Rights and Support

[animus218]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

I've noticed that the responses on this board tend to be harsh, so I'm asking now to please take it easy, I'm having a hard time with this.

Most people go into a marriage knowing that they are going to be step-parents, but we only knew that someday there might be the possibility.

Years ago my husband briefly dated a girl he was friends with. It didn't work out, no hard feelings between the two. She was also sleeping with someone else, and got pregnant with her second child, a girl. She has no hard feelings about neither man "being there" for her because she knows that it isn't their fault that we don't know who should be. She has a boyfriend she's been with for about 3 years (the girl is 4 now) and he is the "daddy".

It seemed she didn't have any intention of pursuing the matter until she went off of welfare and received a bill for $800 for the portion that should have been covered by child support. When she was finally able to make it to court my husband and I were in the process of moving and so wasn't his company. Papers were served (in the mail, not in person) and we never received them and were never otherwise contacted. Since he didn't show in court, they simply put his name on the birth certificate and started acruing $120/week child support.

The funny thing is (and I use the term funny lightly), she didn't even want to pursue child support. She has her family, and she is happy. She just needed this welfare bill taken care of. She's been really great about the whole thing.

We also have our own family. We have two boys and wish to have many more children of our own. Right now I am lucky enough to stay home with my children; it's tight but do-able. Now with all this past coming back to bite us in the a$$, literally, I'm not sure if I'll be able to continue this. Our children are 3 years old and 1 month old.

My question is, since all parties are in agreement, even though the birth mother and "daddy" are not married, and since the state already considers my husband to be the father, to be able to have him sign over rights, pay the $800 welfare bill, and have her sign an agreement to not pursue child support. In this event, still not knowing who is the real biological father, simply have the new boyfriend's name replace my husband's on the birth certificate? Does anyone think, considering the circumstances, and that everything is being conducted maturely and friendly, that a judge may find favor with this agreement? In reality, I think this is the best situation for all parties, including the little girl. She's 4 years old, this man is her daddy. She does not know us, and it could be potentially devistating to disrupt her life now. We are not difficult to find, and when she gets older, if she really needs to know who is "really" her father, we'll be more than happy to find out. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

[animus218]

Yes, it was the paternity hearing, which is why he was named biological father. Apparently, Worcester probate told us that the sheriff in the town hand delivered the order (not in hand but in the mailbox) that that is considered "good enough." Unfortunately we had JUST MOVED and hand delivered mail doesn't forward to new addresses so well. We were going to file a motion of relief to take his name off the birth certificate until we can get an actual paternity test done, but like I said before, none of us really want to know. We want to pay what needs to be paid and let everyone get on with the lives that they have established.

 

[animus218]

The problem is, all parties are happy simply not knowing for certain, and I'm not sure the law will allow us to proceed under the assumption that my husband is the father and, like I said earlier, banking on the fact that we really don't know, simply "swapping" the names on the birth certificate so that the man who has been her daddy for 3 years out of four will be her legal father, since adoption wouldn't be likely because they aren't married.

 

[stealth2]

It's unlikely a court would allow that to happen the way you describe. Depending on how much time has slipped away since the default order was entered, hubby *may* have a chance to appeal it - but the window of opportunity is typically very small.

 

[haiku]

In Massachusetts you will not be able to just 'switch names" on the birth certificate.

To give up rights, does not always mean giving up the child support obligation, especially if there is anything still outstanding owed to the state.

Giving up his rights just means that he will lose the right to be involved with his daughters life.

I am unsure of the window in Massachusetts to deny paternity.

if the ex's new husband would like to formally adopt the child, and there are no objections, you could then go through the process of giving up rights, conditional on that adoption. Thereby freeing you of any present and future support obligation.

At this point I 'think" it would be up to the mother as to whether or not she wanted to name the actual bio-father, as your husband was already deemed the legal father.though dependant on that welfare bill the state may REQUIRE her to do so, but that will not be your problem.

Massachusetts does have conditions that must be met before an adoption takes place and I would urge you to visit an attorney to discuss your husbands rights in the matter of paternity notification initially, and then what course of action you can take.