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Mom with 2 jobs paying support to lazy dad. Can I win the appeal??

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2jobs

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Here's the situation in a nutshell. I was with the ex for 8 years and we have two children together. He has two children with someone else prior to me and he had been paying child support to them. He was originally in arrears by $8,000. and was arrested and sent to jail but I borrowed the money to get him out. Throughout the marriage he was abusive and jealous so two years ago I made the decision to end the marriage. He left the house that we had bought together two years prior, because he could not afford to make the payments on his own. For the past two years, after he left, I have made all mortgage payments, utilities, taxes etc on my own. We also have two loans that are in both names that I have been paying for on my own.

When he first moved out, he was angry and bitter. He rarely saw the children and would threaten me or become abusive. It was because of those actions that I took him for child support and also had a PFA (Protection From Abuse) against him. Our employment situations were exactly the same as they are now when they awarded me $580 for child support. I knew this would be difficult for him to pay so I lowered it to $400. We had that agreement in place for about 3 months. During that time we agreed to amicably co-parent our children together. We had gotten shared custody and he asked that I drop the support and PFA because it was making his life difficult. Since he seemed to be turning over a new leaf, I agreed and stupidly dropped both the support and PFA. Things stayed that way for almost a year.

Recently I received paperwork from Domestic Relations in which he was seeking child support as well as spousal support. I hired an attorney and went to the conference but was told that I owe him $580 dollars minus $73 for the mortgage deviation. Then a week after that order, I received a call from Domestic Relations saying that the ex had requested spousal support and that was not taken into consideration so the amount is now up to $604. Well $664. because of the arrears since it backdated to the date he filed. I understand that I make almost $1000. per month more than him, however, I pay for everything. He and the children are both on my insurance. I take the kids to their doctor appointments, i pay for their co-pays, their after school activities, their lunches, their back to school shopping. I pay for EVERYTHING. I cant recall a time when he actually bought them anything aside from Christmas last year. With both of my incomes I still struggle to have anything left over at the end of the month. It all goes to bills and my children. An order of $664. would choke me.

Aside from all of that he has refused to take his name off the home so that I might be able to apply for a Federal Program for Homeowners. He will not take his name off of my car so that I could trade it in for something less expensive. He refuses to sign the divorce that I have filed for twice now.


Other Facts:
- Last year we both signed a Separation Agreement. It was a generic form that basically stated that I would pay for the home and all of the associated bills that went along with it. It also stated that neither he nor I would pay support to each other. The agreement was signed and notarized.
- He is possibly moving in with his parents next month which is out of the school district. My daughter told me this but said that is was an accident because i wasnt supposed to know
- I receive collection calls for a credit card debt of $11,000. that he has stopped making payments on 5 month ago.
- He might have gotten his newest girlfriend pregnant since they were seen buying a preg.test yesterday.


So with all of that information.... do i have any chance to have the order dropped during the appeal? Is there anything that I can do to better prepare myself instead of just having copies of all the paperwork. I had hired two attorneys so far and neither have been helpful thus far. I'm afraid that I've stretched myself too thin to hire yet another attorney. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

Here's the situation in a nutshell. I was with the ex for 8 years and we have two children together. He has two children with someone else prior to me and he had been paying child support to them. He was originally in arrears by $8,000. and was arrested and sent to jail but I borrowed the money to get him out. Throughout the marriage he was abusive and jealous so two years ago I made the decision to end the marriage. He left the house that we had bought together two years prior, because he could not afford to make the payments on his own.
Everything from before the separation is not of legal interest. Most of the complaints after the legal separation are of no legal interest.

2jobs said:
For the past two years, after he left, I have made all mortgage payments, utilities, taxes etc on my own.
According to an agreement you signed.

2jobs said:
We also have two loans that are in both names that I have been paying for on my own.
Were those payments also agreed upon in the signed agreement?

2jobs said:
When he first moved out, he was angry and bitter. He rarely saw the children and would threaten me or become abusive. It was because of those actions that I took him for child support and also had a PFA (Protection From Abuse) against him.
Okay.

But, you know, child support is not meant as a method of revenge.

2jobs said:
Our employment situations were exactly the same as they are now when they awarded me $580 for child support. I knew this would be difficult for him to pay so I lowered it to $400. We had that agreement in place for about 3 months. During that time we agreed to amicably co-parent our children together. We had gotten shared custody and he asked that I drop the support and PFA because it was making his life difficult. Since he seemed to be turning over a new leaf, I agreed and stupidly dropped both the support and PFA. Things stayed that way for almost a year.
So you only require help supporting the children when you don't get along.

2jobs said:
Recently I received paperwork from Domestic Relations in which he was seeking child support as well as spousal support. I hired an attorney and went to the conference but was told that I owe him $580 dollars minus $73 for the mortgage deviation. Then a week after that order, I received a call from Domestic Relations saying that the ex had requested spousal support and that was not taken into consideration so the amount is now up to $604. Well $664. because of the arrears since it backdated to the date he filed.
What did your attorney say? Sounds like you really lost that hearing. Since it was a legal proceeding and you had an attorney, I'm going to assume that the legal proceeding was correct.

2jobs said:
I understand that I make almost $1000. per month more than him,
There's one big reason you're paying CS. Do you share the children pretty equally nowadays?

2jobs said:
however, I pay for everything. He and the children are both on my insurance. I take the kids to their doctor appointments, i pay for their co-pays, their after school activities, their lunches, their back to school shopping. I pay for EVERYTHING. I cant recall a time when he actually bought them anything aside from Christmas last year. With both of my incomes I still struggle to have anything left over at the end of the month. It all goes to bills and my children.
This is why court orders are good at protecting everyone: you could request that Dad pay half or his designated percentage of income amount toward medical and other stuff.

Getting divorced, finally, would be good for you, I think.

2jobs said:
An order of $664. would choke me.
That's not a legal reason to not pay it.

2jobs said:
Aside from all of that he has refused to take his name off the home so that I might be able to apply for a Federal Program for Homeowners. He will not take his name off of my car so that I could trade it in for something less expensive. He refuses to sign the divorce that I have filed for twice now.
File to move the divorce along without his agreement.

2jobs said:
Other Facts:
- Last year we both signed a Separation Agreement. It was a generic form that basically stated that I would pay for the home and all of the associated bills that went along with it. It also stated that neither he nor I would pay support to each other. The agreement was signed and notarized.
That's over, isn't it?

2jobs said:
- He is possibly moving in with his parents next month which is out of the school district. My daughter told me this but said that is was an accident because i wasnt supposed to know
So?

2jobs said:
- I receive collection calls for a credit card debt of $11,000. that he has stopped making payments on 5 month ago.
Tell them his number.

2jobs said:
- He might have gotten his newest girlfriend pregnant since they were seen buying a preg.test yesterday.
So?

2jobs said:
So with all of that information.... do i have any chance to have the order dropped during the appeal? Is there anything that I can do to better prepare myself instead of just having copies of all the paperwork. I had hired two attorneys so far and neither have been helpful thus far. I'm afraid that I've stretched myself too thin to hire yet another attorney. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.
I don't see why the order should be dropped.

I DO see why you should just get divorced, instead of this halfway-separated thing you're doing. Get all the issues handled and settled, and move on.
 

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