Raised by another mother

[aot2002]

in 1996 my wife and her boyfriend had a child, the boyfriend signed off on the child in 1996 and fled the area.

My wife and her mother took partial custody each of the child while the verbal agreement was for her mother to raise the child as she was too young to do so at 16 years old. Her mother also was very financially stable.

In 1997 I met my wife and in 1998 my wife and I got married, things were very financially rough for us up until 2007 when I found a job making 5 times what I did in previous years.

My wife and I had 5 kids along the way of our own.

Her mother got laid off from work in 2004 and then disabled from another job, her father is on disability as well for his whole life. Both are more then able to work but choose to abuse the system.

A week ago my wife's mother decided to tell the child that the real mother is my wife a secret they have kept for a long time without my wife's consent.

At this point in my wife's eye's she is not the mother because she did not raise the child, she also does not want to raise the child as we have 5 of our own and financially we cannot support anymore family members.

We don't know the best options but her mother is trying her best to get money from us because she is financially strapped.

We want to know how we can release my wife from any financial obligations at this point and what can exactly her mother do?

Remember this is NOT my child it's my wife's and she does not work she's a full-time mom for our kids.

 

[Proserpina]

in 1996 my wife and her boyfriend had a child, the boyfriend signed off on the child in 1996 and fled the area.

My wife and her mother took partial custody each of the child while the verbal agreement was for her mother to raise the child as she was too young to do so at 16 years old. Her mother also was very financially stable.

In 1997 I met my wife and in 1998 my wife and I got married, things were very financially rough for us up until 2007 when I found a job making 5 times what I did in previous years.

My wife and I had 5 kids along the way of our own.

Her mother got laid off from work in 2004 and then disabled from another job, her father is on disability as well for his whole life. Both are more then able to work but choose to abuse the system.

A week ago my wife's mother decided to tell the child that the real mother is my wife a secret they have kept for a long time without my wife's consent.

At this point in my wife's eye's she is not the mother because she did not raise the child, she also does not want to raise the child as we have 5 of our own and financially we cannot support anymore family members.

We don't know the best options but her mother is trying her best to get money from us because she is financially strapped.

We want to know how we can release my wife from any financial obligations at this point and what can exactly her mother do?

Remember this is NOT my child it's my wife's and she does not work she's a full-time mom for our kids.

Please explain why your wife shouldn't support her child?

Your wife's mother has every right to file for child support. Hopefully she'll get it.

Time for your wife to get a job.

 

[Banned_Princess]

in 1996 my wife and her boyfriend had a child, the boyfriend signed off on the child in 1996 and fled the area.

My wife and her mother took partial custody each of the child while the verbal agreement was for her mother to raise the child as she was too young to do so at 16 years old. Her mother also was very financially stable.

In 1997 I met my wife and in 1998 my wife and I got married, things were very financially rough for us up until 2007 when I found a job making 5 times what I did in previous years.

My wife and I had 5 kids along the way of our own.

Her mother got laid off from work in 2004 and then disabled from another job, her father is on disability as well for his whole life. Both are more then able to work but choose to abuse the system.

A week ago my wife's mother decided to tell the child that the real mother is my wife a secret they have kept for a long time without my wife's consent.

without your wifes consent? then why hasnt your wife ever explained to the child?

At this point in my wife's eye's she is not the mother because she did not raise the child, she also does not want to raise the child as we have 5 of our own and financially we cannot support anymore family members.

oh, ok, so forget about your wifes oldest. I'm sure that does no damage.

she has no right to take kid anyway. if she doesnt care about this kid, why would it be a problem the truth was revieled?

5 children. that is just irresponsible. cant even take her oldest one into her family.

We don't know the best options but her mother is trying her best to get money from us because she is financially strapped.

your wife should be and have been paying child support. if gmom files for it, she will get it.

We want to know how we can release my wife from any financial obligations at this point and what can exactly her mother do?

YOU CANT.

Remember this is NOT my child it's my wife's and she does not work she's a full-time mom for our kids.

 

[aot2002]

My wife wanted to give him up for adoption which in her eyes was the best option at that time, her mother insisted to care for him.
In no way does this mean that years later Mother in law can just come along and decide to change everything into her favor.

Her mother spends 400-500 a month on cigarettes and lotto tickets.
Her father is at the bar every other day.

The child weighs 280 lbs at 15 years old and has major health problems from not eating right. Her mother feeds him mc donalds and burger king but the doctor says he better stop or he's gonna have a heart attack as he's been in the hospital several times...
At this point I could carry on about the problems as well with the child not going to school and the truancy officer coming to have both her parents arrested because he's missed over 120+ days last year.
All because she does what ever he wants... allowing him to play xbox 360 while he should be in school.

I am personally not about to pay for a child who's being raised like this.. if you want me to pay then cough up and let him live with me where neither of us smoke, drink nor do drugs and live a much more stable life style.

I can't imagine any judge in their right mind would allow this as well comparing apples to rotten tomato's.

 

[Proserpina]

My wife wanted to give him up for adoption which in her eyes was the best option at that time, her mother insisted to care for him.
In no way does this mean that years later Mother in law can just come along and decide to change everything into her favor.

Her mother spends 400-500 a month on cigarettes and lotto tickets.
Her father is at the bar every other day.

The child weighs 280 lbs at 15 years old and has major health problems from not eating right. Her mother feeds him mc donalds and burger king but the doctor says he better stop or he's gonna have a heart attack as he's been in the hospital several times...
At this point I could carry on about the problems as well with the child not going to school and the truancy officer coming to have both her parents arrested because he's missed over 120+ days last year.
All because she does what ever he wants... allowing him to play xbox 360 while he should be in school.

I am personally not about to pay for a child who's being raised like this.. if you want me to pay then cough up and let him live with me where neither of us smoke, drink nor do drugs and live a much more stable life style.

I can't imagine any judge in their right mind would allow this as well comparing apples to rotten tomato's.

Your wife apparently doesn't give a damn about her child. Because with such obvious abuse and neglect, she would have gotten child services involved, no? Of course.

So, she can forget about him and stick with the five she wants.

And she can STILL be financially responsible for his support.

Cool how that works, isn't it?


(And really - you don't have to worry about paying a dime. YOU will never be responsible for supporting him. Your dear wife on the other hand? Oh yes.)

 

[ecmst12]

Nothing you posted is relevent. YOU also won't have to pay a thing, only mom will be responsible. She can either take ACTUAL responsiblity for her child or financial responsibility...and honestly custody at this point is extremely unlikely given that it's been 15 years.

 

[Banned_Princess]

My wife wanted to give him up for adoption which in her eyes was the best option at that time, her mother insisted to care for him.In no way does this mean that years later Mother in law can just come along and decide to change everything into her favor.

yes it does, your wife should have insisted on her mom and dad adopting the child all legal like. then she (gmom) would not be able to change anything.

Her mother spends 400-500 a month on cigarettes and lotto tickets.
Her father is at the bar every other day.

so? I probably spend doubble that a month on ciggarettes.

The child weighs 280 lbs at 15 years old and has major health problems from not eating right. Her mother feeds him mc donalds and burger king but the doctor says he better stop or he's gonna have a heart attack as he's been in the hospital several times...

still your wife does nothing for her child.

At this point I could carry on about the problems as well with the child not going to school and the truancy officer coming to have both her parents arrested because he's missed over 120+ days last year.

still your wife sits on her (butt) and does nothing. You are not changing my mind.

All because she does what ever he wants... allowing him to play xbox 360 while he should be in school.

are you placing blame here?

I am personally not about to pay for a child who's being raised like this.. if you want me to pay then cough up and let him live with me where neither of us smoke, drink nor do drugs and live a much more stable life style.

you personally dont have to pay for anything YOUR WIFE WILL. And a judge will not take this kid from his mother, because his real mother doesnt want to pay suport on him.

I can't imagine any judge in their right mind would allow this as well comparing apples to rotten tomato's.

rotting apples to rotten tomatoes.

google "status quo"

 

[aot2002]

I have been giving money to this child for the last two years but recently I found the money has been funding the cigarettes and beer drinking fest.

So yes I understand I am not financially bound but the whole thing is bull**** if they actually spent any money on him then I wouldn't be here asking any questions.
If they cared for this child and not their money and nasty habits then why wouldn't they be using the money for him only.

 

[Humusluvr]

Wow. Just wow. WTH was your wife thinking, have six kids, and totally treating the first one like a non-person. That's sick, and is continues to be sickening as you watch him abused. Karma's a .... well.... you know what she is.....

 

[aot2002]

>>yes it does, your wife should have insisted on her mom and dad adopting the child all legal like. then she (gmom) would not be able to change anything.

Yes her mother started the paperwork just before she lost her job and the process was part way through.

 

[Proserpina]

I have been giving money to this child for the last two years but recently I found the money has been funding the cigarettes and beer drinking fest.

So yes I understand I am not financially bound but the whole thing is bull**** if they actually spent any money on him then I wouldn't be here asking any questions.
If they cared for this child and not their money and nasty habits then why wouldn't they be using the money for him only.

There's another concept I don't think you understand.

You see, if Grandma is awarded child support then she's absolutely entitled to spend that on cigarettes, lottery, mani/pedis, weekly massages with her favourite pool boy - you name it.

As long as the child is fed, housed and clothed? Mom - because it WILL be Mom who's paying, one way or another - has no say in that.

However I note with interest (well, dismay actually) that you've managed to ignore the part about child services being involved if things were Truly So Very Bad.

So from that should we deduce that you're embellishing to make Grandma look bad?

Or that your wife simply doesn't care two hoots about his welfare?

There doesn't appear to be a third option.

 

[Ohiogal]

My wife wanted to give him up for adoption which in her eyes was the best option at that time, her mother insisted to care for him.
In no way does this mean that years later Mother in law can just come along and decide to change everything into her favor.

Mother in law has CUSTODY of your wife's child. Your wife is a deadbeat. Both have lied to this child.

Her mother spends 400-500 a month on cigarettes and lotto tickets.
Her father is at the bar every other day.

AND? None of that mattered when the "secret" was being kept.

The child weighs 280 lbs at 15 years old and has major health problems from not eating right. Her mother feeds him mc donalds and burger king but the doctor says he better stop or he's gonna have a heart attack as he's been in the hospital several times...

And your deadbeat wife has done nothing about it.

At this point I could carry on about the problems as well with the child not going to school and the truancy officer coming to have both her parents arrested because he's missed over 120+ days last year.

And your deadbeat wife has done nothing about it.

All because she does what ever he wants... allowing him to play xbox 360 while he should be in school.

And your deadbeat wife has done nothing about it.

I am personally not about to pay for a child who's being raised like this.. if you want me to pay then cough up and let him live with me where neither of us smoke, drink nor do drugs and live a much more stable life style.

YOU do not have to pay. YOUR DEADBEAT WIFE WILL HAVE TO PAY. Or she can go to jail.

I can't imagine any judge in their right mind would allow this as well comparing apples to rotten tomato's.

Your wife is the rotten fruit, right? SHE is the child's mother and she has a LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY TO SUPPORT THE CHILD. Even if she treats the child like garbage and you support her in that. Poor child. Having a lying deadbeat as a mother and a grandmother who is being criticized for everything. How was it grandma's fault your sainted wife got pregnant while a teenager? Did she hold your wife down while your wife's boyfriend at the time did the deed?

 

[Ohiogal]

I have been giving money to this child for the last two years but recently I found the money has been funding the cigarettes and beer drinking fest.

So yes I understand I am not financially bound but the whole thing is bull**** if they actually spent any money on him then I wouldn't be here asking any questions.
If they cared for this child and not their money and nasty habits then why wouldn't they be using the money for him only.

OP, you and your wife are definitely pathetic. Your wife did nothing for HER child -- she had sex as a teenager and then abandoned this child to have five replacements with you. Guess she is really good at sex but not so good at the actual responsibility of parenting, huh? Your wife's nasty habits seem to be that she is not responsible, mature or has good judgment.

 

[Banned_Princess]

I just want to point out that this poster ignored the question as to WHAT STATE IS THIS ?

 

[Ohiogal]

There's another concept I don't think you understand.

You see, if Grandma is awarded child support then she's absolutely entitled to spend that on cigarettes, lottery, mani/pedis, weekly massages with her favourite pool boy - you name it.

As long as the child is fed, housed and clothed? Mom - because it WILL be Mom who's paying, one way or another - has no say in that.

However I note with interest (well, dismay actually) that you've managed to ignore the part about child services being involved if things were Truly So Very Bad.

So from that should we deduce that you're embellishing to make Grandma look bad?

Or that your wife simply doesn't care two hoots about his welfare?

There doesn't appear to be a third option.

PRo, the oldest child didn't spring from the wonderful loins of OP so therefore that child is nothing but trash because the sainted mom then met Mr. Wonderful and had five replacements. Sorta like recycling. But not.