Mother threatening I'll never see baby.

[Puddletown]

What is the name of your state? OREGON

My ex-girlfriend told me she is pregnant, she also tells me that the father is either me or some other guy she has been friends with since high school. We used protection, so I'm not so sure, but then again, nothing short of abstence is 100%.

To err on the side of caution, I am just going to assume the baby(girl) is mine, and seek legal advice, just in case.

Anyways, she does not want me around, and is threatening that I'll never see the baby. She also tells me that the "other guy" will take care of her and that I'll never have to worry about seeing her again.

So my question: Assuming the baby is mine, where do I stand legally if she takes the baby, and goes with this "other guy"?

Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance.

 

[NotSoNew]

when the baby is born you can file to have a DNA test done

once you are proved to be the fahter you can file for visitation,

her being with the other guy makes no difference unless it turns out to be his kid

or she marrys him, that does make things harder for you.

 

[Puddletown]

Oh yes, DNA will be done when the baby is born. No question about that.

I don't know if she is going to marry this guy. But if she does, what changes?

If she doesn't, then I'll definitely be seeking visitation.

 

[Puddletown]

Also, she said that she won't be seeking child support from me, because "other guy" can take care of that.

Even so, if she comes back on her word, and seeks child support later on. Will I have to pay a bunch of back child support? Or is there something I can setup, either legally or monetarily?

 

[NotSoNew]

i *think* (someone else can correct me) any child of a marriage is legally the fahters until he (the legal father) disestablishes paternity, and then you could prove paternity, but if he never disestablished, you couldnt establish, know what i mean?

if she DOESNT marry this guy then she can only go after you for back support if she receives state assistance. however if she is receiving support from this "other" guy, i DONT think she can go after you for anything.

someone else feel free to chime in here.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The laws vary from state to state and OR just inacted some revisions affecting paternity a/o 1-1-6. Don't ever trust what a pregnant woman promises to do as their promises, even those made in good faith may be affected by factors outside their control, such as their applying for welfare or state medical aid, or surrendering the child for adoption. In general many but not all states follow a rule that says that a child born during or within so many days of a marriage is a child of the marriage. In these cases paternity may be contested or disestablished by one of the parties which can exclude the biodad. In this situation it would be wise to consult an attorney and petition the court to establish paternity before the child is born and before the mother potentially marries. The court will then make orders one of which will be to test the putative fathers and the child for DNA to establish paternity after the child is born unless there is a medical reason for amnio then paternity might be established prior to birth. If you wait it could be too late and this protects your rights no matter the outcome especially if you are the biodad and they later divorce or if she is on welfare so you don't get hit with back child support payments when you have ben denied access to the child.

http://www.peak.org/~jedwards/paternity.html

DADS Against Discrimination - Oregon - Fathers Supporting Fathers
http://www.peak.org/~jedwards/DADS.html

FAQs: ESTABLISHING PATERNITY ON A BIRTH
A divorce order that states that there is "one child of the marriage" without naming the child cannot be used to establish paternity. The Oregon Center for ...
http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/chs/change/paternityfaqs.shtml

 

[betterthanher]

when the baby is born you can file to have a DNA test done

once you are proved to be the fahter you can file for visitation,

He can file for CUSTODY or JOINT LEGAL if he wants. He's not restricted to simply visitation.

her being with the other guy makes no difference unless it turns out to be his kid
or she marrys him, that does make things harder for you.

No, it doesn't make things harder for him. He will have equal access/rights to the child as much as the mother. If her and/or her new spouse get in the way, that is interference of parental rights, which is a good reason to show cause for contempt.
If the mother is going to refuse to faciliate (which the mom in this case would have a duty to do) and/or is unwilling to cooperate with the dad, then maybe dad should file for full custody and mom can have visitation.

 

[NotSoNew]

He can file for CUSTODY or JOINT LEGAL if he wants. He's not restricted to simply visitation.


No, it doesn't make things harder for him. He will have equal access/rights to the child as much as the mother. If her and/or her new spouse get in the way, that is interference of parental rights, which is a good reason to show cause for contempt.
If the mother is going to refuse to faciliate (which the mom in this case would have a duty to do) and/or is unwilling to cooperate with the dad, then maybe dad should file for full custody and mom can have visitation.

if she marries the other guy the other guy is legally the father of the child, which DOES make it harder for our poster.

 

[MrsK]

if she marries the other guy the other guy is legally the father of the child, which DOES make it harder for our poster.

ONLY if they marry before the baby is born will he be the legal father & he can still petition the court for a DNA test & rights to the child.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

ONLY if they marry before the baby is born will he be the legal father & he can still petition the court for a DNA test & rights to the child.

If op petitions the court before baby is born and before mom and OM marry, he will have standing and the court will order the DNA test otherwise OP risks not having standing to bring action and being stuck with back child support if the child is his.

 

[MrsK]

If op petitions the court before baby is born and before mom and OM marry, he will have standing and the court will order the DNA test otherwise OP risks not having standing to bring action and being stuck with back child support if the child is his.

But didnt we see a post on here the other day about a guy who did this (some type of putative father thing?) and the court decided since he thought but wasnt 100% sure he was the father that he could go ahead & pay support with NO testing for DNA? Basically by default & he was paying for a child he wasnt sure was his. I didnt keep up with that thread too well, maybe I am mistaken but I think that was the gist of it....

I'd hate for that to happen to anyone else, esp since she is telling him its between him & this other guy.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

But didnt we see a post on here the other day about a guy who did this (some type of putative father thing?) and the court decided since he thought but wasnt 100% sure he was the father that he could go ahead & pay support with NO testing for DNA? Basically by default & he was paying for a child he wasnt sure was his. I didnt keep up with that thread too well, maybe I am mistaken but I think that was the gist of it....

I'd hate for that to happen to anyone else, esp since she is telling him its between him & this other guy.

That case was in KY where they don't use the "child of the marriage" theory and therefore that father by using the Putitive Father Registry essentially acknowledged paternity by default whereas he could/should have petitioned to establish paternity then a DNA test would be ordered.

 

[Puddletown]

http://www.peak.org/~jedwards/paternity.html

DADS Against Discrimination - Oregon - Fathers Supporting Fathers
http://www.peak.org/~jedwards/DADS.html

FAQs: ESTABLISHING PATERNITY ON A BIRTH
A divorce order that states that there is "one child of the marriage" without naming the child cannot be used to establish paternity. The Oregon Center for ...
http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/chs/change/paternityfaqs.shtml

Thank you for those links!

And, thank you ALL for the help!

I am pretty sure they won't be getting married. So, it looks like I'll have a bit of a fight (if baby is mine) on my hands

The way things are looking now, it seems like my best bet would be to let the mother and "other guy" raise the baby, even if baby is mine. Like I said, the mother doesn't want me around, and to be honest, I don't ever want to see her again because of the way she is acting. She keeps telling me that I'll get nowhere in court, I don't have a leg to stand on, and a host of other "scare tactics" to keep me from doing anything.

I'm afraid this will get very ugly, but praying that it won't.

Even if I get custody or visitation, I'm worried about the mother bad-mouthing me, and generally trying to turn the baby against me (when baby is older, of course). I'm watching it happen to a good friend of mine, his 9 year old daughter hardly even speaks to him because the mother has basically brainwashed the daughter into believing that my friend is a bad guy. Even though he's had the same job for 5 years and can more than provide for his daughter, while the mother can't keep a job (8 jobs in the past 2 years), or a boyfriend (5 that he knows of, in the past 2 years). Yet the mother has custody.

I'll be damned if I let that happen to me.

So, if the baby is mine, can I give up my Parental Rights, or something to that effect, and just let her and "other guy" raise the baby? Because I really don't want to put the baby through all the knockdown dragout fights that'll most likely happen, from now until baby is 18, if I seek custody/visitation.

This is breaking my heart.

Thanks again for all the help!

 

[NotSoNew]

Thank you for those links!

And, thank you ALL for the help!

I am pretty sure they won't be getting married. So, it looks like I'll have a bit of a fight (if baby is mine) on my hands

The way things are looking now, it seems like my best bet would be to let the mother and "other guy" raise the baby, even if baby is mine. Like I said, the mother doesn't want me around, and to be honest, I don't ever want to see her again because of the way she is acting. She keeps telling me that I'll get nowhere in court, I don't have a leg to stand on, and a host of other "scare tactics" to keep me from doing anything.

I'm afraid this will get very ugly, but praying that it won't.

Even if I get custody or visitation, I'm worried about the mother bad-mouthing me, and generally trying to turn the baby against me (when baby is older, of course). I'm watching it happen to a good friend of mine, his 9 year old daughter hardly even speaks to him because the mother has basically brainwashed the daughter into believing that my friend is a bad guy. Even though he's had the same job for 5 years and can more than provide for his daughter, while the mother can't keep a job (8 jobs in the past 2 years), or a boyfriend (5 that he knows of, in the past 2 years). Yet the mother has custody.

I'll be damned if I let that happen to me.

So, if the baby is mine, can I give up my Parental Rights, or something to that effect, and just let her and "other guy" raise the baby? Because I really don't want to put the baby through all the knockdown dragout fights that'll most likely happen, from now until baby is 18, if I seek custody/visitation.

This is breaking my heart.

Thanks again for all the help!

sorry i only replied when i thought you cared about your child.

if it is yours and she does not marry this guy, then no you can not just give up your rights, most states require a step parent to adopt the child.

and if this woman is so horrible do you really want her to be soley responsible for rasing your child?

and if anything ever happened to her (say she passed away) or the child, you would have no rights to that child and no say.

moms angry right now, why i dont know, she will most likely get over it. my husbands ex said the same stuff when she found out she was pregnant and he wouldnt marry her. she got over it and he has 2 days a week visitation now.

you dont want to put the child through a custody battle (the child will be too young too understand anyway) but your willing risk the child having a complex knowing its father never loved he/she enough to even try to fight for them?

thats kinda sad.

 

[TiBooPo]

Puddletown

You need to grow up and be proactive in this fight for your child. If you are determined the father you will have many rights. Don't let the mothers "Scare Tactics" scare you. Grow a pair and be a father!