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silver_2014

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I met a girl on Match, back in May. We emailed quite a bit, right away, and seemed to really hit it off. She was right up my alley: good job, level-headed, and we seemed to agree on all the important relationship issues and topics. A lot of emails led to exchanging numbers, and this led to a lot of texting. We texted each other for the better part of two weeks, continuing to get to know each other.

Finally, we met for coffee. It was a Friday night, and we picked a spot that we both liked. The conversation went really good, and, surprisingly, not awkward at all. I probably should have fled the scene then. Anyway, after that night, I texted her to say I had a good time. You know. All the post date/when can we meet again stuff. Standard. A little over a week had passed, until we went out again. In the meantime, we started getting more intimate with our discussions, i.e., talking about physical stuff, likes, dislikes, turnons, turnoffs, and sex. Things were getting interesting, because we both were into the same things.

We met for dinner this next time, and it went really good, also. After dinner, we went for a walk and continued talking about the things we liked, wanted, and were looking for. I was really shocked how well the date went. There was no awkwardness, yet. That second date turned to the third, and on the third, which was a movie at my house, we kissed. It wasn't as spectacular as I thought it would be, but wasn't terrible. Things were definitely headed in the physical direction.

The next weekend she came over again, to watch a movie. We didn't make it far into the movie, and we headed to my bedroom. There wasn't a lot of foreplay, because we were just ready for sex. See what happens, get it out of the way. That way we knew what to expect. She told me she was on the pill, so I didn't even consider using a condom. I have slept with other women, who have been on the pill, and never had any issues.
Now, you may know where this is going, but please bear with me. Not to leave out any details, but after that night we started having issues. I won't place any blame on her or myself, but we just stopped clicking. We still were hanging out, but it seemed like the spark had faded. It may have been the sex. I don't know. Anyway, we weren't really talking and this led to a confrontation, where I told her things weren't working and we shouldn't talk anymore. It didn't end well, and the very next day I got a voicemail from her. She said (surprise, surprise) she was late. She was freaking out, at which point, I started freaking out.

She came over that night, upset, and she took four pregnancy tests. One was screwed up, but the other three were positive. Yay! I am a dummy, but I had unprotected sex and need to deal with it. It was really awkward, because less than 24 hrs prior I was telling her I didn't want to be with her. Now we were standing there with no idea what to do. She went home that night, and it gave me time to think.

I was raised in a broken home, and I'll be damned if I make my kid go thru that, without giving this relationship a good try. This is like a week ago. She came and hung out the following Monday, and it was a pretty good day. We did some running around and watched a movie. It was actually nice. The following Saturday, this last Saturday, we hung out again. While I said I was going to give it a good try, I just wasn't feeling it. She could tell and she called me out on it. Honestly, it was ok. We both knew we can't force anything, so we didn't fight. She was disappointed, but we'll live.

On to yesterday. I had beaten myself up a bit, that I wasn't being better for her, like I should try harder. I decided to send her flowers, when I got to work. I knew what street she lived on, but wasn't sure the address. When I was sure of the address, I punched it in into the county auditor's site, just to be sure it was her place. Her name did pop up on the site, however it wasn't the same last name, as she had told me hers was. In fact, there was a man's name next to hers, with the same last name. I started to freak. I am not a big "there could be a perfectly good explanation" person. No. I like to jump to conclusions, which was she was married, still is, and lied to me, all while trying to be in a relationship with me and having my (DNA to be determined) baby.

I googled their names, and then wanted to puke. Here's a little background why. She had told me that her sister and her sister's two kids lived with her, while her sister's husband is deployed. I thought nothing of it, good for her. Her sister, she explains, has an 18 month old son and a 3 year old daughter, or some ****. Well, the first thing that popped up after the googling was a record of those two having a baby (surprise again) 18 months ago! Now I was really tripping. I immediately concluded it was her son, not her sisters. I didn't even think of her "niece" yet. Another one of the searches brought me to a wedding website. One of those sites where people announce to the entire ****ing world they are getting married, by way of website. So, much for just putting the **** on Facebook, I guess.
This website was pretty detailed and it had a list of the bridal party. I look at the bridal party names and I wanted to projectile vomit at the screen. One. There was a picture of this girl, as her sister's maid of honor, and, two, the husband is the best man. Now, mind you, she had told me her sister was already married, but this wedding date is in October. A few more additions are that this dude is not deployed and not even in the military. That's where I started second guessing myself, but I looked at all the names and there was no way I was in the wrong. I seen names of friends she had spoke of, and the topper of it all, the names of the flower girl and ring bearer are the same last name as her (girl I had just impregnated) but same first name as her sister's kids. Hmmmm. That doesn't make sense. I think I may have **** a little at my desk, at this point.

So, I did the next rational thing. I texted her and asked if was being 100% honest with me. She replied with a ****ty (I read it as ****ty) "Yes and why?" Well, I explained what I had found in pretty good detail, to which she replied that I was ****ing crazy and wrong and why was I investigating her. She kept going on, even sending me pictures, which didn't matter anyway. She basically said I was wrong and a ****ing psycho and loser. I started feeling about two inches tall. I made myself sick to the point I needed to go home. I didn't know what to believe. Was I ****ed up? Is she ****ed up? I was at a loss. There were some more texts in there where she basically said she didn't trust me, and how could she raise a baby with someone she didn't trust, too. So, I was thinking I ****ed that up, too. When I got home, though, I couldn't drop it. From my computer at home, googling her name and this guys brought up a photography website. I actually started getting nervous, because you could scroll down thru all the galleries and photos this lady took. So, I'm scrolling and scrolling, all the while getting more nervous because I am either going to feel like a complete ******* or be vindicated. Well, it was vindication this time.

I came upon a gallery with her, her husband, and their two kids. I freaked a bit and decided to call her. It went to voicemail. In the message, I told her I was looking at a picture online of her and her family, as I put it. It took about ten minutes and she called back. I don't how many lies she had told up to this point, but I believe it was all lies. After I texted her that picture, she, surprisingly, lied and said it was an old boyfriend and his kids! What about the wedding rings? She completely ignored that question and started flipping out, again calling me a ****head. It finally broke. I had found thru her sisters wedding site exactly where her soon to be brother in law worked. So, I asked her if I called so and so company and talked to this person, he will say i am full of ****. Silence! She asked me where I was. I had got in my truck and left, so I was on the road. She wanted to meet up and I said hell no. I demanded the truth!

Coincidentally, I couldn't handle the truth. It was all a lie. She is married, although they are separated. Quite honestly, though, I still don't know what is true and lie. She made everything up. Now, I am possibly having a kid with someone who lied about everything from the beginning. I never would have went on a date with someone that was still married. I don't do the whole currently separated thing, because people can reconcile, especially with kids. So, my question is, basically, what would you do in this situation?
 
Last edited:


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What you do is ask for a paternity test after the child is born. Register on the putative father registry and live your life. When the child is born, petition for a paternity test. If it comes back that you are the daddy, go from there.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Please pare down your novel to, maybe, a paragraph. Then, ask your question related to a legal matter. Please keep in mind that you can certainly be required to support the child that you (and she) created, if it gets to that.


What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I met a girl on Match, back in May. We emailed quite a bit, right away, and seemed to really hit it off. She was right up my alley: good job, level-headed, and we seemed to agree on all the important relationship issues and topics. A lot of emails led to exchanging numbers, and this led to a lot of texting. We texted each other for the better part of two weeks, continuing to get to know each other.

Finally, we met for coffee. It was a Friday night, and we picked a spot that we both liked. The conversation went really good, and, surprisingly, not awkward at all. I probably should have fled the scene then. Anyway, after that night, I texted her to say I had a good time. You know. All the post date/when can we meet again stuff. Standard. A little over a week had passed, until we went out again. In the meantime, we started getting more intimate with our discussions, i.e., talking about physical stuff, likes, dislikes, turnons, turnoffs, and sex. Things were getting interesting, because we both were into the same things.

We met for dinner this next time, and it went really good, also. After dinner, we went for a walk and continued talking about the things we liked, wanted, and were looking for. I was really shocked how well the date went. There was no awkwardness, yet. That second date turned to the third, and on the third, which was a movie at my house, we kissed. It wasn't as spectacular as I thought it would be, but wasn't terrible. Things were definitely headed in the physical direction.

The next weekend she came over again, to watch a movie. We didn't make it far into the movie, and we headed to my bedroom. There wasn't a lot of foreplay, because we were just ready for sex. See what happens, get it out of the way. That way we knew what to expect. She told me she was on the pill, so I didn't even consider using a condom. I have slept with other women, who have been on the pill, and never had any issues.
Now, you may know where this is going, but please bear with me. Not to leave out any details, but after that night we started having issues. I won't place any blame on her or myself, but we just stopped clicking. We still were hanging out, but it seemed like the spark had faded. It may have been the sex. I don't know. Anyway, we weren't really talking and this led to a confrontation, where I told her things weren't working and we shouldn't talk anymore. It didn't end well, and the very next day I got a voicemail from her. She said (surprise, surprise) she was late. She was freaking out, at which point, I started freaking out.

She came over that night, upset, and she took four pregnancy tests. One was screwed up, but the other three were positive. Yay! I am a dummy, but I had unprotected sex and need to deal with it. It was really awkward, because less than 24 hrs prior I was telling her I didn't want to be with her. Now we were standing there with no idea what to do. She went home that night, and it gave me time to think.

I was raised in a broken home, and I'll be damned if I make my kid go thru that, without giving this relationship a good try. This is like a week ago. She came and hung out the following Monday, and it was a pretty good day. We did some running around and watched a movie. It was actually nice. The following Saturday, this last Saturday, we hung out again. While I said I was going to give it a good try, I just wasn't feeling it. She could tell and she called me out on it. Honestly, it was ok. We both knew we can't force anything, so we didn't fight. She was disappointed, but we'll live.

On to yesterday. I had beaten myself up a bit, that I wasn't being better for her, like I should try harder. I decided to send her flowers, when I got to work. I knew what street she lived on, but wasn't sure the address. When I was sure of the address, I punched it in into the county auditor's site, just to be sure it was her place. Her name did pop up on the site, however it wasn't the same last name, as she had told me hers was. In fact, there was a man's name next to hers, with the same last name. I started to freak. I am not a big "there could be a perfectly good explanation" person. No. I like to jump to conclusions, which was she was married, still is, and lied to me, all while trying to be in a relationship with me and having my (DNA to be determined) baby.

I googled their names, and then wanted to puke. Here's a little background why. She had told me that her sister and her sister's two kids lived with her, while her sister's husband is deployed. I thought nothing of it, good for her. Her sister, she explains, has an 18 month old son and a 3 year old daughter, or some ****. Well, the first thing that popped up after the googling was a record of those two having a baby (surprise again) 18 months ago! Now I was really tripping. I immediately concluded it was her son, not her sisters. I didn't even think of her "niece" yet. Another one of the searches brought me to a wedding website. One of those sites where people announce to the entire ****ing world they are getting married, by way of website. So, much for just putting the **** on Facebook, I guess.
This website was pretty detailed and it had a list of the bridal party. I look at the bridal party names and I wanted to projectile vomit at the screen. One. There was a picture of this girl, as her sister's maid of honor, and, two, the husband is the best man. Now, mind you, she had told me her sister was already married, but this wedding date is in October. A few more additions are that this dude is not deployed and not even in the military. That's where I started second guessing myself, but I looked at all the names and there was no way I was in the wrong. I seen names of friends she had spoke of, and the topper of it all, the names of the flower girl and ring bearer are the same last name as her (girl I had just impregnated) but same first name as her sister's kids. Hmmmm. That doesn't make sense. I think I may have **** a little at my desk, at this point.

So, I did the next rational thing. I texted her and asked if was being 100% honest with me. She replied with a ****ty (I read it as ****ty) "Yes and why?" Well, I explained what I had found in pretty good detail, to which she replied that I was ****ing crazy and wrong and why was I investigating her. She kept going on, even sending me pictures, which didn't matter anyway. She basically said I was wrong and a ****ing psycho and loser. I started feeling about two inches tall. I made myself sick to the point I needed to go home. I didn't know what to believe. Was I ****ed up? Is she ****ed up? I was at a loss. There were some more texts in there where she basically said she didn't trust me, and how could she raise a baby with someone she didn't trust, too. So, I was thinking I ****ed that up, too. When I got home, though, I couldn't drop it. From my computer at home, googling her name and this guys brought up a photography website. I actually started getting nervous, because you could scroll down thru all the galleries and photos this lady took. So, I'm scrolling and scrolling, all the while getting more nervous because I am either going to feel like a complete ******* or be vindicated. Well, it was vindication this time.

I came upon a gallery with her, her husband, and their two kids. I freaked a bit and decided to call her. It went to voicemail. In the message, I told her I was looking at a picture online of her and her family, as I put it. It took about ten minutes and she called back. I don't how many lies she had told up to this point, but I believe it was all lies. After I texted her that picture, she, surprisingly, lied and said it was an old boyfriend and his kids! What about the wedding rings? She completely ignored that question and started flipping out, again calling me a ****head. It finally broke. I had found thru her sisters wedding site exactly where her soon to be brother in law worked. So, I asked her if I called so and so company and talked to this person, he will say i am full of ****. Silence! She asked me where I was. I had got in my truck and left, so I was on the road. She wanted to meet up and I said hell no. I demanded the truth!

Coincidentally, I couldn't handle the truth. It was all a lie. She is married, although they are separated. Quite honestly, though, I still don't know what is true and lie. She made everything up. Now, I am possibly having a kid with someone who lied about everything from the beginning. I never would have went on a date with someone that was still married. I don't do the whole currently separated thing, because people can reconcile, especially with kids. So, my question is, basically, what would you do in this situation?
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
What you do is ask for a paternity test after the child is born. Register on the putative father registry and live your life. When the child is born, petition for a paternity test. If it comes back that you are the daddy, go from there.
Or do this ^^^^^
 

anearthw

Member
In addition, it would be wise to test yourself for diseases. It is unlikely you were her only online rendezvous. I also wouldn't believe that whole separation bull either. Try and be realistic here until DNA comes back - who knows how many potential daddies there are. And don't give her any money - if she is such a liar, who knows if this isn't just a money con.

I admit I just skimmed though, way too much irrelevant info.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Good news! She's married - so regardless of DNA, that child is LEGALLY her husband's until a court determines otherwise.
 

silver_2014

Junior Member
I promise I'm not a troll. I apologize for the length of the story. With all if the lying, I just don't know if there is anything legally, that I should be thinking about. Thanks.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I promise I'm not a troll. I apologize for the length of the story. With all if the lying, I just don't know if there is anything legally, that I should be thinking about. Thanks.
The length, in and of itself, is moot. It's all the irrelevant details that are too much. Her lying is also moot. Legally, her husband will be the child's father, until and unless you follow the necessary legal procedures (and a judge rules in your favor). You chose to enter into a sexual relationship with a woman you barely knew - now you are dealing wit hthe consequences. The only "innocent" here is the child.

In future, keep it zipped (or at least wrapped) until in a long-term, committed relationship.
 

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