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Step rights???? Help!!!

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beatendown11

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

My finance and I have lived together for 4 years and a year ago he got emergency custody of his 7 year old daughter. His ex-wife has battled drugs on and off for years but her mother continues to support her since she does not work. Since he recieved custody I have been repeatedly attacked by his ex-wife. I did expect for his ex-wife to try to cause trouble but it has gotten a little extreme. His ex-wife has turned me into DHR for hitting the child in the forehead with my keys accidently while getting something out of the back seat.... DHR has closed the investigations with no charges. Then she turned me into the board of nursing (I'm a nurse) for calling in prescriptions unauthorized.... the board of nursing closed file with no charges. Now she is threatening to have me arrested for child abuse for horse playing with the child..... hanging her upside down when she was trying to throw a bug on me......Her and her mother have threatened my finance that if he brings her back to this house that the cops will show up at my door to arrest me. I figure it is unlikely but we don't want to chance it for the child sake.. she has been throught enough. She doesn't understand why this has happened and why she can't be with her mother and she wants to be with her mother. She has always taken care of her mother and feels she needs to be with her because everyone has someone else but her mother**************..

Please tell me do I have rights??? Is this harassment... these are not the only episodes but they are the most recent!!! She is effecting my life severly??? Can the judge do something to make her stop??
 


beatendown11

Junior Member
I just realized that I put this under child support!! Opps!

Please someone tell me what I should do!!!!! I don't know if it would be wrong for me to put a harassment suit against her to get her to leave me alone. I am trying to handle this the best way I can but I am at the end of my rope!!! I feel tortured!

I understand that it is normal for the child to want to be with her mother but her mother plays with her mind!!! She tells her not to like anything I buy her.... I am the bread winner so that causes problems. She tells me that her mother tells her not to like me!! Come on she is 7!

I feel like I am taking care of her child because she choose not to but I am the bad guy?? She knew that we were taking her to court long before she was ordered to summit to the drug screen.
 

mommyof4

Senior Member
Exactly where in the court order are you given any custodial or visitation rights?

What I am getting at is that 'we' don't have any rights unless you are explicitly given those rights in the court order.

You are not a step parent. You are the father's girlfriend.

I am not being mean. I am trying to help you start to see this situation with clarity. You are too close to the situation and honestly, this little girl has enough problems going on without haveing to deal with the battles between her mother and her father's girlfriend.

As far as the false allegations, can you PROVE that the mother was making false reports? Was there anything at all that could be construed as possible evidence that could possibly support any allegations of child abuse. Reread your post before you answer.

In the meantime, I would suggest that at this point in time, you take a big step back. I'm not telling you to end your relationship with Dad, just put some distance between you and the little girl until this settles down. Dad needs to have this little girl in therapy and he really needs to be focusing all of his attention on his daughter and how to co-parent with Mom.
 

beatendown11

Junior Member
I do not have visitation but the childs father lives in my house so the child lives in my house! I am not asking about my rights to the child!

I am asking if the mother is allowed to continue to attack me and try to go after my career, and everything else. I am really worried what she is going to try to do next......

Am I suppose to continue to be attackded or can the judge do something about.....

My situation in this is that her father and I are in love and we would have already been married if his daughter was not going through so much.... We put our wedding off for her to keep her from going through to many changes at one time.

I do not involve my self in their issues..... The mother is the one that keeps attacking me!!!

Yes we have proof she and her mother have told him that they were going to do it and they keep saying that they didn't get me on this one but they will......

I do not choose to be in this situation but I am..... Her father and I got engaged almost two years ago before he got emergency custody and he sold his house and moved in with me. Now he has custody and we try to do everything right. We do not sleep in the same bed because we are not married. (Even though in the state of Alabama we are considered common law)

What I am asking is there anything to protect me from getting ruined in all of this..... It is obvious that they blame me for this or they think that if they get me out of the picture that things will change..... Shouldn't there be something to stop this from happening....

If the circumstances were different and there was not a kid involved what could I do???
 

mommyof4

Senior Member
I do not have visitation but the childs father lives in my house so the child lives in my house! I am not asking about my rights to the child!
Then stop say WE went to court and WE are trying to do the right thing. When it comes to this child, there is no WE. There is a THEY.

If you're not asking about rights to the child, then don't title your thread "STEPS RIGHTS", especially when you are not even a step.
I am asking if the mother is allowed to continue to attack me and try to go after my career, and everything else. I am really worried what she is going to try to do next......
No, she is not allowed to attack you. However, she IS allowed to report any behavior she sees as threatening or dangerous to her child or any injuries she 'suspects' may be the result of any abuse. You listed 2 incidents that she has reported as possible abuse. Both times, while the 'evidence' may have been weak, there WAS 'evidence' to support her reports.

Am I suppose to continue to be attackded or can the judge do something about.....
As soon as you have PROOF that she is making false, malicious allegations, sure. Your boyfriend backing up your claims isn't proof.

My situation in this is that her father and I are in love and we would have already been married if his daughter was not going through so much.... We put our wedding off for her to keep her from going through to many changes at one time.
Being in love with the father of this child amounts to squat. The child comes first. You...a distant second.

I do not involve my self in their issues..... The mother is the one that keeps attacking me!!!
You're involved by just being in the immediate picture at this point. You don't want to lose your boyfriend.

Yes we have proof she and her mother have told him that they were going to do it and they keep saying that they didn't get me on this one but they will.....
.

What PROOF?

I do not choose to be in this situation but I am..... Her father and I got engaged almost two years ago before he got emergency custody and he sold his house and moved in with me. Now he has custody and we try to do everything right. We do not sleep in the same bed because we are not married. (Even though in the state of Alabama we are considered common law)
You're being held captive in your home? If he wanted to do everything right, he would get an apartment and move himself and his child out of your house.

No, you are not considered common law married just because you and your boyfriend are shacking up.

What I am asking is there anything to protect me from getting ruined in all of this..... It is obvious that they blame me for this or they think that if they get me out of the picture that things will change..... Shouldn't there be something to stop this from happening....
Asked and answered. At this point in time, your way of protecting yourself is removing yourself from the situation. That means he moves out and puts his child's needs before your and his desires of what you wish life was like.

If the circumstances were different and there was not a kid involved what could I do???
You wouldn't have to do anything because this situation wouldn't exist, so that question is moot.

The only thing that I see that you MIGHT have any recourse for is the allegations of illegal prescriptions. However, it will be an expensive and time consuming issue with no guarantee of success. How do you prove that she didn't actually have some basis for her suspicions? If you really want to explore that avenue, then talk to an atty.
 

wnbama

Member
I am asking if the mother is allowed to continue to attack me and try to go after my career, and everything else. I am really worried what she is going to try to do next......

Am I suppose to continue to be attackded or can the judge do something about.....

My situation in this is that her father and I are in love and we would have already been married if his daughter was not going through so much.... We put our wedding off for her to keep her from going through to many changes at one time.

I do not involve my self in their issues..... The mother is the one that keeps attacking me!!!

Yes we have proof she and her mother have told him that they were going to do it and they keep saying that they didn't get me on this one but they will......
Section 13A-11-8 — Harassment or harassing communications. - Alabama Section 13A-11-8 — Harassment or harassing communications. - Alabama Code :: Justia

(a)(1) HARASSMENT. A person commits the crime of harassment if, with intent to harass, annoy, or alarm another person, he or she either:

a. Strikes, shoves, kicks, or otherwise touches a person or subjects him or her to physical contact.

b. Directs abusive or obscene language or makes an obscene gesture towards another person.

(2) For purposes of this section, harassment shall include a threat, verbal or nonverbal, made with the intent to carry out the threat, that would cause a reasonable person who is the target of the threat to fear for his or her safety.

(3) Harassment is a Class C misdemeanor.

(b)(1) HARASSING COMMUNICATIONS. A person commits the crime of harassing communications if, with intent to harass or alarm another person, he or she does any of the following:

a. Communicates with a person, anonymously or otherwise, by telephone, telegraph, mail, or any other form of written or electronic communication, in a manner likely to harass or cause alarm.

b. Makes a telephone call, whether or not a conversation ensues, with no purpose of legitimate communication.

c. Telephones another person and addresses to or about such other person any lewd or obscene words or language.

Nothing in this section shall apply to legitimate business telephone communications.

(2) Harassing communications is a Class C misdemeanor.

(Acts 1977, No. 607, p. 812, §5530; Acts 1978, No. 770, p. 1110, §1; Acts 1979, No. 79-471, p. 862, §1; Acts 1996, No. 96-767, p. 1353, §1; Acts 1997, No. 97-552, p. 989, §1.)

I do not choose to be in this situation but I am..... Her father and I got engaged almost two years ago before he got emergency custody and he sold his house and moved in with me. Now he has custody and we try to do everything right. We do not sleep in the same bed because we are not married. (Even though in the state of Alabama we are considered common law)
Alabama Attorney General - FAQs and Tips

"A valid common law marriage exists in AL when there is capacity to enter into a marriage, present agreement or consent to be husband and wife, public recognition of the existence of the marriage, and consummation." Waller v. Waller, 567 So.2d 869 (Ala.Civ.App. 1990). See also, Hudson v. Hudson, 404 So.2d 82 (Ala.Civ.App. 1981).


What I am asking is there anything to protect me from getting ruined in all of this..... It is obvious that they blame me for this or they think that if they get me out of the picture that things will change..... Shouldn't there be something to stop this from happening....

If the circumstances were different and there was not a kid involved what could I do???
File Harassment reports and see if the DA will issue a warrant. maybe they will maybe they won't.
 

beatendown11

Junior Member
Please do not thinking I am being over bearing in this.... I really try to stay out of their business.

We - consisting of more than one person

Yes, He, I, and she went to court************** I recieved a Subpoena ..... so we went to court

So at what point is a digruntaled mother wasting DHR time???? A kid could really need DHR but they are having to investigate a situation that is due to a nasty custody battle? Have you ever accidently bumped a child? Was DHR called? Has anyone ever been playing with your child and picked up your child and hung them upside down? We are talking about someone that twisting stories thier child tells them.

The little girl and I have a good relationship she calls me her BFF (best friends forever).
I do not try to replace her mother..... before the custody changed her mother would call me if her dad was out of town and tell me she wants to see me and would ask me to come and get her for a while..... If we are in public and people call me her mom I will correct them because I know it makes her uncomfortable.... she has a mom and loves her mom.... I understand that!!!

I don't need my boyfriend to back up my claim... They (the childs mother and grandmother) will admit to it... I have letters and email stating that she is going to get me and she has sent my finances mother the same thing.... She keeps saying that she may not have gotten me on this and that but she will get me**************.

So what can the judge do? I do not want to cause problem for her mother. I just want her to leave me alone.....

You are assuming we put the child 2nd**************. He will tell me that I am second and that is the way it should be!

I don't want to lose him! But if I am sitting back saying or doing nothing then she should not keep pulling me in it!!

Captive..... come on!!!! We were suppose to be married ten months ago but we put that off to keep the child from going through to many changes at once.... He did not mess up the mother did so should he be punished because of her actions??? We were living together when the judge gave him custody and the judge is aware that we live together it was a major issue with the mothers attorney.... Why is him moving out going to make it right????? If we were married would it be that different?

"A common law marriage within the states listed below, the two parties must: agree that they are married, live together, and hold themselves out as husband and wife. Common-law marriage is generally a non-ceremonial relationship that requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990).

Currently, only 9 states (Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana, Oklahoma, and Texas) and the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages contracted within their borders."


So what you are saying is if a mother wants to keep her ex from moving on she should go get on drug get her child taken away and then the father that has done right should stop his life or his ex has every right to cause him problems because he cant be with someone else and put his child first???

Is your ex with someone else and another women is involved???
 
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TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
I'm one of the seniors involved in a highly highly contentious situation with a completely unreasonable X (though I think escape's X is even worse than mine.) Know all about the CPS (I believe it's your DHS), etc because of custody issues. I had trouble finding an attorney who would represent me because of who my X is (complete behind.)

So, best advice to avoid paying for legal representation: try to stay under the radar. Sometimes out-of-sight helps with the out-of-mind.

Other advice: document, document, document. When you have enough separate items, then take it to court. When you go to court, you must be able to PROVE your allegations. That means subpeonas, etc.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Please do not thinking I am being over bearing in this.... I really try to stay out of their business.

We - consisting of more than one person

Yes, He, I, and she went to court************** I recieved a Subpoena ..... so we went to court

So at what point is a digruntaled mother wasting DHR time???? A kid could really need DHR but they are having to investigate a situation that is due to a nasty custody battle? Have you ever accidently bumped a child? Was DHR called? Has anyone ever been playing with your child and picked up your child and hung them upside down? We are talking about someone that twisting stories thier child tells them. The little girl and I have a good relationship she calls me her BFF (best friends forever).

The little girl and I have a good relationship she calls me her BFF (best friends forever).
I do not try to replace her mother..... before the custody changed her mother would call me if her dad was out of town and tell me she wants to see me and would ask me to come and get her for a while..... If we are in public and people call me her mom I will correct them because I know it makes her uncomfortable.... she has a mom and loves her mom.... I understand that!!!

I don't need my boyfriend to back up my claim... They (the childs mother and grandmother) will admit to it... I have letters and email stating that she is going to get me and she has sent my finances mother the same thing.... She keeps saying that she may not have gotten me on this and that but she will get me**************.

So what can the judge do? I do not want to cause problem for her mother. I just want her to leave me alone.....

You are assuming we put the child 2nd**************. He will tell me that I am second and that is the way it should be!

I don't want to lose him! But if I am sitting back saying or doing nothing then she should not keep pulling me in it!!

Captive..... come on!!!! We were suppose to be married ten months ago but we put that off to keep the child from going through to many changes at once.... He did not mess up the mother did so should he be punished because of her actions??? We were living together when the judge gave him custody and the judge is aware that we live together it was a major issue with the mothers attorney.... Why is him moving out going to make it right????? If we were married would it be that different?

"A common law marriage within the states listed below, the two parties must: agree that they are married, live together, and hold themselves out as husband and wife. Common-law marriage is generally a non-ceremonial relationship that requires "a positive mutual agreement, permanent and exclusive of all others, to enter into a marriage relationship, cohabitation sufficient to warrant a fulfillment of necessary relationship of man and wife, and an assumption of marital duties and obligations." Black's Law Dictionary 277 (6th ed. 1990).

Currently, only 9 states (Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Iowa, Montana, Oklahoma, and Texas) and the District of Columbia recognize common-law marriages contracted within their borders."


So what you are saying is if a mother wants to keep her ex from moving on she should go get on drug get her child taken away and then the father that has done right should stop his life or his ex has every right to cause him problems because he cant be with someone else and put his child first???

Is your ex with someone else and another women is involved???

just because the mom lost primary custody, doesn't mean dad should make visitation harder on mom. mom was granted visitation. if dad moves, it makes it harder on mom to keep her visitation. thus hindering a mom/child relationship.

are you being harrassed by this mom, yes, i believe so. i have an NCP who is doing the same thing. their step-father is no longer allowed to play with my two older ones per a CPS saftey plan just so dad can be secure in no one bonding with his children. even with that safety plan, the NCP still calls making false claims.

each and everytime you are being interveiwed by a social worker, take their name, get a supervisor's name and contact information. write a strongly worded letter regarding the emotional abuse the child is being put through by these false allegations to teh supervisor. when dad goes to court (which he should) ask that attorney's fees be paid by the mom when the allegations turn out to be unfounded.

a parent is entitled to contact CPS if they feel their child is being harmed. however using CPS as a means to harrass someone is a different issue.
 

wnbama

Member
So what you are saying is if a mother wants to keep her ex from moving on she should go get on drug get her child taken away and then the father that has done right should stop his life or his ex has every right to cause him problems because he cant be with someone else and put his child first???

Is your ex with someone else and another women is involved???
My sons father is married and THEY call DHR on me all the time, DHR told me they deal with this kind of thing all the time when it comes to "custody battles" DHR can file charges for the false reports, however, my caseworker said she has never heard of them ACTUALLY doing it. They do keep a file on the case even if it's closed. I keep a copy of DHR's policies in my truck at all times and I refer to it everytime DHR calls and I remind DHR of their own policies.

DHR's Policy:
http://www.alabamaadministrativecode.state.al.us/docs/hres/MWrdHRES34.pdf

I have also been the one being harrassed from the SM and I filed reports against her for it as well. I could not get the DA to actually put a warrant out for her arrest but it is now documented. DHR also has copies of the reports.

Right now, I can't even date anyone because they are watching my every move, if I talk to someone they don't like or they THINK is a bad person, they call DHR....so until we go back to court, I have put my SON FIRST and decided it's in his BEST INTEREST to not date ANYONE till the Judge settles it in court.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
Having dealt with the CPS workers, maybe I squawk very well, but I landed up in a meeting with heads of CPS and FOC who warned my X, one more anything, yes, he would be taken to task in court over any more calls.

When I have the visitors, I tell them what is happening. The can and will document this type of activity. Again, document, document, document. Cooperate with CPS workers.

If the reports keep coming back "unfounded", then you have DOCUMENTATION that there is NOTHING wrong in your household. Remember, make lemonade out of those lemons.
 

wnbama

Member
Having dealt with the CPS workers, maybe I squawk very well, but I landed up in a meeting with heads of CPS and FOC who warned my X, one more anything, yes, he would be taken to task in court over any more calls.

When I have the visitors, I tell them what is happening. The can and will document this type of activity. Again, document, document, document. Cooperate with CPS workers.

If the reports keep coming back "unfounded", then you have DOCUMENTATION that there is NOTHING wrong in your household. Remember, make lemonade out of those lemons.
This is so true....the reports in my case are actually going to end up helping me in the end. ;)
 

beatendown11

Junior Member
I am very thankful for all of the help....

We have recently talked about trying to figure out some kind of living situation so if the mother is crazy enough to send the cops here the child does not have to go through that...... With the economy the way it is her father is really struggling because he does new construction and has no work right now. He is working a temp job to bring something to the table. I am having to suporrt us right now and I do not think I can afford to pay for my house and a apartment for them....

The mother is allowed all her visitation and is involved in anything extra the child does..... most things I do not attend so there is no tension. When I do attend it is because the child ask me to. We have a folder where we send school work home to her mother so she gets to see everything.... The child loves crafts and we are always making her mother gifts************** My finance and I really are trying to do this right......

The little girl is so confused because she does not know why she was taken away from her mother.... Her mother involves her in every disagreement that her and her father have.... it takes several days to get her back to normal when she comes back from her mothers..... My finance know that it will catch up with his ex but he hopes she will realize what she is doing to the child before it is to late.....

He keeps a notebook with everything she does and I keep a notebook of everything she does to me. His attorney instructed him to record the conversations between them. He states that it can be used because one party is consenting to the recording. I don't know??

DHR has been very nice and understanding and she has asked that I keep her informed of everything the mother excuses me of. I was not sure why she wanted to know everything about the board of nursing investigation but I guess it makes sense? I am not sure how to handle the most recent allegations.

This is all so discouraging to me..... We are ready to get married and we ready to have kids but it would not be fair to do that to the child.
 

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