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Points of proving Best Interest of Child in Forced Name Change

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jbowman

Senior Member
Sorry, Ld, but I dont understand the relevance of what happens in other countries. Are you saying our cultural (or whatever) traditions should be changed to what other countries do?
 


Humusluvr

Senior Member
Honestly OP, no one should be expected to sign an AOP/BC without DNA testing. You know the child is yours, how else is he supposed to know?
Just to play devil's advocate here...

Why SHOULD she change the name? If it doesn't matter SO MUCH when it comes to CS and day care and everything... ans she knows kiddo is hers sice kiddo came out of her.

Everyone keeps saying it doesn't matter if the name is changed... so why shouldn't it stay the same????
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
It has zero effect on attachment. What it does have an effect on is daily personal business. The constant need to prove its your child, which tends not to get asked if the child has your same last name.
Nope, sorry. My mother and I have last names. She reverted back to her maiden name after my parents divorced. Coming up NEVER did anyone make her prove she was my mother.

My boys and I have different last names. NEVER has anyone asked me to prove I was their mother. Maybe once or twice with my oldest since he became mine via adoption and we were obviously kind of close in age, but with my biological child... NEVER ONCE has anyone asked me to prove my relationship to him.

My sister and her children have different last names. NEVER has she been asked to prove, nor has she felt compelled to prove she was the mother of her children.

My kid and his last name being different than mine (nor anyone else that I know) has had zero effect on conducting personal business.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
Everyone keeps saying it doesn't matter if the name is changed... so why shouldn't it stay the same????
Because DAD should have SOME say in the naming of his child and other significant events. She herself said it... she's going to be dealing with the child in almost every other aspect of his life, make 1 concession then.
 

wnbama

Member
Nope, sorry. My mother and I have last names. She reverted back to her maiden name after my parents divorced. Coming up NEVER did anyone make her prove she was my mother.

My boys and I have different last names. NEVER has anyone asked me to prove I was their mother. Maybe once or twice with my oldest since he became mine via adoption and we were obviously kind of close in age, but with my biological child... NEVER ONCE has anyone asked me to prove my relationship to him.

My sister and her children have different last names. NEVER has she been asked to prove, nor has she felt compelled to prove she was the mother of her children.

My kid and his last name being different than mine (nor anyone else that I know) has had zero effect on conducting personal business.
I totally agree!

Me and my son has diff last names. The ONLY time I had to prove I was his mother was when STEP-MOTHER changed the info at the Doctors office to all her info and left me totally out of the picture :eek:...I just showed them the BC, along with the AOP, which I just happen to keep a copy of in my truck, problem solved, in 2 seconds! :p
 

proud_parent

Senior Member
What it does have an effect on is daily personal business. The constant need to prove its your child, which tends not to get asked if the child has your same last name.
Even if one were to argue the inconvenience angle -- and I agree with other posters that it is a minor inconvenience (if that) and easily remedied -- inconvenience to OP has aught to do with best interest of the child. And that, according to OP, is what she was hoping to prove.
 

happybug

Member
" But it's not automatic that a child have the father's last name. The mother ALWAYS automatically has the right to name the child. In cases of unmarried parents, if dad wants to (God forbid) have his child that he has to pay for and support have his last name, he has to go to court for it unless mom agrees. "

So, is it ONLY Fathers who support their children? In a single parent home, the CP usually spends MUCH more in the support of their child than the NCP, even with child support.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
In a single parent home, the CP usually spends MUCH more in the support of their child than the NCP, even with child support.
Thank you, Captain Obvious. Being a custodial parent, I didn't know that. Kind of like someone telling me I knew nothing about living in CA. :rolleyes:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I love it when people ask for ID when I use my credit card. That means they aren't letting any Joe Schmoe use my stolen cards to buy stuff.
O/T And you would not believe how many people get ticked off when you do ask. We have a policy of asking for ID when a card is unsigned or has CID/Ask for ID written on it; signed cards, we spot check - especially if it's a large purchase. I have had my girls yelled at, cussed at, verbally abused for asking for an ID - even when the card asks us to ask for one. It's kind of unbelievable!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Thank you, Captain Obvious. Being a custodial parent, I didn't know that. Kind of like someone telling me I knew nothing about living in CA. :rolleyes:
That did kind of come off as "if he has to pay, he should get to play". I know you didn't mean it that way, but someone not knowing you better would have gotten that impression.

I didn't revert to my maiden name when I got divorced, because I wanted to have the same last name as my daughter. I also didn't want to deal with the major hassle of changing everything, but that was secondary.

Its understandable that both parents want to share the same last name as their child. Equally understandable. However, mothers tend to be treated as if the are unreasonable for wanting their child to share their last name, with fathers treated as though it should be their right.

That stems in part from the fact that its a cultural tradition, and it stems in part from the fact that a woman's last name may change again in the future. Nevertheless, its still a bit gender biased.

Hyphenated last names are the most practical solution to the problem, which is why judges are so fond of that compromise.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

What are some pointers that I could possibly bring out to prove that my 6 week old son should continue to have my last name. Factors to consider are that Father was given an opportunity to sign birth certificate, but did not (I have written documentation to verify), Father resides in Atltanta, GA. I will be the one responsible for handling all the affairs of the child.

Any thoughts you have will help. I don't want to have to change my child's name when I gave the father the opportunity before i got all the affairs in order. Affairs like registereing for medical insurance, daycare, social security card, birth certificate.

Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And if I were an unmarried male, I would NOT sign a BC until proven father by a DNA test, either. It is completely valid for a man to NOT sign a BC until established as dad, and to want his child to also share his name.

Did YOU pick out the first name?
If so, why is it so terrible for him to have input on the last name? Do you think being unmarried means you alone make all decisions and don't have to compromise? Raising children requires lots of compromise, even when the parents ARE married. Get used to it! To have at least 18 years of compromising to go yet.

BTW- My daughter's BOTH first and last names were changed at 25 months old. For a different reason than yours, but WAY older than a mere 6 weeks. And no problem at all due to change. Also, my husband's name was changed, both first and last, and age 13! Again, no problem.

So PLEASE don't try to tell me that changing a name at only 6 WEEKS is a big deal- and this would only be a last name!
 
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txmomof2

Member
I'm in Texas, and went to court with my son's dad when he was 2. I was ordered to change his name, although by that point, I had a SS Card, BC, Shot Records, Daycare Records, etc all in his birth name- which was MY last name.

I went through school with a different last name than my mother, and I never liked it.

My point in arguing against the name change was simply the fact that I knew his bio dad was not (and does not) have anything to do with my son, and has had no hand in raising him- why should MY son carry on the name of a family that he never sees, never sees him, and no one does anything FOR him? Why should HE have to go through school being asked "oh, you are related to the ******'s family?" when he knows already that yes, he is but no, he doesn't know them?

I argued against it, and they ordered me to change it anyway.

My boy is 15 1/2 and I've never changed it to this day, and still don't have any intention to. they can order you to do it, but the time/expense (y'all ever dealt with Social Security office? You ever try to even get a replacement card? Imagine trying to get a new card with a new name...what a nightmare) and the fact that my son isn't being raised by THEM, but by ME and MY family- THAT is the name he will have.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I'm in Texas, and went to court with my son's dad when he was 2. I was ordered to change his name, although by that point, I had a SS Card, BC, Shot Records, Daycare Records, etc all in his birth name- which was MY last name.

I went through school with a different last name than my mother, and I never liked it.

My point in arguing against the name change was simply the fact that I knew his bio dad was not (and does not) have anything to do with my son, and has had no hand in raising him- why should MY son carry on the name of a family that he never sees, never sees him, and no one does anything FOR him? Why should HE have to go through school being asked "oh, you are related to the ******'s family?" when he knows already that yes, he is but no, he doesn't know them?

I argued against it, and they ordered me to change it anyway.

My boy is 15 1/2 and I've never changed it to this day, and still don't have any intention to. they can order you to do it, but the time/expense (y'all ever dealt with Social Security office? You ever try to even get a replacement card? Imagine trying to get a new card with a new name...what a nightmare) and the fact that my son isn't being raised by THEM, but by ME and MY family- THAT is the name he will have.
You defied a court order. Stupid. You could have gotten screwed in court.
 

txmomof2

Member
You defied a court order. Stupid. You could have gotten screwed in court.
That's fine- it's not like the NCP ever gave a crap one way or the other to begin with- and wouldn't have- I'm sure him taking me to court over a NAME CHANGE wouldn't have looked to hot considering he owes me over 10,000 in arrears.

My point is that the attitude is almost automatic- kid gets dad's last name- REGARDLESS of dad's involvement up to that point and presumed involvement in the future.

Again, I'm not going to give my son a name of a family that does NOTHING for him. If that makes me "bad" and someone wants to take me to court- then I say to any one of them to DO IT.

If the WORST thing I've done is keep his name the same as what it's always been- without regard to the fact that I support and raise him- then that's fine with me.

I know my NCP and the ONLY reason he even ACTED like he wanted the name changed was because he was trying to bullsh!t the judge to get out of some backpay. He never wanted his name changed to begin with.
 

penelope10

Senior Member
I've said this more than once, and I'm going to say it again. Despite one's own personal experience, it is simply is not a good idea to ever advise a poster to defy a court order. What may not have ended biting one in the rear given a particular set of circumstances does not mean the outcome will be the same for an OP. Your ex CHOSE not to make an issue of this, this man, if he is found to be the legal Father MIGHT.
 

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