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Legal Right Vs. What's Fair?

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littlecheezzer

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My ex-husband & I have 4 year old twin boys. He lost his job, & can't find another one that pays nearly as much. I dropped support so that he could survive until he found something else, he has found a part time job, 2 days a week. This has been the situation for 2 years now. His income is about $1200, mine is about $3000/month, net. I have the boys in daycare 3 days a week, which costs me $800/month. My other 2 work days, the boys are with their father, which saves me a few hundred $'s a month. We worked this deal out to keep both of our costs down while he looked for a better job & worked at his part time.

I am starting to become frustrated because he doesn't seem to be making an effort to find a job anymore, and I am struggling.

I used the child support formula, and I will get quite a bit of his income. Is support calculated strictly mathematically? I would honestly be happy if I could lose the child care bill, it's killing me, and it's not necessary...the days the boys are in child care are not days that he works.

I am hoping to take him the numbers he would have to pay, & convince him to be a little bit more active in helping us all survive.

So...is support calculated strictly using the formula?
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
So...is support calculated strictly using the formula?
Yes and no.

Support GUIDELINES are calculated simply by formula:
https://www.humanservices.state.pa.us/csws/CSWS_controller.aspx?SelectionIdBottom=7&PageId=CSWS/support_estimator_overview.ascx

However, judges can deviate from guidelines if they have a good reason to do so.

Keep in mind that you don't really need to calculate anything. Legally, he is obligated to pay the amount of the existing court order until the court changes it. So if you were to insist on his paying, he'd have to pay the current amount.
 

littlecheezzer

Junior Member
Okay, thanks for the advice.

Things have changed a bit. My daycare provider was in-home, & she is moving. I have found new daycare for the boys, & the cost is going to increase, while I now do not have care on the weekends for them. I work 50% of weekend days. The boys need to be in a center because of the structure it provides, they have some sensory problems.

They are enrolled 5 days a week now, & my ex & I agreed verbally that he would modify his visitation to accommodate my weekend schedule. The three week long schedule would be as follows: Week 1 Thurs Fri, Week 2 Fri Sat, Week 3 Sat Sun. He would have 50% of weekend days, all of which I would be at work.

Now that the boys are enrolled 5 days, he has decided that he wants to maintain the Thurs Fri schedule we have been following. This leaves me trying to find yet another babysitter for weekends. Only 3 weekend days per three weeks, but it's more money towards childcare.

Our custody agreement grants me primary custody, and he has visitation every other weekend. We were amicable in this regard, as I have never restricted his access to the kids. He has always been able to get the boys whenever he likes, although he rarely exercises that ability.

So the legal agreement differs from what we actually do. He agreed to it under the terms that he didn't have to pay support. Now he doesn't want to pay support, and he doesn't want to have the boys on any weekend days.

I told him that we are going to have to go back to the legal agreement because he isn't being fair, and he is saying things like "you want to be my enemy" because he can't afford support, and he "has a life". Keep in mind that there is no day when I don't have the boys & I don't work. He only has the boys on days when I am working. But he claims I am trying to prevent him from having a life by having the boys half of weekend days.

The reason the boys are enrolled in child care 5 days is because you have to pay for a full slot if you will ever need a certain day. Because my schedule is variable, I need to pay for all 5 days. This is standard in centers.

He has already informed me that on Thursday morning, the day I normally drop the boys off at his house, he wants me to drop them right at daycare, and on Friday evening I should pick the boys up at daycare. So now I'm paying for daycare on the days he wants the boys, & he is going to send them to daycare. I feel like he doesn't even want the boys, & he doesn't want to help support them either. I could just remove daycare from Thurs Fri, even though I JUST enrolled them, but what if he switches his position again, leaving me without care on those days???

He has been barraging me with emails & texts saying that I'm so selfish & I want so much from him, and I am unappreciative, and I'm like, huh? I liked our agreement before, but it was getting expensive for me. I feel like everything he is saying to me is garbage, that it's him being selfish & unappreciative. I didn't have to stop support.

What should I do? Should I ride it out & hope he starts to contribute more? I am furious but I am in the situation, I can't be objective.
 

tuffbrk

Senior Member
No. You shouldn't ride it out. You should contact child support, fill out the paperwork and get the ball rolling. I appreciate you being understanding but he could easily work 2 or 3 PT jobs and pay support. He is not a child and it is not your responsibility to mother him and make his life wonderful and easy.

As a parent, you need to make sure your children can be provided for. They are your primary concern. Dad's employment issue is his concern, not yours.

I would bet my next paycheck that Dad wasn't the one to file for divorce!
 

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