Help! Very complicated!

[lilvenom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine and New Hampshire

Very complicated situation here. Child #1"s mother owes me roughly 20,000 in support. The state took her license ( which she never had any way) I had to buy and show them a copy of the deed for the "private" sale she did to get her house to put a lien on it. So I guess I'm never getting anything from her. Child #2 ( different mom) has always lived with her mom. We have always gotten along and never had a problem...until recently. In 2007, she had papers drawn up stating her custody, claim on taxes, etc.. I was not fighting any of that. She said she just wanted it on paper, so I didnt go to court. At that time, of course they drew up a support order on an imaginary salary ( 50,000) , that I WAS NOT MAKING THAT MUCH $ AT THE TIME, and ordered me to pay $780 a month! Mom and I both agreed that was unrealistic, and I paid her what she wanted in cash every week. Thats the way we've always done it. The amount always varied from one week to another depending on what my child needed . For instance, she has adhd, and my ex's medical didnt cover the medication ( supposedly) so I gave her extra the weeks she needed to pick that up.. school clothes, summer camps, and she just got $5,000 braces that I was paying half of. Now all of that was on top of whatever other cash amount I gave her that week. Spin time forward to 2010. My ex( we were never married) has now divorced husband #2 and married my ex- best friend, husband # 3. My daughters life is turned upside down, and her and mom dont get along anymore. She is begging me to take her and my daughter wants to leave too. So, of course, she comes to live with me, in Feb. 2011. So I tell mom, she needs to start paying me now. I got a big fat NO. I got my daughter on my medical coverage. It covers her meds, her braces, everything..so neither one of us is paying out of pocket for that anymore. ( that alone saved her almost $400 a month) time goes on, mom is not doing anything to help me at all. Summer comes, and my daycare bill doubles for 2 kids all day care. I asked her to just give me $50 a week towards half of the new $100 a week I had to pay for her...again, a big fat NO. July comes and she tells us shes moving to Florida. ( We live in Maine, original order was done in New Hampshire, thats where she lived at the time. since husband # 3 she has also lived in Maine) so she leaves, and I file court papers to change whats wriiten now. I want it on paper that she lives with me, I claim her, etc..and yes, I want child support. I had a sheriff serve her in Florida. Court was yesterday. She just so happened to move back to Maine last week. Well, when I originally went to file papers, Maine told me I had to motion to modify in New Hampshire where it was originally drawn. When she cam back, last week, she went to Maine DHHS, and filed a paper on me for back support of #30,000!!! Shes saying I didnt pay her what I was ordered to, etc... So, in court yesterday it somehow ended up being way more about what I owe her instead of helping me! She has no proof I didnt pay her anything, and no proof that I did. Neither do I. Dont you think if I wasnt paying her, she would have said something years ago, instead of waiting until she dosent even have my daughter anymore and is mad at me for taking her to court? Somehow, I fear Im not going to get anything, and am going to end up having to pay her $30,000 while raising BOTH my girls financially on my own! Can she do this? Should I get a lawyer? Do I even have a case, or should I just chaulk it up to me being screwed by another mother? I am at a loss here. I cant afford her 30,000 or to lose my license etc.. I have no assets except for my business, sole proprietor, I am self employed. Everything else I have is in my girlfriends name. They cant take any of that right? Since we're not married? Someone please help! What do I do? Try to afford a lawyer and hope I dont have to pay him and HER in the end? Thanks

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine and New Hampshire

Very complicated situation here. Child #1"s mother owes me roughly 20,000 in support. The state took her license ( which she never had any way) I had to buy and show them a copy of the deed for the "private" sale she did to get her house to put a lien on it. So I guess I'm never getting anything from her. Child #2 ( different mom) has always lived with her mom. We have always gotten along and never had a problem...until recently. In 2007, she had papers drawn up stating her custody, claim on taxes, etc.. I was not fighting any of that. She said she just wanted it on paper, so I didnt go to court. At that time, of course they drew up a support order on an imaginary salary ( 50,000) , that I WAS NOT MAKING THAT MUCH $ AT THE TIME, and ordered me to pay $780 a month! Mom and I both agreed that was unrealistic, and I paid her what she wanted in cash every week. Thats the way we've always done it. The amount always varied from one week to another depending on what my child needed . For instance, she has adhd, and my ex's medical didnt cover the medication ( supposedly) so I gave her extra the weeks she needed to pick that up.. school clothes, summer camps, and she just got $5,000 braces that I was paying half of. Now all of that was on top of whatever other cash amount I gave her that week. Spin time forward to 2010. My ex( we were never married) has now divorced husband #2 and married my ex- best friend, husband # 3. My daughters life is turned upside down, and her and mom dont get along anymore. She is begging me to take her and my daughter wants to leave too. So, of course, she comes to live with me, in Feb. 2011. So I tell mom, she needs to start paying me now. I got a big fat NO. I got my daughter on my medical coverage. It covers her meds, her braces, everything..so neither one of us is paying out of pocket for that anymore. ( that alone saved her almost $400 a month) time goes on, mom is not doing anything to help me at all. Summer comes, and my daycare bill doubles for 2 kids all day care. I asked her to just give me $50 a week towards half of the new $100 a week I had to pay for her...again, a big fat NO. July comes and she tells us shes moving to Florida. ( We live in Maine, original order was done in New Hampshire, thats where she lived at the time. since husband # 3 she has also lived in Maine) so she leaves, and I file court papers to change whats wriiten now. I want it on paper that she lives with me, I claim her, etc..and yes, I want child support. I had a sheriff serve her in Florida. Court was yesterday. She just so happened to move back to Maine last week. Well, when I originally went to file papers, Maine told me I had to motion to modify in New Hampshire where it was originally drawn. When she cam back, last week, she went to Maine DHHS, and filed a paper on me for back support of #30,000!!! Shes saying I didnt pay her what I was ordered to, etc... So, in court yesterday it somehow ended up being way more about what I owe her instead of helping me! She has no proof I didnt pay her anything, and no proof that I did. Neither do I. Dont you think if I wasnt paying her, she would have said something years ago, instead of waiting until she dosent even have my daughter anymore and is mad at me for taking her to court? Somehow, I fear Im not going to get anything, and am going to end up having to pay her $30,000 while raising BOTH my girls financially on my own! Can she do this? Should I get a lawyer? Do I even have a case, or should I just chaulk it up to me being screwed by another mother? I am at a loss here. I cant afford her 30,000 or to lose my license etc.. I have no assets except for my business, sole proprietor, I am self employed. Everything else I have is in my girlfriends name. They cant take any of that right? Since we're not married? Someone please help! What do I do? Try to afford a lawyer and hope I dont have to pay him and HER in the end? Thanks

Of course you should get a lawyer. You're facing $30 K in arrears and obviously can't handle situations like this yourself.

Factually, though, you're going to be paying a large amount of money. You had a court order which was based on allegedly incorrect information. Instead of having the error fixed, you chose to just ignore the order.

You should be able to get a credit for any amounts that you can prove that you actually paid. Other than that, the balance is probably valid.

Oh, and btw, if the amount you are paying is incorrect, file for a modification. You should first google the CS calculator for your state to ensure that it won't go UP if you ask for a recalculation.

 

[lilvenom]

Its not going to go up or down. She is going to have to pay me now, since my daughter has been living with me since last year. She also owes ME. Thank you for making me feel like the ass here. I always paid her. If not more sometimes what the order stated. She was never NOT paid. I am not one of those fathers. Its also funny how the men seem to always get the **** end of the stick in these situations. My other daughter who Ive also had custody of since day 1's mother owes me over 25,000 now ( I just checked) and they dont do a damn thing about it. Screw me for trying to be a dad I guess.

 

[Just Blue]

Its not going to go up or down. She is going to have to pay me now, since my daughter has been living with me since last year. She also owes ME. Thank you for making me feel like the ass here. I always paid her. If not more sometimes what the order stated. She was never NOT paid. I am not one of those fathers. Its also funny how the men seem to always get the **** end of the stick in these situations. My other daughter who Ive also had custody of since day 1's mother owes me over 25,000 now ( I just checked) and they dont do a damn thing about it. Screw me for trying to be a dad I guess.

I will suggest you obtain an an attorney that is willing to suffer your attitude for a price. I will also suggest you obtain a mental health professional to help you deal with your "issue".

 

[CSO286]

Its not going to go up or down. She is going to have to pay me now, since my daughter has been living with me since last year. She also owes ME. Thank you for making me feel like the ass here. I always paid her. If not more sometimes what the order stated. She was never NOT paid. I am not one of those fathers.

Ive sad this already once this week.


CSED does not make gender distinction when it comes to child support cases. You are either the CP or the NCP. That's it. End of story.

Like Misto said, you screwwed up when you decided NOT to do anything when the first order was issued based on incorrect info.

The best thing you can hope for now is that whatever the (now) NCP is ordered to pay can simply be reduced off your balance. For that, you should speak to an attorney.

Its also funny how the men seem to always get the **** end of the stick in these situations. My other daughter who Ive also had custody of since day 1's mother owes me over 25,000 now ( I just checked) and they dont do a damn thing about it. Screw me for trying to be a dad I guess.

Your attitude is not going to endear you to the volunteers here.

 

[Silverplum]

Its not going to go up or down.

It certainly COULD.

She is going to have to pay me now, since my daughter has been living with me since last year. She also owes ME.

Nothing changes a court order except a new court order. In other words, Mom owes nothing without a court order.

Thank you for making me feel like the ass here.

Nobody said anything like that.

I always paid her. If not more sometimes what the order stated. She was never NOT paid. I am not one of those fathers.

Nobody here said you didn't pay. Nobody here said you were "one of those fathers."

Where are you getting this stuff??

Its also funny how the men seem to always get the **** end of the stick in these situations.

It's not funny.
It also is not axiomatic that the father will get the stick.

My other daughter who Ive also had custody of since day 1's mother owes me over 25,000 now ( I just checked) and they dont do a damn thing about it. Screw me for trying to be a dad I guess.

What have YOU done?
Have you filed for contempt each month?

You really need to lose the attitude here.

 

[lilvenom]

Im sorry. So upset. Youre all right. But how could it go up? And yes, there is already a new order in place. I am now CP. And yes youre right, I am the dummy for getting along with her, and thinking that everything would stay nice between us. I never should have paid her cash for 12 years.
On the fact of my other daughter, I dont have time, money or resources to be filing her in contempt every month. maybe once every 3 and all they evr do is send her another letter. Sorry I got everybody in an uproar. I got to say its hard to not have an attitude right now. Again, sorry, and thanks