maybe I'm a chicken

[lostmother3]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

Ok on june 20th I go into mediation with my oldest daughters father over childsupport and parenting time. I'm hoping that he doesn't have to appear physically at mediation (he lives in KY) because I know that he has ways to intimidate me, as far as I can tell his lawyer is the one representing him, but I guess my question to anyone whose been through this is, is it as scary as it feels to be? And are the mediators also very mean and pushy? I am taking my lawyer with me also just for the meer fact that his will be there. I'm not a person that has ever really had to go to court or even deal with lawyers up til now. Any suggestions to calm my nerves would be helpful!!

 

[Noelle_71]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

Ok on june 20th I go into mediation with my oldest daughters father over childsupport and parenting time. I'm hoping that he doesn't have to appear physically at mediation (he lives in KY) because I know that he has ways to intimidate me, as far as I can tell his lawyer is the one representing him, but I guess my question to anyone whose been through this is, is it as scary as it feels to be? And are the mediators also very mean and pushy? I am taking my lawyer with me also just for the meer fact that his will be there. I'm not a person that has ever really had to go to court or even deal with lawyers up til now. Any suggestions to calm my nerves would be helpful!!

The whole point of mediation is to keep it out of court. Mediators are there to be neutral and not push one way or the other. Think of them as referee's.
Yes, it's scary, but there is no reason to be scared. I suppose its more of a not knowing feeling ... I would suggest that you stay calm, speak up when you feel the need to and do not hold back. Be polite but say exactly what you mean. Believe me, you do NOT want to go to court. Don't give more than you are comfortable giving but push back, gently, if pushed. Think of your child and what is good for them. Be fair but be smart.
The mediators are there to keep you from being intimidated. And remember, if you really do feel you are getting no where, you can always stop the mediation.
Good Luck.

 

[lostmother3]

The whole point of mediation is to keep it out of court. Mediators are there to be neutral and not push one way or the other. Think of them as referee's.
Yes, it's scary, but there is no reason to be scared. I suppose its more of a not knowing feeling ... I would suggest that you stay calm, speak up when you feel the need to and do not hold back. Be polite but say exactly what you mean. Believe me, you do NOT want to go to court. Don't give more than you are comfortable giving but push back, gently, if pushed. Think of your child and what is good for them. Be fair but be smart.
The mediators are there to keep you from being intimidated. And remember, if you really do feel you are getting no where, you can always stop the mediation.
Good Luck.

thanks I also think that it's the feeling of the unknown, I'll try to say calm, it's just that my ex is very pushy and I tend to be very easy going and unfortunatly he knows that. once again thank you for helping with my fear!

 

[NotSoNew]

just remember you dont HAVE to agree to anything in mediation. dont allow yourself to feel pressured into agreeing to something you dont want to. if you agree to then and you dont like it you already lost, if you take it infront of a judge you have a chance at getting it still.

 

[stealth2]

One thing to make sure you do is NOT sign anything, regardless of pressure, until you have an opportunity for your lawyer to review it. The mediator is not really there to help make the best decision - but to come to some sort of - any - agreement between the two of you. In mediation, we somehow ended up with a schedule of the kids being here for 2 days, there for 3, here for 1, there for 1, here for 3 and so on and so forth. I was so wiped out after a whole day of back & forth, that I would have agreed to almost anything to be able to go home and close my eyes for bit. But my lawyer had hammered into me that I was not to sign anything while I was there. To tell them that I needed to sleep on it and then discuss with her - so I needed the proposed schedule in writing. And when I got in to see her the next day, she had one look and said "you can do what you like, but I think you're effin' nuts to do this to your kids" - a conclusion I'd already reached. Pissed the stbx off, but that's life.

 

[abstract99]

I don't know about your state but in mine attorneys aren't typically even allowed in mediation uless it is allowed by the judge.

 

[stealth2]

I don't know about your state but in mine attorneys aren't typically even allowed in mediation uless it is allowed by the judge.

Nor in the state I was divorced - but there is NO requirement to sign an agreement at the time, nor is sleeping on it or getting the advice of your attorney prior to signing barred. I had an appt with my attorney the following day.

 

[CALIF-LAWPRO62]

"maybe I'm a chicken"

My response:

Wasn't that the title to a Paul McCartney song?

IAAL

========================================

MAYBE I'M A CHICKEN

Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you pulled me out of time
Hung me on a line
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way I really need you

Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Maybe won't you help to me understand

(lead solo)

Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Maybe won't you help me understand

Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you help me sing my song
You right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way I really need you

 

[lostmother3]

My response:

Wasn't that the title to a Paul McCartney song?

IAAL

========================================

MAYBE I'M A CHICKEN

Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you pulled me out of time
Hung me on a line
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way I really need you

Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Maybe won't you help to me understand

(lead solo)

Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man
Who's in the middle of something
That he doesn't really understand
Baby I'm a man and maybe you're the only woman
Who could ever help me
Maybe won't you help me understand

Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way you help me sing my song
You right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm a chicken at the way I really need you

funny huh!?!

 

[lostmother3]

Nor in the state I was divorced - but there is NO requirement to sign an agreement at the time, nor is sleeping on it or getting the advice of your attorney prior to signing barred. I had an appt with my attorney the following day.

Well I'm guessing that here in Colorado we can bring our attorneys mine will be there but don't know how much input he'll be able to give me, the other issue is I really don't know if my ex has to appear at mediation or if his lawyer can come represent him. From what it sound like his attorney will be at mediation and him by phone. If that shows you anything about his character, his family and life in KY is more important than coming here to really fight for his daughter and his rights to see her, all I can say is If I had to pay for mediation just for him to lower childsupport and not the parental rights I'm going to be pissed!

 

[Noelle_71]

Well I'm guessing that here in Colorado we can bring our attorneys mine will be there but don't know how much input he'll be able to give me, the other issue is I really don't know if my ex has to appear at mediation or if his lawyer can come represent him. From what it sound like his attorney will be at mediation and him by phone. If that shows you anything about his character, his family and life in KY is more important than coming here to really fight for his daughter and his rights to see her, all I can say is If I had to pay for mediation just for him to lower childsupport and not the parental rights I'm going to be pissed!

Well, each court, I have found is different. I live in Texas and the court I was in..you HAD to bring your lawyer to mediation..IF mediation was ordered by the judge. If you went by yourself, you didn't have to bring your lawyer. HOWEVER, the court next to ours, didn't order lawyers to be there. I guess judges make up their own rules.
At any rate, I found a link for you.
http://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/faq/

Seems to have a lot of good info.

 

[silverwolf]

Been there

I couldnt help but reply to this post. I have been there done it got my stupid shirt. I went into a mediation with my ex. Only me him and the lady that was mediator. At the time my ex had taken my daughter and hide her from me for two weeks. I would have signed anything to see her and get away from him. I to have always been scarded of this man for many reasons. Its been over three years and signing that mediation agreement was the worst thing I could have ever done. Also not having someone in there with me was a big mistake as the mediator left the room long enough for him to treaten me. Not long after I signed it I found out what I signed was devistating to me. Dont be afraid and dont sign anything as the other members have told you. Also I think its wonderful to have your lawyer with you.

 

[ceara19]

Well, each court, I have found is different. I live in Texas and the court I was in..you HAD to bring your lawyer to mediation..IF mediation was ordered by the judge. If you went by yourself, you didn't have to bring your lawyer. HOWEVER, the court next to ours, didn't order lawyers to be there. I guess judges make up their own rules.
At any rate, I found a link for you.
http://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/faq/

Seems to have a lot of good info.

I was divorced in Texas and was ordered to go through mediation also.. Although the attorneys were allowed to be present during mediation, I was not REQUIRED to bring my lawyer. My ex brought his, but I didn't see the need to pay someone several hundred dollars just to sit and listen when I was the one that would be making the decisions.

 

[Silverplum]

I don't know about your state but in mine attorneys aren't typically even allowed in mediation uless it is allowed by the judge.

If you don't know, what difference does it make???

In CO, you may bring your attorney to mediation.

 

[frylover]

IAAL,

I'm thinking you better have another ID lined up!