negative paternity

[hnittinger]

What is the name of your state? Florida

So, in a nut shell, prior to our relationship my husband was involved with a woman off and on for 10 years. Unknown to him at the time she was unfatihful. She became pregnant and got my husband to sign the B.C. Now 7 years later she has gone to the state and filed for child support. As of this year he now has to pay an amount more than what we can afford to support a child that is not his. We have private lab results that are negative. The state doesn't care that we have his biological children to support. The mother has gone to her friends and family bragging about the amount of money that she has gotten even though she has known since day one who the real father is.
From all that I have read we have no hope of reversing the court order for the C.S., correct?
We don't have the money to pay our mortgage let alone to hire an attorney. Is there any hope out there?

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state? Florida

So, in a nut shell, prior to our relationship my husband was involved with a woman off and on for 10 years. Unknown to him at the time she was unfatihful. She became pregnant and got my husband to sign the B.C. Now 7 years later she has gone to the state and filed for child support. As of this year he now has to pay an amount more than what we can afford to support a child that is not his. We have private lab results that are negative. The state doesn't care that we have his biological children to support. The mother has gone to her friends and family bragging about the amount of money that she has gotten even though she has known since day one who the real father is.
From all that I have read we have no hope of reversing the court order for the C.S., correct?
We don't have the money to pay our mortgage let alone to hire an attorney. Is there any hope out there?

How long ago was the order issued?

Was he served with a petition to establish paternity and CS?

Did he file an answer to the petition, in which he denied paternity?

Did he appear at the hearing?

Did he request a DNA test?

Has he acted as the child's father for the last 7 years?

 

[hnittinger]

Negative Paternity 2

Thank you for responding. Summons to appear in court 8/07. Court date 2/08.Yes, we were there. C.S. payments to begin 3/08 by way of automatic deduction through the state. He did not deny paternity, but he did try to contest it. He tried to request a paternity test but the magistrate said that since he signed the B.C. that made him the father. He is involved with the child, yes. But because of the mother always knowing the truth about paternity has never and will never treat my husband as more than a baby sitter. He is not involved with any educational decisions, medical decisions, or any child rearing decisions because she won't allow it. She has us watch the boy for her on the weekends so that she may go "play".
I know that if we had the money to hire an attorney we could probably get primary custody of this child because of the life style that she lives, but we can't afford it.
I believe that the boy has the right to know his "real" father and that it would be more harmful for him to grow up being lied to than to know the truth. The question is this: would the courts agree to drastically reduce the child support payment from us, if the mother of the child would produce the name of the bio. father and have him pay C.S. as well? Could that be something that is mediated? Or am I just living in a dream world?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for responding. Summons to appear in court 8/07. Court date 2/08.Yes, we were there. C.S. payments to begin 3/08 by way of automatic deduction through the state. He did not deny paternity, but he did try to contest it. He tried to request a paternity test but the magistrate said that since he signed the B.C. that made him the father. He is involved with the child, yes. But because of the mother always knowing the truth about paternity has never and will never treat my husband as more than a baby sitter. He is not involved with any educational decisions, medical decisions, or any child rearing decisions because she won't allow it. She has us watch the boy for her on the weekends so that she may go "play".
I know that if we had the money to hire an attorney we could probably get primary custody of this child because of the life style that she lives, but we can't afford it.
I believe that the boy has the right to know his "real" father and that it would be more harmful for him to grow up being lied to than to know the truth. The question is this: would the courts agree to drastically reduce the child support payment from us, if the mother of the child would produce the name of the bio. father and have him pay C.S. as well? Could that be something that is mediated? Or am I just living in a dream world?

About the only way that your husband could get out of paying CS, would be if the biological father of the child came forward to establish HIS paternity. However, your husband would lose any rights to the child at that point, as well. That could be really rough on the child.

 

[Gracie3787]

Thank you for responding. Summons to appear in court 8/07. Court date 2/08.Yes, we were there. C.S. payments to begin 3/08 by way of automatic deduction through the state. He did not deny paternity, but he did try to contest it. He tried to request a paternity test but the magistrate said that since he signed the B.C. that made him the father. He is involved with the child, yes. But because of the mother always knowing the truth about paternity has never and will never treat my husband as more than a baby sitter. He is not involved with any educational decisions, medical decisions, or any child rearing decisions because she won't allow it. She has us watch the boy for her on the weekends so that she may go "play".
I know that if we had the money to hire an attorney we could probably get primary custody of this child because of the life style that she lives, but we can't afford it.
I believe that the boy has the right to know his "real" father and that it would be more harmful for him to grow up being lied to than to know the truth. The question is this: would the courts agree to drastically reduce the child support payment from us, if the mother of the child would produce the name of the bio. father and have him pay C.S. as well? Could that be something that is mediated? Or am I just living in a dream world?

No, the court will not do that.

In a few years, when it's time for a modification of the order. a lower amount "could" be negotiated in mediation. However, the order is too new for that to even be a possibilty at this time.

Yes, you are living in a dream world.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

Thank you for responding. Summons to appear in court 8/07. Court date 2/08.Yes, we were there. C.S. payments to begin 3/08 by way of automatic deduction through the state. He did not deny paternity, but he did try to contest it. He tried to request a paternity test but the magistrate said that since he signed the B.C. that made him the father. He is involved with the child, yes. But because of the mother always knowing the truth about paternity has never and will never treat my husband as more than a baby sitter. He is not involved with any educational decisions, medical decisions, or any child rearing decisions because she won't allow it. She has us watch the boy for her on the weekends so that she may go "play".
I know that if we had the money to hire an attorney we could probably get primary custody of this child because of the life style that she lives, but we can't afford it.
I believe that the boy has the right to know his "real" father and that it would be more harmful for him to grow up being lied to than to know the truth. The question is this: would the courts agree to drastically reduce the child support payment from us, if the mother of the child would produce the name of the bio. father and have him pay C.S. as well? Could that be something that is mediated? Or am I just living in a dream world?

Look step mommy dearest.

Your husband has a child....a legal child he is responsible for. This child was born before yours....First come first serve. He signed the BC.

Gosh...It erks me when the new wife has children and then wants to reduce or stop the Child support her husband pays to his first born.

Actually makes me sick

 

[hnittinger]

Negative Paternity 3

For the wonderful negative comment posted. I step mommy dearest have no problems with paying C.S. even though the child doesn't belong to my husband. What I do have problems with is how the mother of the child treats my husband, and her own son. She lives with a man who is physically and verbally violent, she does drugs, and neglects both of her children. I have no desire to help her support any of her habits or the other illigitimate child that she has from daddy unknown. The court took into consideration my husbands overtime from last year (which is not regular) to establish C.S. Now we have a mortgage to pay that we cant afford. My husband brings home about $650 per week and his C.S. has been established at $180. You do the math for a family of 4 with another one on the way. Then look at rent/mortgage amounts for our area. All I was wondering was if there was a way for the biological father to be responsible for some part.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

For the wonderful negative comment posted.

I step mommy dearest have no problems with paying C.S.

It is not your order to pay.

even though the child doesn't belong to my husband.

He signed the BC, without DNA. He is the legal father.

What I do have problems with is how the mother of the child treats my husband, and her own son. She lives with a man who is physically and verbally violent, she does drugs, and neglects both of her children.

Thats to bad. You have no say on how she lives....just as she has no say on how you or hubby live.

I have no desire to help her support any of her habits or the other illigitimate child that she has from daddy unknown.

Again, the child has a legal father, so therefore is not iligitimate. According to the law....Daddy is known.

I hope you do not make these feelngs you have, known to the child

The court took into consideration my husbands overtime from last year (which is not regular) to establish C.S.

And? The child he claimed all those years ago deserves to continue to be supported.

Now we have a mortgage to pay that we cant afford. My husband brings home about $650 per week and his C.S. has been established at $180. You do the math for a family of 4 with another one on the way. Then look at rent/mortgage amounts for our area. All I was wondering was if there was a way for the biological father to be responsible for some part.

Oh....Cry me a river. I guess with all those bills piling up, you should have taken your own finantial situation into consideration before getting pregnant again

 

[fairisfair]

For the wonderful negative comment posted. I step mommy dearest have no problems with paying C.S. even though the child doesn't belong to my husband. What I do have problems with is how the mother of the child treats my husband, and her own son. She lives with a man who is physically and verbally violent, she does drugs, and neglects both of her children. I have no desire to help her support any of her habits or the other illigitimate child that she has from daddy unknown. The court took into consideration my husbands overtime from last year (which is not regular) to establish C.S. Now we have a mortgage to pay that we cant afford. My husband brings home about $650 per week and his C.S. has been established at $180. You do the math for a family of 4 with another one on the way. Then look at rent/mortgage amounts for our area. All I was wondering was if there was a way for the biological father to be responsible for some part.

what about YOUR income??

after all you are the "bilogical mother" of your children, shouldn't YOU be responsible for some part???

and by the way....how did you get a DNA test on this child???

 

[Gracie3787]

For the wonderful negative comment posted. I step mommy dearest have no problems with paying C.S. even though the child doesn't belong to my husband. What I do have problems with is how the mother of the child treats my husband, and her own son. She lives with a man who is physically and verbally violent, she does drugs, and neglects both of her children. I have no desire to help her support any of her habits or the other illigitimate child that she has from daddy unknown. The court took into consideration my husbands overtime from last year (which is not regular) to establish C.S. Now we have a mortgage to pay that we cant afford. My husband brings home about $650 per week and his C.S. has been established at $180. You do the math for a family of 4 with another one on the way. Then look at rent/mortgage amounts for our area. All I was wondering was if there was a way for the biological father to be responsible for some part.

He has been ordered to pay $180.00 per week on a net income of $650.00 per week, that sounds very fair. That leaves him about $480.00 per week, and then when you add your income it should bring your household income to at least $650.00 per week. If you cannot make ends meet on that amount, you and hubby should refigure your budget and cut back on spending. I don't know what area you are in, but in most areas you can find a 3 bedroom apt for around $650 a month if you look hard enough. Plus, you should stop having more children.

Of course his OT was figured in, an average OT when available MUST be included in the income when determining CS.

I know that having a CS order can severely strain a second families finances, but it is what it is and you have to get used to the CS, or you'll drive yourself crazy.

 

[fairisfair]

Lay Off! She came here for advice, not to be verbally assulted.Telling her to stop having kids, implying that she's a wicked step mother etc. egh.

Anyways, hnittinger, Is your husband looking to lose parental rights over pursuing this or is he just worried about the child support amount?

His name is on the birth certificate which as said before means he is liable for the child.You can try to petition for a paternity test and relinquishing custodial rights. Or trying to get the child support down...Either way it's going to cost ya.

Of course you must protect your family from being put out on the streets but you also have to think of this child and how he feels in this.

Good god CAN YOU READ???

They have already requested a paternity test and BEEN DENIED.

He CANNOT merely relinquish his rights.

What is WRONG with you????

 

[Ohiogal]

Lay Off! She came here for advice, not to be verbally assulted.Telling her to stop having kids, implying that she's a wicked step mother etc. egh.

Anyways, hnittinger, Is your husband looking to lose parental rights over pursuing this or is he just worried about the child support amount?

His name is on the birth certificate which as said before means he is liable for the child.You can try to petition for a paternity test and relinquishing custodial rights. Or trying to get the child support down...Either way it's going to cost ya.

Of course you must protect your family from being put out on the streets but you also have to think of this child and how he feels in this.

Step back, shut up and don't give advice. Got it?

 

[hnittinger]

Wow

I just love opinionated people, especially those of you who are high and mighty. Yes, I guess that I asked for it by posting a question. There really isn't a need for any nastiness. We are all typing here, there are no emotions or tone of voice available. Can we all try to no mince semantics? But, if not, i'll play by your rules.
CLB:
I know that it is not MY order to pay, as in -the order does not have MY name on it. However, it is MY husband and since WE are married, he agrees- it is MY business. My husband and I have a healthy enough relationship to say that WE are in this together and that it isn't just his burden to bear. I do play a small part in this child's life, as minuscule as it seems to be to you. His well being, as well as the rest of my family's should matter to me. Or shouldn't it?
Gracie, you are right, I did find an apartment in the paper for $650. It just so happens to be in the area with the highest robbery, rape, and other crime rate in our town. I have found several places to rent for around $900 that aren't so dangerous but they only allow people with a fixed income to live there. Moving out of our current location doesn't seem like it would solve any problems. But thanks for the advise. You sure are lucky to have those kinds of rents! You must live in or near a college town! Daycare must be really cheap too! It is over $100 week here, per child. Unless, of course ya qualify for state help. Don't forget to add that in when helping out with our finances. We own only one vehicle and it is paid for, so there is no extra spending on that, nor do we go on vacations etc. I did look in the other counties around our area and they are the same.
Please don't think that I am some stupid woman that can't live on a budget, or find ways to cut costs, or am malicious, or blah blah blah (read the other posts). I was just looking for some helpful advise.
Yes, fairisfair, I should be responsible for my own children, and I am. Thanks for pointing that out! I almost forgot about my role. Are you always this hostile? You seem to point out things that make you sick about step mothers and other posters rather quickly. I guess that it wouldn't make you sick if you loved and trusted somone only to be frauded, and extorted in return? As I pointed out, the mother knew from day one who the bio. father was and went after the person who made more money. That is kind of sick. But you go ahead and stay on the side of the decietful one.
Yes, my poor sap of a husband trusted the wrong woman and now he has to pay. I get it. I was worried about the child being robbed of his identity. He has the right to know his bio. father and any family members on that side. He should have the right to not be betrayed by the people who are there to protect him. He should not have to live a lie. He is a child NOT a paycheck. The bio. father should have some rights in all of this as well. He should not have his child raised without the opportunity to know him.
As I stated before, I was wondering if there was a way to mediate this so that the child is financially provided for, and all parties have their rights protected. I guess for those of you who are the all knowing, high and mighty posters, "well being" and "best interestes" of a child should only be interperated as financial gain.
Thank you for the posts.

 

[Ohiogal]

I just love opinionated people, especially those of you who are high and mighty. Yes, I guess that I asked for it by posting a question. There really isn't a need for any nastiness. We are all typing here, there are no emotions or tone of voice available. Can we all try to no mince semantics? But, if not, i'll play by your rules.

No one was being high and mighty. You need to understand that the court is going to act exactly like the others did here.

CLB:

I know that it is not MY order to pay, as in -the order does not have MY name on it. However, it is MY husband and since WE are married, he agrees- it is MY business. My husband and I have a healthy enough relationship to say that WE are in this together and that it isn't just his burden to bear. I do play a small part in this child's life, as minuscule as it seems to be to you. His well being, as well as the rest of my family's should matter to me. Or shouldn't it?

Matter to you -- maybe. Matter the court -- no. The court does NOT care about you. YOU are not a party to this. YOU are responsible for YOUR children. NOT the court order and not the child at the center of this issue. This child is a legal stranger to you and you are a legal stranger to this child.

Gracie, you are right, I did find an apartment in the paper for $650. It just so happens to be in the area with the highest robbery, rape, and other crime rate in our town. I have found several places to rent for around $900 that aren't so dangerous but they only allow people with a fixed income to live there. Moving out of our current location doesn't seem like it would solve any problems. But thanks for the advise. You sure are lucky to have those kinds of rents! You must live in or near a college town! Daycare must be really cheap too! It is over $100 week here, per child. Unless, of course ya qualify for state help. Don't forget to add that in when helping out with our finances. We own only one vehicle and it is paid for, so there is no extra spending on that, nor do we go on vacations etc. I did look in the other counties around our area and they are the same.

Then dad should NOT have had other children if he couldn't afford to support the one he had. He knew about this child before he decided to procreate with you. And you are responsible for providing financial support for your children. NOT the one dad signed an AOP for.

Please don't think that I am some stupid woman that can't live on a budget, or find ways to cut costs, or am malicious, or blah blah blah (read the other posts). I was just looking for some helpful advise.

The law is not always helpful to people. It is what it is.

Yes, fairisfair, I should be responsible for my own children, and I am. Thanks for pointing that out! I almost forgot about my role. Are you always this hostile?

Fair is NOT being hostile. You on the other hand are being defensive.

You seem to point out things that make you sick about step mothers and other posters rather quickly. I guess that it wouldn't make you sick if you loved and trusted somone only to be frauded, and extorted in return? As I pointed out, the mother knew from day one who the bio. father was and went after the person who made more money. That is kind of sick. But you go ahead and stay on the side of the decietful one.

And yet your husband WILLINGLY signed the AOP and didn't request a DNA test.

Yes, my poor sap of a husband trusted the wrong woman and now he has to pay. I get it. I was worried about the child being robbed of his identity. He has the right to know his bio. father and any family members on that side. He should have the right to not be betrayed by the people who are there to protect him. He should not have to live a lie. He is a child NOT a paycheck. The bio. father should have some rights in all of this as well. He should not have his child raised without the opportunity to know him.

Then your husband should NOT have participated in the lie for this long. If the bio father wants to step forward and become established as the child's father then that can happen. HOWEVER your husband is not going to be able to walk away from a child he claimed and has participated in raising.

As I stated before, I was wondering if there was a way to mediate this so that the child is financially provided for, and all parties have their rights protected. I guess for those of you who are the all knowing, high and mighty posters, "well being" and "best interestes" of a child should only be interperated as financial gain.

You are out of line. Completely and totally. Your husband is paying for his crime. If he would not have participated in fraud he wouldn't be on the hook for paying for a child he believes is not his.

 

[hnittinger]

Thanks again

My husband didn't know that he was participating in fraud until the boys mother told him that he wasn't the biological father. She told him this after she started the court crap. When it was too late. He thought that he was the boys father until this year( I don't think that a few months is a long time) . The mother also stated to us , her family, and friends that she has always known the bio. father and that she was after the money. As far as having more children the boys mother had always swore that she would never take this matter into court because the child has always been provided for. ( That probably should have sent up some warning flag- hind sight is 20/20)
She had another child with a different man who is now incarcerated for life. That is why she went to the state for benefits. The DCF department asked her if the boy was being provided for and she lied and said no. He has been insured since day one, she lied and said that he had no insurance. DCF then asked if she had received $ she said no. Then in court she said that she had received $500 per month for the boy as well as insurance, clothes, shoes. etc. since day 1. DCF told her point blank (when she was filling out the paperwork), that if the boy was being provided for that she would not get the benefits for the other child because she wouldn't qualify. That is why she lied to DCF.
At this point DCF actually has her for fraud, true? (Not that they will persue).

My husband does take care of his children and can afford to take care of the one on the way. Money will just be tight for a while. Which is fine as I have stated. Just wondering about the bio. father's rights and obligations. Which everone has stated- he has none.

Unfortunately the mother like many women in the system refuses to stay with any job that gives her a raise that would knock her off of state funding for her other child. (the illigitimate one that I referred to in an earlier post)

As I have repeatedly stated/asked was if there was a way for everyone to partake in this situation for everyone's well being. I have my answer-NO. Thank you.

I like how a few of you have stated that my husband and I should not have any more children because we can't afford them. Ya'll could have stayed on neutral ground and said that about the boys mother as well. Maybe that would avoid some defensiveness for future postings. Or maybe that topic shouldn't have been touched at all, since our children aren't a factor for the courts- as some of you have pointed out. I would think that anyone would take offense to that. Even if we didn't have children together the finances would be tight because of the high cost of living for our area.
The boys mother has a drug dealer for a boyfriend that pays the rent, that is how she drives a new car and blah, blah, blah. I would love to be able to hire a PI to prove all of my allegations. Her family and friends have chosen to be on our side, and cannot believe the things that she has done and have the same allegations and opinions as us. Her friends and family believe that the boy should reside with us because of the living conditions and because of her neglect. They have also tried to convince her to give up custody of her other child as well. She repeatedly states that she wants our $ and Fl's aid. DCF has too many children in their system to look at this case. We would need hard evidence to gain custody. Proving a mother to be unfit seems to be impossible unless there is blood shed or broken bones.

I gather that the people who have come down on me for my questions and thoughts are people who think that every person on the planet should get a DNA test done each time that a baby is born. I think that would probably solve alot of future problems for our court systems, our children, and the men involved.

I understand that a court of law doesn't care about me in this situation. I understand that my husband was frauded and probably should have gotten a DNA test done insted of trusting the babys mother. My husband doesn't want to walk away from the child. I thought that was clear. We were just wondering about having the bio. father participate and be responsible in this boys life.

I think that it is pretty sad of our government to only care about the financial well being of the child and not the emotional well being. What right does our court system have to allow a woman to fraud one man and decieve another? There should be a better system in place. A system that allows the bio. father who didn't even know of a childs existance to be an active/responsible part of a childs life, as well as the non-bio. father. There are no rational motives behind the thought that a child can't have more than one father.
I have never said that my husband didn't want to be in this childs life, nor does he think that he should not be financially responsible. What we were curious to was the biological fathers role in his life. Wouldn't it make just a little sense to think of everyone's well being, not just a dollar amount?

I will back this thought pattern up by stating that if the child is a product of rape, incest, or other criminal act which could harm the child's emotional well being to be involved with the bio. father, then in some cases this idea shouldn't apply. But I do believe that all in all a child should have the opportunity to know his bio. father and his bio. family as well as maintaining a relationship with the non-bio father.

What a concept that would be! Just the idea of everyone benefitting isn't really that out of the box as one might think. Maybe if everyone were to take that mentality into consideration and act on it the laws that are supposed to be in place to protect our children might actually do some good. With enough backing the law could be changed.

I appologize for becomming defensive, it is very hard to judge a person's emotions on a computer. Especially when it is a subject as sensitive as this. It is easy to take things out of context and misunderstant a persons intentions. I have tried to express our motives and concerns. Maybe insted of mincing words with a poster and accusing them of being malicious, questions should be asked for clarity. I have re-read the posts and some poeple did this. Others just jumped to the attack.