Help we are drowning from high support payments.

[kmcerio]

What is the name of your state? New York Let me say right off the bat that we or I do not begrudge This little girl any money from support. I have lived with tis little girls father for 9 yrs. and he cannot help to contribute to our bills because of his support payments being so high. Trust me I am not being unfair as I also had two young children when I left their father and never got a cent from him so I know how hard it is to raise kids . Mark does body work at a dealership and travels 45 mins. from home to his job.He works job rate and some weeks he only has 32 hrs. on the books as the work is slow. He makes $15.00 an hour but is ordered to pay for his daughter $110.00 a week plus $70.00 a week for her health ins. That leaves him most weeks with $140.00 bring home and it cost him $40.00-$60.00 a week for gas to get to and from work. All I ask him to give me a week is $100.00 a week towards the bills. Thats $400.00 a month and most weeks he can,t .How in Gods name do they expect him to live. They take the support directly out of his check which is good but I should not have to pay for his bills. If he was not with me he would have no where to live. He is so depressed ever pay day and I don,t blame him I would be too if I worked so hard 6 days a week and had nothing to show for it. The judge in N.Y. that he goes in front of is a female and is definately for the mother. She drives around in a new van, has since remarried and is living a very comfortable life. It just doesnot seem fair. I did read somewhere that they cannot make you (him) live under the poverty level and can adjust it if it is unfair but no where can I find what $ is the poverty level in $ amounts that they are talking about. In N.Y.State it is 17% of your gross income for child support. I hate seeing him so sad. He wants her to have thing and to take care of her needs but also needs to feel worht something and to feel like a man. My heart goes out to him. If anyone has any advise I sure could use some. I know this is long and am so sorry but I really needed to talk to someone before I scream. Thanks

 

[linm]

Questions

You say sometimes your BF only works 32 hours per week. What is his average yearly? $15 per hour times 40 hours = $600 per week and 17% of this amount is less than $110; if he averages less than 40 hours, then the number is even more out of line. Adding in the cost of health insurance, the percentage is clearly much higher than 17%.

Was the $110 + $70 determined by the court or part of a stipulated order? Has his pay significantly decreased since the entry of the order? How long ago was the last time the order was modified either up or down? Has he ever been behind on payments, maybe due to illness or layoff, and maybe part of the amount is for arrearages?

If BF is only working 32 hours per week, maybe he should consider a part-time job to be able to help you out with bills, at least while you're working on getting the support straightened out. Any change isn't likely to happen quickly.

In answer to your specific question, you can find 2004 Health and Human Services poverty guidelines here:

http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/04poverty.shtml

However, I wouldn't really count on it being a big factor in determining support. In general, support is based on each parent's income, not how much they have left. The child needs to not live below poverty level too. Whatever help the new step-parent provides is voluntary and is not going to be factored into any child support calculation involving your BF.

Here's a link to your state laws and rules:

http://assembly.state.ny.us/leg/?sl=0

I am really not familiar with NY law, so be sure to check this out yourself but you may have been thinking of the self support reserve test. That's a little tricky but here was the general idea: if his net income after child support is less than, I think, around $8000 per year in NY, (but double check that number by calling your local clerk of courts or child support enforcement agency), then it's possible to adjust support to bring him up to $8000 per year but the CP's income also figures in there and if she's also below poverty level, not counting her new spouse's income, well, then, not really. And they're going to add back in any income tax refund(s) BF may expect. If he's really paying out that much in support and insurance, then he should have his tax burden reduced. So, back to round numbers, $600 per week less taxes and $180 child support, times 52 weeks in a year, well, looks pretty close to me.

But check with a local attorney to be sure.

Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state? New York Let me say right off the bat that we or I do not begrudge This little girl any money from support. I have lived with tis little girls father for 9 yrs. and he cannot help to contribute to our bills because of his support payments being so high. Trust me I am not being unfair as I also had two young children when I left their father and never got a cent from him so I know how hard it is to raise kids . Mark does body work at a dealership and travels 45 mins. from home to his job.He works job rate and some weeks he only has 32 hrs. on the books as the work is slow. He makes $15.00 an hour but is ordered to pay for his daughter $110.00 a week plus $70.00 a week for her health ins. That leaves him most weeks with $140.00 bring home and it cost him $40.00-$60.00 a week for gas to get to and from work. All I ask him to give me a week is $100.00 a week towards the bills. Thats $400.00 a month and most weeks he can,t .How in Gods name do they expect him to live. They take the support directly out of his check which is good but I should not have to pay for his bills. If he was not with me he would have no where to live. He is so depressed ever pay day and I don,t blame him I would be too if I worked so hard 6 days a week and had nothing to show for it. The judge in N.Y. that he goes in front of is a female and is definately for the mother. She drives around in a new van, has since remarried and is living a very comfortable life. It just doesnot seem fair. I did read somewhere that they cannot make you (him) live under the poverty level and can adjust it if it is unfair but no where can I find what $ is the poverty level in $ amounts that they are talking about. In N.Y.State it is 17% of your gross income for child support. I hate seeing him so sad. He wants her to have thing and to take care of her needs but also needs to feel worht something and to feel like a man. My heart goes out to him. If anyone has any advise I sure could use some. I know this is long and am so sorry but I really needed to talk to someone before I scream. Thanks [/QUOTE

I know exactly what you and your BF are going through (been there, done that) however, you are forgetting two thing.

Your BF has the responsibility to pay CS (it can be modified if needed). Unfortunately even if it means that his own personal income is below poverty level after CS. That is a fact of life Because he is a father.

You have chosen to live with a man who pays CS, and even though it is normal for you to feel that YOU shouldn't have to pay HIS bills, the reality is that you have chosen to pay some of his bills, because he is a father paying CS.

The one thing that really helped my husband and I get through the times of CS paying, was the knowledge that kids do grow up and CS ends. Then ALL his money can be for the two of you.
Good luck to you.

 

[BethM]

He wants her to have thing and to take care of her needs but also needs to feel worht something and to feel like a man.

Wanting your child to have things and wanting to take care of your child makes you a man...a responsible, loving, caring man. The size of your paycheck or what you have left over after child support has nothing to do with whether or not you are a man. The fact that he keeps going and continues to face the struggle so that he can provide for his child speaks volumns in my opinion. I would gladly help pay the bills of a man like this. There are so many out there who would throw their hands up and walk away in the same situation.

The child is going to grow up, the support will come to an end. When it does he will have a daughter that respects him and he can look himself in the mirror and not be ashamed of the person who is looking back. That is what he will one day have to show for the hard times.

Not legal advice I know but something that should help him feel better hopefully.

 

[linm]

WTG Beth

Gosh, Beth, wish I had said that. Very well done. I totally agree with everything you wrote.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Those are all very good points. In the long run, there is little that one can do about the law regarding financial support by the NCP. However, in my personal opinion, I think that it is unjust that we live in a society that takes away a child from one parent and then penalizes them further by requiring unreasonable support. What did the CP do to earn extra time with the child AND extra money? There are just as many CP's out there who want sole custody just to make a buck or two and care little about the actual child. I really believe that there should be some federal law requiring that joint custody be default unless it can be proven that one parent is a danger to the child.

 

[howamidoing]

What is the name of your state? New York Let me say right off the bat that we or I do not begrudge This little girl any money from support. I have lived with tis little girls father for 9 yrs. and he cannot help to contribute to our bills because of his support payments being so high. Trust me I am not being unfair as I also had two young children when I left their father and never got a cent from him so I know how hard it is to raise kids . Mark does body work at a dealership and travels 45 mins. from home to his job.He works job rate and some weeks he only has 32 hrs. on the books as the work is slow. He makes $15.00 an hour but is ordered to pay for his daughter $110.00 a week plus $70.00 a week for her health ins. That leaves him most weeks with $140.00 bring home and it cost him $40.00-$60.00 a week for gas to get to and from work. All I ask him to give me a week is $100.00 a week towards the bills. Thats $400.00 a month and most weeks he can,t .How in Gods name do they expect him to live. They take the support directly out of his check which is good but I should not have to pay for his bills. If he was not with me he would have no where to live. He is so depressed ever pay day and I don,t blame him I would be too if I worked so hard 6 days a week and had nothing to show for it. The judge in N.Y. that he goes in front of is a female and is definately for the mother. She drives around in a new van, has since remarried and is living a very comfortable life. It just doesnot seem fair. I did read somewhere that they cannot make you (him) live under the poverty level and can adjust it if it is unfair but no where can I find what $ is the poverty level in $ amounts that they are talking about. In N.Y.State it is 17% of your gross income for child support. I hate seeing him so sad. He wants her to have thing and to take care of her needs but also needs to feel worht something and to feel like a man. My heart goes out to him. If anyone has any advise I sure could use some. I know this is long and am so sorry but I really needed to talk to someone before I scream. Thanks

Dont feel bad my husband only makes about 850 month....that is working 40 plus hours(5.75 hr)...going rate in these parts anyway, he pays 500 dollars a month child support...I have to work just to take care of OUR family. He works to pay child support...but hey he pays it...when we spoke with CSE about a modification they plainly told him...on the record...It is our job to make you pay out your ears and go into arrears, and screw you over...needless to say that worker is being investigated...She never gave him a child rearing credit...anyway, just feel lucky..it could be worse...they take up to 55% of your income here

 

[howamidoing]

What is the name of your state? New York Let me say right off the bat that we or I do not begrudge This little girl any money from support. I have lived with tis little girls father for 9 yrs. and he cannot help to contribute to our bills because of his support payments being so high. Trust me I am not being unfair as I also had two young children when I left their father and never got a cent from him so I know how hard it is to raise kids . Mark does body work at a dealership and travels 45 mins. from home to his job.He works job rate and some weeks he only has 32 hrs. on the books as the work is slow. He makes $15.00 an hour but is ordered to pay for his daughter $110.00 a week plus $70.00 a week for her health ins. That leaves him most weeks with $140.00 bring home and it cost him $40.00-$60.00 a week for gas to get to and from work. All I ask him to give me a week is $100.00 a week towards the bills. Thats $400.00 a month and most weeks he can,t .How in Gods name do they expect him to live. They take the support directly out of his check which is good but I should not have to pay for his bills. If he was not with me he would have no where to live. He is so depressed ever pay day and I don,t blame him I would be too if I worked so hard 6 days a week and had nothing to show for it. The judge in N.Y. that he goes in front of is a female and is definately for the mother. She drives around in a new van, has since remarried and is living a very comfortable life. It just doesnot seem fair. I did read somewhere that they cannot make you (him) live under the poverty level and can adjust it if it is unfair but no where can I find what $ is the poverty level in $ amounts that they are talking about. In N.Y.State it is 17% of your gross income for child support. I hate seeing him so sad. He wants her to have thing and to take care of her needs but also needs to feel worht something and to feel like a man. My heart goes out to him. If anyone has any advise I sure could use some. I know this is long and am so sorry but I really needed to talk to someone before I scream. Thanks [/QUOTE

I know exactly what you and your BF are going through (been there, done that) however, you are forgetting two thing.

Your BF has the responsibility to pay CS (it can be modified if needed). Unfortunately even if it means that his own personal income is below poverty level after CS. That is a fact of life Because he is a father.

You have chosen to live with a man who pays CS, and even though it is normal for you to feel that YOU shouldn't have to pay HIS bills, the reality is that you have chosen to pay some of his bills, because he is a father paying CS.

The one thing that really helped my husband and I get through the times of CS paying, was the knowledge that kids do grow up and CS ends. Then ALL his money can be for the two of you.
Good luck to you.

I agree that the father should be responsible and pay his part but when your in a situation like my husband where the mother REFUSES to work and draws welfare and child support, its pretty hard to swallow. CSE just says to him "you cant make her work". Seems unfair that he has to be 100% responsible and mother not at all. The even crappier part is we have the child 50% of the time and he still pays that much support... Oh well, maybe it WILL end someday....Unless you get in arrears!

 

[Gracie3787]

I agree that the father should be responsible and pay his part but when your in a situation like my husband where the mother REFUSES to work and draws welfare and child support, its pretty hard to swallow. CSE just says to him "you cant make her work". Seems unfair that he has to be 100% responsible and mother not at all. The even crappier part is we have the child 50% of the time and he still pays that much support... Oh well, maybe it WILL end someday....Unless you get in arrears!

My husband's ex didn't collect welfare, instead she earned 41/2 times the amount my husband did. It is so frustrating when CSE told him that "it doesn't matter that she has alot of money". Actually, they were wrong because our state uses combined incomes to set CS by, so my husband had to pay higher support because the mother earns so much. When I did the math, using what the state guidelines say is needed to support a child, the ex's portion was only 11% of her income while my husband's portion was 48% of his income.
You are right, both parents should be responsible- in proportion to thier respective incomes, but that's not how it ends up working out. Sigh.
Well, like you and I both told the OP, thank God that kids do grow up and CS does end someday.

 

[howamidoing]

My husband's ex didn't collect welfare, instead she earned 41/2 times the amount my husband did. It is so frustrating when CSE told him that "it doesn't matter that she has alot of money". Actually, they were wrong because our state uses combined incomes to set CS by, so my husband had to pay higher support because the mother earns so much. When I did the math, using what the state guidelines say is needed to support a child, the ex's portion was only 11% of her income while my husband's portion was 48% of his income.
You are right, both parents should be responsible- in proportion to thier respective incomes, but that's not how it ends up working out. Sigh.
Well, like you and I both told the OP, thank God that kids do grow up and CS does end someday.

I know its so insane...(My ex who pays or did pay 314 a month for our son..)he was barely making ends meet. He has another child as well.When I figured his income with his child support etc. I dont know how he was paying it. He hadnt for a long time. He was very quickly in arears of 2000 bucks. I just signed a paper that he payed it because at the end of the week he was left with 70 bucks to take care of his other child. That child has equal rights to be taken care of. Anyway I helped him get a modification to have it lowered. Which they did but not by much. I dont know if I should have helped him...he hasnt seen his son since he was 3 months old...he is now almost 6.. I actually did it to help his daughter, now they are pretty equal in support, he doesnt see her either, Now I feel stupid...lol....Thats another issue...He says he will pay for him but thats it...Sorry got off track