Not sure where to turn

[biggdaddy55]

What is the name of your state? Washington
Very long story, I will condense it as much as possible. Divorced for 7 years and have custody of both kids, although my son is now 22 and my daughter is 17. My daughter has always struggled with school, both the work itself and the social aspect. Two years ago her mom talked her into coming to live with her, with the promise of home school and a horse.
Now she wants to move back with me and my wife. I have discovered that the home schooling never really happened and she has missed out on an education. Her mom is extremely overbearing, screams and yells, very controlling, and has some mental issues.
I have no problem taking her back, but with missing two years of school I realize she can't go to regular high school. Our local alternative school has no openings.
Our parenting plan has me as the custodial parent, but my ex has joint decisions on schooling. She won't agree to online schooling or tutor. Because of several factors my daughter tests at a 6th to 7th grade level. The ex wants our daughter to stay with her and start schooling at the 6th grade level, and stay in school until she is 21. I think her idea is not only unpractical, but an attempt to control our daughter as long as possible.
So finally to my questions. Do I turn the ex in for truancy? ( Becca bill) Do I file to have the parenting plan amended so that the ex has no say? My ex doesn't work and has nothing better to do with her time than call schools, etc. to complain, bully and generally get her way.
I look forward to your response.
I did't realize that I posted in the child support thread. My mistake
Thank you

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state? Washington
Very long story, I will condense it as much as possible. Divorced for 7 years and have custody of both kids, although my son is now 22 and my daughter is 17. My daughter has always struggled with school, both the work itself and the social aspect. Two years ago her mom talked her into coming to live with her, with the promise of home school and a horse.
Now she wants to move back with me and my wife. I have discovered that the home schooling never really happened and she has missed out on an education. Her mom is extremely overbearing, screams and yells, very controlling, and has some mental issues.
I have no problem taking her back, but with missing two years of school I realize she can't go to regular high school. Our local alternative school has no openings.
Our parenting plan has me as the custodial parent, but my ex has joint decisions on schooling. She won't agree to online schooling or tutor. Because of several factors my daughter tests at a 6th to 7th grade level. The ex wants our daughter to stay with her and start schooling at the 6th grade level, and stay in school until she is 21. I think her idea is not only unpractical, but an attempt to control our daughter as long as possible.
So finally to my questions. Do I turn the ex in for truancy? ( Becca bill) Do I file to have the parenting plan amended so that the ex has no say? My ex doesn't work and has nothing better to do with her time than call schools, etc. to complain, bully and generally get her way.
I look forward to your response.
Thank you

How is it you didn't know for TWO YEARS that your child was not being educated? Really - how?

 

[biggdaddy55]

Fair question. She had all the books for home schooling and virtual academy. When I asked for progress reports I was shown reports that I now know were filled out by my ex, not the school district that was supposed to be overseeing her progress.

 

[stealth2]

Fair question. She had all the books for home schooling and virtual academy. When I asked for progress reports I was shown reports that I now know were filled out by my ex, not the school district that was supposed to be overseeing her progress.

So... You never followed up with the child - who you knew had previously struggled with school - to see if she was making progress? Asked her questions about her studies?

Did you ever do anything to turn custody over to Mom? I'm thinking not.) Did YOU (as the CP) do what was necessary via the school district to make sure the HSjng was properly registered with them? Did you follow up with them as to the child's progress?

I don't think you want to report her for truancy, tbh.

 

[CJane]

My 17 year old is finishing her senior year online in WA. The one she's enrolled in is administered by the Quillayute school district. Anyway, 1) it's awfully easy to log on as a parent OR the student and track progress. I do it all the time. 2) It is NOT the same thing as homeschooling 3) If your 17 year old tests at a 6th grade level, there's something going on besides Mom's lackadaisical approach to education from 15-17. 4) If the child cannot be trusted to attend school online with Mom, why do you suppose the child can be trusted to attend school online with you?

 

[stealth2]

My 17 year old is finishing her senior year online in WA. The one she's enrolled in is administered by the Quillayute school district. Anyway, 1) it's awfully easy to log on as a parent OR the student and track progress. I do it all the time. 2) It is NOT the same thing as homeschooling 3) If your 17 year old tests at a 6th grade level, there's something going on besides Mom's lackadaisical approach to education from 15-17. 4) If the child cannot be trusted to attend school online with Mom, why do you suppose the child can be trusted to attend school online with you?

Very good - and important - point. Have you ever had her tested for learning disabilities? Honestly, it sounds as though both Mom AND you have dropped the ball big time.

 

[LdiJ]

Just to throw out one more point that hasn't been made yet....

School districts do have age limits for someone entering into a specific class. In my school district, as an example, a 17 year old would not be permitted to enroll in a regular 6th grade class. They would have to go to an alternative school. I doubt very much that any school district would allow a 17 year old to enroll in a class that is generally for 11-12 year olds.

 

[stealth2]

I suspect biggdaddy didn't appreciate the input. Oh well.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Washington
Very long story, I will condense it as much as possible. Divorced for 7 years and have custody of both kids, although my son is now 22 and my daughter is 17. My daughter has always struggled with school, both the work itself and the social aspect. Two years ago her mom talked her into coming to live with her, with the promise of home school and a horse.
Now she wants to move back with me and my wife. I have discovered that the home schooling never really happened and she has missed out on an education. Her mom is extremely overbearing, screams and yells, very controlling, and has some mental issues.
I have no problem taking her back, but with missing two years of school I realize she can't go to regular high school. Our local alternative school has no openings.
Our parenting plan has me as the custodial parent, but my ex has joint decisions on schooling. She won't agree to online schooling or tutor. Because of several factors my daughter tests at a 6th to 7th grade level. The ex wants our daughter to stay with her and start schooling at the 6th grade level, and stay in school until she is 21. I think her idea is not only unpractical, but an attempt to control our daughter as long as possible.
So finally to my questions. Do I turn the ex in for truancy? ( Becca bill) Do I file to have the parenting plan amended so that the ex has no say? My ex doesn't work and has nothing better to do with her time than call schools, etc. to complain, bully and generally get her way.
I look forward to your response.
Thank you

And yet this is posted under child support which seems to belie the real reason for the thread is whether you will have to pay child support until your child is 21. Is that your concern? Because I agree with the fact that if your 17 year old daughter is only reading at a 6th or 7th grade reading level, you don't get to blame mom for that. You had a role to play as well. What have you done to advocate for your child?

 

[Zigner]

However...

IF the child in question actually does have a learning disability, and IF that disability is so severe as to cause the child to require a conservatorship in order to function, then it's entirely possible that our OP will be paying child support even beyond the age of 21.

ETA: It doesn't appear that the court order was ever amended. I don't think our OP is presently paying child support...

 

[single317dad]

You can go to court and argue that the child didn't receive a proper education. You'd be right, and that would be a reason for the court to revisit custody. However, as far as the court is concerned, all of this happened on YOUR watch. You had primary custody. You accepted the responsibility to make sure she was fed, clothed, safe, and educated. You sent her off to Mom and failed to do any of that. If your child really is truant and not receiving a basic education, you'll be lucky if child services doesn't come calling.

As the primary custodian, you should enroll the child immediately in whatever educational program you can get her in. If Mom doesn't like it, let her be the one to drag the case back into court. Her hands are just as dirty as yours here, and if I were either one of you I wouldn't want this case coming before a judge.

 

[biggdaddy55]

I understand the criticism handed out to me. Yes I started paying child support as soon as my daughter moved in with her mom. Yes in hindsight I should have been more diligent on following up on her school work. I haven't moved, my ex moved across the state so visits haven't been what I wanted. When I could make it over to see her, it was usually at one of her weekend horse events.
Dealing with my ex is difficult at best, so the communication has been brief - again, I do take responsibility for not making sure that schooling was being done.
I was hoping for a direction I could possibly turn. Putting my daughter in a class that is at her learning level isn't an option. I understand that online classes require constant supervision.
It had nothing to do whether I "appreciated the input" - I was at work
Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

I understand the criticism handed out to me. Yes I started paying child support as soon as my daughter moved in with her mom. Yes in hindsight I should have been more diligent on following up on her school work. I haven't moved, my ex moved across the state so visits haven't been what I wanted. When I could make it over to see her, it was usually at one of her weekend horse events.
Dealing with my ex is difficult at best, so the communication has been brief - again, I do take responsibility for not making sure that schooling was being done.
I was hoping for a direction I could possibly turn. Putting my daughter in a class that is at her learning level isn't an option. I understand that online classes require constant supervision.
It had nothing to do whether I "appreciated the input" - I was at work
Thank you.

Well, you are probably going to have to do one of two things. Either just take your daughter back (since you still have custody legally) and just put her in an online school and make her do the work while you are home in the evenings, and just deal with court if mom files for custody based on status quo, and contempt because you put her in an online school. Or, take her back and file a motion to put her in online school based on the lack of available alternatives...and mom may still file for custody based on status quo.

If mom files for custody based on status quo, you will have to demonstrate to the courts that mom failed in providing the child an education for the last two years.

 

[Zigner]

I understand the criticism handed out to me. Yes I started paying child support as soon as my daughter moved in with her mom

Was this court-ordered?

 

[biggdaddy55]

No it wasn't court ordered. I did have it set up through DSHS so that my ex couldn't say I wasn't paying for my daughter.