Husbands alleged baby

[sistahnparadise]

What is the name of your state? Fl/HI

Hi I am recently married and my husband who is curretnly in the military and deployed with OIF recently sent me a letter and said that his ex girlfriend (highschool) has opened a child support case on him. I was aware of the aleeged child however since 1999 my husband and I have moved around quite a bit b/c of the military and have not been able to establish paternity with the child. I have told him over and over that he needs to take care of this situation. Now we are forced to since she has opened a case. ALthough he is deployed and will be for a year what steps can we take. Obviously we would like to first establish paternity. Next we would like to avoid paying court ordered monthly child support to this lady. He has in the past sent money 2 her and we do have cancelled checks bank statements etc. However the lady has since married and her husband has been a vital roll in the childs life. My husband is a godd man however we are in a difficult position seeing as how the lady always picks arguments with him and does not acknowledge me as his wife and therfore makes it difficult for him to have relationship with the child. This is compounded with the fact that he is always deployed to remote locations for periods of up to 9 months so it is really difficult for him to see her or me!!!

I guess our basic questions/steps are to

1. Establish Paternity
2. Determine what role he can have with this child.

He has considered giving full custody to the lady's husband (not as a means of getting out of payments but jsut so the child can have some continuity in his life).

3. Payments/etc.
Obviosuly he would setlle on providing health care.

Please help us

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? Fl/HI

Hi I am recently married and my husband who is curretnly in the military and deployed with OIF recently sent me a letter and said that his ex girlfriend (highschool) has opened a child support case on him. I was aware of the aleeged child however since 1999 my husband and I have moved around quite a bit b/c of the military and have not been able to establish paternity with the child. I have told him over and over that he needs to take care of this situation. Now we are forced to since she has opened a case. ALthough he is deployed and will be for a year what steps can we take. Obviously we would like to first establish paternity. Next we would like to avoid paying court ordered monthly child support to this lady. He has in the past sent money 2 her and we do have cancelled checks bank statements etc. However the lady has since married and her husband has been a vital roll in the childs life. My husband is a godd man however we are in a difficult position seeing as how the lady always picks arguments with him and does not acknowledge me as his wife and therfore makes it difficult for him to have relationship with the child. This is compounded with the fact that he is always deployed to remote locations for periods of up to 9 months so it is really difficult for him to see her or me!!!

I guess our basic questions/steps are to

1. Establish Paternity
2. Determine what role he can have with this child.

He has considered giving full custody to the lady's husband (not as a means of getting out of payments but jsut so the child can have some continuity in his life).

3. Payments/etc.
Obviosuly he would setlle on providing health care.

Please help us

First step is for your husband to contact JAG and use SSRCA to delay any civil action until he returns. If you have POA for him, you may be able to do that where you are. Then respond to the CS case with a petition for a DNA test and take it from there. If her husband wants to adopt and your husband is proved to be the father he can TPR so the new husband can adopt. Your husband cannot TPR just to avoid child support if he is proven the father, nor can he force the new husband to adopt. If your husband is proved to be the father, child support and medical coverage will be ordered by the court.

 

[stealth2]

ALthough he is deployed and will be for a year what steps can we take. Obviously we would like to first establish paternity. Next we would like to avoid paying court ordered monthly child support to this lady.

Paternity will have to be established. Once it is, he's not going to get out of paying support unless someone is willing to adopt the kid. He doesn't get a pass on supporting his child.

3. Payments/etc.
Obviosuly he would setlle on providing health care.

Big of him, that.

 

[sistahnparadise]

Thanks for the info. I am in the process of contacting JAG as well as gathering all the documentation and financial payments that he has sent to her with out true knowldege of paternity.

I will say that he is a good guy and if this child is his he would probably want to do more for the child however the woman stands in the way.

I sometimes feel as though a lot of women only want the money. Could care less if the father has a relationship with the child it simply boils down to money. I would much rather have my husband gain full custody of the child and live with us (me, since he is always deployed). I gaurantee you we would not aske her for a dime.

 

[sistahnparadise]

Paternity will have to be established. Once it is, he's not going to get out of paying support unless someone is willing to adopt the kid. He doesn't get a pass on supporting his child.

It is not that he is trying to get out of child support, He/We would both rather send the child money at our own will (obviosuly on a regular,monthly basis) without our business being run through the legal system. He is not some type of guy who takes his responsibilities lightly (although I will admit that he should have done a better way of handling this situation).


Big of him, that.

There is no need to be rude here. Obviously medical insurance through the military is much less expensive then in the private sector.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You and he have a lot to learn.

There is more to this than money, there is paternity, several types of custody, child support, medical/child care/college expenses, visitation.

If (she were proven unift?) he was granted sole or primary physical custody and he was deployed, most likely she would have custody during deployment.

 

[sistahnparadise]

You and he have a lot to learn.

There is more to this than money, there is paternity, several types of custody, child support, medical/child care/college expenses, visitation.

If (she were proven unift?) he was granted sole or primary physical custody and he was deployed, most likely she would have custody during deployment.

Which is why we are writing to gain further information. This does not have to be an ugly situation. Simply if it is his child what does he need to do. What does she want? I guess she wants money. If not then what? She said he does not visit. Well he is stationed in Japan they live in FLorida. He has lived in Iraq for almost 2 years now...go figure.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Which is why we are writing to gain further information. This does not have to be an ugly situation. Simply if it is his child what does he need to do. What does she want? I guess she wants money. If not then what? She said he does not visit. Well he is stationed in Japan they live in FLorida. He has lived in Iraq for almost 2 years now...go figure.

How often has he visited this child when he was on R&R?

 

[sistahnparadise]

How often has he visited this child when he was on R&R?

Marine Corp does not recieve R&R. They can take leave when they are relieved however most times they are limited to specific travel areas and time ranges from 4 - 10 days that they can be away from their unit.

 

[stealth2]

And if it IS his child, he DOES have an obligation to help support him/her. Do his deployments get in the way of seeing the kid? Sure they do. And a judge is likely to understand that.

As for the medical thing - sorry if you thought it was rude. But the way your comment came out was that he'd be okay providing med coverage, but not support. Doesn't work that way.

 

[sistahnparadise]

Additionally, Paternity has NOT been established. The mother will not allow the child to come over to where he lives.

 

[sistahnparadise]

And if it IS his child, he DOES have an obligation to help support him/her. Do his deployments get in the way of seeing the kid? Sure they do. And a judge is likely to understand that.

As for the medical thing - sorry if you thought it was rude. But the way your comment came out was that he'd be okay providing med coverage, but not support. Doesn't work that way.

Cool and I understand what you are saying. I/We just want to get through this as civil as possible.

I really would like to stay out of this situation and would ultimatly like for him to once paternity is established him and the mother work out some type of plan. I guess she is frustrated and hoepfully she will see that I am just as frustrated not seeing him myself for long periods of time. THey need to establish what type of support is resonable and can be accomplishe by both of them. I think finaancial, medical and as far as visitation she needs to allow the child to have a relationship with me as well so that the child can come over to Japan and spend time with the father instead of him needing to go to their state and live in hotels just to see the child.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You still have not answered my question, I asked how many times he visited the child while on R&R or leave? How many of these deployments have been his choice? Is he using deployment as a way to avoid paternity testing? Visiting in another state is one thing, visiting in another country is another. You have a lot to learn. How old is this child? When did your husband join the USMC?

 

[sistahnparadise]

Well within the last to years he saw her during christmas of 2003 that year he was gone to Japan from April - December of 2003 He saw tried to see her befor he left his duty station in Cal. to go to Japan in March however the child was gone with a grandparent. So then prior to that he saw child in december of 2002 when we he returned fro the NE for training which is before he PCSd to CAL. THe child is 4 he has been in USMC for 4 years. But if you know anything about the military the first year is generally spent in TBS the MOS training school then you are sent to the fleet

None of his deployments have been at will. Given the current state of the world deployment is not a choice it is an order a direct order. he is just about to finish his fleet tour which means he will have more time stateside in operations billets. Unfortunately the current nature of the military and specifically USMC is 9mos deployed 1month training and 2-3months operations.

He has not been granted any leave except for 7 days when his father died. There was a leave block before this last Iraq tour for a period of 1 week. Paternity could not be done because the mother said the daughter was going to be away, again with the grandparent.

 

[sistahnparadise]

You still have not answered my question, I asked how many times he visited the child while on R&R or leave? How many of these deployments have been his choice? Is he using deployment as a way to avoid paternity testing? Visiting in another state is one thing, visiting in another country is another. You have a lot to learn. How old is this child? When did your husband join the USMC?

And I guess I don't matter but if you want to know how long I've seen him....in 2004 alone he was home for 3 months. This is 2005 and he should hopefully be home in July. 2003 I saw him 2 weeks in March and then 2 weeks in December. 2002 I saw him a few weekends out of the year when family was allowed to visit the training spots and graduations from MOS schools. 2001 he was in college I was in college so we saw one another on weekends.

I guess you can see that visitation is going to be an issue.