question regarding child custody/child support modification

[xav8terx]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

I have a question regarding child custody/child support modification.

Quick background: My ex-wife and I were divorced 2/12 of this year. She is the custodial parent and I have him every Saturday overnight and a few hours one day of the week (typically Thursday) and I pay $300 a month CS (plus medical) for our 6 year old son (will be 7 in Aug). This is what we agreed on at the time due to my living condition; I was out of his school district. I now live in the area and feel that she is not providing the care our son needs (her mother would agree). His Grandma pretty much takes care of him while she builds her “new life” (partying and what not). He sleeps in his grandma’s room (which used to be his room), misses way to much school, he is constantly complaining that he is sick, etc…

I plan on talking to her about coming to another agreement so we don’t have to mess with the attorney fees again which I know neither of us can afford. I am looking for 50/50 custody and CS reduced accordingly since I will need to provide daycare while I am at work (regular 8-5 hours). Would we be able to modify the custody and CS payment this early? Also if we can do that and we get 50/50 who is considered the “custodial” parent?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

I have a question regarding child custody/child support modification.

Quick background: My ex-wife and I were divorced 2/12 of this year. She is the custodial parent and I have him every Saturday overnight and a few hours one day of the week (typically Thursday) and I pay $300 a month CS (plus medical) for our 6 year old son (will be 7 in Aug). This is what we agreed on at the time due to my living condition; I was out of his school district. I now live in the area and feel that she is not providing the care our son needs (her mother would agree). His Grandma pretty much takes care of him while she builds her “new life” (partying and what not). He sleeps in his grandma’s room (which used to be his room), misses way to much school, he is constantly complaining that he is sick, etc…

I plan on talking to her about coming to another agreement so we don’t have to mess with the attorney fees again which I know neither of us can afford. I am looking for 50/50 custody and CS reduced accordingly since I will need to provide daycare while I am at work (regular 8-5 hours). Would we be able to modify the custody and CS payment this early? Also if we can do that and we get 50/50 who is considered the “custodial” parent?

MOM having a babysitter doesn't make mom unfit. if there were the case, then why would you want to have daycare?

when you say misses way too much school? are these excused absences? is he actually sick? have you taken him to a doctor? what has the doctor stated?

if mom is unfit in your eyes, why do you want only 50/50 custody? instead of full custody?

now it just looks like mom is okay as a parent, but as long as you don't pay any support.

catch my drift?

 

[xav8terx]

I didn't say she was unfit which is why I am seeking 50/50 (which was our original goal but again, due to where I lived at the time it wouldn’t work with his school). I just feel that if he is being left with his GM 75% of the time (and not just while she is at work...which she just got here in the last few days anyway) then I should have more custody...I am his father after all...doesn’t first rights play a role when it comes to who the child should be left with? Not to mention the fact that he shares a room with his grandma…he sleeps on the floor!!!

Missing school is excused I guess because she calls them but she has not taken him to the DR's to see what the problem is. I suspect it's the situation he is in (yes I know speculation is nothing in these matters but that is my feeling). I only have him for a few hours one day a week and on Saturdays and he is perfectly fine at those times (yet another reason he should be with me 50/50). He has yet to say he doesn’t feel very well. I can certainly take him to the clinic on Saturday's but it just seems pointless if there isn’t anything wrong with him at the time for the DR to try to diagnose. If others feel that I am wrong about that and to take him anyway then I will do that.

And no I don’t get your "drift" regarding the CS issue (I can see how it may look to some bitter people but they must get past their own issue and judge others on a case to case). I stated why I feel it should be reduced...not taken completely away...it’s to help pay for child care. I'm not trying to be rude but it is extremely offensive when CS is brought up and it goes straight to the payer just not wanting to pay when that is certainly not close to being the case at all. I mean the same can be said about custodial parents only wanting custody so they can keep the full amount of CS instead of doing what’s best for the child. This is about my son not money.

 

[Isis1]

I didn't say she was unfit which is why I am seeking 50/50 (which was our original goal but again, due to where I lived at the time it wouldn’t work with his school). I just feel that if he is being left with his GM 75% of the time (and not just while she is at work...which she just got here in the last few days anyway) then I should have more custody...I am his father after all...doesn’t first rights play a role when it comes to who the child should be left with? Not to mention the fact that he shares a room with his grandma…he sleeps on the floor!!!

Missing school is excused I guess because she calls them but she has not taken him to the DR's to see what the problem is. I suspect it's the situation he is in (yes I know speculation is nothing in these matters but that is my feeling). I only have him for a few hours one day a week and on Saturdays and he is perfectly fine at those times (yet another reason he should be with me 50/50). He has yet to say he doesn’t feel very well. I can certainly take him to the clinic on Saturday's but it just seems pointless if there isn’t anything wrong with him at the time for the DR to try to diagnose. If others feel that I am wrong about that and to take him anyway then I will do that.

And no I don’t get your "drift" regarding the CS issue (I can see how it may look to some bitter people but they must get past their own issue and judge others on a case to case). I stated why I feel it should be reduced...not taken completely away...it’s to help pay for child care. I'm not trying to be rude but it is extremely offensive when CS is brought up and it goes straight to the payer just not wanting to pay when that is certainly not close to being the case at all. I mean the same can be said about custodial parents only wanting custody so they can keep the full amount of CS instead of doing what’s best for the child. This is about my son not money.

when you as the NCP bring up child custody and child support in the same sentence, it causes the judge to be suspicious. lesson learned, don't do that.

if you want more visitation time, ask for it. leave child support out of the equation.

asking for a full every other weekend, is not unheard of. asking for one overnight a week is also not unheard of. and bear in mind, child support may not even move. if grandma is babysitting free of charge out of school, then the courts may allow the same. hence, no daycare fees for you.

 

[xav8terx]

That drift I do get and the point is taken. I will approach that issue with caution.

I do not want the full weekend every other weekend or I would have that now. That is actually what she wanted it to be but I didn’t want to go that long without seeing my boy so she agreed to every Saturday (still giving us both time to "start over" without involving him...and we are mature enough to make special arrangements if either of us has something to do). And I would not leave him with his grandmother. She has entirely to many health issues (on top of a pill addiction, prescribed yes, but addiction none the less...not to mention she would charge me); which is why I am uncomfortable with her leaving him with her overnight and as often as she does it; but I do understand that as of right now I really cant do much about that other than what I am trying to do with the custody.

I figure if it was the 50/50 split...which in my eyes there is absolutely no reason why it couldn't be that way...now that I am in the same area of course...then it would give her the time she needs for social activities and not put him in the position he is in. He needs a father in his life just as much as a mother wouldn't you agree?

And thank you for the input and advice. It is really appreciated.