• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

My baby died at 6 days old. Is the father responsible to help me with medical bills.

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

PaulineM

Junior Member
I don't know if this is right forum for this question. It's a complex situation but I'll try to keep it short.

I got pregnant, and my boyfriend left me. Well, he wrote me 1000 emails about how he was going to take care of us, but then abruptly changed his mind. He said he wanted to give up his parental rights. I agreed. Ultimately, I felt like that would be safest for my baby. I didn't want anyone who had such little disregard for their own child to have any rights over that child at all.

My willingness to help wasn't enough evidently and he began to try and badger me into an abortion. He wrote awful emails, left hideous messages. About how many women die in childbirth, how I would be a terrible mother, how my child would suffer because I don't have a lot of money, how he'd never give me a dime. I've known this person for 10 years, and was well and truly shocked that he was going to these lengths. I think he lost his mind.

In between those awful things, he would call or write, crying, saying he was sorry, saying he wanted to take care of us, to help us. Two days later he would swing back to badgering. It was very distressing to me.

I have a heart condition, I always have. And in my 4th month I had a heart-attack. When it started I was walking in my neighborhood talking to the father on the phone. I asked him to help me, that something was wrong with me. He . . . didn't. He left me there. He didn't call an ambulance or a friend. Even as I write that I can't believe it. He left me there.

Ultimately, I was in the hospital for about 2 months, some of that time on life support. I made an effort to make contact with this person, because during that time I found out that our baby had a congenital heart condition himself. It became VERY VERY important to me that I try to terminate this man's rights. My son would need special care. If I were to die, I was profoundly afraid that he would have access to those decisions, and would not choose the best care for my baby.

He ignored me, ignored emails, phone calls, etc. It was a difficult pregnancy for me, hard on my heart for obvious reasons. My child's outlook improved GREATLY. All were very optimistic that if we both survived the birth (the hardest part) he would require a comparitively minor surgery but could come with me right away so I could get him good and strong.

My main focus at this time was getting a paternal family medical history for my son, because it's important and because the heart problem was genetic. When I finally heard from the father, he told me he had retained a lawyer and that he wouldn't give me the medical history until there had been a paternity test.

My son was born very healthy, but it took a lot out of me and my health declined. I called the father daily, hourly eventually, because I had arranged a company to do the paternity test very quickly so I could get the medical history for my son. I was afraid the father would disappear again. I begged his sister too.

He dragged his feet saying his lawyer was out of town. I told him that I was having a hard time heart-wise but that I was putting off my own care until I could resolve this. He never responded. A day later I had to go on a breathing machine. I couldn't wait any longer. I didn't have enough money to hire an attorney to MAKE him take it. I didn't have enough money for a lawyer.

While I was heavily sedated, my POA kept asking him to take the test and deliver the medical history for his son. She wasn't very nice about it.

Three days after that, my son became ill. They think it was an allergy, or maybe . . . some kind of sensitivity, some kind of additional genetic factor. It strained his heart, and he died.

Maybe this writing sounds dispassionate. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well sometimes. I feel numb. I don't know how to explain it except . . . like this.

Although I had gotten off the breathing machine, my health got very bad. My baby . . . . my baby had died. I wasn't thinking straight. I guess somewhere in there I was angry. I still wanted the paternity test finished. I had the hospital store the blood sample they had taken from my son for tests, so I could finish the paternity test.

Four days after my son had died, in my arms, the father had his lawyer call me. To threaten me because my POA had sent him a harsh email and he was upset. Four days.

So that's the back story. Now I would like to know, if anyone knows, is the father of my baby responsible for half of his medical bills while he was alive? I need help paying and he won't respond to me at all now that my baby is dead.

Thanks for reading this. Thank you.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
I am profoundly sorry for your loss.

I don't know the answer to your question. Its a question best asked of a local attorney because its honestly a bit beyond an internet message forum.

Again, my deepest condolences for your loss.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
So sorry for your loss.

For clarification, as your post contained a LOT of information about texts and discussion with him, which really is not legally relevant, WHEN did he (legally) become the father?

Unfortunately, yes, some of us must deal with our child's medical needs and even their surgical needs without benefit of any paternal, or even maternal, medical history.
 
Last edited:

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top