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Non Custodial Wants Support

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krys1022

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am hoping to get some advice on what I can do legallly with my situation. I am a single mom of two. My oldest daughter is 9 years old and has had regular court ordered visitation with her father for the past 4 years now after having had no contact at his request. Because of my expenses to support two children alone, I am blessed to have a great job where I make just enough to do so. The drawback to my job is that I am required by the company (due to the nature of my position) to work 6 days a week, a minimum of 48 hours. Her father has been working part time for over 5 years now making slightly above minimum wage at about 30 hours per week.

Just recently her father got engaged to his girlfriend. Consequently he immediately requested a modification to visitation and child support. I feel that with the timing of the requests he had selfish motive, but of course I can not prove that. My issue now is that because he knows I make more money than he does and he works less than I do, he is putting himself in a position where he can demand more visitation with her (which she has clearly and repeatedly expressed to me that she does not want this additional time in his home) in turn allowing him to request that I pay him child support. I need to know if there is anything that I can do to prevent this from happening because with the childcare expenses I am already incurring for my youngest daughter who is not of school age, plus the amount of guideline support I will have to provide him will amount to a very significant amount. I just feel that I shouldn't be punished financially for working to responsibly provide for my family. Shouldn't he be required to work full time as well? How do other single moms work up to 2 jobs and don't have to pay the non-custodial parent child support and are not penalized for working so hard? I understand that ultimately the court views it as if I would have to pay a childcare provider if her father was not watching her while I am at work, but if there is already a paid child care provider in the home for her sister and it would be of no additional cost and would allow my oldest to remain in the home environment of her preference, shouldn't that be taken into consideration? Please advise!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am hoping to get some advice on what I can do legallly with my situation. I am a single mom of two. My oldest daughter is 9 years old and has had regular court ordered visitation with her father for the past 4 years now after having had no contact at his request. Because of my expenses to support two children alone, I am blessed to have a great job where I make just enough to do so. The drawback to my job is that I am required by the company (due to the nature of my position) to work 6 days a week, a minimum of 48 hours. Her father has been working part time for over 5 years now making slightly above minimum wage at about 30 hours per week.

Just recently her father got engaged to his girlfriend. Consequently he immediately requested a modification to visitation and child support. I feel that with the timing of the requests he had selfish motive, but of course I can not prove that. My issue now is that because he knows I make more money than he does and he works less than I do, he is putting himself in a position where he can demand more visitation with her (which she has clearly and repeatedly expressed to me that she does not want this additional time in his home) in turn allowing him to request that I pay him child support. I need to know if there is anything that I can do to prevent this from happening because with the childcare expenses I am already incurring for my youngest daughter who is not of school age, plus the amount of guideline support I will have to provide him will amount to a very significant amount. I just feel that I shouldn't be punished financially for working to responsibly provide for my family. Shouldn't he be required to work full time as well? How do other single moms work up to 2 jobs and don't have to pay the non-custodial parent child support and are not penalized for working so hard? I understand that ultimately the court views it as if I would have to pay a childcare provider if her father was not watching her while I am at work, but if there is already a paid child care provider in the home for her sister and it would be of no additional cost and would allow my oldest to remain in the home environment of her preference, shouldn't that be taken into consideration? Please advise!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

The court cannot order Dad to work full time. You can request that he's imputed an income equal to full time hours though.

While your 9 year old is entitled to an opinion, it really shouldn't have too much bearing on what is ultimately an adult matter. Perhaps encouraging her to spend more time with him will be a positive thing.
 

krys1022

Junior Member
I was attempting to encourage her to continue the face time with dad but the problem lies in:

a.) she doesn't have the face time when he's leaving her with a caregiver in his home when it would be the same as her being in my home with a caregiver and at least being able to spend time in the home environment she is accustomed to with her younger sister.

b.) we have tried to increase visitation gradually and accepting it as a positive thing but she is now at the point where she is spending so much time there that she tells me she just wants to come "home"... it's really heartbreaking to hear that from a 9 year old, especially knowing that I can't do anything about it and I can't leave my job because of the financial aspect to provide for my kids... it's a catch 22....

????
 
I am assuming that your other daughter is not Dad's child as well? Why would you think that any childcare you pay for a child that is not his would come into play? Also, why should any well-paid parent who pays child support be punished for having a good job?

Honestly, I think you are giving your 9 year old way too much say here. She doesn't get to make these choices. I certainly hope that you are not giving her the impression that she will be able to decide where and how to spend her time.

ETA - If you want to keep your girls together instead of having a separate babysitter, why not talk to Dad or GF to see if they will watch both children?
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I am assuming that your other daughter is not Dad's child as well? Why would you think that any childcare you pay for a child that is not his would come into play? Also, why should any well-paid parent who pays child support be punished for having a good job?

Honestly, I think you are giving your 9 year old way too much say here. She doesn't get to make these choices. I certainly hope that you are not giving her the impression that she will be able to decide where and how to spend her time.

ETA - If you want to keep your girls together instead of having a separate babysitter, why not talk to Dad or GF to see if they will watch both children?


That might be a really great solution!
 
Can you prove that he is picking her up for the FROR and then leaving her with his girlfriend?

I agree that you working shouldn't equate to a change of custody, which sounds like he is attempting. Did you agree to have the FROR put into an order? What are your work hours? How many hours applies to kick in the FROR? I'm taking some of this from your other thread, it would be helpful if you'd keep it all in one place.

If he is indeed leaving her with a child care provider (his girlfriend) then that is the same as you leaving her with a child care provider in your home. You need to find a way to PROVE it. Perhaps requesting his work records to match up the dates?

Do you have an attorney? Did you when the order was created? How are you coming up with the numbers that you would have to pay him? Did you run the numbers with him imputed with a full time income?
 

krys1022

Junior Member
Unfortunately the non custodial and his girlfriend will not watch my other daughter. It would be great if they would! Sorry for posting on both forums I was trying not to post child support and visitation on the wrong threads to avoid complicating it. I do know that dad is leaving her with the girlfriend because when I contact him to tell him I'm on my way to pick her up after work he tells me to text the girlfriend because he's at work and them the girlfriend is the one physically present when I pick up my daughter. I was not staying that my other child care expenses are his.responsibility but I am just surprised.that the court doesn't consider the financial hardship it creates when looking at my income. It seems odd that the system doesn't recognize the difference between income v.s. Ability to pay. I don't want to seem petty over finances but it seems discouraging when I am working so hard to provide financially and trying to be a responsible full time worker while trying to balance being a mom to.dedicate time and them feeling punished because he only works part time for the past 6 years. I just don't want to.feel like I'm working to aid him from getting a full time job and feeling like he deserves more time because of the "availability" he us "claiming" to have. The only reason I have allowed my daughter's opinion to weigh so heavily is because the last attorney I spoke with said it should matter at her age. That is why why I'm here to get additional opinions. I just want to try to do what I can without feeling discouraged with my daughter being unhappy or feeling like I'm being taken advantage of financially while trying to provide for my family.
 

krys1022

Junior Member
Can you prove that he is picking her up for the FROR and then leaving her with his girlfriend?

I agree that you working shouldn't equate to a change of custody, which sounds like he is attempting. Did you agree to have the FROR put into an order? What are your work hours? How many hours applies to kick in the FROR? I'm taking some of this from your other thread, it would be helpful if you'd keep it all in one place.

If he is indeed leaving her with a child care provider (his girlfriend) then that is the same as you leaving her with a child care provider in your home. You need to find a way to PROVE it. Perhaps requesting his work records to match up the dates?

Do you have an attorney? Did you when the order was created? How are you coming up with the numbers that you would have to pay him? Did you run the numbers with him imputed with a full time income?
How do I request his work schedule to be proven in court? He already did not submit his part stubs with his support modification request. I am trying to decide if I need an attorney. I did go for a consultation which is where I got the numbers ran for estimated guideline.support. I work monday through saturday from 10-6. I am trying to work with my employer so I can amend my schedule if possible to try to better accommodate my girls but its hard to do because shorter hours decreases my income significantly and I just want to try to make sure I can still pay the bills.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Unfortunately the non custodial and his girlfriend will not watch my other daughter. It would be great if they would! Sorry for posting on both forums I was trying not to post child support and visitation on the wrong threads to avoid complicating it. I do know that dad is leaving her with the girlfriend because when I contact him to tell him I'm on my way to pick her up after work he tells me to text the girlfriend because he's at work and them the girlfriend is the one physically present when I pick up my daughter. I was not staying that my other child care expenses are his.responsibility but I am just surprised.that the court doesn't consider the financial hardship it creates when looking at my income. It seems odd that the system doesn't recognize the difference between income v.s. Ability to pay. I don't want to seem petty over finances but it seems discouraging when I am working so hard to provide financially and trying to be a responsible full time worker while trying to balance being a mom to.dedicate time and them feeling punished because he only works part time for the past 6 years. I just don't want to.feel like I'm working to aid him from getting a full time job and feeling like he deserves more time because of the "availability" he us "claiming" to have. The only reason I have allowed my daughter's opinion to weigh so heavily is because the last attorney I spoke with said it should matter at her age. That is why why I'm here to get additional opinions. I just want to try to do what I can without feeling discouraged with my daughter being unhappy or feeling like I'm being taken advantage of financially while trying to provide for my family.

An attorney told you that your NINE year old's word would carry so much weight?

Really? :confused:

Hon, it's not that likely that a judge would hear her let alone pay her wishes much heed.
 
How do I request his work schedule to be proven in court? He already did not submit his part stubs with his support modification request. I am trying to decide if I need an attorney. I did go for a consultation which is where I got the numbers ran for estimated guideline.support. I work monday through saturday from 10-6. I am trying to work with my employer so I can amend my schedule if possible to try to better accommodate my girls but its hard to do because shorter hours decreases my income significantly and I just want to try to make sure I can still pay the bills.
You NEED an attorney. It sounds like Dad is trying to work the system and may be successful unless you put a stop to it. So far, you have been unable to do that on your own...get an attorney.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
You NEED an attorney. It sounds like Dad is trying to work the system and may be successful unless you put a stop to it. So far, you have been unable to do that on your own...get an attorney.


...it sounds to me, honestly, like Dad has a decent case of changing things and for legitimate reasons.

Maybe I'm reading it differently.
 
...it sounds to me, honestly, like Dad has a decent case of changing things and for legitimate reasons.

Maybe I'm reading it differently.
What bothers me is that there seems to be no time limit on the FROR, and it only applies to MOM, not to Dad, which seems unbalanced to me. Also, the intent of FROR isn't so another person can watch the child, it is for the parent to watch the child, so if Dad is leaving child with girlfriend, I think that matters a great deal (but she has to prove it).

I think she got hosed with the FROR in the first place...that is why I say she needs an attorney. If Dad is leaving child with a non parent after excersising FROR, that defeats the purpose and indicates to me that he is trying to work the system (more time, less money paid, whatever).

She works 10-6. The child has to be in school, right? So is Dad picking her up every day after school? Every Saturday? How often does he then leave her with girlfriend? If she has texts from dad stating to tell girlfriend since she is watching child, that may help, but getting work records would be better. She needs an attorney.
 
You NEED an attorney. It sounds like Dad is trying to work the system and may be successful unless you put a stop to it. So far, you have been unable to do that on your own...get an attorney.
I agree with you that Dad is not following the ROFR by leaving Daughter with GF, and that should be addressed.

But working the system? Really? In my husband's case, he works 50 to 60 hours a week to provide for his family. Mom works less than 30 hours at a part time job. Mom and Dad have 50/50 with Dad being primary parent for school, etc, and Dad pays CS to Mom because of the vast difference in their incomes. Is Mom working the system? We all know that it is not uncommon and acceptable for a parent to have a much lower income and receive support even if they are NCP. Unless I am misunderstanding you, you seem to be saying that it is unacceptable in this case because it will be Dad receiving the support instead of Mom.
 

krys1022

Junior Member
What bothers me is that there seems to be no time limit on the FROR, and it only applies to MOM, not to Dad, which seems unbalanced to me. Also, the intent of FROR isn't so another person can watch the child, it is for the parent to watch the child, so if Dad is leaving child with girlfriend, I think that matters a great deal (but she has to prove it).

I think she got hosed with the FROR in the first place...that is why I say she needs an attorney. If Dad is leaving child with a non parent after excersising FROR, that defeats the purpose and indicates to me that he is trying to work the system (more time, less money paid, whatever).

She works 10-6. The child has to be in school, right? So is Dad picking her up every day after school? Every Saturday? How often does he then leave her with girlfriend? If she has texts from dad stating to tell girlfriend since she is watching child, that may help, but getting work records would be better. She needs an attorney.
How do you prove work records? Can you personally request them or must it be requested by the court or an attorney?

My court date for the child support hearing is next week. After that I would imagine to get rid of the FROR in the visitation order I will have to file a motion in custody court, right?
Do you feel I would need a lawyer to represent me in both court cases or just to help me prove he is working and abusing the FROR in one court scenario? I have never been one to be argumentative or difficult towards the other parent but at the same time I want to be prepared to defend my rights to keep her in my home when she should be, especially as I've been her primary caregiver for her entire life.
 

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