Many questions... (Child support/custody)

[commtgk]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Okay I'll try and describe this as accurately as possible, I was in a relationship with a girl several months back, we went through a pregnancy scare, supposedly, it was a false alarm. She dumped me and then disappeared, however I still texted her several times asking if it was for sure that she wasn't pregnant. Finally the day came where she told me that she was not. That was the last time that I talked to her and nobody has seen her since, but I've heard rumors that she moved to another city and is pregnant. If this is true, but she continues to leave me in the dark, after already telling me in no uncertain terms that she was not pregnant, can she still manage to wring child support out of me? Could I sue for custody of the child since I have a good job and a house? Would I be favored above her in court because she doesn't have a job or home (last I heard)? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Okay I'll try and describe this as accurately as possible, I was in a relationship with a girl several months back, we went through a pregnancy scare, supposedly, it was a false alarm. She dumped me and then disappeared, however I still texted her several times asking if it was for sure that she wasn't pregnant. Finally the day came where she told me that she was not. That was the last time that I talked to her and nobody has seen her since, but I've heard rumors that she moved to another city and is pregnant. If this is true, but she continues to leave me in the dark, after already telling me in no uncertain terms that she was not pregnant, can she still manage to wring child support out of me?

She cannot file for child support without a child actually being born. Should she give birth she may then file to establish paternity , custody and child support. If you are declared Dad, yes, you will be liable for child support.

Could I sue for custody of the child since I have a good job and a house? Would I be favored above her in court because she doesn't have a job or home (last I heard)? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Sure, you can sue. Will you win? Nobody can predict the outcome.

Look at this another way - she was good enough for you to take the chance that she'll be the mother of your child. Is she suddenly not good enough because you have a job and a house?

How does that work?

 

[ecmst12]

IF you have fathered a child, mom can file for support, and you can file for custody/visitation, AFTER the child is born and paternity has been established by court-ordered DNA test.

You would not be favored over the other parent. At best you can hope for joint legal and physical custody. Custody is NOT awarded based on who has a bigger house or better paying job. That kind of stuff isn't even a consideration. A child needs BOTH parents and you both need to foster the relationship with the other parent. The more you show you are willing to do this, the better you will look to the court.

 

[commtgk]

Proserpina,

I appreciate the feedback, but I'm sorry, I guess I didn't give enough detail as to why I would want custody and why this may be a problem. I was extremely fond of this women and tried to make everything work for several months. The issue is, this woman is bi-polar and manically depressed (not an exaggeration, it's been diagnosed), and she dumped me after the relationship failed because of so many fights. All of which were started by her for no apparent reason, almost like relationship sabotage. Please don't think I'm making this up or exaggerating, and I think she left me because I got her pregnant, I'm only just finding out about her possibly being pregnant now after about 7 months. Which means she lied to me all along, she's untrustworthy. And now, I may not even find out that I have a child for who knows how long, which means I won't even be there for my child's birth....do you see now why she was worthy of being the mother of my child but no longer is? Back before I realized who she truly was, I thought I loved her, wanted a future with her. But like I say, now she is quite possibly going to have MY child without even telling me! Sorry for the rambling, just wanted to give a little back story.

 

[goddessoflubboc]

The answer to the only question buried in there is no. Nothing you've said makes her any less of a good mother, or you in any better of a position to be a parent.

You have no *right* to be at the birth - until and unless you are established you are not the father and have no legal standing.

Once the baby is born, establish parentage, go to court, get your visitation, pay your support.

There is nothing stopping you from asking for physical custody, but the likelihood of you getting it is very, very slim. From what you've said mom is perfectly capable and fit. Fair or no, that's just how it is.

Things may or may nt change down the road, but the important thing is that you maintain a relationship wih your child.

 

[LdiJ]

Proserpina,

I appreciate the feedback, but I'm sorry, I guess I didn't give enough detail as to why I would want custody and why this may be a problem. I was extremely fond of this women and tried to make everything work for several months. The issue is, this woman is bi-polar and manically depressed (not an exaggeration, it's been diagnosed), and she dumped me after the relationship failed because of so many fights. All of which were started by her for no apparent reason, almost like relationship sabotage. Please don't think I'm making this up or exaggerating, and I think she left me because I got her pregnant, I'm only just finding out about her possibly being pregnant now after about 7 months. Which means she lied to me all along, she's untrustworthy. And now, I may not even find out that I have a child for who knows how long, which means I won't even be there for my child's birth....do you see now why she was worthy of being the mother of my child but no longer is? Back before I realized who she truly was, I thought I loved her, wanted a future with her. But like I say, now she is quite possibly going to have MY child without even telling me! Sorry for the rambling, just wanted to give a little back story.

None of this is relevant to custody...just like the fact that your house and job are not relevant to custody either.

If you are not proactive on this matter, then you would have virtually no chance of primary custody.

If you are proactive then you will have a slim chance of primary custody.

Unfortunately that's just reality in an unwed situation where the parents are not together. The babies go home with the mother from the hospital. Their primary bonds are with the mother. Judges will not break those primary bonds unless the mother is truly unfit by legal standards, and what you have described does not make the mother unfit by legal standards.

What you need to do is find out if she is really pregnant (not just rumors) and then get things set up so that you can file as soon as the baby is born. Births are announced in the newspaper so you can easily find out when the baby is born by checking the newspaper in her city on a daily basis for a month or two around when the baby SHOULD be born if its yours.

 

[Gracie3787]

Proserpina,

I appreciate the feedback, but I'm sorry, I guess I didn't give enough detail as to why I would want custody and why this may be a problem. I was extremely fond of this women and tried to make everything work for several months. The issue is, this woman is bi-polar and manically depressed (not an exaggeration, it's been diagnosed), and she dumped me after the relationship failed because of so many fights. All of which were started by her for no apparent reason, almost like relationship sabotage. Please don't think I'm making this up or exaggerating, and I think she left me because I got her pregnant, I'm only just finding out about her possibly being pregnant now after about 7 months. Which means she lied to me all along, she's untrustworthy. And now, I may not even find out that I have a child for who knows how long, which means I won't even be there for my child's birth....do you see now why she was worthy of being the mother of my child but no longer is? Back before I realized who she truly was, I thought I loved her, wanted a future with her. But like I say, now she is quite possibly going to have MY child without even telling me! Sorry for the rambling, just wanted to give a little back story.

Being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder does NOT make her an unfit parent.
As for your contention that you didn't know that she was not trustworthy at the time you impregnated her, you should have gotten to know her better BEFORE you chose to impregnate her.

As others have said, because you are not married, she sets all of the rules until aftre the baby is born and a court order is issued giving you rights.

Once the baby is born you have the right to file to establish paternity/custody/CS and visitation, which you should do. BTW-you do NOT know for sure that this is your child, so be sure to request a DNA when you file.

BTW- something you need to be aware of, studies have shown that alot of mental health disorders are hereditary, especially bi-polar disorder. Which means that if this is your child there is a very big possibilty that your child may inherit the mother's disorder.