Was my husband wrong?

[peachycruzer]

What is the name of your state? Colorado

We have a 10yr son that he has FULL custody of and visitation is to my husband's discretion. His mother lost her rights due to her illicit drug use. Currently, she has been clean and is trying to re-establish a relationship with her son... which we applaud her doing so.

During that last school year we were allowing her to visit him during his lunch hour. But instead she took it upon herself to start causing problems. I just recently started working again, last November, and my mother-in-law is watching the children. When she found out, during one of her visits, she told the secretaries in the office that ALL of our children were now living at my mother-in-laws instead of with us! When we were told by the school that she had done this, my husband immediately terminated her visitations at the school. The school has no problems with allowing her not to be there. They would rather follow the court papers than get themselves into trouble. She did not attempt to return to the school for the remainder of the year. Now that the new school year has started, we informed the school that we would like to continue for them to follow the custody papers. Well she just found out that we, the school included, have put these restraints on her and she is not happy. Were we wrong?

[SingleMom67]

Is there a legal question?

[peachycruzer]

Yes where we legally wrong in doing so?

[Zephyr]

when does the child get to see mom now?

[peachycruzer]

He gets to see his mom every third weekend for overnights and then they also get to have a "dinner date" on the following week. So like this weekend would be our weekend, then next weekend would be her weekend, so the following week is the "dinner date" for 4 hrs. Now I remind you that this is not court ordered and to my husbands discretion. And we have never denied her any visitation. My husband lets her have visitation for our son's sake. Hopefully that makes since, I know that its a cofusing schedule.

[moburkes]

We can't provide you with the correct information, because none of the information that you have provided is the visitation arrangements. You have paraphrased them, and not to the best of your ability.

Only with the exact legal wording is anybody able to decipher it.

[SingleMom67]

We can't provide you with the correct information, because none of the information that you have provided is the visitation arrangements. You have paraphrased them, and not to the best of your ability.

Only with the exact legal wording is anybody able to decipher it.

But if the order does indicate full custody and visitation is at dad's discretion, then legally no, you haven't done anything wrong. If mom wants it changed and see junior at school, she has to modify the order.

[moburkes]

Have you seen an order that reads:
full custody and visitation at dad's discretion"?

[peachycruzer]

YES...there is a COURT ODRER that states my husband has FULL LEGAL CUSTODY and VISITATION is to his discretion. That is what i stated in my very first sentence. In fact we have had full custody of my son since 2001! That's more than half of our son's life.

Thanks, SingleMom67

[mommyof4]

full custody and visitation at dad's discretion"?

Mo, my order grants me sole physical and legal custody. Visitation is at my discretion (after 4 years of court hell, two CPS investigations, 2 orders of contempt, and 3 modifications). If visitation is allowed, it must be supervised. It is rare, but it does get ordered.

[mommyof4]

YES...there is a COURT ODRER that states my husband has FULL LEGAL CUSTODY and VISITATION is to his discretion. That is what i stated in my very first sentence. In fact we have had full custody of my son since 2001! That's more than half of our son's life.

Thanks, SingleMom67

Visitation at his discretion is just that. If she wants more, she will have to go to court and show that it is in the best interest of the child for more liberal visitation. If she has been clean and sober and has shown a pretty good track record with the visitation she has been allowed, it's a good possibility that the court would order more.

[peachycruzer]

That's another thing coming, She wants to modify custody and vistation and wants to be settled out of court. She thinks the courts will allow her joint custody and 50/50 visitation time. We, however, are not interested in changing anything for these reasons: She has not had a solid track record with the visitation that she has been allowed. It seems like if the visitation fits her schedule then she will call for him and if not she will either blow him off or try to reschedule. I know for a fact that she has not been completely clean and sober! We have found out through the grape vine that she goes out to the bar two to three times a week, but dont know how to prove it, unfortuately. Plus we have found out that she is driving without a driver's license or insurance! Then there is the issue of child support. She has been order to pay child support since, 2005, and has not even attempted to pay a dime. Which is one of the many reasons her license has been cancelled. But we are in the process of taking care of that issue with the courts.

[CJane]

First of all, it's very confusing when you refer to your STEP SON as your son. As in "Our son", "we allow visitation for MY son" etc. And, it's bad bad bad in court.

Secondly, going to the school to visit her son is NOT visitation. It's not going to be seen that way by the court, or anyone else. The school, barring a restraining order, CANNOT prevent mom from stopping by and having lunch unless they also prevent ALL OTHER PARENTS from doing so.

So yes, you were wrong and the school is wrong, and I suggest that your husband STOP NOW.

[peachycruzer]

First of all, I would never address my step-son to the courts as "MY" son. Eventhough I have been raising him since he was 18mons old and have been more of a mother to him than she has. I know that the courts, dont concider me a party to the case and I understand that. But in all other cirrcumstances, I concider my "step-son" as my child. I have done MORE than my fair share of the work and feel that I'm entitled to call him mine.

Even after she has caused soo many problems? The school does not want her there if she is going to cause problems! Not to mention the school stating to us that they are going to follow the court orders. I'm sure that we are not the only ones with this situation in the district.

[moburkes]

To mommy and peachy: Without the EXACT wording of the court order, we don't know what is legal or not legal. I'm am betting that you didn't provide the EXACT wording of the court order.