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Step parent adoption/termination of other parent's rights

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STDJLR65

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?TX My husband of 8 yrs wants to adopt my two sons 8 & 12. Their father has had no contact or paid child support in 14 months. Over the past 9 years, he has had several instances of the same thing. My husband is the only father my 8 year old has ever known. Can we terminate rights based on abandonment? He agreed to signing away his rights almost two years ago, but then disappeared. I have my support set up through the Office of the Attorney General. A court date is coming up for my filing for contempt for non-payment. I need help!
 


I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
STDJLR65 said:
My husband of 8 yrs wants to adopt my two sons 8 & 12.

My response:

Why? What possible, logical, legal reason would there be for your husband to adopt?

Now, from YOUR angle, I can understand. You want to make sure that, in the event of your divorce from your husband, you will still have a responsible man "on the hook" to pay you child support.

But, from your husband's point of view, what POSSIBLE advantage is there for him to adopt? He already has your kids living with him, and you. Adoption does nothing to change that.

Care to respond with a LEGAL answer?

IAAL
 

STDJLR65

Junior Member
HUsband feels that these are his children, him and I want them to have our last name. Absent parent has no concern, care or desire to be in their life. Why not adopt? My husband is fullt aware of his "LEGAL" resposibilities if we are divorced. He does not care. These are his kids.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
Blood is thicker than water . . .

STDJLR65 said:
HUsband feels that these are his children, him and I want them to have our last name. Absent parent has no concern, care or desire to be in their life. Why not adopt? My husband is fullt aware of his "LEGAL" resposibilities if we are divorced. He does not care. These are his kids.

My response:

Like any Momma Bear fighting for her young, in the event of a divorce, you'll fight like a cornered Cougar, and never - - I mean NEVER - - accept the fact that YOUR children could EVER be his children. As such, your husband should never accept being "trapped" into the legal responsibilities of paying child support for someone else's children.

Now, I sincerely understand YOUR point of view. You're just "hedging your bets" and trying to protect yourself and your children from any future eventualities - - and I applaud you for doing so. But, your husband - - their step-father - - doesn't need to do this; from a legal standpoint, that is.

Leave matters as they are, and merely file Petitions for Name Changes for your children - - if it's really the "name" that you're concerned about.

IAAL
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
My response:

Well? Do you agree or disagree with my point of view?

If it's just the "name", do you agree that a Petition for Name Change will get you to your goal?

Or, is there a deeper, ulterior, motive on your part?

IAAL
 

MtnMoon

Member
STDJLR65 said:
What is the name of your state?TX My husband of 8 yrs wants to adopt my two sons 8 & 12. Their father has had no contact or paid child support in 14 months. Over the past 9 years, he has had several instances of the same thing. My husband is the only father my 8 year old has ever known. Can we terminate rights based on abandonment? He agreed to signing away his rights almost two years ago, but then disappeared. I have my support set up through the Office of the Attorney General. A court date is coming up for my filing for contempt for non-payment. I need help!
It might help to look at Texas Family Code Section 15.02. It generally says that termination of a parent-child relationship may be granted under certain conditions...such as the parent "failed to support the child in accordance with his ability during a period of one year ending within six months of the date of the filing of the petition"...and..."termination is in the best interest of the child." Before getting all happy about this...speak with an attorney and get the whole scoop. Terminating a parent-child relationship is not all that easy in Texas...especially if your ex doesn't cooperate. He may appeal the decision and it may be reversed. Again...speak with an attorney and get all your duckies in a row...

Good luck!
 
IAAL LOVES putting people down that come here for answers - just to elevate himself. Don't listen to him or let him ruffle you.

There are many legal reasons for adoption and termination of a dead-beat parent's rights. Among those are....

The child has a responsible and caring father that is legally entitled to custody should something happen to the biological mother;

The adoptive father has legal say in medical treatment and educational decisions for the child; and

Provided you could contact the biological father and get him to agree to terminate his rights (in return for forgiving his CS), the mother and newly adoptive father don't have to spend money trying to collect child support and enforce the child's rights, as his legal parents would be living in the same household.

Adoption and transfer of parental rights is a very personal decision that has to be made on both legal and emotional factors. But the final decision should all come down to what is in the best interest of the child. Based on the fact that you've been with your husband for so long, and from what you say he seems to care deeply about your boys, it might be a fight worth fighting in your case. Doesn't hurt to try.
 
I AM ALWAYS LIABLE said:
My response:

Why? What possible, logical, legal reason would there be for your husband to adopt?

Now, from YOUR angle, I can understand. You want to make sure that, in the event of your divorce from your husband, you will still have a responsible man "on the hook" to pay you child support.

But, from your husband's point of view, what POSSIBLE advantage is there for him to adopt? He already has your kids living with him, and you. Adoption does nothing to change that.

Care to respond with a LEGAL answer?

IAAL

Ya know, you are something else. Why do you assume that the OP is considering divorce, and wants to pin CS payments on her current husband???? That is completly unfounded, and a little rude!!!! If her husband has been "dad" to these kids for 8 years, why should he not adopt them???? Because you think she is after money. PLEASE!!!!!

OP I think it is wonderful that your husband wants to adopt your kids. I wish you luck, and I hope that you are successful!!!!!!!!!
 

haiku

Senior Member
umm guys?

lord knows, IAAL can defend himself but, it cannot be stated ENOUGH that adoption is not some easily done, "erase the 'horrible" decisions I made in the past", decision to make.

it does not make it all better, anyone who thinks it does is fooling themselves.

in alot of cases there really is no real reason to adopt, other than trying to erase a past,punish an ex, get back at an ex, take "ownership" -have the same name, and ensure financial security. pick one, because if you are honest, you will find that will always be part of the reason.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
haiku said:
umm guys?

lord knows, IAAL can defend himself but, it cannot be stated ENOUGH that adoption is not some easily done, "erase the 'horrible" decisions I made in the past", decision to make.

it does not make it all better, anyone who thinks it does is fooling themselves.

in alot of cases there really is no real reason to adopt, other than trying to erase a past,punish an ex, get back at an ex, take "ownership" -have the same name, and ensure financial security. pick one, because if you are honest, you will find that will always be part of the reason.
When people ask why we did our step-parent adoption I do say it was more for legalities then anything. My huband adopted my two boys (11 and 14) last year. The boys and my 9 year old step-daughter were in on the decision to do so. My step-daughter didn't like the idea but it was explained to her that our every day life would not change. I admit the main reason we did it was so that if something were to happen to me the children didn't turn around and lose their home, friends, and school as well as the dad that took care of them since we don't live near family members.

Haiku you are right this does not erase the past and you are right again that is the reason a lot of people do this. People that do step-parent adoptions (or any adoptions) have to remember the court doesn't erase biology. In my situation where the children were older and remembered their biological father and life when he was involved it is that much harder. I know when my children are older they will search out this man, even if it's to get to answers from him... but in the end... he is still the man who created him. I have years to prepare for it but I can see them having a relationship with their biological father and seeing him when my children marry. At that point it's my hang up because as a parent this is something I will have to accept.
 
haiku said:
umm guys?

lord knows, IAAL can defend himself but, it cannot be stated ENOUGH that adoption is not some easily done, "erase the 'horrible" decisions I made in the past", decision to make.

it does not make it all better, anyone who thinks it does is fooling themselves.

in alot of cases there really is no real reason to adopt, other than trying to erase a past,punish an ex, get back at an ex, take "ownership" -have the same name, and ensure financial security. pick one, because if you are honest, you will find that will always be part of the reason.

I respectfully disagree. Some people may try to adopt to "get revenge". No one on here said, "yeah, go ahead, it will be a piece of cake". It will be difficult, but in Texas if a parent does not visit the child, AND makes no child support payments for over 12 months, abandoment can be argued. No one said she would win, but IMHO, I think she should try. It seems obvious to me that the bio dad has no interest in being a part of his childs life. Don't you think the kids deserve a real dad???? Or are they supposed to just be ok with him being a step-parent when HE obviously wants to be a dad to these kids??? Ya know, some people are willing to do the right thing for the kids. Not everyone is after money!!!!!
 
Haiku, I beg to differ. The OP stated that her husband wants to adopt, not that she's forcing or begging him to adopt her kids.

Maybe her husband loves the children (heaven forbid) and is concerned about their welfare. Or maybe he feels like he doesn't have the rights that he feels he needs to raise the children. Or maybe he too is tired with having to deal with all the legal crap.

The point is, we don't know what their personal situation is, so we shouldn't judge them. This lady came to this forum asking if her hubby could adopt her kids based on abandonment by her ex. All she needed was a simple yes or no answer based on legal fact - not an out-of-the-blue assumption on her or her hubby's motives.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
amiegaines654 said:
I respectfully disagree. Some people may try to adopt to "get revenge". No one on here said, "yeah, go ahead, it will be a piece of cake". It will be difficult, but in Texas if a parent does not visit the child, AND makes no child support payments for over 12 months, abandoment can be argued. No one said she would win, but IMHO, I think she should try. It seems obvious to me that the bio dad has no interest in being a part of his childs life. Don't you think the kids deserve a real dad???? Or are they supposed to just be ok with him being a step-parent when HE obviously wants to be a dad to these kids??? Ya know, some people are willing to do the right thing for the kids. Not everyone is after money!!!!!

I agree with you that not everyone is after money but I disagree with you regarding the fact that to be a dad this step-parent must adopt. My children called their step-father (who is now their father) Dad before the adoption... parenting can be a state of mind. Someone can be a parent without having a judge tell them that it's so and it all boils down to how the children feel about their upbringing once they are adults.
 
tigger22472 said:
I agree with you that not everyone is after money but I disagree with you regarding the fact that to be a dad this step-parent must adopt. My children called their step-father (who is now their father) Dad before the adoption... parenting can be a state of mind. Someone can be a parent without having a judge tell them that it's so and it all boils down to how the children feel about their upbringing once they are adults.

True, but in the eyes of the law, isn't a step-parent a "legal stranger"??? Maybe he wants the same rights as a dead beat dad gets for the children he is raising. WE JUST DO NOT KNOW.

OP, yes, you can file for adoption based on abandoment. You might or might not win, but to answer your question, yes!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!
 

haiku

Senior Member
tigger22472 said:
Haiku you are right this does not erase the past and you are right again that is the reason a lot of people do this. People that do step-parent adoptions (or any adoptions) have to remember the court doesn't erase biology. In my situation where the children were older and remembered their biological father and life when he was involved it is that much harder. I know when my children are older they will search out this man, even if it's to get to answers from him... but in the end... he is still the man who created him. I have years to prepare for it but I can see them having a relationship with their biological father and seeing him when my children marry. At that point it's my hang up because as a parent this is something I will have to accept.
thanks Tigger, i am glad you could understand the point i ma trying to make here.

the day my husband adopted our daughter it was the happiest and the saddest day.

We go to family therapy now, for other reasons, but the therapist is already aware and helping us to deal with the coming issues when our daughter has questions about why this happened.
 
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