Need advice for my friend before a nervous breakdown occurs??

[roadking00]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

Ok folks, long story and will try to stay with the facts to see what the potential consequences could be for my friend. And I’m sure I will miss some needed details for sound advice which I will try to give if I know it? Anyhow, we will just call my friend Sue…
Sue is a mother of 3, married for 18+ years, both parents worked. She decided to terminate the abusive relationship (should have reported abuse many times but was apparently too scared?) He moved out of the family home in 2011-12 sometime (moved in with his father) Oldest son 20+ at the time still at home but shortly after had his own place, middle son 18 now, youngest son is 14 now. After the divorce she decided she could no longer support the mortgage & house bills herself much longer (no child support was being paid, court ordered but not paid, still $5000+ arrears) so she felt it would be best for the youngest to be able to continue to live in the house till he went through HS (good area/school system) but in order to do that she asked if the father would want to move back in and take over the house if she moved herself into an affordable place in the area (not the same county or school district because she would not be able to afford much on her single income) So he/she agreed and things went downhill for her worse from there.
In the divorce the house should have been put on the market and equity split, he agreed when the house sold he would get a place for him and the 14yr old/18yr old in the same town/school district to not disrupt the youngest in his HS years. The kids started not seeing mom as much of course being out of the house and eventually the 18yo was busy with his own stuff growing up/working etc. and chose to do other things at that age then go to moms for the visitation days allotted from the original agreement and just come/go as an adult at the family home (typical in my eyes).
Sue had a few obstacles since moving out on her own (financially) paying lawyer fees, etc. to work through the divorce details etc. and seemed to be a never ending retainer that kept getting increased due to the long drawn out process. Eventually got to the point where she needed to move in with her mom and go through the bankruptcy process…now has a 2nd job just to try to get ahead somehow and find a place of her own once again. This whole time no arrears or any monies have been paid to her even after filing motions with the courts and the judge siding on her side to be paid as it was originally court ruled, as well as a shared CC balance he was ordered to pay her half for and never did hence the bankruptcy proceedings she went through.

The father has now (via lawyer’s) filed a motion against her and is looking for CS for the 14yr old that is in the family home for the past 6-8 months without mom and of course the courts go by earning of the W2’s of both parents, in which the father makes most of his money off the books (illegally yes) his normal day job only pays him 12K annually on the books, not even enough to pay the property taxes on the family home after taxes are deducted (nice expensive area of NJ as mentioned already) he’s a construction contractor that makes 100k easily a year not seen by the IRS (yes a crook I know).

So yes, based on his W2 of 12K and Sue’s of 40-45K with both jobs, she now will have the courts start wage garnishment for the 14yr old at just about $200 per week when she brings home 500max a week home, I assume the courts figure these numbers not even considering what taxes come out of folks checks and just calculate based on gross not net? Similar as applying for a mortgage?

As wrong as this seems, I believe she is getting ran over (legally) due to the facts of the W2’s reported. Seems like he is paying a pretty penny for his lawyers to push all this through for someone that only make 12K a year, is there not a way the courts would ask for detailed proof on how he is possibly paying all his normal bills in that area when only making 12K a year ?
She has 0 monies for lawyer fees to even get advice or any help at all.

What if she were to lose her job/jobs as she gets depleted by garnishments and can no longer survive?
Is she basically forced to live with her mom the next 4 years because he can lie about his actual income?

So many other questions I’m sure will come up but this is a long enough post for a start I guess…….

Thanks in advance,
Friend of Sue

 

[Zigner]

Please have Sue log on to ask her own questions. We're open 24 hours a day. Thank you.

 

[roadking00]

Please have Sue log on to ask her own questions. We're open 24 hours a day. Thank you.

Sorry you/this forum would feel that way but unfortunately she has no internet access let alone has never had experience with any type of forums like myself.I am just trying to be an honest friend trying to help someone out in a hard time of there life.I guess I would have been better off completely lying on here and posing as her? Sorry but I just didn't want to try the deceiving way about a post like this...
I will try to explain the process of forums and posting and see if she is up to it but at this time I highly doubt it will happen?
Thank you for your prompt reply

 

[Silverplum]

Sorry you/this forum would feel that way but unfortunately she has no internet access let alone has never had experience with any type of forums like myself.I am just trying to be an honest friend trying to help someone out in a hard time of there life.I guess I would have been better off completely lying on here and posing as her? Sorry but I just didn't want to try the deceiving way about a post like this...
I will try to explain the process of forums and posting and see if she is up to it but at this time I highly doubt it will happen?
Thank you for your prompt reply

Nobody is better off lying.

Sue must support her child, like any parent. The guidelines and explanations are available on every state's website.

It's up to her to prove his income is higher than the W2 states. Courts do not investigate.

 

[Just Blue]

Sorry you/this forum would feel that way but unfortunately she has no internet access let alone has never had experience with any type of forums like myself.I am just trying to be an honest friend trying to help someone out in a hard time of there life.I guess I would have been better off completely lying on here and posing as her? Sorry but I just didn't want to try the deceiving way about a post like this...
I will try to explain the process of forums and posting and see if she is up to it but at this time I highly doubt it will happen?
Thank you for your prompt reply

Why can't "Sue" use your computer or a local library?

 

[stealth2]

Thing is, friend of Sue... third parties never have all the necessary information. So we ask you a question, you have to go ask Sue, then come back and relate what she said, and then we so it all again... Remember that old game of Telephone? This is the modern version... So it is most preferable for her to come and ask for herself. I can't think of a single library I've been to in our fine state w/o computers/internet.

NONE of us came here experts on forums, legalities, etc. We learned the hard way. So will Sue.

Thanks.

 

[roadking00]

Nobody is better off lying.

Sue must support her child, like any parent. The guidelines and explanations are available on every state's website.

It's up to her to prove his income is higher than the W2 states. Courts do not investigate.

Yes, she has no issues with the support her child part of it, she has raised 3 very polite educated children emotionally,physically,financially with 2 household incomes up until this time,now the largest financial contributing factor that was in the family is gone in a financial way and lying to the courts about income and she bares ALL the financial responsibilities because of W2's (sounds fare huh) The judge new he was lying about his income but legally nothing can be done apparently unless she hires a PI (more money) and allot of hope for a broken down (emotionally & financially) women.

Why can't "Sue" use your computer or a local library?

I am currently trying to help her from a few states away so my home and amenities I fortunately have are out of her reach other then me trying to do it for her which is why I'm here, she basically works 1 full-time job and the other right afterwards till 9-10 pm so very limited time for a library visit and go through the learning curve of a internet forum.I am still amazed at how many people in the world today have no clue how to navigate a computer let alone all the good information is at their fingertips via forums and other web things, basically allot of folks that can not use the privileges we all have on sites like these are out of luck due to finances or life situations or as simple as stubbornness to learn or want to learn something they do not know.Its a shame but that's how it is I guess..

Thank you all for your obvious genuine concern to help, again I am just trying to do my best to help and prepare a friend for a long journey ahead of her.

 

[Silverplum]

Yes, she has no issues with the support her child part of it, she has raised 3 very polite educated children emotionally,physically,financially with 2 household incomes up until this time,now the largest financial contributing factor that was in the family is gone in a financial way and lying to the courts about income and she bares ALL the financial responsibilities because of W2's (sounds fare huh) The judge new he was lying about his income but legally nothing can be done apparently unless she hires a PI (more money) and allot of hope for a broken down (emotionally & financially) women.


I am currently trying to help her from a few states away so my home and amenities I fortunately have are out of her reach other then me trying to do it for her which is why I'm here, she basically works 1 full-time job and the other right afterwards till 9-10 pm so very limited time for a library visit and go through the learning curve of a internet forum.I am still amazed at how many people in the world today have no clue how to navigate a computer let alone all the good information is at their fingertips via forums and other web things, basically allot of folks that can not use the privileges we all have on sites like these are out of luck due to finances or life situations or as simple as stubbornness to learn or want to learn something they do not know.Its a shame but that's how it is I guess..

Thank you all for your obvious genuine concern to help, again I am just trying to do my best to help and prepare a friend for a long journey ahead of her.

Sue does not bear all of the financial responsibility for her minor son: the boy lives with Dad.

 

[SESmama]

Simple advice (mom really should be the one asking) is why won't mom ask that her CS come out of the arrears dad still owes?

 

[Eekamouse]

Sue had no problem with her ex lying about his income when she was with him and it benefitted her, did she? Now she gets to find out what the repercussions can be from that sort of dishonesty.

 

[roadking00]

Sue does not bear all of the financial responsibility for her minor son: the boy lives with Dad.

Yes that is true, but living with someone does NOT necessarily mean the child is being taken care of properly at all, a roof over their head is not parenting.
Bearing ALL responsibilities was referring to "in the courts eye's" because of W2's. NOT the actual parenting and supporting of the child's needs which is definitely NOT happening.

 

[Silverplum]

Yes that is true, but living with someone does NOT necessarily mean the child is being taken care of properly at all, a roof over their head is not parenting.
Bearing ALL responsibilities was referring to "in the courts eye's" because of W2's. NOT the actual parenting and supporting of the child's needs which is definitely NOT happening.

This is where the discussion went from "maybe" to "nope."

 

[roadking00]

Simple advice (mom really should be the one asking) is why won't mom ask that her CS come out of the arrears dad still owes?

She has asked and the judge ruled for her to received ALL that was owed to her, then in the meantime a new ruling from a recent motion change that was filed by his lawyer has just been approved without any other defensive opportunity from her to do and all of the sudden the letter shows up in the mail with her new CS weekly payments that will be due including the arrears for the past 6-8 months and that they will be garnished starting as of now?

Sue had no problem with her ex lying about his income when she was with him and it benefitted her, did she? Now she gets to find out what the repercussions can be from that sort of dishonesty.

And NO she has always had issues with the lying on taxes but as stated in the beginning of my thread "abusive relationship (should have reported abuse many times but was apparently too scared?)" most people (including myself) have no idea what its like to live under those circumstances at all unless they were there themselves at one time in their lives, so I can only assume you were there and know exactly what she has gone through emotionally and physically and you are now fortunately wise enough to enlighten us all. Thank you so much...

 

[roadking00]

This is where the discussion went from "maybe" to "nope."

Unfortunate you feel that way based on strictly facts that are giving....

 

[Just Blue]

Unfortunate you feel that way based on strictly facts that are giving....

How could anyone here respond but on the "facts" that YOU, legal stranger in states away, stated?