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  1. #1
    Done_with_this is offline Junior Member
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    How to write a child support debt forgiveness letter?

    What is the name of your state? MN
    Last week, my 16 yo son went to live with his dad. I have sole custody. Our 19 yo daughter is attending university and living with me.
    On Friday, x-h asked me to forgive him of the $41,000 debt he owes in arrears and back child support. He found out that he would still be billed for the 17 months left before our son turns 18, even though he's living with dad now. He also said they CSE told him that $5000 of that amount is to pay back the state when I had to go on welfare for a year, because he wouldn't pay child support.

    He says if I agree to forgive him of the debt, in writing, he will make payments to bank accounts for the kids, with the amount eventually of $10,000 each. He wants to have control over seeing how the money is used by the kids, even though one is now an adult.

    He says he will put in writing that he will not take me to court for custody and child support now that our son is living with him, if I will release him of the debt. He also wants his driver's license back.

    My question is: how do I write a child support debt forgiveness letter? I have googled and found nothing. I've seen on this forum that it can be written, but I'm having trouble with the wording.

    Can someone point me in the right direction please, on how to word this letter? Thanks.
  2. #2
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
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    Q: How to write a child support debt forgiveness letter?

    A: Ain't no such critter.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  3. #3
    Done_with_this is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by seniorjudge View Post
    Q: How to write a child support debt forgiveness letter?

    A: Ain't no such critter.
    No such form letter or example or no such thing as the CP forgiving the debt?
  4. #4
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    I don't know anything about a "letter" forgiving CS arrears. That's a new one on me.

    But I'll tell you this: I, personally, wouldn't touch this *offer* with a 10-foot pole. Really. He owes you thousands of $$$ and wants you to forgive it AND wants you to write up an agreement. In return he "will" put money into an account so he can control it.

    I call BS on him putting $$ into an account. If he was going to do so, he would. He has no right to control the CS money and how you spent it in caring for the children.

    Tell him to hire his own attorney to prep this arrears issue. And PERHAPS you might sign off, after consulting your own attorney.
  5. #5
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    I am not sure of how you can do this. I would also suggest that you wait awhile and make sure that is really what you want to do. With your son just moving last week - I would imgaine things are a bit unsettled now.

    To me - if you write the letter and later wish you had not - you can't go back and undo it.

    If you don't write the letter - and later wish you had - you can always write one.

    Free
  6. #6
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    he still owes the state. there is NO forgiveness for that.

    my gut feels is that he is full of BS - if he couldn't pay the money before, why would he start now?

    personally, he could start by paying you - in turn, if YOU want to put the money in a 529 for your children, that is up to YOU.
  7. #7
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Besides, any child support that you may owe your ex now - that can help reduce the arrearage to you.
  8. #8
    MrsK is offline Senior Member
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    SES has a form they have you sign if you want to drop a support case. When I signed one it also had a part about forgiving arrears. My ex didnt have any arrears so I didnt sign that part, but it would probably be good to start with your SES/CSE/whatever caseworker.
  9. #9
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    Excellent point! Yeah. Forgive me of the $41K I owe and I won't take YOU to court for support. Try explaining that one to the judge. Any amount of current support could just be taken off the arrearage. I doubt it would be $41K

    Of course, who am I to talk? I never did collect my arrearage child support from whatshisname. And my son is now 27.

    Free

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginny J View Post
    Besides, any child support that you may owe your ex now - that can help reduce the arrearage to you.
  10. #10
    Gracie3787 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginny J View Post
    he still owes the state. there is NO forgiveness for that.
    Exactly, which is why evrything in this thread is a moot point. Until the state is repaid, there cannot be any forgiveness by the CP.
  11. #11
    milspecgirl is offline Senior Member
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    tell him he can pay the support and you will put it in an acct for the kids.
  12. #12
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by milspecgirl View Post
    tell him he can pay the support and you will put it in an acct for the kids.
    Oh okay. Yet she has no obligation to do that unless she agrees to do that and you seem to be suggesting she do so.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  13. #13
    warrenohdad is offline Junior Member
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    Wow, I will agree that this deal sounds kinda iffy, but really I just see a bunch of spiteful women here in some of your answers.
    I had a similar situation however let me explain the whole story.
    I got a job working for a decent employer making x amount of dollars every 2 weeks. Without me notifying the child support agency they started taking out money from my checks (all good no problem there) I got laid off 3 yrs later and was told by the human resources consultant to setup child support with my unemployment, so I did. I was laid off for a yr and a half, struggling, cut out anything that was considered a luxury (and anything that is not a necessity is considered a luxury phone, cable, internet, cell phone). When I went back to work I was scrambling between the 3 weeks of not getting paid. When I spoke with my sons mother about child support, she stated that she doesnt recieve any assistance anymore so she doesnt see any reason for me to have to pay it, since she never went after me for it, the state made her do it because she was getting assistance. So there I was 6 months back to work and I get a letter stating my license was suspending because I had child support arrears. Im wondering wtf? So I called to get some nasty woman on the phone, even after I reminded her Im am there for help and if need be to give them money, theres no reason to treat me that way, she has an objective job, no emotion need to come with it. Well come to find out my son was still covered under stated medical. My employment covers him under my medical,which she was surprised to hear, anyway I owed some money and I set it up to get the money taken out, which she says they never do on their own, when it clearly happened before. simple misunderstanding, no reason to crucify me over it. Well because I dont make alot of money I asked my sons mother to sign a letter of forgiveness to wipe out what I owed with them to get my license back, in turn I would give her what I owed in cash, this ensured I got my license back quickly and I can pay her back at my convenience without going broke in the process. She was hesitant and I told her to get information on it and see if it was something SHE wanted to do, we help each other out on many occasions and even tho to some of you this sounds like something you would never do, some of us arent Deadbeat dads and some of us do deserve some slack and the state dont give ****.
    Anyway, she could not get any info on it, no one would help her and denied its existence untill a family friend who was a lawyer told her how to go about it, the state doesnt want you to do it anymore than some of you, but you CAN. I paid her like I said I would and everything is fine. My attitude when writing comes from some of the comments I have seen on this forum. Malicous intent and attitudes breed it onto themselves. If you could make it work out with the father of your child and you guys split then its DONE, forget about it everything that happened is over, let it go, no reason to be spiteful and ignorant because you CAN be, because the state sometimes WRONGFULLY grants custody power, Im sure every cent you ever got was not always spent on that child, so dont act holier than thou, There are honest, hardworking fathers out there and your attitude just breeds problems for other people, so start to look at things objectively and what best for the kids, and not what will let you feel better about yourself because you cant let go of the past. I dont speak of men who dont pay child support, see their kids and put in no effort at all, any woman stuck with a man like that for a father of their children clearly have something to be pissed about, then again maybe you should observe natural selection a little more closely before you get pregnant.
  14. #14
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by warrenohdad View Post
    Wow, I will agree that this deal sounds kinda iffy, but really I just see a bunch of spiteful women here in some of your answers.
    I had a similar situation however let me explain the whole story.
    I got a job working for a decent employer making x amount of dollars every 2 weeks. Without me notifying the child support agency they started taking out money from my checks (all good no problem there) I got laid off 3 yrs later and was told by the human resources consultant to setup child support with my unemployment, so I did. I was laid off for a yr and a half, struggling, cut out anything that was considered a luxury (and anything that is not a necessity is considered a luxury phone, cable, internet, cell phone). When I went back to work I was scrambling between the 3 weeks of not getting paid. When I spoke with my sons mother about child support, she stated that she doesnt recieve any assistance anymore so she doesnt see any reason for me to have to pay it, since she never went after me for it, the state made her do it because she was getting assistance. So there I was 6 months back to work and I get a letter stating my license was suspending because I had child support arrears. Im wondering wtf? So I called to get some nasty woman on the phone, even after I reminded her Im am there for help and if need be to give them money, theres no reason to treat me that way, she has an objective job, no emotion need to come with it. Well come to find out my son was still covered under stated medical. My employment covers him under my medical,which she was surprised to hear, anyway I owed some money and I set it up to get the money taken out, which she says they never do on their own, when it clearly happened before. simple misunderstanding, no reason to crucify me over it. Well because I dont make alot of money I asked my sons mother to sign a letter of forgiveness to wipe out what I owed with them to get my license back, in turn I would give her what I owed in cash, this ensured I got my license back quickly and I can pay her back at my convenience without going broke in the process. She was hesitant and I told her to get information on it and see if it was something SHE wanted to do, we help each other out on many occasions and even tho to some of you this sounds like something you would never do, some of us arent Deadbeat dads and some of us do deserve some slack and the state dont give ****.
    Anyway, she could not get any info on it, no one would help her and denied its existence untill a family friend who was a lawyer told her how to go about it, the state doesnt want you to do it anymore than some of you, but you CAN. I paid her like I said I would and everything is fine. My attitude when writing comes from some of the comments I have seen on this forum. Malicous intent and attitudes breed it onto themselves. If you could make it work out with the father of your child and you guys split then its DONE, forget about it everything that happened is over, let it go, no reason to be spiteful and ignorant because you CAN be, because the state sometimes WRONGFULLY grants custody power, Im sure every cent you ever got was not always spent on that child, so dont act holier than thou, There are honest, hardworking fathers out there and your attitude just breeds problems for other people, so start to look at things objectively and what best for the kids, and not what will let you feel better about yourself because you cant let go of the past. I dont speak of men who dont pay child support, see their kids and put in no effort at all, any woman stuck with a man like that for a father of their children clearly have something to be pissed about, then again maybe you should observe natural selection a little more closely before you get pregnant.

    Please delete this and start your own thread if you have a legal question.

    And I strongly advise you to knock off the insults if you want help.
  15. #15
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    Please delete this and start your own thread if you have a legal question.

    And I strongly advise you to knock off the insults if you want help.
    Wow , I just got blinded !!!

    Where is SJ BTW ?

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