Pretty new to child support...and I'm so frustrated! Help needed!

[lynders]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

I'm fairly new to the child support since my boys' father doesn't pay any support for the past 5yrs. Now I'm dating a man who I see myself marrying one day who has 3 kids 5, 9, 11. I'm all about having him support his kids which he does. In Jan she modified the support to include daycare which is fine since she was finally working. However we just found out that the provider she was using was an unlicensed neighbor friend and she's refused to give us any recipets showing what actual amount she paid her. Since finding that out we also found out that she was not working from mid April-May 7th and didn't pay daycare but from May 8-26 she used the friend again while working a temp job. She is now unemployed and says she is now paying a licensed daycare however the kids haven't gone there yet. I'm thinking a modification is in order...I feel she should provide proof of actual daycare expense since we have a feeling she didn't pay her as much as she says and to see about revising the past due daycare expense the state is saying he owes. (disputing that too since his support increased in Feb to support daycare but they say it hasn't been taken out for daycare from Jan-May) Should we have to support daycare expense when she's not working? And should we have to pay what she says and not what is acutal and to an unlicensed person? We get the kids now for the summer (most of it) and normaly we have them 2 weekends on, 1 weekend off, all 3 day holiday weekends, every other holiday and we can get them on her schedule time when she needs us to however she calls his mom often to take the kids on her weekend and not him (to spite him) but we get them after his mom picks them up. I'm hoping that within the next month we'll have funds enough to afford a lawyer to gain custody of them. We feel her lack of stable work history, some neglect which is just our observation (not bathing them often, inappoprate clothing ie: allowing a 5 yr old to wear no underware while wearing a skirt, not having daily meds for one of the kids) she even set up a gofund me account saying she needs money for rent so the kids don't lose their home. Which scares us that she will go to that level when we are here, willing and able to take the kids. He's beat down and worn out over the past few years with the courts...she got everything she wanted and he got screwed. She said some pretty incrediable things which were lies in court with no proof and they still sided with her in everything she wanted. He doesn't trust the system but I'm here now and am willing to put my money into getting a lawyer to get the proper care for the kids...I just need some insight in how the system works. Thanks!

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

I'm fairly new to the child support since my boys' father doesn't pay any support for the past 5yrs. Now I'm dating a man who I see myself marrying one day who has 3 kids 5, 9, 11. I'm all about having him support his kids which he does. In Jan she modified the support to include daycare which is fine since she was finally working. However we just found out that the provider she was using was an unlicensed neighbor friend and she's refused to give us any recipets showing what actual amount she paid her. Since finding that out we also found out that she was not working from mid April-May 7th and didn't pay daycare but from May 8-26 she used the friend again while working a temp job. She is now unemployed and says she is now paying a licensed daycare however the kids haven't gone there yet. I'm thinking a modification is in order...I feel she should provide proof of actual daycare expense since we have a feeling she didn't pay her as much as she says and to see about revising the past due daycare expense the state is saying he owes. (disputing that too since his support increased in Feb to support daycare but they say it hasn't been taken out for daycare from Jan-May) Should we have to support daycare expense when she's not working? And should we have to pay what she says and not what is acutal and to an unlicensed person? We get the kids now for the summer (most of it) and normaly we have them 2 weekends on, 1 weekend off, all 3 day holiday weekends, every other holiday and we can get them on her schedule time when she needs us to however she calls his mom often to take the kids on her weekend and not him (to spite him) but we get them after his mom picks them up. I'm hoping that within the next month we'll have funds enough to afford a lawyer to gain custody of them. We feel her lack of stable work history, some neglect which is just our observation (not bathing them often, inappoprate clothing ie: allowing a 5 yr old to wear no underware while wearing a skirt, not having daily meds for one of the kids) she even set up a gofund me account saying she needs money for rent so the kids don't lose their home. Which scares us that she will go to that level when we are here, willing and able to take the kids. He's beat down and worn out over the past few years with the courts...she got everything she wanted and he got screwed. She said some pretty incrediable things which were lies in court with no proof and they still sided with her in everything she wanted. He doesn't trust the system but I'm here now and am willing to put my money into getting a lawyer to get the proper care for the kids...I just need some insight in how the system works. Thanks!

Despite your view of your current man's legal situation, there is no "WE" or "US" or "OUR" when dealing with HIS legal situation.

Step way back. He has to handle this. (And Mom does not have to provide receipts to Dad or you or to anyone else.)

 

[I'mTheFather]

Wow... just wow.

 

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

He doesn't trust the system but I'm here now and am willing to put my money into getting a lawyer to get the proper care for the kids...I just need some insight in how the system works. Thanks!

Here's how it works: If Dad has an issue, then Dad needs to address that issue. You can not address the issue. You can pay for the attorney, if you choose--but that attorney will work for the PARENT involved.

Back away from the line you are about to cross. You are a Legal Stranger, and have no rights in regards to his children!

 

[I'mTheFather]

Tha last part that SP bolded reminded me of Andy Kaufman and Mighty Mouse:

"Here I come to save the day!"

 

[lynders]

Understood

Here's how it works: If Dad has an issue, then Dad needs to address that issue. You can not address the issue. You can pay for the attorney, if you choose--but that attorney will work for the PARENT involved.

Back away from the line you are about to cross. You are a Legal Stranger, and have no rights in regards to his children!

This is all that I asked for....advice to the legal system. I don't have to deal with my kids' dad like this so again I'm new to it all. I'm in the middle since we live together and am only trying to help. He talks to me about how he feels she's almost at that point of being completely unfit and wants what's best for them. He wants to get a lawyer but doesn't have the means but I could in the very near future. I want whats best for them too and I came here just seeking some answers or thoughts.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

I'm fairly new to the child support since my boys' father doesn't pay any support for the past 5yrs. Now I'm dating a man who I see myself marrying one day who has 3 kids 5, 9, 11. I'm all about having him support his kids which he does. In Jan she modified the support to include daycare which is fine since she was finally working. However we just found out that the provider she was using was an unlicensed neighbor friend and she's refused to give us any recipets showing what actual amount she paid her.

Dad's not entitled to an accounting as of now. You'll never be entitled to anything.

Since finding that out we also found out that she was not working from mid April-May 7th and didn't pay daycare but from May 8-26 she used the friend again while working a temp job. She is now unemployed and says she is now paying a licensed daycare however the kids haven't gone there yet. I'm thinking a modification is in order.

Perhaps Dad's support should be raised?

..I feel she should provide proof of actual daycare expense since we have a feeling she didn't pay her as much as she says and to see about revising the past due daycare expense the state is saying he owes.

Well, here's the fun part about that. Exactly what is Daddy going to do when Mommy provides him with perfect receipts from the daycare provider which show Mom is cutting him a break since his portion would be higher than what he's now paying?

Dad should also note that WA does not require a daycare provider to be licensed.

(disputing that too since his support increased in Feb to support daycare but they say it hasn't been taken out for daycare from Jan-May) Should we have to support daycare expense when she's not working? And should we have to pay what she says and not what is acutal and to an unlicensed person?

See previous answer.

We get the kids now for the summer (most of it) and normaly we have them 2 weekends on, 1 weekend off, all 3 day holiday weekends, every other holiday and we can get them on her schedule time when she needs us to however she calls his mom often to take the kids on her weekend and not him (to spite him) but we get them after his mom picks them up.

No. You really don't.

I'm hoping that within the next month we'll have funds enough to afford a lawyer to gain custody of them. We feel her lack of stable work history, some neglect which is just our observation (not bathing them often, inappoprate clothing ie: allowing a 5 yr old to wear no underware while wearing a skirt, not having daily meds for one of the kids) she even set up a gofund me account saying she needs money for rent so the kids don't lose their home. Which scares us that she will go to that level when we are here, willing and able to take the kids. He's beat down and worn out over the past few years with the courts...she got everything she wanted and he got screwed. She said some pretty incrediable things which were lies in court with no proof and they still sided with her in everything she wanted. He doesn't trust the system but I'm here now and am willing to put my money into getting a lawyer to get the proper care for the kids...I just need some insight in how the system works. Thanks!

You want real, solid advice from a stepparent in Washington? Sit down and sit still. You're going to receive it right about... NOW.

Neglect? Dad is perfectly happy with how Mom is doing things. If he wasn't, he'd have done something long before now.

Next? Dad NEEDS to keep you about half a mile away from his dealings with Mom. Because trust me, you are on your way to ensuring Dad has even fewer options and if it goes to court, the court will have no problem at all ordering that you cannot be around the children unsupervised. Add to that the possible rise in daycare costs and you might just find he picks his kids over you.

But speaking of Dad... he's feeding you a victim story. You're being a twit if you believe his every word - I guarantee you that it did NOT go down as he claimed.

Ultimately? Know. Your. Place.

 

[Proserpina]

This is all that I asked for....advice to the legal system. I don't have to deal with my kids' dad like this so again I'm new to it all. I'm in the middle since we live together and am only trying to help. He talks to me about how he feels she's almost at that point of being completely unfit and wants what's best for them. He wants to get a lawyer but doesn't have the means but I could in the very near future. I want whats best for them too and I came here just seeking some answers or thoughts.

So Dad is just as guilty as Mom in terms of being unfit.

 

[lynders]

Curious

Despite your view of your current man's legal situation, there is no "WE" or "US" or "OUR" when dealing with HIS legal situation.

Step way back. He has to handle this. (And Mom does not have to provide receipts to Dad or you or to anyone else.)

I understand what you are saying and you're absolutely right that it's his legal situation. I'm just seeking some insight to help him along.

However I'm curious then if I personaly have no say in his legal issues w/his kids even though I live with him, then how come the courts require he disclose MY personal income when seeking child support amount?

 

[Proserpina]

I understand what you are saying and you're absolutely right that it's his legal situation. I'm just seeking some insight to help him along.

However I'm curious then if I personaly have no say in his legal issues w/his kids even though I live with him, then how come the courts require he disclose MY personal income when seeking child support amount?

Because it wants to see all household income. It doesn't mean they use your income to calculate child support.

 

[lynders]

Dad's not entitled to an accounting as of now. You'll never be entitled to anything.



Perhaps Dad's support should be raised?



Well, here's the fun part about that. Exactly what is Daddy going to do when Mommy provides him with perfect receipts from the daycare provider which show Mom is cutting him a break since his portion would be higher than what he's now paying?

Dad should also note that WA does not require a daycare provider to be licensed.



See previous answer.



No. You really don't.



You want real, solid advice from a stepparent in Washington? Sit down and sit still. You're going to receive it right about... NOW.

Neglect? Dad is perfectly happy with how Mom is doing things. If he wasn't, he'd have done something long before now.

Next? Dad NEEDS to keep you about half a mile away from his dealings with Mom. Because trust me, you are on your way to ensuring Dad has even fewer options and if it goes to court, the court will have no problem at all ordering that you cannot be around the children unsupervised. Add to that the possible rise in daycare costs and you might just find he picks his kids over you.

But speaking of Dad... he's feeding you a victim story. You're being a twit if you believe his every word - I guarantee you that it did NOT go down as he claimed.

Ultimately? Know. Your. Place.

Maybe she should hold a job for once! But that means she'll lose her state support since he pays a salary worth of support already. Oh and yes in WA daycare has to be licensed or of some type of family relation otherwise it's illegal. If a neighbor/friend watches children on a regular basis they must have a license. I checked that out already. And there is no way she paid more than she said to give him a "break" that would be being nice to him and she can't stand that. And if it is more he doesn't care as long as it's fair. Why wouldn't he be allowed proof?? Oh but its her word so its ok since we're talking about WA family law with a female judge every single time. My bad...I'm just a silly concerned step parent. I'll keep my mouth shut while kids get neglected...no problem. Stepping back to my side of the line I so rudely crossed. Thanks for the "help"

 

[I'mTheFather]

Uh, you're not a stepparent.

 

[I'mTheFather]

And you're waaaaay over-involved.

 

[lynders]

Because it wants to see all household income. It doesn't mean they use your income to calculate child support.

I don't care they want household income....if I as a step parent who helps care for those precious kids when he has them can't have a say in their well being/legal issues then they don't have a right to MY income/information even if it's not used for support. Not cool at all. If i have a line to stay behind then she can't cross my line!! I want what's best for them and a neglectful mother is NOT best for them. But I'm just the step parent so my words or opinions don't matter.

 

[I'mTheFather]

So what?? I can't be a concerned person?? I've seen the neglect first hand....as a parent myself I would never treat my kids like she does. The things I hear from his kids....awlful. I've already taken action on those issues. Have documents of past cps reports. So yeah, I'm just the step parent but also a concerned citizen!

You are NOT a stepparent. Besides, this is none of your legal business. If the father wanted to do anything about the situation, he would have sought out help himself.