Harassment / Child Support

[css617]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

Some background: Every year, for four years now, my daughter's father abruptly ends our relationship (never legally married) and enters new relationships with women. Every year, he also comes back to me. We do currently have a custody and child support agreement in place, where I agreed to a large deviation in child support in his favor so that he is paying approximately 1/3 of what the courts would have ordered.


Now, the legal issue: He states he will go to the police to file harassment charges, but only if I file for increased child support. The harassment he is referring to are his claims that I email him, or text him, to tell him that I care about him and miss him. He has, as recently as yesterday, initiated contact with me, and promised to work things out, because he loves me. He also (incorrectly, I cannot emphasize this enough) has claimed that I have installed spyware on his computer and phone, and that I have hacked into his email, online banking, and dating profiles. The "hacking" he believes occurred over one year ago, possibly as long as three years, but again - it never occurred. So, if I accept that the relationship is over and choose to pursue an increase in child support, what are the odds, given the fact that the contact is initiated at different times by both of us, that he will have any luck with the harassment charges?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

Some background: Every year, for four years now, my daughter's father abruptly ends our relationship (never legally married) and enters new relationships with women. Every year, he also comes back to me. We do currently have a custody and child support agreement in place, where I agreed to a large deviation in child support in his favor so that he is paying approximately 1/3 of what the courts would have ordered.


Now, the legal issue: He states he will go to the police to file harassment charges, but only if I file for increased child support. The harassment he is referring to are his claims that I email him, or text him, to tell him that I care about him and miss him. He has, as recently as yesterday, initiated contact with me, and promised to work things out, because he loves me. He also (incorrectly, I cannot emphasize this enough) has claimed that I have installed spyware on his computer and phone, and that I have hacked into his email, online banking, and dating profiles. The "hacking" he believes occurred over one year ago, possibly as long as three years, but again - it never occurred. So, if I accept that the relationship is over and choose to pursue an increase in child support, what are the odds, given the fact that the contact is initiated at different times by both of us, that he will have any luck with the harassment charges?

Let me put this another way:

Are you willing to forgo your child's right to be supported for the sake of a bully who knows he can press your buttons?

No. Call his bluff. Even if you somehow ended up with a restraining order against you - which I doubt - you still want to file for child support.

 

[css617]

He is a bully, and very much does know how to push my buttons, however, a restraining order or misdemeanor harassment charges could impact future employment opportunities for me. I am fairly certain the police (more a concern than the family court who would issue the OOP, really) will not be concerned with the claims, and I have actually had contact with the police in the form of welfare calls placed by my parents when we lived together, and also have every email he has sent where he claims if I file, he will go to the police (or leave the country, or die, etc) if I file, but the possibility exists that charges could be filed against one or both of us, and that is something that weighs heavily on me.

 

[not2cleverRed]

He is a bully, and very much does know how to push my buttons, however, a restraining order or misdemeanor harassment charges could impact future employment opportunities for me. I am fairly certain the police (more a concern than the family court who would issue the OOP, really) will not be concerned with the claims, and I have actually had contact with the police in the form of welfare calls placed by my parents when we lived together, and also have every email he has sent where he claims if I file, he will go to the police (or leave the country, or die, etc) if I file, but the possibility exists that charges could be filed against one or both of us, and that is something that weighs heavily on me.

Call his bluff AND contact a local battered women's group.

He can claim whatever he wants - and maybe he will file and convince somebody that there's something worth looking at. HOWEVER in court, if he is going to claim something like spyware, he's going to have to have some sort of proof that the spyware exists, and some sort of proof of how it got there. Furthermore, his actions would indicate that he does not feel endangered by the alleged spying.

So stop feeding the drama llama and let him initiate all non-essential contact. Essential contact being necessary information about your child.

He doesn't sound like much of a catch.

 

[single317dad]

Go file for a support mod and stop getting back together with him.

I've been right where you are. I kept taking my ex back because I was afraid she would run away with our child again. I didn't file for support because I didn't want to anger her. In the end, I should have gone ahead and done things the right way from the very beginning, and I ended up regretting all the wrong ways I actually handled the situation.

 

[STEPHAN]

It always takes two - one who pushes buttons and one who allows buttons to be pushed.

Wake up, this will never work out. It is over, move on.

You don't want to be together with someone who can walk away any time, again.

This is not love.

 

[Proserpina]

He is a bully, and very much does know how to push my buttons, however, a restraining order or misdemeanor harassment charges could impact future employment opportunities for me. I am fairly certain the police (more a concern than the family court who would issue the OOP, really) will not be concerned with the claims, and I have actually had contact with the police in the form of welfare calls placed by my parents when we lived together, and also have every email he has sent where he claims if I file, he will go to the police (or leave the country, or die, etc) if I file, but the possibility exists that charges could be filed against one or both of us, and that is something that weighs heavily on me.

Another idea. Ask the court to order My Family Wizard as a means of communication. It can save your sanity - every single conversation can be accessed by the court, there are calenders, and when you can't co-parent it's almost like having the court in your corner.

Don't contact him unless you must with regards to your child. That's it. Nothing more. No answering the cutesy teasing questions (and oh are they so easy to believe), no catering to his whims. If you're really really worried, leave it alone for a month or two - by that point, it will be about as crystal clear as it's going to be that a restraining order will be retaliation, not because you're a threat.

You're in Arizona, too. This won't do much for parenting with the guy, but the state requires only one party (ie, you) to consent to recording a phone call. Bear that in mind.

 

[css617]

Thank you Prosperina, I believed that was the law as well. I do happen to have many, many arguments recorded, phone calls, and the like, all where he threatens this restraining order, only if I file for more support.

 

[css617]

STEPHAN, I'm aware of my fault in this, but it never hurts to be reminded. Thank you.

 

[css617]

Thank you, single317dad. It always helps to hear from others who have been in similar circumstances.

 

[css617]

not2cleverRed, you're right, he probably isn't much of a catch. Do you know of ways to locate women's shelters? If nothing else, a support group type meeting may well do me quite a lot of good.

 

[single317dad]

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/azdv.shtml

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/azdv.shtml

http://www.azcadv.org/

http://www.azcadv.org/

http://www.azdhs.gov/phs/owch/women/domestic-violence/

http://www.azdhs.gov/phs/owch/women/domestic-violence/

http://www.azlawhelp.org/articles_info.cfm?sc=4&mc=1&articleid=85 (Maricopa County)

http://www.azlawhelp.org/articles_info.cfm?sc=4&mc=1&articleid=85

 

[css617]

Thank you again, single.

 

[ecmst12]

Also, think of the screwed up view of relationships you are showing your daughter, by continuing this cycle of break up, get back together, threaten and bully. If not for yourself, do it for her.

 

[Just Blue]

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