Need some assistance

[FriendlyFoe]

Need some child support assistance

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

I'm in a bit of a situation with an 18 yr old ex of mine. We found out she was pregnant about 7 months ago or so. We agreed that we were going to have an abortion but she changed her mind when she found out we were having twins. This was an issue with me because I knew I wasn't ready and I knew I didn't want to be with her. But I stayed and tried and make it work throughout the pregnancy. Recently I broke it off with her because I couldn't pretend to be happy any longer. It may sound horrible but that's the truth. She cheated on me in the past and when I found out about more times I knew it was long over. The twins made this complicated because I stayed with her this whole time until about a month ago.
She brought up the idea of me not being on the birth certificate to avoid court. Would court mandated child support be avoided that way? I'm willing to help her financially but I don't want court bound.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

I'm in a bit of a situation with an 18 yr old ex of mine. We found out she was pregnant about 7 months ago or so. We agreed that we were going to have an abortion but she changed her mind when she found out we were having twins. This was an issue with me because I knew I wasn't ready and I knew I didn't want to be with her. But I stayed and tried and make it work throughout the pregnancy. Recently I broke it off with her because I couldn't pretend to be happy any longer. It may sound horrible but that's the truth. She cheated on me in the past and when I found out about more times I knew it was long over. The twins made this complicated because I stayed with her this whole time until about a month ago.
She brought up the idea of me not being on the birth certificate to avoid court. Would court mandated child support be avoided that way? I'm willing to help her financially but I don't want court bound.

It doesn't matter whether your name appears on the birth certificate; she (and you) are free to file to establish a child support order regardless.

Court orders actually protect you. Please bear that in mind.

And really - next time you're not ready, don't have sex.

 

[FriendlyFoe]

Its not that simple and never is. It was a long term relationship that went south over time. I just want to know if I keep my name off the birth certificate like she suggested is there any advantage when it comes to child support. And how would it protect me? Im really just trying to figure things out not being wise or anything

 

[Proserpina]

Its not that simple and never is. It was a long term relationship that went south over time. I just want to know if I keep my name off the birth certificate like she suggested is there any advantage when it comes to child support.

None whatsoever.

Either of you can file in court to establish paternity and child support at any time right up until the child is 18.

 

[mistoffolees]

None whatsoever.

Either of you can file in court to establish paternity and child support at any time right up until the child is 18.

Not to mention that it's just wrong to make the children suffer from lack of support. Children need to be supported by BOTH parents.

 

[stealth2]

We agreed that we were going to have an abortion

Uuuuh, no. You would never be having an abortion, since you weren't the pregnant one.

Without a court order, Mom will not have to let you see the kids at all. Without a court order, you aren't required to provide any support. An order protects both of you.

Additionally, your little agreement won't help at all when/if she needs to receive state aid (and realistically, you should expect that she will, given she is 18 and has twins). The state is funny that way - they expect both parents to support their children, instead of fobbing the responsibility off on taxpayers. You can expect court orders to pay support. It's your choice whether to step up to the plate and be otherwise ivnolved as a father.

And yes, it is as simple as not having sex if you're not ready to be a parent. No, it won't fall off if you don't use it, nor will you die if the only satisfaction you get is via your hand.

How old are you, by the way?

 

[AlmostThere]

Especially since his ex-girlfriend has a history of cheating, the first order of business needs to be a DNA test to determine if these are indeed your children. If one or both of these children are yours, then file for support and custody/visitation.

But under no circumstances should you sign an AOP before you verify parentage.

 

[FriendlyFoe]

I'm not trying to dodge paying, and I asked for advice not criticism. You hardly know the whole story and its more complicated than I can share with you. Im 20 for the one who is curious.
I'm fine seeing my children on her schedule, I'm okay with being an father to them and I'm fine with supporting them. But I couldn't be with the girl any longer. I just would rather avoid going to court and she said the same thing. She was the one who brought the idea up.

 

[AlmostThere]

I'm not trying to dodge paying, and I asked for advice not criticism. You hardly know the whole story and its more complicated than I can share with you. Im 20 for the one who is curious.
I'm fine seeing my children on her schedule, I'm okay with being an father to them and I'm fine with supporting them. But I couldn't be with the girl any longer. I just would rather avoid going to court and she said the same thing. She was the one who brought the idea up.

Why do you wish to avoid going to court? As its been pointed out, court orders protect all parties involved. You, the mom and the children. Once the children are born, mom has custody by default, and you have no rights unless you establish parentage and custody/visitation.

I suggest you spend some time reading the child support and custody/visitation forums about the issues that come up when parents try to avoid going through the courts.

 

[SESmama]

Ok, possible scenario for you OP

things go fine. She asks for some extra money (you aren't paying enough in her eyes). You say no, just cannot afford it right now. She gets a little angry. Then you ask to see the kids on a day she had something planned and says "NO" in a harsh voice because she had a bad day. The she brings up that you aren't supporting the kids. You get angry

(see how things are spiraling?)

So suddenly you are no longer allowed to see, speak to, know anything about the kids. You are labeled a "dead beat dad" by her. You then quit paying any type of support.
So, mom decides she does need a court order. She files and asks for arrears on CS. You have to go back and pay for (this is a guess) 2 years of support (but you WERE paying, right?). See, no records and no court orders.

Now, I am not saying this will exactly happen BUT you can completely avoid anything like this happening if you do go through the courts. The court system is not a black eye, it is a protection. For both of you but most especially for the kids.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm not trying to dodge paying, and I asked for advice not criticism. You hardly know the whole story and its more complicated than I can share with you. Im 20 for the one who is curious.
I'm fine seeing my children on her schedule, I'm okay with being an father to them and I'm fine with supporting them. But I couldn't be with the girl any longer. I just would rather avoid going to court and she said the same thing. She was the one who brought the idea up.

Advice: Next time, masturbate.

 

[mistoffolees]

Why do you wish to avoid going to court? As its been pointed out, court orders protect all parties involved. You, the mom and the children. Once the children are born, mom has custody by default, and you have no rights unless you establish parentage and custody/visitation.

I suggest you spend some time reading the child support and custody/visitation forums about the issues that come up when parents try to avoid going through the courts.

I agree.

I wonder if the reason OP doesn't want to go to court has to do with the age of the minor. In MA, the age of consent is 16, but that doesn't mean that there couldn't be 'corrupting a minor' charge, for example. And MA also has a rather strange law where if the minor were a virgin under 18 years old and an older person induces him/her to have sex, it can be a crime.
Massachusetts (MA) Legal Age of Consent 2011

 

[AlmostThere]

Also, considering the age of the young lady involved, she is more likely to end of on some sort of public assistance with two young children, than if she were 30, with a college degree and career, giving birth to a single child.

If she was to go for public assistance, the state will come after whoever she claims is the father, and OP will be behind the eight ball when that process begins.

One really has to question the motives as to why mom would not want to go through court. Her best shot at reliable, reasonable support is to have it court ordered. I can almost guarantee you that neither the OP nor the young lady he impregnated has any idea how expensive it is going to be to supply even the basics for two infants.

Could it be about controlling access to her babies? Does mom want to keep the dad away from the kids? Is she not 100% sure of who the dad is, and the OP is the best of the possible fathers? Does she plan to move on and have somebody else play daddy?

 

[torimac]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

She cheated on me in the past and when I found out about more times I knew it was long over.

If it was me, I would go through the courts simply to request a DNA test. If you knew she cheated on you, why would you automatically assume the children are yours?

 

[Just Blue]

I'm not trying to dodge paying, and I asked for advice not criticism. You hardly know the whole story and its more complicated than I can share with you. Im 20 for the one who is curious.
I'm fine seeing my children on her schedule, I'm okay with being an father to them and I'm fine with supporting them. But I couldn't be with the girl any longer. I just would rather avoid going to court and she said the same thing. She was the one who brought the idea up.

Given her "history" of cheating, how do you know these are your children? Don't you think the best thing to do is have a DNA test to be sure???

BTW: She can't name you as the father without you signing the AOP. She CAN put your last name as the children's last name.