Filing Response, an Order to Show Cause

[rwh]

What is the name of your state? California

I am filing a response to my ex to show cause. I am the Petitioner, because in California, the parent who filed the original divorce is ALWAYS the Petitioner. I have not paid CS for sometime due to financial problems, most of which I have been put in due to my ex. I am not proud of not being able to pay. I love our son, who is 15 now. He has been with her since she abandoned our residence back in '98, after I discovered she had been seeing an ex-con that worked with her. She gave no notice of moving to me or the landlord. I began paying CS even though no legal proceedings had begun because I care about my son. I even raised the amount over time because I felt I had the ability to. My debt was large, however, because while we lived together and she worked full time, I had to pay all the major bills myself. When business was slow and I had difficulty paying the rent, she would not contribute. It seems a bit odd to me that a father is expected to pay his share of CS after splitting up, but the mother never did while they were together. I didn't file for divorce until about 1-1/2 years after she left. We had no property to squabble over and I had talked with our son about where he wanted to stay. Since he was young at the time and had a half-brother and her parents near her, he chose to live with her. For several years now he has wanted to live with me because she has had another kid and married again (5th time) and doesn't give him any attention, other than making him do all the housework she should be doing. Chores are one thing, I give him those too, but she doesn't work at all now and still doesn't do housework. She's actually a pig and always has been. One of the reasons (besides infidelity) that I left her.

Anyway, since the company I work for was purchased by another company, they have made sweeping changes in payrolls. I have lost about 40% of my income, while expenses have sky-rocketed. I can barely pay my rent now because Los Angeles is very expensive. My wages now amount to a mere gross of just over $22k a year while her household income is nearly $80k. She recently filed against me for CS and visitation. To show how she is, she wanted my visitation to be on Tuesdays and Thursdays (when I work 10-7) from 3:00 pm (when he gets out of school) to 7:00 pm. Since I live 30 minutes are so from him, we would get back to my place about 4:00 and we'd have to leave about 6:30 to get him back there. Even if this were possible (I'm working during those hours), 2-1/2 hours a day? Even less after he finishes homework. Basically, she just wants me to be a taxi service. The visitation mediator told her that wasn't fair, that she has to be reasonable, so I got my days off and a couple of holidays.

So I have to file some forms to show cause, I guess, like financial statements, etc. A paralegal told me I'd have a good chance to get physical custody because he is 15 and wants to live with me. I'm telling you that she is so mean to him that whenever I take him home and might be about 10 minutes late, he will often be in tears because he feels she is going to yell at him. She has done a lot of worse things but I won't go into that now.

I need to know if while filing this response, if I can include declarations or something about getting physical custody? If so what are the form numbers? I am doing an FL150 and FL320 now. Can I also include something that gives my personal feelings about what happened with us? And what type of form would that need to be. Please help as this must be filed in two days.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California

I am filing a response to my ex to show cause. I am the Petitioner, because in California, the parent who filed the original divorce is ALWAYS the Petitioner. I have not paid CS for sometime due to financial problems, most of which I have been put in due to my ex. I am not proud of not being able to pay. I love our son, who is 15 now. He has been with her since she abandoned our residence back in '98, after I discovered she had been seeing an ex-con that worked with her. She gave no notice of moving to me or the landlord. I began paying CS even though no legal proceedings had begun because I care about my son. I even raised the amount over time because I felt I had the ability to. My debt was large, however, because while we lived together and she worked full time, I had to pay all the major bills myself. When business was slow and I had difficulty paying the rent, she would not contribute. It seems a bit odd to me that a father is expected to pay his share of CS after splitting up, but the mother never did while they were together. I didn't file for divorce until about 1-1/2 years after she left. We had no property to squabble over and I had talked with our son about where he wanted to stay. Since he was young at the time and had a half-brother and her parents near her, he chose to live with her. For several years now he has wanted to live with me because she has had another kid and married again (5th time) and doesn't give him any attention, other than making him do all the housework she should be doing. Chores are one thing, I give him those too, but she doesn't work at all now and still doesn't do housework. She's actually a pig and always has been. One of the reasons (besides infidelity) that I left her.

Anyway, since the company I work for was purchased by another company, they have made sweeping changes in payrolls. I have lost about 40% of my income, while expenses have sky-rocketed. I can barely pay my rent now because Los Angeles is very expensive. My wages now amount to a mere gross of just over $22k a year while her household income is nearly $80k. She recently filed against me for CS and visitation. To show how she is, she wanted my visitation to be on Tuesdays and Thursdays (when I work 10-7) from 3:00 pm (when he gets out of school) to 7:00 pm. Since I live 30 minutes are so from him, we would get back to my place about 4:00 and we'd have to leave about 6:30 to get him back there. Even if this were possible (I'm working during those hours), 2-1/2 hours a day? Even less after he finishes homework. Basically, she just wants me to be a taxi service. The visitation mediator told her that wasn't fair, that she has to be reasonable, so I got my days off and a couple of holidays.

So I have to file some forms to show cause, I guess, like financial statements, etc. A paralegal told me I'd have a good chance to get physical custody because he is 15 and wants to live with me. I'm telling you that she is so mean to him that whenever I take him home and might be about 10 minutes late, he will often be in tears because he feels she is going to yell at him. She has done a lot of worse things but I won't go into that now.

I need to know if while filing this response, if I can include declarations or something about getting physical custody? If so what are the form numbers? I am doing an FL150 and FL320 now. Can I also include something that gives my personal feelings about what happened with us? And what type of form would that need to be. Please help as this must be filed in two days.

Child support and visitation/custody are separate issues. You would need to file a separate petition for custody. You will still owe her the arrearages on the child support even if you get primary custody of your son. You might want to just automatically agree that any child support that she would owe to you, would be credited off the arrearages you owe, until they are used up.

 

[rwh]

Child support and visitation/custody are separate issues. You would need to file a separate petition for custody. You will still owe her the arrearages on the child support even if you get primary custody of your son. You might want to just automatically agree that any child support that she would owe to you, would be credited off the arrearages you owe, until they are used up.

I have no problem with that. In fact, I wouldn't care if she ever paid me because she never did when we were married. But she needs to know how it feels, so I would take it.

I've heard about custody and CS being two different issues, but the original divorce decree had them both on the same document, so if I was in violation of the order, so was she when she wouldn't let me see or speak to him for 5 months.

 

[rwh]

Thank you, LDiJ, for your response. I still do not know know what forms I need to file, whether I need to serve the Respondent, etc. The paralegal I had a free consultation with seemed to imply that a change of custody/visitation could be filed with my response of THIS case.

I've read a lot of posts here and it seems that parents with certain situations get a lot of help while those like me get pretty much ignored, even when asking the most basic questions. I don't need much legal advice, just facts about what forms I need. It appears the system has deliberately made these proceedings complicated, with all the legal jargon that only lawyers comprehend, so that you're forced to seek professional services. If I had the money to pay attorneys, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. And nobody at the courts care to answer specific questions, like the woman who sat by the judge in our case and just barked at me that my forms weren't done properly because "I didn't put zeros in the blanks where no amounts were specified". Funny how the papers filed by my ex didn't either, but they were apparently just fine. More of the double standard when it comes to these cases. Sure, the divorce decree stated that we had joint legal custody while she had physical custody and I was to have "reasonable" visitation. But when I can't pay every month, I'm suddenly in default, but she can stop me from seeing or speaking with my son for 5 months and that's just fine. This happened BEFORE my payments stopped. And I haven't been given ANY rights of legal custody, meaning I should have a say in the things that affect our son: education, etc.

So I'll get down off my soap box now, and wait for all the flak I'm sure to get about how awful a father I am.

Thanks again, LDiJ.

 

[Whyte Noise]

You can file more than one motion at a time. That's why the paralegal told you that a motion for a change of custody/visitation could be filed at the same time as the answer for the show cause.

Once they are filed, court dates will be set. They may or may not be heard on the same day, that's something that the court clerk/judge will have to decide when they look at the court calendar.

CS and Custody issues ARE separate issues. You can't go in to a CS hearing and say, "BTW judge... I wanna also say that I want a change of custody while we do this." It won't happen that way. You have to file for that seperately than your answer to the show cause. Two seperate dogs in the fight.

Yes, if you have a visitation order and she wasn't following it, she was in violation as well. But guess what? The court doesn't know that unless you let them know it by filing a motion for contempt (show cause). You didn't do that, so the court doesn't know it. She did, and now the court knows about that part of the order being violated (the CS). They still don't know about yours though, right (her denying visitation)? *hinthint*

When you file that response, you can also file a custody or visitation modification at the same time, yes. You can not, however, "add it on" to the show cause for CS response. Seperate issues, remember? The court doesn't care about your "personal feelings". I don't say that to sound mean, only to state the truth. The only thing they are concerned with is the law. Feelings aren't law and have no place in a courtroom. Don't include a statement of your personal feelings about what happened between you because the court won't care one iota about it.

I don't know what forms you'll need as I'm not in CA... but here is a link to get you started. Maybe they will have what you need here:

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/custody/custforms.htm

Good luck to you.

 

[MtnMoon]

Thank you, LDiJ, for your response. I still do not know know what forms I need to file, whether I need to serve the Respondent, etc. The paralegal I had a free consultation with seemed to imply that a change of custody/visitation could be filed with my response of THIS case.

I've read a lot of posts here and it seems that parents with certain situations get a lot of help while those like me get pretty much ignored, even when asking the most basic questions. I don't need much legal advice, just facts about what forms I need. It appears the system has deliberately made these proceedings complicated, with all the legal jargon that only lawyers comprehend, so that you're forced to seek professional services. If I had the money to pay attorneys, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. And nobody at the courts care to answer specific questions, like the woman who sat by the judge in our case and just barked at me that my forms weren't done properly because "I didn't put zeros in the blanks where no amounts were specified". Funny how the papers filed by my ex didn't either, but they were apparently just fine. More of the double standard when it comes to these cases. Sure, the divorce decree stated that we had joint legal custody while she had physical custody and I was to have "reasonable" visitation. But when I can't pay every month, I'm suddenly in default, but she can stop me from seeing or speaking with my son for 5 months and that's just fine. This happened BEFORE my payments stopped. And I haven't been given ANY rights of legal custody, meaning I should have a say in the things that affect our son: education, etc.

So I'll get down off my soap box now, and wait for all the flak I'm sure to get about how awful a father I am.

Thanks again, LDiJ.

Here is a helpful website --- California Courts Self-Help Center: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/support/

Clink on the "Forms & Instructions for Child, Spousal, & Partner Support Cases" link: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/support/supforms.htm

There you may clink on various topics. Forms are also available there for free. If you need to speak with someone, such as a Family Law Facilitator (an attorney who will help you at no charge), here is that link:
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/lowcost/flf.htm

You'll need to select your county.


Hope some of this helps!

 

[rwh]

I greatly appreciate all your help. I used to believe (as they will always tell you) that all these things are done "in the best interest of the child". I do not believe that anymore. It is just done to punish people. If I cannot pay for one reason or another, they will probably take my driver's license. Without a license, I will be unable to have a job, then I will certainly never be able to pay, and then they can put me in jail. I'm sure it would be in the best interest of my son to see his father thrown out into the streets or in jail. Right! If they truly cared about the child, they would want to listen to the history of the relationship or listen to our son, who is 15 and wants to be there, but his mother won't allow it.

I think I have finally filtered out all the boloney in these forms and dechiphered what they want. In one form, under "Total Expenses", it states:

"TOTAL EXPENSES (a-q)(do not add in the amounts in a(1)(a) and (b)

Can you say "ambiguous"?


One more thing. In her filing, she claims that I am about 19 months ($6517) further in arrears than I am, and I have records of the payments. Is she likely to lose "points" when this is revealed in court? She did the same thing in a case against another of her four ex-husbands (she's with #5 now) and he also proved her wrong. I guess she never had to sue one because he committed suicide while still married to her. Gee, I wonder why? If I sound bitter, it's because I am. This woman totally ruined my life, but apparently, there isn't a law against that.

Thanks again.

 

[MtnMoon]

I greatly appreciate all your help. I used to believe (as they will always tell you) that all these things are done "in the best interest of the child". I do not believe that anymore. It is just done to punish people. If I cannot pay for one reason or another, they will probably take my driver's license. Without a license, I will be unable to have a job, then I will certainly never be able to pay, and then they can put me in jail. I'm sure it would be in the best interest of my son to see his father thrown out into the streets or in jail. Right! If they truly cared about the child, they would want to listen to the history of the relationship or listen to our son, who is 15 and wants to be there, but his mother won't allow it.

I think I have finally filtered out all the boloney in these forms and dechiphered what they want. In one form, under "Total Expenses", it states:


Can you say "ambiguous"?


One more thing. In her filing, she claims that I am about 19 months ($6517) further in arrears than I am, and I have records of the payments. Is she likely to lose "points" when this is revealed in court? She did the same thing in a case against another of her four ex-husbands (she's with #5 now) and he also proved her wrong. I guess she never had to sue one because he committed suicide while still married to her. Gee, I wonder why? If I sound bitter, it's because I am. This woman totally ruined my life, but apparently, there isn't a law against that.

Thanks again.

What you can do is show the judge your records of the payments you have made.

The shot about one of her ex-husbands committing suicide...you saying "Gee, I wonder why?"... was a little over the edge. Be aware that some people who visit here (such as me) might be a suicide survivor (a person who lost someone to suicide). Anyway... you might consider speaking with a family counselor who specializes in families of divorce. It sounds like you and your son may benefit from it. It's understandable that you may think your ex has "ruined" your life...but you have a responsibility there, too... You have the power to accept or not to accept the way people treat you...as well as the way you respond. For example, you have the power to control whether or not you allow yourself to get upset because of something someone else does or says. You have the power to choose. You cannot control the actions or words of other people...you can only control what it is you say and do. Does that make sense?

Hope some of this helps!