i need an advice on my next legal step

[hurtingmom]

[FONT="Fixedsys"]What is the name of your state? Texas

my ex and i were never married, but has a child. he has knowledge of the pregnancy and the birth of the child. he refused to marry me. at that time, i decided to raise the child by myself and when the child was 3 years old, i got married to another man. during this time, i was already living abroad and has no written or verbal communications with the father of my child. when the child was 14 years old, the biological father and his wife ( he has gotten married as well), contacted me and asked if they could help support the child. i agreed and they started sending her $100/month. when the child turned 15, she came to know the truth and wanted to meet with her father. i waited for her to finish high school, and when she was 16, i sent her back to the states to meet with her ( he paid for her ticket). upon meeting with her, my child asked her father to sign an acknowledgment of paternity (upon my advice) to legalize their relationship. the father and his wife 9 they claim to decide on this matter together) refused to sign the aop and even claims that the name on the birth cert is enough acknowledgment. they also refused to continue giving her the support promised to her if she will not live with them. i am saddened, frustrated and upset by these turn of events and has decided to file a child support case so my child can receive a court-ordered support. i only want what is due her, nothing more, nothing less.
my question is:
1. can we file a child support even after 16 years?
2. can my child file the support since she is there in the states and i am abroad?
3. can they refuse to pay child support and sign the acknowledgment if my child won't agree to live with them?
4. should the aop be signed first before i allow my child to visit or be visited by her father?
5. if i have a strong case, are there some lawyers who would take it and agree to be paid once the case is over and won?
6. how much time do we have left before it's too late to file a case?
7. can the father file for custody even if he was absent in her life for 16 years?

[LdiJ]

[FONT="Fixedsys"]What is the name of your state? Texas

my ex and i were never married, but has a child. he has knowledge of the pregnancy and the birth of the child. he refused to marry me. at that time, i decided to raise the child by myself and when the child was 3 years old, i got married to another man. during this time, i was already living abroad and has no written or verbal communications with the father of my child. when the child was 14 years old, the biological father and his wife ( he has gotten married as well), contacted me and asked if they could help support the child. i agreed and they started sending her $100/month. when the child turned 15, she came to know the truth and wanted to meet with her father. i waited for her to finish high school, and when she was 16, i sent her back to the states to meet with her ( he paid for her ticket). upon meeting with her, my child asked her father to sign an acknowledgment of paternity (upon my advice) to legalize their relationship. the father and his wife 9 they claim to decide on this matter together) refused to sign the aop and even claims that the name on the birth cert is enough acknowledgment. they also refused to continue giving her the support promised to her if she will not live with them. i am saddened, frustrated and upset by these turn of events and has decided to file a child support case so my child can receive a court-ordered support. i only want what is due her, nothing more, nothing less.
my question is:
1. can we file a child support even after 16 years?
2. can my child file the support since she is there in the states and i am abroad?
3. can they refuse to pay child support and sign the acknowledgment if my child won't agree to live with them?
4. should the aop be signed first before i allow my child to visit or be visited by her father?
5. if i have a strong case, are there some lawyers who would take it and agree to be paid once the case is over and won?
6. how much time do we have left before it's too late to file a case?
7. can the father file for custody even if he was absent in her life for 16 years?

Your daughter cannot file anything for you. Only you can do that. Yes, you can still file a case for support, however, your daughter is 16, and you will need an attorney to do it, and honestly, the cost of the attorney may outweight the amount of support that you could recieve until she is 18.

He could file for custody, however, under the Hague Convention your country would have jurisdiction, and he would have to file in your country. That doesn't mean that he might not try to file in the US however, therefore again, you might have to hire an attorney to get any case that he would file in the US, dismissed.

I would not recommend attempting to do anything at all until your child has returned.

[hurtingmom]

since you have recommended that no action be taken until my child returns, i am left in the dark. my child is an american citizen and now wishes to study in the states ( she's in college). if i let her go back here (Philippines) then, she will miss out on the opportunities that she has back there. can you tell me why these people (the father and his wife) are so dead set in not signing the acknowledgement even after they voluntarily met with her and supporting her with a measly $100/month (they set this amount, not the court). do they know that without me there, no case will be filed? is it really impossible for me to file a case from here? US and the philippines don't have any kind of agreement regarding filing cases like this?please help me with all the information you have. i am so frustrated that my child who was abandoned is now hurting with how her father is treating her. she feels betrayed and abandoned, once more. thank you and i am so sorry for all these questions. i just needed answers so badly. i know i still need to talk to a lawyer, but i wanted some opinion on the matter from you.

[Blue Meanie]

since you have recommended that no action be taken until my child returns, i am left in the dark. my child is an american citizen and now wishes to study in the states ( she's in college). if i let her go back here (Philippines) then, she will miss out on the opportunities that she has back there. can you tell me why these people (the father and his wife) are so dead set in not signing the acknowledgement even after they voluntarily met with her and supporting her with a measly $100/month (they set this amount, not the court). do they know that without me there, no case will be filed? is it really impossible for me to file a case from here? US and the philippines don't have any kind of agreement regarding filing cases like this?please help me with all the information you have. i am so frustrated that my child who was abandoned is now hurting with how her father is treating her. she feels betrayed and abandoned, once more. thank you and i am so sorry for all these questions. i just needed answers so badly. i know i still need to talk to a lawyer, but i wanted some opinion on the matter from you.

You are the one that moved to another country. You could have filed for support for your child WHEN SHE WAS BORN! Do not talk about how HE abandoned her...you were the one to leave the country.

[Ohiogal]

There is no way he should sign an AOP. Rather a DNA test should be done to prove that he is the father. You waited over 15 years to tell your daughter the truth? In other words you were lying to her for that amount of time? Why would you do that? Why would you think that is in the best interest of the child? Why would dad take your word that he is dad when you would LIE to your child? If I were dad I would definitely not sign an AOP nor would I continue to support this child unless she were living with me due to the fact that I would nto be sure she is legally mine. If she were living with me I would then be willing to pay for her food and clothing as she would be with me. But without a court order I would not be sending money ANYWHERE for her support.

[hurtingmom]

he did abandon her. he wanted me to get an abortion. he felt he was unstable to start a family. i had no choice but to leave the country. my family is all i got and i have to start a life somewhere where support is available. i have kept my silence all these years because i don't want trouble from him. when he came around ( his wife prodded him becasue she was suspicious that her husband and i are still communicating, he has a reputation and history with womanizing), i gave him the chance to be a father by letting him support my child with an amount he was comfortable with. and then he started talking to people how he is supporting a child he wasn't sure is his. where did all these come from? i don't know. that's where i started thinking of proving him wrong. how could i correct my mistake of letting this man get away with everything and hurt me and my child in the process. he got out of our lives, comes in again, and now, trying to get out again. tell me please, am i really wrong to set this man straight? whatever i plan to do now is to give my child the legal rights she so deserves. she wants to be recognized legally and i want her to have it. am sorry if i sound so upset but, enough is enough.

[hurtingmom]

the reason why i wanted him to sign the aop is for my daughter to visit him and be visited by him while or when she stays in the states. right now, they don't have a legal relationship due to lack of proper documentation. if you say, genetic testing is my next option, then genetic testing it is. and yes, i did lie to my daughter about her real father because there was no real father to start with. i married a man who stood as her real father and up to now, she recognizes him as her real father. her biological dad is her biological dad. he expressed support which he is now withdrawing because his wife says so. we cannot be played around like this. i agree that if i wanted my child to be recognized and he won't sign, let him take the genetic testing stuff. my mistakes are my mistakes. i still have time to redeem myself by acting on this case and give my child all that is due her. i want a court-ordered child support, no more, no less. whatever the court accomodates my daughter, we would gladly welcome. we are not needy people. we are people needing for justice.

[LdiJ]

since you have recommended that no action be taken until my child returns, i am left in the dark. my child is an american citizen and now wishes to study in the states ( she's in college). if i let her go back here (Philippines) then, she will miss out on the opportunities that she has back there. can you tell me why these people (the father and his wife) are so dead set in not signing the acknowledgement even after they voluntarily met with her and supporting her with a measly $100/month (they set this amount, not the court). do they know that without me there, no case will be filed? is it really impossible for me to file a case from here? US and the philippines don't have any kind of agreement regarding filing cases like this?please help me with all the information you have. i am so frustrated that my child who was abandoned is now hurting with how her father is treating her. she feels betrayed and abandoned, once more. thank you and i am so sorry for all these questions. i just needed answers so badly. i know i still need to talk to a lawyer, but i wanted some opinion on the matter from you.

If she is going to be in college in the United States, then she is not going to be living with you in the Phillipines. That makes it more complicated for you to file for child support.

Since she is only 16, it would actually make sense for her to live with her father while she is going to college. What are her college plans? Has she been accepted at a particular school? Is the school near her father? Where does she plan to live?

[Ohiogal]

he did abandon her.

NO legally he did not because legally he is NOT the child's father.

he wanted me to get an abortion.

He is allowed to have that opinion.

he felt he was unstable to start a family.

He can have that opinion.

i had no choice but to leave the country.

Yes you did. Legally you could have filed for child support and to establish paternity.

my family is all i got and i have to start a life somewhere where support is available.

Legally he would have been obligated to support his child once she was determined to be his.

i have kept my silence all these years because i don't want trouble from him.

And because you were lying to your child?

when he came around ( his wife prodded him becasue she was suspicious that her husband and i are still communicating, he has a reputation and history with womanizing), i gave him the chance to be a father by letting him support my child with an amount he was comfortable with.

Support YOUR child with an amount he was comfortable with. He didn't have an obligation to send you ANYTHING.

and then he started talking to people how he is supporting a child he wasn't sure is his. where did all these come from? i don't know

You lied to your child you say for fifteen years. And he doesn't have a right to believe you wouldn't lie to him? You have told your child that he is NOT her father until you decided to change that and tell her what you say now is the truth. I don't blame him for saying that he is not sure the child is his. Where did it come from? You have DONE NOTHING to prove the child is his. You have stated that another man is her actual father and you did that for many years. that is where it comes from. You were not married to him. He is not legally presumed to be the father.

that's where i started thinking of proving him wrong.

Legally you have to prove that he is the father.

how could i correct my mistake of letting this man get away with everything and hurt me and my child in the process. he got out of our lives, comes in again, and now, trying to get out again. tell me please, am i really wrong to set this man straight? whatever i plan to do now is to give my child the legal rights she so deserves. she wants to be recognized legally and i want her to have it. am sorry if i sound so upset but, enough is enough.

You need to legally have paternity established. YOU NEVER DID that. YOU screwed up. YOU LIED to your child or to him. One of the two. Why should he believe you when you have admitted to lying. Seriously. He has a very good reason to NOT believe you. you need to go through legal channels. Enough is enough 16 years ago BEFORE you started lying.

[SingleMom67]

College at 16? Communications with biological dad after all the years of lying to the child? Etc., etc. Anyone else getting the impression this is a load of b.s.?

[Ohiogal]

the reason why i wanted him to sign the aop is for my daughter to visit him and be visited by him while or when she stays in the states. right now, they don't have a legal relationship due to lack of proper documentation.

You are correct -- they have no legal relationship but that does not mean that she cannot visit him with your permission.

if you say, genetic testing is my next option, then genetic testing it is. and yes, i did lie to my daughter about her real father because there was no real father to start with

Whose fault was that?

i married a man who stood as her real father and up to now, she recognizes him as her real father. her biological dad is her biological dad. he expressed support which he is now withdrawing because his wife says so. we cannot be played around like this.

He may be playing but so have you. You have NO right to think YOU are the victim.

i agree that if i wanted my child to be recognized and he won't sign, let him take the genetic testing stuff. my mistakes are my mistakes. i still have time to redeem myself by acting on this case and give my child all that is due her. i want a court-ordered child support, no more, no less. whatever the court accomodates my daughter, we would gladly welcome. we are not needy people. we are people needing for justice.

Justice? No one has done you wrong but you.

[Ohiogal]

College at 16? Communications with biological dad after all the years of lying to the child? Etc., etc. Anyone else getting the impression this is a load of b.s.?

It is possible to attend college at 16. And there haave been a lot of moms who have lied.

[guardianangel]

Ohiogal and SingleMom67 you are absolutely right.
This woman admits she lies to her own daughter about her father, then at 16 tells her the truth??!! Like the kid needs that kind of bomb dropped at that age!!! It would be interesting to know how after all these years have gone by, why now the truth comes out?
Hurtingmom is no victim, her child is the victim here. She made choices for everyone for what she wanted at the time, and now she wants JUSTICE, more like revenge.
There are a lot of dead beat dads out there, but there are some vengeful moms that just use their kids as pawns for revenge and that is just as sick!

Go Ohiogal!!!