7 months since they saw or heard from him.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My ex just reopened for Child Support Modification but he hasn't paid me Child Support OR ANYTHING in over a year -I have the 3 kids (13, 11, 9) 100% of the time - he took off and left the state a few years ago on his own and I went back to court for visitation/long distance parenting plan - after him being gone for 2 years. He saw the kids once in December 2015 when the kids were visiting his parents over XMas and prior to that he saw them March 2015. He's in GA now.

I hired a lawyer and was in the process of filing Child Support Enforcement through the state when the lawsuit came through. He lied on suit saying he just got fired from a job bc of his drinking and is about to enter inpatient rehab - through a facility that is free. Thing is - last year he entered inpatient rehab that his parents paid for ($$$$) (after being Baker-acted) then got a job and declared bankruptcy in January 2016. He is NOT going back to rehab and is alive and well - working a new job. His parents lied to me and said they aren't in contact with him but my kids are up there visiting and I just got a text saying ex is at the house and will be there every night but not during the day because he's working. Ex is representing himself in this case (but getting legal advice from a lawyer in GA).

I have the docs showing his rehab from last year, proof of all unpaid bills and emails/texts showing no financial support at all, etc.

I won't be surprised if he's granted modification but am wondering what to expect. I wouldn't think the judge would be happy with him lying to the court and also not making any attempts to see his kids and not paying a dime or helping raise them.

You are contradicting yourself. You need to watch yourself and not lose credibility.

 

[lifetime]

You are contradicting yourself. You need to watch yourself and not lose credibility.

Not sure how - I spoke with his dad last week who told me he had no idea where his son was - but he was lying bc his son (my ex) has been living there. I don't know how long, though. It was a surprise to me when FIL told me ex would be seeing the kids at night this week and even MORE of a shock when my daughter called me last night and told me Ex has been living with ILs.

My kids go up to Ex's parents every July 4th and XMas (just something we have been doing - nothing in writing stating I have to).

Even so - ex hasn't called or seen or emailed the kids since XMas and that was only bc the kids spent XMas with Ex's parents and they picked up Ex from his apt. to have XMas dinner with them.

Recap:

Basically - all I knew last week was that Ex had an apt. and was working. Then he fiiled a lawsuit on Monday saying he's an alcoholic and got fired from his job and is about to enter inpatient rehab through donations.... then yesterday found out Ex has a different job and has been living with his parents. NONE of this has been told directly to me, however. Kids and I just found out last night that ex is living there. He hasn't tried to contact or be a part of the kids' lives for years.

** I appreciate the questions and feedback!! Helping me think and organize ***

 

[stealth2]

I haven't done anything to enforce except email him - our last contact was a year ago when he said he doesn't have the money to help me - but because his parents have been helping me out - AND he was in rehab - I didn't pursue.

My kids are staying at his parent's this week - that's how I found out ex is living there and working. Last I heard ex had an apt (kids saw it over Xmas) and working at a hardware store. In ex's statement last week he said he was fired from that job and about to enter an inpatient rehab.

I have never put my kids in the middle - they are excited (and we are all surprised) that they are spending the week with him. It's been 7 months since they saw or heard from him.

So again - what proof do you have besides what the kids have told you?

 

[stealth2]

Not sure how - I spoke with his dad last week who told me he had no idea where his son was - but he was lying bc his son (my ex) has been living there. I don't know how long, though. It was a surprise to me when FIL told me ex would be seeing the kids at night this week and even MORE of a shock when my daughter called me last night and told me Ex has been living with ILs.

My kids go up to Ex's parents every July 4th and XMas (just something we have been doing - nothing in writing stating I have to).

Even so - ex hasn't called or seen or emailed the kids since XMas and that was only bc the kids spent XMas with Ex's parents and they picked up Ex from his apt. to have XMas dinner with them.

Recap:

Basically - all I knew last week was that Ex had an apt. and was working. Then he fiiled a lawsuit on Monday saying he's an alcoholic and got fired from his job and is about to enter inpatient rehab through donations.... then yesterday found out Ex has a different job and has been living with his parents. NONE of this has been told directly to me, however. Kids and I just found out last night that ex is living there. He hasn't tried to contact or be a part of the kids' lives for years.

** I appreciate the questions and feedback!! Helping me think and organize ***

His parents do not have to tell you anything. And they are allowed to lie. THEY have no obligation to you at all. Maybe they're just tired of you.

 

[lifetime]

So again - what proof do you have besides what the kids have told you?

Only that I heard him talking in the background while I was on the phone with my daughter last night.

 

[lifetime]

His parents do not have to tell you anything. And they are allowed to lie. THEY have no obligation to you at all. Maybe they're just tired of you.

That is very true. Just a pisser when I've been open and honest with them. If it weren't for me they wouldn't have any relationship with their grandchildren. To paraphrase: *I* have no obligation to *them* at all. Maybe *I'm* just tired of *them*.

In the end, ILs really don't matter - I'm asking about ex.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Dad can apply for modification. If you do not agree to the terms of his proposed modification, then show up at court, and the judge will decide it.

Any modification is usually only backdated to the date of filing for the modification.

You do not have to waive child support arrears. Some people might think it would be reasonable of you to do so (Dad and his parents, for example), but your kids still eat and out grow their clothes and shoes, even when Dad is in rehab.

Don't worry about Dad's parents lying to you - you're doing the right thing by trying to let the kids continue to have a relationship with them. The kids are old enough to start making their own intelligent observations about the adults around them and come to conclusions of their own. Sometimes their conclusions will be ungenerous, but hopefully, if you attempt to be consistently reasonable, they will eventually realize that.

 

[lifetime]

Dad can apply for modification. If you do not agree to the terms of his proposed modification, then show up at court, and the judge will decide it.

Any modification is usually only backdated to the date of filing for the modification.

You do not have to waive child support arrears. Some people might think it would be reasonable of you to do so (Dad and his parents, for example), but your kids still eat and out grow their clothes and shoes, even when Dad is in rehab.

Don't worry about Dad's parents lying to you - you're doing the right thing by trying to let the kids continue to have a relationship with them. The kids are old enough to start making their own intelligent observations about the adults around them and come to conclusions of their own. Sometimes their conclusions will be ungenerous, but hopefully, if you attempt to be consistently reasonable, they will eventually realize that.

It's reasonable for him to ask for modification but I don't agree to the terms he presented. I am unsure about asking for back support except for medical and dental, etc. that have racked up (kid(s) with braces and a recent broken toe. camp, and school trips, for instance. Going forward, however, I will maintain all bills and submit them. I admit to being lenient because his parents have been helping me.

I just hate liars - but I also have to live with myself and I wouldn't block the grandparents from the kids because I want them all to have a relationship. And you're right - my kids are older and can decide for themselves. (and yes, they have already been ungenerous considering I do everything for them - physically, emotionally and financially - but the ONE present their dad bought them 5 years ago is still their favorite/cherished possession).

Thanks for the advice and POV.