Please help with my options, my life is falling apart

[red001]

You've already exercised your "options" in the arena of having children. There are no further "options." This is a legal matter, and the numbers are the numbers.

This is all I have left for you, and I mean it sincerely: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-8255.

Why would I want to prevent it, when it could be my only option left?

 

[Silverplum]

Why would I want to prevent it, when it could be my only option left?

This stuff ^^^^ is not my field. I did what I could.

 

[red001]

Well, then.

(Of course you're wrong about that, too: http://le.utah.gov/code/TITLE78B/htm/78B12_020300.htm)

I'm sorry, that was just the information I was given by the gentleman that works for the state.

 

[red001]

This stuff ^^^^ is not my field. I did what I could.

I'm sorry, I'm just losing my mind over this.

 

[Zigner]

Why would your girlfriend leave you over this?

 

[commentator]

Seriously, if you want to, take the suicide option. Your daughter that you do claim and your new child you just found out about will both be eligible for social security death benefits. Your current girlfriend won't be having that family you with you are so looking forward to, assuming, of course that it really really counts if you really really LOVE the mother of those children, as far as what support they need from you. And of course you'll be out of it all, no longer anguishing over your past mistakes, the pain, the dashing of your hopes.

Yes, we've all made mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes preclude other things we really wanted in life. Sometimes you cannot unbreak the egg, cannot change reality, no matter how much you would like to start all over again with a new woman and have new children where your family dynamic can work out perfectly. So you always have the option to kill yourself because you cannot accept that.

You made choices several years ago which left new human beings in the world who need support. It sounds as though you've been available for your one daughter, have been supporting her emotionally as well as financially. Kill yourself now and end that support. Set her a wonderful example of how dads act, how people cope with adversity, what to do when things don't work out as you've planned. Is she emotionally in a situation where she doesn't need you anymore? Great.

The child you've not had anything to do with before? You still created this person. You still have to pay. That's the law, and that will happen, dead or alive. This could be a wonderful opportunity for you to get to know and love another deserving child. You and your girlfriend could adopt the larger attitude, and give some love to this child, instead of saving it all for your "real" children that you're going to have together. If she's not on board for this, her interest in you was mostly material anyhow, and it's good you found it out before you had any more children or wasted any more time with her.

 

[red001]

Why would your girlfriend leave you over this?

She wants a family, I do too. How would we be able to do that if we are financially struggling.

 

[Silverplum]

She's wants a family, I do too. How would we be able to do that if we are financially struggling.

You already have a couple of families. She chose poorly: or almost chose poorly.

This part is not a legal matter.

 

[red001]

Seriously, if you want to, take the suicide option. Your daughter that you do claim and your new child you just found out about will both be eligible for social security death benefits. Your current girlfriend won't be having that family you with you are so looking forward to, assuming, of course that it really really counts if you really really LOVE the mother of those children, as far as what support they need from you. And of course you'll be out of it all, no longer anguishing over your past mistakes, the pain, the dashing of your hopes.

Yes, we've all made mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes preclude other things we really wanted in life. Sometimes you cannot unbreak the egg, cannot change reality, no matter how much you would like to start all over again with a new woman and have new children where your family dynamic can work out perfectly. So you always have the option to kill yourself because you cannot accept that.

You made choices several years ago which left new human beings in the world who need support. It sounds as though you've been available for your one daughter, have been supporting her emotionally as well as financially. Kill yourself now and end that support. Set her a wonderful example of how dads act, how people cope with adversity, what to do when things don't work out as you've planned. Is she emotionally in a situation where she doesn't need you anymore? Great.

The child you've not had anything to do with before? You still created this person. You still have to pay. That's the law, and that will happen, dead or alive. This could be a wonderful opportunity for you to get to know and love another deserving child. You and your girlfriend could adopt the larger attitude, and give some love to this child, instead of saving it all for your "real" children that you're going to have together. If she's not on board for this, her interest in you was mostly material anyhow, and it's good you found it out before you had any more children or wasted any more time with her.

I don't know how I'm going to continue to have a relationship with my daughter. I have to pay for plane tickets to see her. I'm not trying to get out of paying. I know that won't happen. But I can't afford to pay what they want and see her.

 

[Eekamouse]

I don't know how I'm going to continue to have a relationship with my daughter. I have to pay for plane tickets to see her. I'm not trying to get out of paying. I know that won't happen. But I can't afford to pay what they want and see her.

I don't see how that's your other kid's fault or problem. Both need to be supported, not just the one you like.

 

[CSO286]

If I get a better job then I pay more. If I get a second job I pay more. She does work. Obviously you've never made a mistake.

A mistake is making a wrong turn. A spelling error.

You chose to have unprotected sex. (Or chose to believe that your partner was taking all the precautions.)

It's a well known fact that sex can lead to children.

What you need to do?

Get a grip.
Seek psychological help.
Realize that a breakup--if that should happen--is not the end of the world.

Get another job, or two, to pay for the children you helped create.


And to address the whole "this isn't through the courts, it's through DHS"---DHS goes through the courts. You may want to look up the phrase "administrative process". They will obtain and enforce a court order for child support. If you chose to appear at the hearing, you *might* stand a chance at requesting a downward deviation, but not the way you are arguing.

 

[TigerD]

If I get a better job then I pay more. If I get a second job I pay more. She does work. Obviously you've never made a mistake.

i've made a mistake. I married the wrong woman. The mistake cost me almost a $100k to correct.

Mistake or not - you left your little swimmies were you apparently should not have. Now you have to handle your business.

By the way, surrendering your parental responsibilities is about the most chickensh!% response to finding out you have a child that I could imagine. Stop acting like a hysterical little girl and man up.

TD

 

[single317dad]

I'm on board with commentator; there's nothing that irritates me more than someone who moans and groans and rambles on about killing themselves.

If you're gonna do it, let me suggest you take out some insurance policies in your children's names and make it look like an accident. Otherwise, time to man up. You were man enough to unload a serving of sperm surprise into multiple baby factories; be man enough to deal with the consequences.

You don't want legal advice; what you want is a Facebook group.

 

[stealth2]

If I get a better job then I pay more. If I get a second job I pay more. She does work. Obviously you've never made a mistake.

Forgetting to pay a bill... is a mistake.

Choosing paint that clashes with your carpet... is a mistake.

Sending your fiancee flowers that you know she hates... is a mistake.

A child.... is never a mistake. Shame on you.

 

[stmfitr636]

Send as much as you can, accrue arrears to be paid with any windfalls/Tax returns/etc. But make sure you keep enough back to buy (and use) condoms.

You should move closer to one (or more) of your children so you don't have to travel to see them. Forget about having a 3rd family with your fiancée, she's ready to ditch you anyway... so another broken family with no dad. Don't do it.

So, ditch the fiancée before she ditches you, move to your daughter's town, find a job there and start supporting the kids you have. Wear condoms.