Father Flat Out REFUSES to pay support

[needadvice31]

What is the name of your state? NC

Facts

1. Father and I were never married

2. We had 1 child together, who is nearly 3

3. Father and I split up when child was 1
4 Father and I agreed to everyother weekend visits

5. Father only had child on 2 visits..he frequently missed visitation due to a drug addiction

6. Father moves 3200 miles away after threatening to kill me when i refused to let child visit him the day he gets back from a 3 week drug binge.

7. Father has had no contact with child since march 2005

8. Father flat out refuses to pay child support..said, and i quote, "you get to raise him and pay for him"

9. Father is constantly rubbing in just how much money he has. This is another thing he had typed "CA$H I$ KING! It is so nice to never worry about money. Whatever you need whenever you need is a great feeling. True freedom to do anything at any time. I feel sorry for the poor dumb folk in the world. But GOD has blessed me with all this money for a reason. AMEN free advice, Protect you inheritence from Vultures N/A to the poor"

10. Father claims he will be recieve a lump sum of money in excess of $20,000 and said our child will not get any of it.

11. Father is not working, is actually living off of his mother's money, but has to have a job by May cuz he is on probation for Grand theft Auto...

12. My medicaid just went through and they will be filing for child support, yet I know he will just hide and avoid the system, like he's done with his ex wife. He owes her over $40,000 in back support


I think that covers the facts...if you need more info let me know.

Honestly i have a few combined questions. I hope you don't mind..

1. How can I "make" him support his child.

2. If he doesn't want to support him, hasn't seen him is that grounds for having his rights removed? Mind you, I wouldn't do it now even if i could because i am not married and there really is no reason for it...ie..adoption...but i just wanted to know my options.


Thanks in advance for any and all advice i get, i appreciate (sp?) it very much.

3. I have not filed for custody only because i am living where he does not no about due to the death threats and harrassment. However, I want to

 

[LdiJ]

Honestly i have a few combined questions. I hope you don't mind..

1. How can I "make" him support his child.

Realistically you really can't "make" him support the child. The courts can do there darned best, but if you have a parent who is determined not to pay, it can be impossible to collect.

2. If he doesn't want to support him, hasn't seen him is that grounds for having his rights removed? Mind you, I wouldn't do it now even if i could because i am not married and there really is no reason for it...ie..adoption...but i just wanted to know my options.

Yes, if he has no contact with the child and pays no child support for whatever period of time your state requires....you can get his parental rights terminated for abandonment. However, that normally requires that there be a stepparent willing to adopt and take over the parental responsibilities.

3. I have not filed for custody only because i am living where he does not no about due to the death threats and harrassment. However, I want to

Get yourself a consult with an attorney before you take any action.

 

[betterthanher]

What is the name of your state? NC

Facts

1. Father and I were never married

2. We had 1 child together, who is nearly 3

3. Father and I split up when child was 1
4 Father and I agreed to everyother weekend visits

5. Father only had child on 2 visits..he frequently missed visitation due to a drug addiction

6. Father moves 3200 miles away after threatening to kill me when i refused to let child visit him the day he gets back from a 3 week drug binge.

7. Father has had no contact with child since march 2005

Irrelevant (regarding has/has not seen child).

The death threats will be irrelevant if there is no police report and/or restraining order to back them up.

8. Father flat out refuses to pay child support..said, and i quote, "you get to raise him and pay for him"

9. Father is constantly rubbing in just how much money he has. This is another thing he had typed "CA$H I$ KING! It is so nice to never worry about money. Whatever you need whenever you need is a great feeling. True freedom to do anything at any time. I feel sorry for the poor dumb folk in the world. But GOD has blessed me with all this money for a reason. AMEN free advice, Protect you inheritence from Vultures N/A to the poor"

10. Father claims he will be recieve a lump sum of money in excess of $20,000 and said our child will not get any of it.

11. Father is not working, is actually living off of his mother's money, but has to have a job by May cuz he is on probation for Grand theft Auto...

12. My medicaid just went through and they will be filing for child support, yet I know he will just hide and avoid the system, like he's done with his ex wife. He owes her over $40,000 in back support

Well the last line should tell you EXACTLY what kind of luck you'll have in collecting support. If he's avoiding paying his ex-wife, what makes you think you'll have anymore luck. Plus, you didn't know he was like this BEFORE you had a child with him???

2. If he doesn't want to support him, hasn't seen him is that grounds for having his rights removed? Mind you, I wouldn't do it now even if i could because i am not married and there really is no reason for it...ie..adoption...but i just wanted to know my options.

Right now, he doesn't have any rights. Therefore, there's nothing to "remove."

3. I have not filed for custody only because i am living where he does not no about due to the death threats and harrassment. However, I want to

Again, it's irrelevant if you don't have police reports and/or restraining orders against him.

Given the fact that he's allegedly behind 40k to his ex, the reality of you getting anything (outside of an amount on paper) is pretty nil. Something to think about...

 

[needadvice31]

Thank you for your responses.

betterthanher, Yes i did know he was like this. However the pregnancy was not planned, we took precautions and it still happened. Since I don't believe in abortion, i had the baby. My child is my life and i'm so happy to have him. I was just curious about the legalities..ya know. And I did contact the police and have a police report regarding the threats, however I could not obtain a RO due to the fact that he left the state.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Well, whether you knew he was like this or not, to me doesn't even matter but that's just my opinion. I've been with my husband for 10 years and sometimes I feel like I don't know him at all. And I have been friends with people for 20 years and they still do things to shock me. There are plenty of instances where people have done and said things that I never thought they would in a million years. But anyway...

Do you want child support? If so, if you do a TPR, then you won't be able to collect support. If you do want it, go to CSE and open a case with them, if you don't already have a court order for support. And I suggest you go file for custody immediately after that because once you open that door, it leaves custody an open issue. Either one of you can take the child and no one can do anything about it.

If you want to do a TPR, in NC you do not have to have someone adopt. One year of no support OR 6 months of no contact OR failure to establish paternity are all grounds to file. It is done before the Clerk of Court so all you have to do is go to the courthouse and tell them you want to file a petition to terminate parental rights. Obviously you can do that even though he didn't sign an Acknowledgment of Parentage (I'm assuming he didn't sign one) because one of the grounds is that you can file for failure to establish paternity. You'll have to pay for filing fees of course.

So basically those are your choices.

 

[Claire's mom]

Not trying to hijack a thread... but something was mentioned that I am curious about. Grace_Adler mentioned filing for custody. Is that had to obtain? (If NCP is totally not involved in child's life, but IS paying support?)

I never thought about the fact that he could take our child & I wouldn't be able to do anything about it since I am the CP. Does that not make any difference? Especially if it states in CO that I am the CP & there is no order of visitation?

 

[ceara19]

Not trying to hijack a thread... but something was mentioned that I am curious about. Grace_Adler mentioned filing for custody. Is that had to obtain? (If NCP is totally not involved in child's life, but IS paying support?)

I never thought about the fact that he could take our child & I wouldn't be able to do anything about it since I am the CP. Does that not make any difference? Especially if it states in CO that I am the CP & there is no order of visitation?

If there is a COURT ORDER that establishes YOU as the CP, dad CANNOT take the child absent a court order giving him permission to.

In the OP'S case, they were never married. Dad CAN'T take the child, even IF paternity is established. He will have to file for custody and/or visitation, before he has any RIGHTS to the child.

 

[Grace_Adler]

That's completely incorrect.

In NC, either parent, married or not, can take a child anywhere they want if there is no court order establishing who has custody of the child with provisions of residence in it, etc.

If my husband and I split up, either one of us can take the children anywhere we want without a custody order stating otherwise. I could take them to Singapore if I wanted and without a court order, he couldn't stop me. That's just an example.

It's the same in NC even if the parents were never married.

Other states work differently.

 

[Claire's mom]

We were never married. Our CO was done through CSE & was only for CS, not custody or visitation. But, like I said, the CO lists me as CP. So, that means I should file for custody now, correct? (I know he would never try to take her now... but that could change when she's older.)

Sorry to hijack... but I feel this may apply to others also reading this & answer their questions too. So, please forgive me...

 

[Grace_Adler]

You're right, it can be confusing and others may benefit from reading more about it.

You're correct. A court order for child support is not the same as getting a court order for custody or visitation. CSE only handles child support, not custody. You're listed on the court order for child support to make a distinction between you and the other parent. They refer to the parent whom the child resides with and collects child support as the custodial parent only to make that distinction, but it is not the same as a court order for custody. In other words, it is not a legal order that specifies custody or awards physical or legal custody to anyone. CSE doesn't handle those types of cases, only child support. So yes, you would need to file separately in order to establish custody.

I hope that helps.

 

[Claire's mom]

Is there a way to do that without having to go to court... I mean if NCP would sign documents giving me custody? (And, then documents could be filed w/ the court?) Is that possible? And, if so is there a standard form?

 

[nicetryadmin]

Is there a way to do that without having to go to court... I mean if NCP would sign documents giving me custody? (And, then documents could be filed w/ the court?) Is that possible? And, if so is there a standard form?

Anything like that MUST go through the court.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Well, she's asking can he sign the documents and then file the order with the court without him having to appear, not go around the court. For some things.. like a parent relinquishing their parental rights it can be done, depending on the state and what the court procedures are according to the statutes. In other words, (this is just an example) in NC, if a parent wants to relinquish their rights, they can sign the form and in it it says something about waiving their right to appear before the Clerk of Court to contest it, and not needing further notice. Then that form is filed with the court. The same can be done for child support. You can have a court order drawn up, have a party sign it and then submit it to the court, get your court date and have the judge sign it, which they usually do if there are no problems. So I don't see why it can't be done for custody but I highly suggest checking with an attorney before taking my word for it because I don't know if that would work for custody 100% but I kind of feel that it would. Not only that, but when someone doesn't show, unless the judge is hell bent on giving them a chance to show, then people usually get why they ask for out of default. But my personal feeling is that if you have an order drawn up, have both of you sign it, notarized and submit the order to the court, then it might work. Like I said, don't take my word for it, ask an attorney. It also might help if you had an attorney sign it too, that way the judge could see that the other party was also advised, I've seen child support orders done that way.

As far as a standard form, I don't know. I mean, there is a certain format that has to followed when drawing it up. You could always check the NC General Assembly website, look under Statutes and Chapters for custody. You can also check www.nccourts.org.