need advice.. cs conference on the 13th

[Ssxm0m]

What is the name of your state?-texas

my sons father is bringing a lawyer to the conference and the only thing i can think of is to contest the paternity..

backstory.

i hooked up with the father the last few days of december but i had known him for 2 years and the evening that we concieved our child we were inhebriated and he used a bad condom. well i ended up pregnant and we weren't dating and i didn't find out i was pregnant until february towards the beginning of march. well i had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. I had called my boyfriend when i found out and told him everything and we told the father. the father immediatly wanted an abortion but i refused. I made the mistake of letting it happen and i was going to take responsibility for it and raise the child. He wanted absolutly nothing to do with it. My boyfriend wanted to help me raise the child as ours, with his part being more emotional and supportive for me and the child. So we lived together as man and wife, his parents even regarded us as such. Then a few months later I found out his current girlfriend was pregnant. And he never asked her for an abortion. In fact he moved her in and did all the fatherly duties for his second child. Dont' get me wrong, im not spiteful of this, just disappointed. He didn't even tell his girlfriend i was having his firstborn until I was 5 months pregnant. Well me and his girlfriend became friends and she even bought my son clothes. The father didn't give him anything and didn't even show any concern when he was born. Well when the issue of child support came up I was on the fence about having it go through the court because I wanted to maintain a healthy relationship with my sons father but it has been 4months since my sons birth and we haven't discussed the issue because he has been avoiding it and me. The only time he has seen my son was when i brought him to his home with his girlfriend. His friends have told him that my son couldn't be his because my son has hazel eyes and we both have brown eyes, the eye color ( from my undestanding) is irrelevant. But my son has his ears and his chubby features. I think he is just trying to get out of paying child support. I just want my son to have something from his birth father. I know the test is going to say its him because the dates match and his due date was only 3 days off and the father was the only person i had intercourse with in that month. The only other time was with my once close friend and that was almost a month earlier. Also, The fathers information isn't on the childs B.C. and my boyfriends last name was used as my sons surname.. is that a problem ill have to discuss at the conference? What should I bring with me and What should I possibly expect to happen?

 

[somedude]

huh? what?

People REALLY need to organize their thoughts and make sure their paragraphs make sense. It's extremely difficult to figure out what in the heck you're saying here.

Paternity has been established, correct? You're mentioning contesting paternity, but then you mention about features between the kid and the birth father, etc. You can't contest something if it hasn't been established.

What "conference" are you talking about? Do you mean a child support hearing? Again, has paternity been established?

You can live together as "man and wife", but unless you are legally married, yuo are just another Joe and Jane living together. This is irrelevant in this situation anyway.

This involves YOU and the person you hooked up with that got you pregnant. You seem to be confused here. You either want him to pay up or you don't. You either want the birth father around or you don't. You two really need to make up your minds instead of toying with this child.

If you want him to pay up, then you need to officially establish paternity and go through with child support proceedings. If not, then you need to move on with your life and not concern yourself with who your "hookup" does with his life.

You're sounding bitter because he's doing one thing for another kid, but not the one you two conceived on the hookup (i.e. mentioning how he asked you to have an abortion but not his girlfriend.) Put the emotions aside and make a decision already.

I don't know what "conference" this is you're going to, but IF paternity has been established, you only have a specific time window to contest it. If your current boyfriend wants to adopt this child as his own, paternity still needs to be legally established.

 

[nextwife]

I agree. I can't tell half the time which "he" she's referring to, her boyfriend or the presumed biodad?

And if you were never a couple, LOSE the jealosy stuff about his girlfriend.

Bottom line, he can demand a paternity test. It is his right. If paternity IS estabished, regardless of whether he wanted you to continue the peregnancy or not, he CAN file for joint custody/visitation.

 

[ejmmolina]

Texas has common law marriage. So in this case it does mean they were married. If she is going through Attorney General they should and usually do ask the suspected father if he wants a dna test. So that will clear it all up.

 

[somedude]

common law garbage

"Common Law". HA! -- that's a joke. We're not talking about Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell or Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon -- who've been with each other for decades. We're talking about a bf/gf situation that lasted about 3 years. Whoopee!

I'm not a lawyer, but I HIGHLY doubt that living together for 3 years constitutes a "common law marriage" -- anywhere! Yes, even in West Virginia it's not that easy, either! LOL Many couple live together for several years before actually getting married LEGALLY. My current wife and I lived together for 2 years before getting married -- so I guess in Texas that would constitute a common law marriage? Yeah.....oooooookkkk whatever.

There's alot more to this story than we're being told and it's too confusing to understand what's going on.

 

[haiku]

bottom line is, she can contest paternity all she wants, the presumed father has a right to a paternity test.

 

[Ssxm0m]

no i wasnt saying that i was going to contest paternity.. i meant that thats what i think he wants a lawyer for..

 

[haiku]

well see how confusingyour post was? now he has a right to contest paternity too, after all you did have a boyfirend at that time, and you not him, is the only one who can confirm whether or not you slept with anyone ele within that months time. His only recourse is with a paternity test. its only fair to the THREE of you.

 

[audster]

If you've named him as the father he has the right to contest paternity...whether he had a lawyer or not! If either party contests paternity, the judge will order as DNA test which will clear up everything. If he is biodad then after paternity is established he will be ordered to pay support and will most likely get visitation and have the right to file for custody. As far as the kids last name goes....I don't know. Maybe he could petition the court to have you change it, maybe not....I'm not sure....It probably would have been easier for you to give the baby your last name and not your bf's.

 

[shawna maples]

If I'm understanding correctly you have a cs hearing with the man you consider the biodad. You are currently w/ another man whom you listed on the bc as the childs father. Paternity will have to be established being that you listed one father on bc yet he's not the one you are claiming is the biofather.

Consult with an attorney, establish paternity, seek parent-child relationship orders which will include cs. Study the TX Family Code in order to know your options and what you want your attorney to seek. This can be done online through a google search. It also contains requirements for common law marriage.

In TX it doesn't matter how long you reside together. What matters is that you claim yourselves as husband and wife to each other and others and then reside together. Proof would be requested such as documents (ie lease, utility bills, tax return ...)showing you having been using his last name.

It's my understanding you're stating that you are common law married to the man you're currently with whom is not biodad.

 

[Ssxm0m]

he called me again

- i never added my ex boyfriends information to the bc.. its fraud.. i only put his last name. I couldn't put the father's name on the bc because he wasn't present to sign.

----------------------------------

to everyone else...

he knows he is the father and he called me last night again and told me that he wants full custody when the test comes back positive. He knew for months that I was going to go throught he courts for CS becuase I dont trust him to follow through out of court. He wants the test to say its him so when the time comes, he can get sole custody. He said that he had talked to a lawyer about some illegal pictures he took at my residence without my knowledge when i was still pregnant and the house was a wreck meaning messy. My instinct is that he is just bluffing or blackmailing me so i drop the child support issue. and about visitation? I was going to give him all the visitation that he wanted. I would have shared custody of my son with him without hesitation, but he threatened me basically with taking my son from me. So now I have no choice but to fight with him on this and i never wanted that.

And on the issue of jealousy? I am happy for them, I am happy for their son and only thing that is an issue is that he didn't give a damn about my son until he got the notice in the mail about the child support. He screamed to me over the phone that my boyfriend screwed him on the promise he made to the father about being there for my son. He thought he would get out free and clear from having any responsibility in regards to our son. Am I wrong to think that the custody issue is just a retaliation or a bluff? i dont know. All i do know is that I am not jealous of my sons father being their for his second child, I just think that if he would have shown just a little more interest things wouldn't be getting ugly and my son wouldn't have a the choice of knowing someone else as his father.. That's all. also jealousy is different from fact. the fact is he wasn't there for our son.. but he was there for his other son. and that won't hurt me... that will hurt my child. and that is why im upset about that.

 

[nextwife]

Your thread is very confusing. At one point, it seems you are saying you and your boyfriend had chosen to raise the chldl together and have the child treated as your boyfriend's child, then you turn around and claim the biodad is not paying enough attention to "his" son. Yet, if youindicated you and boyfriend planned to raise the child as that of you and boyfriend, then wasn't the appropriate thing to bow out and not confuse the kid? After all it was the BOYFRIEND'S name that you gave this child, so it sure sounds like you wanted this child to be treated as that of your boyfriend. Which is it? Did you want the boyfriend to act as the child's father or the biodad? Because I'm getting all sorts of contradictory messages here.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Quite with the drama, it is difficult to follow you.

Yes, you have a common law marriage with someone other than the presumed father of your child.

You were right to apply for child support through the courts, that will entail DNA test, you want to do that because you know that your husband is not the biodad and that if your relationship fails, then he can and most likely will deny patenrity, so better to take care of that now, rather than later. You made a number of decisions and now you have to deal with them.

Both of you have a right to establish paternity as does the state, that involved DNA.

If he is proved to be the biodad, he may also sue for custody and visitation in addition to child support ordered by the court, that is his right, it doesn't mean he will get full custody, a number of things will be considered. You put this into play when you decided to have sex with him, condom or no condom.

So, I suggest you get it into your head that you don't make all the decisions and you don't get doovers all the time.

Grow up and be a good mother and encourage your child to have a relationship with their father.

 

[stepmom65]

Do you happen to live in a trailer park????

 

[stepmom65]

Lady, so sound so screwed up, that child has no chance at a decent future.
I don't support abortion, but maybe in this case it was the best option. I think you were very selfish to continue the pregnancy....just my opinion.


to everyone else...

he knows he is the father and he called me last night again and told me that he wants full custody when the test comes back positive. He knew for months that I was going to go throught he courts for CS becuase I dont trust him to follow through out of court. He wants the test to say its him so when the time comes, he can get sole custody. He said that he had talked to a lawyer about some illegal pictures he took at my residence without my knowledge when i was still pregnant and the house was a wreck meaning messy. My instinct is that he is just bluffing or blackmailing me so i drop the child support issue. and about visitation? I was going to give him all the visitation that he wanted. I would have shared custody of my son with him without hesitation, but he threatened me basically with taking my son from me. So now I have no choice but to fight with him on this and i never wanted that.

And on the issue of jealousy? I am happy for them, I am happy for their son and only thing that is an issue is that he didn't give a damn about my son until he got the notice in the mail about the child support. He screamed to me over the phone that my boyfriend screwed him on the promise he made to the father about being there for my son. He thought he would get out free and clear from having any responsibility in regards to our son. Am I wrong to think that the custody issue is just a retaliation or a bluff? i dont know. All i do know is that I am not jealous of my sons father being their for his second child, I just think that if he would have shown just a little more interest things wouldn't be getting ugly and my son wouldn't have a the choice of knowing someone else as his father.. That's all. also jealousy is different from fact. the fact is he wasn't there for our son.. but he was there for his other son. and that won't hurt me... that will hurt my child. and that is why im upset about that.