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Ex quit his job to evade paying child support

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Proserpina

Senior Member
I realize this is a hijack of sorts.

But I can't help but wonder about Kenickie's contribution here.

Given the post hx and all....
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
I realize this is a hijack of sorts.

But I can't help but wonder about Kenickie's contribution here.

Given the post hx and all....
He is projecting his own situation into his advice. He wants this OP to do what he wishes his ex would do.
 

Kenickie

Member
He is projecting his own situation into his advice. He wants this OP to do what he wishes his ex would do.
To be fair, we all project our experiences into our advice. That's why it's valuable to consider what others think about something. And to be more fair, that wasn't my situation at all.

So, CaliMommy86, despite the fact that others' perspectives differ from mine, I encourage you to consider them. I think you'll find good information that will help you prepare for handling the issue. Best of luck.
 

Kenickie

Member
I don't see any reason for her to do what you are suggesting. Its pretty clear what is going on. He doesn't want to pay child support to two people so badly that he is willing to tank his own finances to avoid paying. There are a LOT of people out there who are like that. Its very common and we see it all the time.
Right, and they do it for a reason. Sometimes it's that they are losers who just don't want to pay support. (Maybe that's the case here. Don't know.) But sometimes it's not.

Moreover, I'm not saying that she should not whole-heartedly seek a resolution from the court. I think that seeking the court's help is the primary thing to do. I'm just saying that trying to resolve a conflict exclusively in a courtroom--where people are stifled by process, expenses, deadlines, and attorneys taking potshots at each other, constantly erring on the side of false accusation and generating ill will, etc.--might not be the only option. And this is standard advice, really. Many court's websites advise you to try to reach agreement, if possible, outside of legal action.
 
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CJane

Senior Member
Right, and they do it for a reason. Sometimes it's that they are losers who just don't want to pay support. (Maybe that's the case here. Don't know.) But sometimes it's not.

Moreover, I'm not saying that she should not whole-heartedly seek a resolution from the court. I think that seeking the court's help is the primary thing to do. I'm just saying that trying to resolve a conflict exclusively in a courtroom--where people are stifled by process, expenses, deadlines, and attorneys taking potshots at each other, constantly erring on the side of false accusation and generating ill will, etc.--might not be the only option.
One thing you might consider, if you're going to be advising, is that in SOME STATES it is illegal to mediate child support matters OR contempt matters.

So if that's the case in OP's state? You've given her not only bad advice, but unpracticable advice that is contrary to law.
 

Kenickie

Member
One thing you might consider, if you're going to be advising, is that in SOME STATES it is illegal to mediate child support matters OR contempt matters.

So if that's the case in OP's state? You've given her not only bad advice, but unpracticable advice that is contrary to law.
Good point. Strike the mediation if not applicable in your state. Go with common sense on whether or not it's of value to try and resolve conflict outside of courtroom proceedings. Intuitively, trying to resolve the conflict outside of court helps you to prepare for court, because you'll better understand the issues that the other side may bring up and will be prepared to react to them.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Good point. Strike the mediation if not applicable in your state. Go with common sense on whether or not it's of value to try and resolve conflict outside of courtroom proceedings. Intuitively, trying to resolve the conflict outside of court helps you to prepare for court, because you'll better understand the issues that the other side may bring up and will be prepared to react to them.
OTOH, by doing things outside of court, you can weaken your case by disclosing things that you shouldn't.

In this case, NCP is already a couple of months behind on CS and threatened to quit his job in order to avoid paying. It is unlikely that anything useful would be accomplished outside of legal channels.
 

Kenickie

Member
OTOH, by doing things outside of court, you can weaken your case by disclosing things that you shouldn't.

In this case, NCP is already a couple of months behind on CS and threatened to quit his job in order to avoid paying. It is unlikely that anything useful would be accomplished outside of legal channels.
Yeah, I can see the danger in it that you're pointing out. In a heated debate with an ex, you could lose your filter and reveal things that would be ill-advised to reveal about how you're planning to proceed. Good point indeed.
 

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