naming a father and support

[ljones35]

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am expecting my first child in about 5 weeks. His father is being a total jerk to say the least. I saw a lawyer yesterday, and he explained how support is calculated, etc. I guess what I'm wondering is it is easier to name him as the father on the birth certificate and let him try to prove he's not the father, or just not put his name on the birth certificate? I want/need to collect support soon after the child is born. What legal ramifications are there if I put his name on the birth certificate? We both agree that the child is his, but he wants to have a DNA test done anyway. Am I still able to take him for support pending the results? If i name him on the birth certificate, can he just come to my house and take the baby and not return him? i'm unclear about this issue, and my lawyer isn't in until the morning. HELP!!!!

 

[misslawli]

PLUS!!!! In most states you can't put his name on the birth certificate unless he signs an acknowledgement of paternity. It is a leagal declaration of paternity. You won't be able to collect CS until it is ordered, but they can do the DNA test and CS at the same time. It could take some time. months infact, so don't rely on it to heavily until you actually get it. Good luck

 

[ljones35]

our lawyer is already on a retainer for the family business, so it doesn't really cost me anymore. the father and i had planned on doing a custody order, etc on our own and only having it legalized, but he is being a complete jerk. last night i was having premature labor in the middle of a snow storm and he wouldn't come take me to the hospital. (he has 4WD, i don't). Then the baby had an irregular heartbeat and he wouldn't come to the hospital. he only lives 5 minutes from me and 2 from the hospital. i know that he has no legal obligation to do the right thing, but anyone with a conscious would have at least been worried about the child. he refused to even answer his cell phone. i don't want to sound vindictive, but if he doesn't care enough to come when his child's life is in danger how can i rely on him and his word alone? i feel like i have to go through a lawyer now just to keep the best interest of our son. i guess that in pa you can put his name on the birth cert. without DNA testing, you just can't give the child his last name without him signing it. That isn't an issue, as my child isn't going to have his last name.

 

[ablessin]

Just Because You're Pissed At The Kids Father - You Need To Stop And Think About What You're Doing. Not Putting The Father's Name On The Birth Certificate Is Not Going To Change The Fact That He Is The Father!!!
You Need To Think About Your Baby's Future - Whether Or Not You Want It To Include To Father Is Not Entirely Up To You. It's Up To Him, And Someday The Child. The Kid Is Going To Want To Know Who His Dad Is. That You Will Have To Face Sooner Or Later.

Just Because You Are Mad At Him Today, You Need To Step Back And Take A Look At The Future - Hard As It May Be. There Are More Important Things Than Child Support. If You're That Worried About The Father Not Being Around For The Baby - You Should Have Thought Twice About Jumping Into Bed With Him In The First Place.

We All Have Choices, Some Are Easier To Make Than Others.

 

[jacknjill]

our lawyer is already on a retainer for the family business, so it doesn't really cost me anymore. the father and i had planned on doing a custody order, etc on our own and only having it legalized, but he is being a complete jerk. last night i was having premature labor in the middle of a snow storm and he wouldn't come take me to the hospital. (he has 4WD, i don't). Then the baby had an irregular heartbeat and he wouldn't come to the hospital. he only lives 5 minutes from me and 2 from the hospital. i know that he has no legal obligation to do the right thing, but anyone with a conscious would have at least been worried about the child. he refused to even answer his cell phone. i don't want to sound vindictive, but if he doesn't care enough to come when his child's life is in danger how can i rely on him and his word alone? i feel like i have to go through a lawyer now just to keep the best interest of our son. i guess that in pa you can put his name on the birth cert. without DNA testing, you just can't give the child his last name without him signing it. That isn't an issue, as my child isn't going to have his last name.

One question...Does the biodad have a current girlfriend???

 

[jacknjill]

That isn't an issue, as my child isn't going to have his last name.

I hate it when people use "my child".....it's the biggest pet peeve ever...
You want support from this guy, it's "our child" not just yours. If it was "your child" then leave the guy alone, for heaven's sake.

 

[misslawli]

our lawyer is already on a retainer for the family business, so it doesn't really cost me anymore........ i feel like i have to go through a lawyer now just to keep the best interest of our son. i guess that in pa you can put his name on the birth cert. without DNA testing, you just can't give the child his last name without him signing it. That isn't an issue, as my child isn't going to have his last name.

If $$ isn't an issue that definately use the lawyer. However for the name thing...You can name the baby anything(within reason of course ) You can Give the baby your last name, you can give the baby his last name or you can use your greatgrandpa's favorite aunts maiden name. If you Don't use his last name he CAN petition the courts to have it changed when you go into establish paternity. Thats the rules in all 50 states. You still have time. Just remember dont agree to anything thats verbal. Do EVERYTHING through the court.

 

[ljones35]

finally someone who's willing to offer some real advice and not waste my time by ripping on me. as far as i know he's not seeing any one. i NEED the child support, or it wouldn't be an issue. he's the one who told me to take our child to Europe and that he'd rather have nothing to do with him than deal with me. i was in love with, and still am for some reason, the bio dad when we conceived. why is it that i'm the one who's 9 months pregnant and alone, just trying to firgure out what's in my son's best interest and 98% of you people are taking the dad's side? i'm more than willing to allow him in the child's life. i have made repeated offers to try to work things out between us and to let him move in with me and the baby. i'm the one who calls and leaves him voice mails keeping him updated on drs appts and the baby. i'm the one putting forth an effort, and you people are just ripping on me. i don't get it. i thought this was a forum for legal advice, not just a gossip and bash column.

 

[misslawli]

Some dads are unsure untill after the baby is born. Then there are some like my son's father, who talked me into having a baby and then he bailed at 7 months. He may come around and maybe not. He may also know you still have feelings for him and be uncomfortable with that. Let him know that above all he is this childs father, you want your baby to have a good relationship with his dad. Things may not have worked between you two, but don't punish your son. It may make him realize that the best thing in his life is about to happen.
But like I said, the support order may take a while, untill it's in place, he is under no Leagal obligation to help out. I know, the moral obligation is there, but that doesn't hold much weight in today's society. At this stage do all that you can to stay away from anything stressful. Including dealing with him until there is a court date. The day after the baby is born, have those papers filed.

 

[AHA]

And by establishing paternity and filing for cs you are opening the door for him to be a part of his kid's life. He may very well be awarded joint custody and you won't get full cs, which is something you need to keep in mind when you go out to find a good paying job as soon after the birth as possible.
Cs isn't going to pay all the household bills and leave plenty left over. Good luck

 

[nextwife]

he's the one who told me to take our child to Europe and that he'd rather have nothing to do with him than deal with me. i was in love with, and still am for some reason, the bio dad when we conceived. why is it that i'm the one who's 9 months pregnant and alone, just trying to firgure out what's in my son's best interest and 98% of you people are taking the dad's side? i'm more than willing to allow him in the child's life. i have made repeated offers to try to work things out between us and to let him move in with me and the baby. i'm the one who calls and leaves him voice mails keeping him updated on drs appts and the baby.

Ok, dear, here's the thing. He may very well, once the child is born want to have a relationship with his child. It seems clear, that you want the child to be the catalyst for him to be in a relationship with YOU. You expect him to move in because you went and got pregnant. He obviously does not want to be committed to having you as his S.O. That does NOT mean he may not want to be in his child's life. For your child's sake, you need to allow him space to be with his child without having to always be with you - just as you will have time with your child without him!

Even we who have wonderful spouses and father's of our children still must often work to share the cost of running a household. Having kids does not mean we don't need to financially provide for ourselves and our share of the cost of raising the kids we chose to become parents of.

Many of us FIRST get into a committed relationship with the co-parent, spend some years together, talk together about when the appropriate time would be to stop all our efforts to prevent a pregnancy and THEN go forward to have a child together. When you do things in that order, the odds are much greater that both parents will be committed to the idea of becoming parents TOGETHER. Sounds like this was not yet a long-term, proven, committed relationship when you became pregnant. Regardless, it is clear you are trying to use the pregnancy to push him into your household.

 

[ljones35]

you people have no idea. it's not like i got pregnant on purpose. first off, i was told i'd never be able to have children, secondly, we were using 2 forms of birth control. we had talked about marriage and having children. not everything happens as planned. i WANT him to be a huge part of our child's life. i want to have a family for our child. i am definately open to things working out between us, and he was too, i thought. I am planning on seeking a better job as soon as i am able to, but whether most of you see the point or not, he made this child too, and he needs to be responsible for it. i am tired of asking for advise and getting it from one or two of you well everyone else just assumes that i want him out of the child's life and that i sleep around. i may have times when i get upset and question if our son should have him in his life, but i would never keep them apart as long as that is what's best for our son. until you've been in my situation, i don't think that you have any place to pass judgement on me.

 

[ljones35]

you people are just ignorant. i know that he has no legal responsibility, but since he wants to have custody and visitation, you would think he'd want to be responsible. i'm not whining, i'm asking legal questions. most of you probably have no more of a legal background than i do. any test done will come back with him as the father because he IS. i'm the one trying to work things out between us, and at least get a custody agreement in line for when the baby is born. legalcuriosity i don't think you have a clue as to what i'm asking or trying to accomplish by asking questions here. my lawyer, who has a visible legal degree, says that his actions, or lack thereof, will hinder his ability to get partial custody. how do you figure i'm doing nothing about it? i want to work out a custody agreement on our own so he can spend more time with our child. i'm the one who quit college to work more hrs to provide for my child. he on the other hand, quit his full time job to go back to college AFTER he knew i was pregnant. yet you seem to think he's the victim here? the victim is our child, not him or me. if he doens't want to be a part of his childs life, then he is more than welcome to terminate his paternal rights. i only want what's best for our son. i don't have time to be torn apart or judged by people with nothing better to do. i was asking what i should do, but since you've obviously never been in my situation and i doubt you even have a legal degree, back off.

 

[nagol818]

Ignorant means.....

Ignorant means "lack of wisdom." It doesn't mean "rude."

Ironic isn't it????

 

[jacknjill]

you people are just ignorant. i know that he has no legal responsibility, but since he wants to have custody and visitation, you would think he'd want to be responsible. i'm not whining, i'm asking legal questions. most of you probably have no more of a legal background than i do. any test done will come back with him as the father because he IS. i'm the one trying to work things out between us, and at least get a custody agreement in line for when the baby is born. legalcuriosity i don't think you have a clue as to what i'm asking or trying to accomplish by asking questions here. my lawyer, who has a visible legal degree, says that his actions, or lack thereof, will hinder his ability to get partial custody. how do you figure i'm doing nothing about it? i want to work out a custody agreement on our own so he can spend more time with our child. i'm the one who quit college to work more hrs to provide for my child. he on the other hand, quit his full time job to go back to college AFTER he knew i was pregnant. yet you seem to think he's the victim here? the victim is our child, not him or me. if he doens't want to be a part of his childs life, then he is more than welcome to terminate his paternal rights. i only want what's best for our son. i don't have time to be torn apart or judged by people with nothing better to do. i was asking what i should do, but since you've obviously never been in my situation and i doubt you even have a legal degree, back off.

Sounds like you want him more than he wants you. In fact, I doubt he want's anything to do with you. Get over it...You had a child with someone, it didn't work out, wha, wha, wha....that's the risk of having sex with or without protection. If either of you didn't want a child, then don't have SEX!!!!

If he is the dad and pays child support, he never has to see you or that kid again, get it. He doesn't have to be responsible for anything other than the court-ordered CS. This is not about you, you, you. It's about a child who has a mother who needs CS to live and a father who possibly he will never have a relationship with. It's about the child. So grow up. I'd be careful about what you wish for, this could definitely backfire in your face...he could get custody...is this want you want!!! And I'm not defending him, he sounds like scum. So back off of him, do what the others advised you and quit pushing him (don't say you are not), your postings tell a different story. Maybe next time you'll think twice about the next notch on your bedpost!!