STBX Has quit job - HELP!

[ExQuitJob]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA
* Wife and mother of 5 in the midst of a 3+ year long divorce from a non-cooperative STBX
* STBX has sold business and lied about his job status for approximately 1 year (claimed to still own business)
* STBX now has low-paying job
* STBX claims to have given away proceeds of business as cash gifts to homeless with no supporting records
* STBX suffered a serious battle with Cancer and has recovered, spending time with new girlfriend, purchasing a new vehicle with cash and giving away cash
* STBX has reduced child support for his 4 children currently living in the marital residence with mother
* STBX has taken all marital funds and accounts and refuses any advance distribution
* Mother raised 5 children and three stepchildren from STBX previous marriage or the last 19 years
* Mother did not pursue masters/doctorate after BS (Psychology) in order to raise kids
* STBX hid all finances throughout the marriage from spouse and has known accounts that he and his attorney have not disclosed
* STBX has refused to cooperate over 3+ years of divorce process and found to be in contempt for refusal to provide financial documents
* STBX has caused $40K+ in attorneys fees for spouse and continues non-cooperation tactic to bankrupt spouse forcing her to leave marital residence
* Mother is now out of money and credit lines are at their limit. Bills are past due and food has run out.
* Mother has boyfriend now who can possibly share a residence purchase if assets are released
* Attorneys best effort to date has resulted in a 40/60 split of marital assets in favor of STBX, and no alimony despite long time spent out of workforce raising kids and foregoing a masters/doctorate.

I am interested in starting a dialogue on possibilities that I have not considered, and what to expect from PA courts.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Mom

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA
* Wife and mother of 5 in the midst of a 3+ year long divorce from a non-cooperative STBX
* STBX has sold business and lied about his job status for approximately 1 year (claimed to still own business)
* STBX now has low-paying job
* STBX claims to have given away proceeds of business as cash gifts to homeless with no supporting records
* STBX suffered a serious battle with Cancer and has recovered, spending time with new girlfriend, purchasing a new vehicle with cash and giving away cash
* STBX has reduced child support for his 4 children currently living in the marital residence with mother
* STBX has taken all marital funds and accounts and refuses any advance distribution
* Mother raised 5 children and three stepchildren from STBX previous marriage or the last 19 years
* Mother did not pursue masters/doctorate after BS (Psychology) in order to raise kids
* STBX hid all finances throughout the marriage from spouse and has known accounts that he and his attorney have not disclosed
* STBX has refused to cooperate over 3+ years of divorce process and found to be in contempt for refusal to provide financial documents
* STBX has caused $40K+ in attorneys fees for spouse and continues non-cooperation tactic to bankrupt spouse forcing her to leave marital residence
* Mother is now out of money and credit lines are at their limit. Bills are past due and food has run out.
* Mother has boyfriend now who can possibly share a residence purchase if assets are released
* Attorneys best effort to date has resulted in a 40/60 split of marital assets in favor of STBX, and no alimony despite long time spent out of workforce raising kids and foregoing a masters/doctorate.

I am interested in starting a dialogue on possibilities that I have not considered, and what to expect from PA courts.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Mom

*Time for mom to get a job.
*Mom shouldn't expect alimony since she has a boyfriend who she wants to live with. Why shouldn't her new lover support her?
*What has mom done to help herself rather than rely on her STBX?
*STBX doesn't have to cooperate. He doesn't have to agree to anything. Why would Mom think he has to do so?
*If mom is broke, how is she going to share a residence purchase?
*Why is Mom jumping from marriage to a new relationship with no stability and thus relying on another man to support her rather than supporting herself?
*STBX only has to pay what the court orders he has to pay.

 

[Silverplum]

PA courts are divided up by county: in which county do you live?

And are we to understand that you have rejected the 40/60 settlement?

 

[LdiJ]

*Time for mom to get a job.
*Mom shouldn't expect alimony since she has a boyfriend who she wants to live with. Why shouldn't her new lover support her?
*What has mom done to help herself rather than rely on her STBX?
*STBX doesn't have to cooperate. He doesn't have to agree to anything. Why would Mom think he has to do so?
*If mom is broke, how is she going to share a residence purchase?
*Why is Mom jumping from marriage to a new relationship with no stability and thus relying on another man to support her rather than supporting herself?
*STBX only has to pay what the court orders he has to pay.

In all fairness the divorce has been going on for 3 years. Most people are not going to forgo a new relationship for that long. Also, there isn't anything indicating that she isn't working now...just that she needs the settlement to get finances under control.

 

[ExQuitJob]

*Time for mom to get a job.
- Mom can get a job that just covers child care costs which STBX is refusing to contribute to. Kids are in school and would need before school and after school care, plus all day during the summer months, school holidays, and vacations.

*Mom shouldn't expect alimony since she has a boyfriend who she wants to live with. Why shouldn't her new lover support her?
- True. Alimony was not part of the proposed settlement. She just wants access to HER money.

*What has mom done to help herself rather than rely on her STBX?
- She is a full-time mom raising 5 kids and 3 of HIS step kids over the last 19 years.

*STBX doesn't have to cooperate. He doesn't have to agree to anything. Why would Mom think he has to do so?
- STBX stole all marital funds and is not cooperating in giving Mom access or advanced distribution for living expenses or attorney costs. All these expenses have depleted her available credit. I trust you don't actually believe he has no obligation to give her access to HER money.

*If mom is broke, how is she going to share a residence purchase?
- From settlement of marital funds

*Why is Mom jumping from marriage to a new relationship with no stability and thus relying on another man to support her rather than supporting herself?
- The divorce has been dragging on for 3 years due to his lack of cooperation on any matter. ALL communication is refused or ignored and court action is required at every point.

*STBX only has to pay what the court orders he has to pay.
- Court costs have depleted all available funds and credit lines. STBX has taken aALL marital funds and refused access to them.


STBX has stated that he is "willing to move back into the residence", forcing out the children's mother and oldest child, with whom he does not get along. He is confident that he can find a way to manage. It appears that he is capable of supporting the kids needs, but states he cannot provide any additional child support to the mother which was recently reduced 70%.

My request is for any experience with the courts in PA acting in the best interests of the children to prevent a spouse from bankrupting the other to force an unfair settlement without attorneys?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Mom

 

[ExQuitJob]

PA courts are divided up by county: in which county do you live?

And are we to understand that you have rejected the 40/60 settlement?

Chester County.

As most cases with a stay at home mom, typical equitable distribution is closer to 60/40, especially considering her full time status of raising 8 kids.

 

[Silverplum]

*Time for mom to get a job.
- Mom can get a job that just covers child care costs which STBX is refusing to contribute to. Kids are in school and would need before school and after school care, plus all day during the summer months, school holidays, and vacations.

*Mom shouldn't expect alimony since she has a boyfriend who she wants to live with. Why shouldn't her new lover support her?
- True. Alimony was not part of the proposed settlement. She just wants access to HER money.

*What has mom done to help herself rather than rely on her STBX?
- She is a full-time mom raising 5 kids and 3 of HIS step kids over the last 19 years.

*STBX doesn't have to cooperate. He doesn't have to agree to anything. Why would Mom think he has to do so?
- STBX stole all marital funds and is not cooperating in giving Mom access or advanced distribution for living expenses or attorney costs. All these expenses have depleted her available credit. I trust you don't actually believe he has no obligation to give her access to HER money.

*If mom is broke, how is she going to share a residence purchase?
- From settlement of marital funds

*Why is Mom jumping from marriage to a new relationship with no stability and thus relying on another man to support her rather than supporting herself?
- The divorce has been dragging on for 3 years due to his lack of cooperation on any matter. ALL communication is refused or ignored and court action is required at every point.

*STBX only has to pay what the court orders he has to pay.
- Court costs have depleted all available funds and credit lines. STBX has taken aALL marital funds and refused access to them.


STBX has stated that he is "willing to move back into the residence", forcing out the children's mother and oldest child, with whom he does not get along. He is confident that he can find a way to manage. It appears that he is capable of supporting the kids needs, but states he cannot provide any additional child support to the mother which was recently reduced 70%.

My request is for any experience with the courts in PA acting in the best interests of the children to prevent a spouse from bankrupting the other to force an unfair settlement without attorneys?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Mom

I'm wondering who wrote this.

 

[ExQuitJob]

I'm wondering who wrote this.

Her sister....and a Mom (hence the third person).

 

[single317dad]

Mom can get a job that just covers child care costs which STBX is refusing to contribute to. Kids are in school and would need before school and after school care, plus all day during the summer months, school holidays, and vacations.

What would Mom do if her husband had a stroke and died one day? Just curl up in the corner and let everyone starve, or find a way to feed the family?

Dad is gone. Time for Mom to get used to that fact and start supporting herself.

Either accept a settlement offer, or argue the matter out in court and let the judge or mediator decide. Those are the options.

 

[CJane]

What would Mom do if her husband had a stroke and died one day? Just curl up in the corner and let everyone starve, or find a way to feed the family?

Dad is gone. Time for Mom to get used to that fact and start supporting herself.

Either accept a settlement offer, or argue the matter out in court and let the judge or mediator decide. Those are the options.

Well, if he dropped dead, she'd likely inherit some of what he's currently hiding from her.

 

[Just Blue]

Her sister....and a Mom (hence the third person).

Your sister should post for herself.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, if he dropped dead, she'd likely inherit some of what he's currently hiding from her.

She would likely inherit MORE than she is going to end up with in this divorce settlement.

 

[Eekamouse]

How old are the kids? Why can't they help out with babysitting so mom can go get a job?

 

[CJane]

She would likely inherit MORE than she is going to end up with in this divorce settlement.

Maybe. There are lots of children, though.

Point is, sometimes "What if Ex dropped dead tomorrow" isn't always a "what would you do if you lost everything" kind of question. Heck, I suspect the SS Death Benefit that my son would receive if his father died is higher than the CS that the guy pays.

 

[single317dad]

Maybe. There are lots of children, though.

Point is, sometimes "What if Ex dropped dead tomorrow" isn't always a "what would you do if you lost everything" kind of question. Heck, I suspect the SS Death Benefit that my son would receive if his father died is higher than the CS that the guy pays.

Fair enough. I'm in the same boat; the $255 lump sum death payment would be $255 more than I'll ever receive in child support.

Since these two are still married, let's switch it up: What would Mom do if Dad suddenly went on a gambling binge, lost everything, borrowed money from an Italian fellow, lost that, got kneecapped, and was unable to work ever again?

She'd get a job and feed her kids, that's what she'd do.

I'm not saying she shouldn't fight for what's rightfully hers, but lose the "woe is me" attitude and get a job. Making excuses why she doesn't work tells me she doesn't plan to do so and is looking for a way to avoid it. Yeah, she's angry about giving up her future years ago and devoting her life to this guy. I get it. Now it's over, time to get back to life.

Not to mention the entire point of this thread in the first place was because Dad has quit his job. If they weren't getting divorced, what could Mom do about Dad quitting his job?

Pretty much nothing.
Go get a job and become the breadwinner.
Let Dad watch the kids while she works.
There's a thought.