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My 10 year old daughter was asked by my ex husband to come live with him

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Jlcollins85

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois. My 10 year old daughter was asked my my ex husband to come live with him. We divorced when she was nine months old and he didn't even see her until she was three. He moved to Arizona as soon as I said I wanted a divorce. During that time I met my now husband, who has been the only constant father figure in her life. Between the ages of 3-6 he came to see her about 6 times. Anytime she was sick he would call frantic and I would have to go pick her up. During the course of time he's visits became every other weekend only because he had moved back to his grandmother's. I told him on more than one occasion that if he wanted to see her more all he had to do was ask. He would say to that he had a life and needed time for himself. He eventually moved to a town about three hours way and now only sees her on school breaks. I also didn't receive any child support from him and had to involve state child support enforcement to even get anything from him. He has now been paying regularly for the last 4 years. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and adhd at the age of four. I was the one who took her to doctors appointments, fought to get a diagnosis, and dealt with the day to day rollercoaster daughter was dealing with. We have gone from her getting kicked out of preschool at age 4 to her being on the honor roll at age 10. Now he is talking about moving to Arizona again and I am afraid if I let her live with him she will not receive the same support she receives now and it will do more harm than good. Should I contact a lawyer and get ahead of this?
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois. My 10 year old daughter was asked my my ex husband to come live with him. We divorced when she was nine months old and he didn't even see her until she was three. He moved to Arizona as soon as I said I wanted a divorce. During that time I met my now husband, who has been the only constant father figure in her life. Between the ages of 3-6 he came to see her about 6 times. Anytime she was sick he would call frantic and I would have to go pick her up. During the course of time he's visits became every other weekend only because he had moved back to his grandmother's. I told him on more than one occasion that if he wanted to see her more all he had to do was ask. He would say to that he had a life and needed time for himself. He eventually moved to a town about three hours way and now only sees her on school breaks. I also didn't receive any child support from him and had to involve state child support enforcement to even get anything from him. He has now been paying regularly for the last 4 years. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and adhd at the age of four. I was the one who took her to doctors appointments, fought to get a diagnosis, and dealt with the day to day rollercoaster daughter was dealing with. We have gone from her getting kicked out of preschool at age 4 to her being on the honor roll at age 10. Now he is talking about moving to Arizona again and I am afraid if I let her live with him she will not receive the same support she receives now and it will do more harm than good. Should I contact a lawyer and get ahead of this?
I would question a Dx of bipolar disorder at the age of 4. Seems ...off...to me. :(
 

Jlcollins85

Junior Member
It is very unusual to have that diagnosis at such a young age. But when my child is hurting others and herself with no rhyme or reason I had to find out what is going on. She had to attend an outpatient faculty twice and once we started mood stabilizer (rispedone) and therapy she improved tremendously. We enrolled her in a specialized preschool that are able to handle children with mental illness(nurses on staff) and she flourished.
 

I'mTheFather

Senior Member
You put this in the child support section, so I'm not sure if that's the concern, or not. Regardless, I hope you know your daughter doesn't make the decision of where she lives. If the father hasn't filed in court for a modification, then I wouldn't worry about a lawyer. If he does, then I would consult one.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois. My 10 year old daughter was asked my my ex husband to come live with him. We divorced when she was nine months old and he didn't even see her until she was three. He moved to Arizona as soon as I said I wanted a divorce. During that time I met my now husband, who has been the only constant father figure in her life. Between the ages of 3-6 he came to see her about 6 times. Anytime she was sick he would call frantic and I would have to go pick her up. During the course of time he's visits became every other weekend only because he had moved back to his grandmother's. I told him on more than one occasion that if he wanted to see her more all he had to do was ask. He would say to that he had a life and needed time for himself. He eventually moved to a town about three hours way and now only sees her on school breaks. I also didn't receive any child support from him and had to involve state child support enforcement to even get anything from him. He has now been paying regularly for the last 4 years. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and adhd at the age of four. I was the one who took her to doctors appointments, fought to get a diagnosis, and dealt with the day to day rollercoaster daughter was dealing with. We have gone from her getting kicked out of preschool at age 4 to her being on the honor roll at age 10. Now he is talking about moving to Arizona again and I am afraid if I let her live with him she will not receive the same support she receives now and it will do more harm than good. Should I contact a lawyer and get ahead of this?
You need to understand that your now husband is not the child's father. Not at all. He is your husband. Don't let your child think she has "two daddies". She doesn't. That can hurt you. When did you get a child support order? What is the court ordered visitation he was awarded? Why would you "let her" live with him? And don't go back to what happened from when you divorced until age six. That is NOT going to matter. It is truly irrelevant.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois. My 10 year old daughter was asked my my ex husband to come live with him. We divorced when she was nine months old and he didn't even see her until she was three. He moved to Arizona as soon as I said I wanted a divorce. During that time I met my now husband, who has been the only constant father figure in her life. Between the ages of 3-6 he came to see her about 6 times. Anytime she was sick he would call frantic and I would have to go pick her up. During the course of time he's visits became every other weekend only because he had moved back to his grandmother's. I told him on more than one occasion that if he wanted to see her more all he had to do was ask. He would say to that he had a life and needed time for himself. He eventually moved to a town about three hours way and now only sees her on school breaks. I also didn't receive any child support from him and had to involve state child support enforcement to even get anything from him. He has now been paying regularly for the last 4 years. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and adhd at the age of four. I was the one who took her to doctors appointments, fought to get a diagnosis, and dealt with the day to day rollercoaster daughter was dealing with. We have gone from her getting kicked out of preschool at age 4 to her being on the honor roll at age 10. Now he is talking about moving to Arizona again and I am afraid if I let her live with him she will not receive the same support she receives now and it will do more harm than good. Should I contact a lawyer and get ahead of this?
You do not need a lawyer at this time. You need to let your daughter know that it is not her decision to make and that its a matter between adults. Then, you simply need to tell dad no, and let him hire a lawyer to take you to court, before you spend the money to retain one.

Under the circumstances, the odds of dad being able to win primary custody AND move the child out of state are slim to none.
 
Dad has to prove that removing the child from your custody and moving her with him to another state is in her best interest. He cannot remove her from your custody without an order from the court no matter how much she says she wants to live with him. Until she turns 18, she does not get to choose where she lives.
 

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