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fathers rights for unborn child

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legalissues

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?undefined
I am in NY state
My boyfriend found out that his exgirlfriend is pregnant with his kid. She is furious that he had been seeing me b/c she wants to be with him (basically tried to trap him into being w/her by having this kid). So now she has told him that if she finds out he is speaking to me or seeing me she will take off from NY to florida where her family is and have the kid there. He now wants to cut ties w/me until he figures out his legal rights. Can she really have this much control over his life? What does he need to do to make sure he cant take the kid away from him and can continue seeing me? Does he really need to do whatever she says until the baby is born?
 


brisgirl825

Senior Member
Until the kid is born, mom is in charge. In fact until paternity is established, after the baby is born, mom is in charge.
So yes, mom can leave.
 

legalissues

Junior Member
paternity

In continuing my question..My boyfriends exgirlfirend had documents w/ DNA/blood test results confirmed that the unborn child is my boyfriends. So does that help at all to prevent his X from moving from NY (where we all currently are) to Florida? I mean is it really that he does what she wants and gets back w/her and leaves me is the only way for him to keep this kid in NY since that is what she is telling him? I am just trying to get to the bottom and see if she can really control his life like this, or if I am being given the run around and am hanging around for no reason. I mean its beyond sad that this woman is having this kid to trap him, but is there nothing that can be done to stop it?
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
legalissues said:
In continuing my question..My boyfriends exgirlfirend had documents w/ DNA/blood test results confirmed that the unborn child is my boyfriends. So does that help at all to prevent his X from moving from NY (where we all currently are) to Florida? I mean is it really that he does what she wants and gets back w/her and leaves me is the only way for him to keep this kid in NY since that is what she is telling him? I am just trying to get to the bottom and see if she can really control his life like this, or if I am being given the run around and am hanging around for no reason. I mean its beyond sad that this woman is having this kid to trap him, but is there nothing that can be done to stop it?
He has no rights until: 1. A baby is born and 2. Until a court adjudicates him as the father of the child. Dad cannot control mom b/c she is pg.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
I know HOW it can be done. I was just interested on hearing how biomom claims she made it happen.
KAT
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
and if he is proven to be the child's father even though the child is not yet born, doesn't that then open the door to allow him to start proceedings now?


and op is there a reason you and dad can't keep your relationship quiet until all of this is settled?
 

legalissues

Junior Member
details are sketchy

Hi thanks for all your help. It is a bizarre story, and unfortunately all the details have not come easy. And I was just trying to decipher what was BS. As to why we cant keep our relationship low key...she had been calling me, and emailing, and texting me like crazy trying to find out if him and I were still together. He wanted to tell her we werent b/c she is unstable and was worried she'd show up at my door. Apparently he didnt take her seriously when she showed up a month ago saying she was pregnant. Then last wk I was told she showed up with proof, Im not quite sure what this proof was and was just shocked. All I was told was that she was watching everything he did and had parked herself in his apartment (she lives down the street) claiming that she was going to ruin his chances of being a part ofthis kids life if we continued things. I got the feeling he either was going to have to go back to her or not be as big of a part of this kids life as he wanted, and was trying to decide what I should do if this "control" he told me she had on him was real.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
legalissues said:
Hi thanks for all your help. It is a bizarre story, and unfortunately all the details have not come easy. And I was just trying to decipher what was BS. As to why we cant keep our relationship low key...she had been calling me, and emailing, and texting me like crazy trying to find out if him and I were still together. He wanted to tell her we werent b/c she is unstable and was worried she'd show up at my door. Apparently he didnt take her seriously when she showed up a month ago saying she was pregnant. Then last wk I was told she showed up with proof, Im not quite sure what this proof was and was just shocked. All I was told was that she was watching everything he did and had parked herself in his apartment (she lives down the street) claiming that she was going to ruin his chances of being a part ofthis kids life if we continued things. I got the feeling he either was going to have to go back to her or not be as big of a part of this kids life as he wanted, and was trying to decide what I should do if this "control" he told me she had on him was real.


If I were YOU- I would RUN, this is going to be an ongoing emotional roller coaster
 

legalissues

Junior Member
running

Zephyr said:
If I were YOU- I would RUN, this is going to be an ongoing emotional roller coaster
Thanks, I had a feeling that was what I was going to have to do. Very unfortunate. Thanks so much for your help and have a happy holiday!
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
legalissues said:
Thanks, I had a feeling that was what I was going to have to do. Very unfortunate. Thanks so much for your help and have a happy holiday!

You said "holidays". I love it! :)

You should not feel like being with a guy who has kids isn't a good thing. There are some times when you know that the relationship will always be in turmoil b/c of an ex. It's not a bad thing to think about what YOU need from a relationship.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
This question is not about the rights of the father of an unborn child, it is about how you can hold on to your boyfriend and I think you are seeing first hand that you have no rights to hold him, have already lost him and to do so is a big mistake. The problem is whether or not any of the story is true about her being pregnant, having him proved the father through CVS or amnio both of which only have about a 2 % risk of miscarriage and the fact that he can file with the court for paternity and keep her there, if nay of it is true, he will be a part of that child's and her life for the next 21 years. You already have a good idea how reliable he is by his actions here and the fact that he cheated on her with you.

Change the locks, change your email addy, change your phone number and move to FL when your lease is up, don't look back and hope your birth control method was good.
 

legalissues

Junior Member
kids

brisgirl825 said:
You said "holidays". I love it! :)

You should not feel like being with a guy who has kids isn't a good thing. There are some times when you know that the relationship will always be in turmoil b/c of an ex. It's not a bad thing to think about what YOU need from a relationship.
I wasnt going to run out the door w/the new kid issue. But we havent been together that long, and the fact that he didnt tell me right away when he found out she might be pregnant is worrying me that perhaps he hasnt been 100% honest w/me all along, but being that I didnt know the legal issues I wanted to check before I decided what I was going to do. I just didnt want to kid myself that it is legal issues keeping him at her beckon call right now and that maybe he is gonna get back with her if she really had all the power and I was going to end up sitting here being supportive for no reason. Ugh! Thanks again.
 
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