mother refuses to pay child support if my husband and I take child full time

[be informed]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia
The state of residence is Virginia. Here is the situation... my husband's ex-wife has all these different claims she keeps making that are absurd. The mother has the child living with her. She is unable to handle him; his behavior is horrible, the child is now unable to attend the child care school he attended because of it. She states all the time that he is hitting her, gets in trouble, etc. My husband says that he thinks he should have child should be with him for at least a for almost a year because he needs structure and disipline. She say she does not trust him eventhough he has had him many times before, and this behavior is not to the degree that it is with her when he is here at all. She says that she will do for a month or so to see how it goes, but we do not trust her at all because she has threatened to take him while he was visiting if she is upset for any little thing. Who is to say she won't do it then? We say if he is here for a long period of permanant time, they need to get the court order for child support he is paying dropped, and she should be required to pay support just like him. She got angry and said it is "only about the money". Her reasoning for saying she does not have to pay even if he is here permanantly is because he remarried and divorced her (eventhough they were already seperated, and already in the process of getting divorced, he just paid it)! What in the world, how is that a reason to not pay child support if the child is with the other parent permenantly?? She also makes every visit to us horrible, because she is threatening to take him the time he is here, starting drama if everything does not go her way etc. which makes my husband sadly not even want to take him because he has to deal with all her drama. The only court order that is in place is for child support he pays, nothing else. Any advice on these thing for what to do??
Thanks

 

[stealth2]

Please have Dad come and post regarding his situation. There is no "we" in this situation. There is Dad and Mom - you are neither of those.

Thanks.

 

[be informed]

First off, my husband was just standing here when I typed this up. He is the one who told me what to put and wanted to go on this website in the first place. There are many other people on this site who are are not the direct person and asked for advice for a loved one. If you don't want to reply then don't.

 

[stealth2]

First off, my husband was just standing here when I typed this up. He is the one who told me what to put and wanted to go on this website in the first place. There are many other people on this site who are are not the direct person and asked for advice for a loved one. If you don't want to reply then don't.

And the majority of them are told the same thing - have the party involved come and post for themselves. If it's not important enough for him to do so? It's not important enough for us to give him our free time.

 

[be informed]

its like a broken record.. he was standing right here while I was making the post, and is the one who found the site... if you don't want to anwser cool, that is your choice.

 

[mistoffolees]

its like a broken record.. he was standing right here while I was making the post, and is the one who found the site... if you don't want to anwser cool, that is your choice.

And if you want to waste your time, that's OK, too.

If he's standing right there, have him ask his own questions. Or go back and search for all the reasons that most of the seniors don't help third parties.

 

[be informed]

how is he not asking his own question when he is the one talking, and I am typing? He is the one who set everything up? Like I said you are not obligated to respond at all. If you dont want to, then don't. End of discussion because it is petty to keep going back and forth like this. Respected if you do not want to post.
Have a great day

 

[CSO286]

its like a broken record.. he was standing right here while I was making the post, and is the one who found the site... if you don't want to anwser cool, that is your choice.

And that sounds very much like a broken record we hear all day tooo.....
I'm thinkin 3, 6, 7, and 10 are the OP's here.

That and:

1. I'm paying the child support for him/her, so it IS my business.

2. But I'm married/about to be married/sleeping with him/her so it IS my business.

3. He/She wants me to do it, so it IS my business.

4. I handle all the money/legal matters for him/her, so it IS my business.

5. They are my kids, too (way wrong response!!!!), so it IS my business.

6.We're a happy family and we share everything, so it IS my business.

7.He/she can't type, so it IS my business.

8. He/She can't read, so it IS my business.

9. He/she is in jail/rehab/hospital, so it IS my business.

10. You guys really don't get the situation and how it really really really IS my business.

11. I'm going go talk to a lawyer and he's going tell me all of you are wrong and it IS totally my business.

 

[2MsWife]

Are his fingers broken?

If he's standing right there telling you what to type, what is preventing him from typing? You are writing it from YOUR point of view.

OP, Please read my signature....other than that I have nothing to add.

 

[swalsh411]

Talk about not having a dog in the fight.

 

[Antigone*]

No matter who is typing, if there is a CO in place for custody, then this is not enough of a COC to take mom to court over anyway.

If the child has been such a problem, why has dad not affected his behaviour without the child living with him? The child does not have to reside with dad in order for dad to influence how the child behaves with mom. A strong and loving father could do that from the other side of the country if he had to.

 

[mistoffolees]

No matter who is typing, if there is a CO in place for custody, then this is not enough of a COC to take mom to court over anyway.

We really don't know that - because all we have is SM's rambling. If Dad ever decides that he cares enough to get involved, then we can probably find out, though. (Not that I expect that to happen - SM is only concerned about the child support, not the kids, if the above post is any indication).

 

[Antigone*]

We really don't know that - because all we have is SM's rambling. If Dad ever decides that he cares enough to get involved, then we can probably find out, though. (Not that I expect that to happen - SM is only concerned about the child support, not the kids, if the above post is any indication).

You're right Misto, that is why no matter what overstepper says, it is not enough of a COC ~ period.

 

[drew814]

So I have just returned home from work on my lunch break to return home to this pulled up on computer screen. I decided to open new account and "type" my words myself. I am the husband to the person who placed this post and decided to clear this up. All I am going to do is clarify something. I agree that the you can parent just as well if the child is not in your sole care. My ex-wife is the one who is stating that she does not know what to do with my son. He has gotten placed out of school child center for behavior. States that he hits her, slaps her, and other things. The way that he behaves with me and the way she describes is completly different. SHE is the one who is stating she CANT handle him. I (which I have always said) would gladly take him full time. If he is here he will have to be in childcare ( which I have already have a place that will take him, along with back-up family to watch him if need be) I have to pay the child care here, just like it is paid there. I told her if we are going to SWITCH the primary parent in care, then it is only fair that child support I am paying her for him is stopped, because he will be her full time, and that I recieve child support to help with daycare and expenses just like she does. She was fine up until then, and said it is only about the money, and that she should not have to pay child support because I got remarried and divorced. Like my wife posted my ex-wife and I ALREADY were seperated for over a year and half getting divorced before I decided to pay for the divorce completly because she kept arguing about how much she was going to pay for it. There you go...

 

[Antigone*]

So I have just returned home from work on my lunch break to return home to this pulled up on computer screen. I decided to open new account and "type" my words myself. I am the husband to the person who placed this post and decided to clear this up. All I am going to do is clarify something. I agree that the you can parent just as well if the child is not in your sole care. My ex-wife is the one who is stating that she does not know what to do with my son. He has gotten placed out of school child center for behavior. States that he hits her, slaps her, and other things. The way that he behaves with me and the way she describes is completly different. SHE is the one who is stating she CANT handle him. I (which I have always said) would gladly take him full time. If he is here he will have to be in childcare ( which I have already have a place that will take him, along with back-up family to watch him if need be) I have to pay the child care here, just like it is paid there. I told her if we are going to SWITCH the primary parent in care, then it is only fair that child support I am paying her for him is stopped, because he will be her full time, and that I recieve child support to help with daycare and expenses just like she does. She was fine up until then, and said it is only about the money, and that she should not have to pay child support because I got remarried and divorced. Like my wife posted my ex-wife and I ALREADY were seperated for over a year and half getting divorced before I decided to pay for the divorce completly because she kept arguing about how much she was going to pay for it. There you go...

So, stop listening to your ex, file your motion for custody and be ready to present evidence that your child will be better off with you.