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Now allowed to pursue child support again?

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hmc8982

Member
Not allowed to pursue child support again?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
IN

Ok, we have kind of a crazy situation... so I will tell you briefly about it. When my husband and his ex wife divorced.. they agreed to a 50/50 no child support situation (even though attorneys told him it wouldn't work once he remarried, the kids started school, etc) But they made it work for a short time. In the decree they did make it say that she was responsible to pay him $13 a week for some reason.. I think because they discovered his other son wasn't actually his.. so it stated that he was the one responsible for the one that was. Over time, what the attorneys have said has happened.. he remarried, moved 45 minutes away and they started school and are getting very involved.. and want to be "home" more. Still, we provide for them, they never have to pack anything when they come to our house.. we provide a bedroom, an entire wardrobe, toys, and just everything they could need...as if they lived here all the time. We cover them on our insurance.. and to help compensate with the changes, we buy extra clothes and shoes to send to her, winter coats, haircuts, school supplies and everything they need (for both boys even the one who isn't his-he actually paid to adopt him well after the divorce was final). Well this past summer.. their mom decided to keep them every weekend for 6 weekends.. and we know she was lying about most of them.. she was getting their hopes up and lying to us so she could keep them. But then when it doesn't benefit her.. she is so back and forth. She is a habitual liar.. and has started using the children to lie too. We try to do our best to compensate though.. and now she is kind of threatening us about child support. She likes to make him feel guilty for things he can't control.

Well, here's the thing.. they divorced in 2007.. and in 2009 the were called to court because she lied to get TANF and stole the money..and it was saying she owed him money (the $13 a week for those years).. he agreed to waive what she owed him and she was forced to pay back the TANF money and close the account altogether. So they then redid the child support section of the divorce decree... stating that no one would pay child support to the other while they are doing the 50/50 thing. THEN... they had to sign a SEPARATE document saying that because she stole from TANF...they could not come back to them and apply for child support ever again within that county for these children. I'm confused because it doesn't say that in the new divorce decree document. But my husband tells me it was something separate that was just for that county..from that particular child support office. So, can they do that? Have you ever heard of this happening? Does it really mean she can't go after him for child support at all in that county? I mean I'm guessing... since the divorce decree is a state court ordered document.. and this thing they signed was not... it was just for that specific county (which she still lives in)... Is this something that would happen after someone steals money like TANF? I mean the modified court ordered document doesn't state it like that. But he said the lady explained this separate thing to them very clearly like they would never be eligible in that county again because of it? I'm just confused I guess.

Another thing-we have offered to let her claim him on her taxes.. but she says she can only claim 2 for some reason?? We are thinking because it will lower her welfare benefits if she claims him.. so that's whey she doesn't want to. But I don't know? It's all so weird to me.

Thank you so much!
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
IN

Ok, we have kind of a crazy situation... so I will tell you briefly about it. When my husband and his ex wife divorced.. they agreed to a 50/50 no child support situation (even though attorneys told him it wouldn't work once he remarried, the kids started school, etc) But they made it work for a short time. In the decree they did make it say that she was responsible to pay him $13 a week for some reason.. I think because they discovered his other son wasn't actually his.. so it stated that he was the one responsible for the one that was. Over time, what the attorneys have said has happened.. he remarried, moved 45 minutes away and they started school and are getting very involved.. and want to be "home" more. Still, we provide for them, they never have to pack anything when they come to our house.. we provide a bedroom, an entire wardrobe, toys, and just everything they could need...as if they lived here all the time. We cover them on our insurance.. and to help compensate with the changes, we buy extra clothes and shoes to send to her, winter coats, haircuts, school supplies and everything they need (for both boys even the one who isn't his-he actually paid to adopt him well after the divorce was final). Well this past summer.. their mom decided to keep them every weekend for 6 weekends.. and we know she was lying about most of them.. she was getting their hopes up and lying to us so she could keep them. But then when it doesn't benefit her.. she is so back and forth. She is a habitual liar.. and has started using the children to lie too. We try to do our best to compensate though.. and now she is kind of threatening us about child support. She likes to make him feel guilty for things he can't control.

Well, here's the thing.. they divorced in 2007.. and in 2009 the were called to court because she lied to get TANF and stole the money..and it was saying she owed him money (the $13 a week for those years).. he agreed to waive what she owed him and she was forced to pay back the TANF money and close the account altogether. So they then redid the child support section of the divorce decree... stating that no one would pay child support to the other while they are doing the 50/50 thing. THEN... they had to sign a SEPARATE document saying that because she stole from TANF...they could not come back to them and apply for child support ever again within that county for these children. I'm confused because it doesn't say that in the new divorce decree document. But my husband tells me it was something separate that was just for that county..from that particular child support office. So, can they do that? Have you ever heard of this happening? Does it really mean she can't go after him for child support at all in that county? I mean I'm guessing... since the divorce decree is a state court ordered document.. and this thing they signed was not... it was just for that specific county (which she still lives in)... Is this something that would happen after someone steals money like TANF? I mean the modified court ordered document doesn't state it like that. But he said the lady explained this separate thing to them very clearly like they would never be eligible in that county again because of it? I'm just confused I guess.

Another thing-we have offered to let her claim him on her taxes.. but she says she can only claim 2 for some reason?? We are thinking because it will lower her welfare benefits if she claims him.. so that's whey she doesn't want to. But I don't know? It's all so weird to me.

Thank you so much!

It is, truly, impossible to waive future support in that manner. That would be tossed in a NY second.

Now, if she obtained TANF fraudulently it could prevent one or both from applying for TANF again - but certainly not child support.
 

hmc8982

Member
the thing was she lied about child support to get it. She claimed she had the children more than she did and that he wasn't paying her child support he was suppose to.. to get it. When actually in the divorce decree she was to pay him. It was a very screwy situation. They set it up all wrong from the beginning.

When they went to court, it was saying she owed him money for back child support.. like nearly $2000. And She took the tanf money fraudulently. So, basically he said he would waive what she owed him, she had to pay back the tanf money (they were going to come after him, even though he knew nothing about it because she lied).

Tonight she actually admitted them saying they could never go after it again as well. It was just odd to me.. the whole situation. I don't think it means she couldn't go after it in a different county.. just not in that one because she stole. So I don't know. She even backs up what he is saying?
 

hmc8982

Member
And they both agreed to it and signed it right there together. They didn't ask for it.. the child support office made them sign it.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
Child support and custody are ALWAYS modifiable. Until the kids age out, either of them can go back to court at any time and ask for a review and a new order based on the current circumstances. There may be a limit to how frequently this can be done depending on the state, but there is no such thing as a child support order that must stand until the children are adults. And none of it has anything to do with her welfare fraud issues.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Are they sure they actually understood what they were told?

The court CANNOT prevent one of them from filing for child support.

(And that includes the court in their county)
 

hmc8982

Member
I don't know.. all I know is they both say the exact same thing. They both understood it to be very clear that they wouldn't be able to pursue it again there. I'm pretty sure she's done more than that as far as fraud. Technically it was also showing as she wasn't paying my husband. If only one was saying it, I would think it was a misunderstanding. But I can't believe as conniving as she is.. this happened nearly 4 years ago..and she feels the same way.

But also... I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to pursue anything that could alter what she gets from welfare.. and I think that's why she says she can't add him to her taxes as well. We were trying to tell her we would let her claim him...she says she can't... Or also she's afraid she will get caught with something else. I know I've heard of child support cases being dismissed?

I guess neither one of them is pursuing to change it so it's not that big of a deal at the moment. It's just so confusing.
 

hmc8982

Member
Oh and then there is this other screwy situation.. where they divorced, he found out his oldest son wasn't his.. then nearly 3 years AFTER the divorce... he legally adopted him...he isn't even written up in their divorce decree because of the paternity tests showing him as not his. And the biological father was around.. but then he died in a car accident...
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Oh and then there is this other screwy situation.. where they divorced, he found out his oldest son wasn't his.. then nearly 3 years AFTER the divorce... he legally adopted him...he isn't even written up in their divorce decree because of the paternity tests showing him as not his. And the biological father was around.. but then he died in a car accident...

How did he adopt the child?
 

hmc8982

Member
I dont know what you mean exactly? It was a very weird situation.. but they were able to do it because his mother consented to it.. He raised the child from birth..then he found out he wasn't the father when they divorced. The bio father said he wanted him but never pursued it.. but my husband wanted to do the right thing and give him a chance Ironically he died in a car accident before ever doing any paternity tests or anything..and my husband continued to raise him... And eventually just decided to legally adopt him.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I dont know what you mean exactly? It was a very weird situation.. but they were able to do it because his mother consented to it.. He raised the child from birth..then he found out he wasn't the father when they divorced. The bio father said he wanted him but never pursued it.. but my husband wanted to do the right thing and give him a chance Ironically he died in a car accident before ever doing any paternity tests or anything..and my husband continued to raise him... And eventually just decided to legally adopt him.


Because generally, he'd have to either marry Mom and do a stepparent adoption while married, or adopt as a single person which would strip Mom's rights away.
 

hmc8982

Member
It wasn't either of those. I would have to go dig up the paper work that is filed away to explain it better. I'm just saying the whole thing is so "different" from what you usually hear in divorce scenarios. I don't know if this could make any difference or not.

So neither one thinks they can pursue child support. Like I said.. if he misunderstood.. then she did too.. OR she is just not wanting it to affect her other welfare benefits. I know I have found that child support would change what she is allowed to get from it. And she milks it for all it's worth. She gets the benefits for the other 2 children in her home as well...

And I think they might have thrown out the situation because it was so messed up. She owed him back child support...she stole from tanf (meaning they were expecting his child support that she lied and said he was to pay, to go back to them to replace the money given to her.) Then they had to agree..he had to agree to waive what she owed him...and she had to admit to lying and pay that money back...it was just all messed up...
 
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hmc8982

Member
She has 2 other children with her now boyfriend.. and she has stated she won't get married to him because she will lose her benefits....

She never even got an attorney in the divorce.... I don't know.
 

hmc8982

Member
And another question.. I don't know if you can answer.

We want to allow her to claim him on her taxes (divorce decree says my husband does)... I spoke to my father who worked for the state revenue for 40+ years and he says she is wrong in saying she can only claim 2 children.. we can allow her to claim him if we approve. But, what he doesn't know is... if she claims the 3rd child, does that affect her welfare benefits? That was the only thing he could think of..
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
A better question would be, why are you so overinvolved in your husband's legal matters that have nothing to do with you?
 

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