Subsequent Children effecting amount of cs - Ohiogal would like your opinion

[kik1999]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I have heard conflicting answers on this subject (and I have done research and it seems to hold true for Ohio), but it seems that in Ohio, subsequent children CAN effect the amount of child support. If possible, I'd like Ohiogal's expertise.

My ex has a stepdaughter that he is in the processing of adopting, one child with his wife and another one on the way. He does not have any other child support orders for any children except for mine (we were married if that matters). He is convinced that he can get cs lowered based on the fact that he will be responsible for 3 additional children in his intact family and he can get the cs for my daughter lowered based on this. From what I understand in Ohio, this is a possibility?

I'm not money hungry, but he only pays a whopping $384 for my daughter and he thinks it is an outrageous amount of money. This does not include child care, which I have been thinking about revisiting the situation to include this, but do not want to cause problems in our very amicable situation. Basically, I'm not trying to open a can of worms if its going to end up screwing my daughter and causing animosity b/t the ex and I. We get along wonderfully and I'd like to keep it that way b/c it benefits my daughter greatly. The amount he pays now doesn't even cover her child care during the school year, let alone during the summer months.

Both of our incomes have increased significantly since the divorce and the online calculator calculates the child care into the amount figured. Problem is, the amount of child care differes depending on the time of year. Is there a way to calculate child support and then include 50/50 for child care in Ohio, or is it automatically included. If it is included, do I take the average for the year? I am in Franklin County if it makes a difference.

Thank you for your time in advance. I welcome all advice, even if its not what I want to hear. What is the name of your state?

 

[Ohiogal]

YES! Short answer.. now if you want details....

What is the name of your state? Ohio

I have heard conflicting answers on this subject (and I have done research and it seems to hold true for Ohio), but it seems that in Ohio, subsequent children CAN effect the amount of child support. If possible, I'd like Ohiogal's expertise.

My ex has a stepdaughter that he is in the processing of adopting, one child with his wife and another one on the way. He does not have any other child support orders for any children except for mine (we were married if that matters). He is convinced that he can get cs lowered based on the fact that he will be responsible for 3 additional children in his intact family and he can get the cs for my daughter lowered based on this. From what I understand in Ohio, this is a possibility?


Yes. That is the short answer.

I'm not money hungry, but he only pays a whopping $384 for my daughter and he thinks it is an outrageous amount of money. This does not include child care, which I have been thinking about revisiting the situation to include this, but do not want to cause problems in our very amicable situation. Basically, I'm not trying to open a can of worms if its going to end up screwing my daughter and causing animosity b/t the ex and I. We get along wonderfully and I'd like to keep it that way b/c it benefits my daughter greatly. The amount he pays now doesn't even cover her child care during the school year, let alone during the summer months.

Both of our incomes have increased significantly since the divorce and the online calculator calculates the child care into the amount figured. Problem is, the amount of child care differes depending on the time of year. Is there a way to calculate child support and then include 50/50 for child care in Ohio, or is it automatically included. If it is included, do I take the average for the year? I am in Franklin County if it makes a difference.

Thank you for your time in advance. I welcome all advice, even if its not what I want to hear. What is the name of your state?

the worksheet for Ohio calculates child care based on what each parent pays for the child under the year for an entire year. Then it adds it up and divides by two. So you won't get enough necessarily to cover half of a month of child care. Not every month. Some months you won't hit the 50% mark. Other days you will.

As for additional children, that is figured in. They get a credit for $3300 against the gross income for the year (because a deduction) for having to support another child. It does not amount to a severe amount of child support being dropped. He could however try for a downward modification based on your situation. If you live with mom or dad, your standard of living is much higher than his due to sharing expenses with others, his legal children have extraordinary medical expenses, if he has substantially more legal obligations than you do and a variety of other things. It is not as simple as saying adopting other children means you won't get anything. He may get a minimal drop per month which adds up to a couple hundred dollars in a year.

Did you have child care when you got the original order? If not then that is a change. However if you were paying child care with the original order it should have been calculated then. If it has been more than three years and the amount of th eorder will fluctuate by 10% towards you then you want to file for a modification maybe. You have to decide.

 

[kik1999]

Thank you for your response

the worksheet for Ohio calculates child care based on what each parent pays for the child under the year for an entire year. Then it adds it up and divides by two. So you won't get enough necessarily to cover half of a month of child care. Not every month. Some months you won't hit the 50% mark. Other days you will.

As for additional children, that is figured in. They get a credit for $3300 against the gross income for the year (because a deduction) for having to support another child. It does not amount to a severe amount of child support being dropped. He could however try for a downward modification based on your situation. If you live with mom or dad, your standard of living is much higher than his due to sharing expenses with others, his legal children have extraordinary medical expenses, if he has substantially more legal obligations than you do and a variety of other things. It is not as simple as saying adopting other children means you won't get anything. He may get a minimal drop per month which adds up to a couple hundred dollars in a year.

Did you have child care when you got the original order? If not then that is a change. However if you were paying child care with the original order it should have been calculated then. If it has been more than three years and the amount of th eorder will fluctuate by 10% towards you then you want to file for a modification maybe. You have to decide.

Child care was not included in the original calculation. She was an infant, but I worked/went to school and a friend watched her for free. His income at that time was around $17K due to being in the military (and receiving free housing, bill payment for utilities, etc.). I was living with my parents when we originally divorced to save up some money to get back on my feet, as I did not work when we were married....went to school full time. Our situations have both changed drastically. I now own a home, but share expenses with my fiance and our bills are much higher than his (but that is MY choice), have a career in which my base salary is around $40k, but have a significant amount of overtime. I don't know his income, I'm assuming its around the same amount as he is a manager of a warehouse and is no longer in the service.

Child care costs are as follows at the present time. $88/week for before and after school care (she is now in 2nd grade). I get charged for full day/week if school is not in session due to holidays, in service days etc. The full time rate is around $160/week during the summer and during holiday breaks. It gets to be expensive. He has not split anything 50/50, but I fault myself for not asking in order keep the peace. My number one concern is to keep an amicable relationship because my daughter benefits greatly from this. She does not have the guilt, etc. that is normally associated with children of divorced parents due to us getting along. I get along with his wife, as he does with my fiance....to the point where I take their stepdaughter overnight when they need a sitter, etc. We have an unheard of relationship. Nothing is worth jeopardizing that to me. My intent is not to put hardship on his family, but my daughter deserves more than the bare minimum. $384 for one child I think is rather low.

However, it seems that I am unable to file for a modification of support and keep the child care 50/50 separate from the research that I have done. Am I correct? I would like to have a modification done based on BOTH of our current financial situations, as well as ask for 50% of child care expenses. Is this a possibility or is it automatically included in the calculation.

Also, is the $3300 deduction per child? From what I understand in other states, my daughter (his first priority in the eyes of the law) should not suffer b/c he chose to have subsequent children/responsibilities.

I believe that since his income has increased substancially (more than doubled) since our original order and child care has now been added, a modification is justified. Whether it increases or decreases doesn't matter, I just want it to be fair. My daughter deserves what is fair. I do want to keep the peace. If I file for a modification, the CSCEA will notify him that I am the one requesting, correct?

Oh, and by the way...its my little one who has had the outrageous medical expenses; of which I have asked him once to split with me, received no response and then I dropped it. My fault for not persuing, but I don't want to be one of those CP who is constantly nit picking at issues like $, etc. We have a great relationship and I'd forget about it just to keep that. I just want what is fair.

Thank you so much for your help. I love your quote about loving your children more than hating your ex and use it all the time when talking to friends about their situations/divorces. I appreciate all advice based on what I have described above. Thanks!!

 

[Ohiogal]

Getting rid of the non relevant stuff...

Child care was not included in the original calculation. She was an infant, but I worked/went to school and a friend watched her for free. His income at that time was around $17K due to being in the military (and receiving free housing, bill payment for utilities, etc.). I was living with my parents when we originally divorced to save up some money to get back on my feet, as I did not work when we were married....went to school full time. Our situations have both changed drastically. I now own a home, but share expenses with my fiance and our bills are much higher than his (but that is MY choice), have a career in which my base salary is around $40k, but have a significant amount of overtime. I don't know his income, I'm assuming its around the same amount as he is a manager of a warehouse and is no longer in the service.


It has changed then. That is all. 40k and so on and so forth. The presumption in Ohio is that the worksheet is correct. Downward deviation may be relevant if he was needing to be on state assistance and such to support his family due to the fact that his child support was outrageous because of child day care.

$88/week for before and after school care (she is now in 2nd grade). I get charged for full day/week if school is not in session due to holidays, in service days etc. The full time rate is around $160/week during the summer and during holiday breaks.


So add up how much you spend in a year. You can estimate that. Look at your taxes from last year. How much in chlid care expenses did you claim. School in Ohio is in session roughly 36 weeks a year (88 x 36) plus the 16 weeks out of session (16 x 160). Do the math. Now how many weeks in the summer does he get her? Subtract those weeks from child care payment if you dont have to pay them or he does. That gives you a rough estimate of your child care costs for the year. Your day care center should be able to let you know how much you have paid over the last year.

It gets to be expensive. He has not split anything 50/50, but I fault myself for not asking in order keep the peace.
He doesn't have to split anything 50/50 unless the ocurt order states to and that means you have to petition for a modification if more than 3 years has gone by. You cannot fault him for that.

My number one concern is to keep an amicable relationship because my daughter benefits greatly from this. She does not have the guilt, etc. that is normally associated with children of divorced parents due to us getting along. I get along with his wife, as he does with my fiance....to the point where I take their stepdaughter overnight when they need a sitter, etc. We have an unheard of relationship. Nothing is worth jeopardizing that to me. My intent is not to put hardship on his family, but my daughter deserves more than the bare minimum. $384 for one child I think is rather low.


Maybe maybe not. How much does he pay for health insurance? Does he provide health insurance? Because that cost amounts to something as well. And if he is paying for health insurance (it can be quite pricy) then that is why he may not be paying more than $384. Even if you provide it for your daughter consider how much in out of pocket expenses that will save you. Courts in Ohio like it when a child has double coverage. It saves the parents time, especially if one parent loses a job or coverage -- this way the child is not left bare. And dad is not supposed to be paying all of the child's expenses. It may not even be 50/50. It is based on a percentage in accordance with your income. If you earn 70% of the income between the two of you then you pay 70% of the support.

However, it seems that I am unable to file for a modification of support and keep the child care 50/50 separate from the research that I have done. Am I correct? I would like to have a modification done based on BOTH of our current financial situations, as well as ask for 50% of child care expenses. Is this a possibility or is it automatically included in the calculation.


Child care is included in the calculations -- because you receive a credit for paying for child care if you get the tax deduction. And you don't get the credit as well as him pay you 50% of the entire amount. That is not fair.

Also, is the $3300 deduction per child? From what I understand in other states, my daughter (his first priority in the eyes of the law) should not suffer b/c he chose to have subsequent children/responsibilities.

What is the deduction you get to take from your daughter on taxes? I am not a tax accountant. But you get a dependent deduction. So does he. For every child he has. It does not amount to much. Your daughter is not suffering because he chose to have subsequent children. That attitude bothers me. Suffering would be if dad can't afford to support his daughter in his house because of all the money he is sending to mom. Or vice versa. Getting a measly deduction is not going to cause your child to suffer.


I believe that since his income has increased substancially (more than doubled) since our original order and child care has now been added, a modification is justified. Whether it increases or decreases doesn't matter, I just want it to be fair. My daughter deserves what is fair. I do want to keep the peace. If I file for a modification, the CSCEA will notify him that I am the one requesting, correct?

Yes they will. They have to. They cant just change the child support. There will be a review hearing. It is called due process.

Oh, and by the way...its my little one who has had the outrageous medical expenses; of which I have asked him once to split with me, received no response and then I dropped it. My fault for not persuing, but I don't want to be one of those CP who is constantly nit picking at issues like $, etc. We have a great relationship and I'd forget about it just to keep that. I just want what is fair.


What does your child support order state regarding health insurance? What was the percentage he was to pay. If he didn't follow the health insurance coverage and you provided him with bills in a timely fashion you should have taken him back to court for contempt. If you didn't provide him with bills then it is your fault he didn't pay.

Thank you so much for your help. I love your quote about loving your children more than hating your ex and use it all the time when talking to friends about their situations/divorces. I appreciate all advice based on what I have described above. Thanks!!

Just keep loving your daughter. You are thinking the deduction ends up being a lot of money and really it doesn't. It may be $10 a support payment. That is not a lot of money.

 

[kik1999]

Response to Ohiogal

Just keep loving your daughter. You are thinking the deduction ends up being a lot of money and really it doesn't. It may be $10 a support payment. That is not a lot of money.

Again, thank you so much for your responses. I welcome them all, because they are not biased; obviously advice from my family and attorney all are biased towards me. And you know Ohio law.

He isn't on state aid...far from it. They live comfortably and actually have been trying for another child. She's expecting again. I'm happy for them.

The 50/50 is in the court order. I went as far as to ask him if he would like me to fax the bill for her most recent surgery (b/c it was a whopper), mail it, etc. I haven't followed process as far as filing contempt etc. to keep the peace. My fault. Like I said, my main concern is that we DO get along for her benefit. The contempt filings, etc. cause tension. I don't want her to feel that tension b/t us. We've done so well b/c I haven't followed the court order on holding him accountable for what he IS responsible for due to our decree. For example, I covered her on my insurance for 5 years even though it was ordered that he provided coverage. Again, my fault. He covers her now, but the amount that he pays wouldn't change b/c he has family coverage, which he would have to have anyways because he has 3 (his wife, stepdaughter, son) dependants and about to be 4, plus my daughter which makes it 5. He is supposed to split everything not covered by insurance 50/50. He doesn't even know the name of her doctor. Again, I totally accept responsibility for not filing contempt. I am by all means not complaining b/c of the choices I have made. I did it for my own reasons - benefit for my daughter, mainly to keep peace. As a matter of fact, when he doesn't pack her lunch for school, she charges it to the school and I get a note stating that I owe lunch charges. I haven't even brought that up to him. Its measley petty bs that is not worth fighting over in my mind.

I guess my question was mainly about the cs being separate from the child care costs. I don't think she is suffering at all and I apologize if I came off that way. I think she is one of the luckiest children of a divorce that I know b/c of the relationship that her father and I have. My intention is not to rock the boat. But filing for a modification will certainly put him on the defensive and I'm afraid it will damage our relationship. I guess I have to decide which is more important.

Thank you again for your guidance and advice. It truly is much appreciated.

 

[Ohiogal]

The 50/50 is in the court order. I went as far as to ask him if he would like me to fax the bill for her most recent surgery (b/c it was a whopper), mail it, etc. I haven't followed process as far as filing contempt etc. to keep the peace. My fault.

Unless he has received copies of the bills then he doesn't have to pay. If you are receiving the bills then you have to provide him with copies of them. If you don't then you can't go to court saying "Well i told him he owed $100." That doesn't fly. Ohio courts require both parents to receive copies of health care bills and proof of payment. One party -- normally the obligor -- is responsible for paying the first $100 of uncovered medical expenses. That has to be shown to be paid before the parties split bills per the guidelines.

Like I said, my main concern is that we DO get along for her benefit. The contempt filings, etc. cause tension. I don't want her to feel that tension b/t us. We've done so well b/c I haven't followed the court order on holding him accountable for what he IS responsible for due to our decree.

No. You have been a doormat. There is a difference between not causing tension and letting someone walk all over me.

For example, I covered her on my insurance for 5 years even though it was ordered that he provided coverage. Again, my fault.

Yep. Because you should have gone for contempt at such time as he wasn't covering her even though he was ordered to.

He covers her now, but the amount that he pays wouldn't change b/c he has family coverage, which he would have to have anyways because he has 3 (his wife, stepdaughter, son) dependants and about to be 4, plus my daughter which makes it 5. He is supposed to split everything not covered by insurance 50/50.


The important thing is that your daughter will have double coverage. The fact that he is also covering his second family is NOT your business or your concern. Your concern is that your daughter is covered. So you get a copy of his medical card and provide that information to the doctors. His insurance becomes primary and yours secondary. If you are not giving his medical insurance information to the doctors do not expect to be able to get out of pocket expenses from him. That is cheap, a judge will slam you for it (you wouldn't have out of pocket necessarily if you used his insurance) and it is stupidity on your part. Use all the insurance available to your child and maximize it. Use in network providers as much as feasibly possible.

He doesn't even know the name of her doctor. Again, I totally accept responsibility for not filing contempt.


Not knowing the name of her doctor is not necessarily contempt. Send him a list of all of her doctors with telephone numbers and addresses. Make sure he is listed as dad on all the forms where it calls for a father. And put him second on any forms for emergency contacts (after you). Hence you have done all you can.

I am by all means not complaining b/c of the choices I have made. I did it for my own reasons - benefit for my daughter, mainly to keep peace. As a matter of fact, when he doesn't pack her lunch for school, she charges it to the school and I get a note stating that I owe lunch charges. I haven't even brought that up to him. Its measley petty bs that is not worth fighting over in my mind.

It is petty bs and not a hill worth dying over. What days does he have her during the week?


I guess my question was mainly about the cs being separate from the child care costs. I don't think she is suffering at all and I apologize if I came off that way. I think she is one of the luckiest children of a divorce that I know b/c of the relationship that her father and I have. My intention is not to rock the boat. But filing for a modification will certainly put him on the defensive and I'm afraid it will damage our relationship. I guess I have to decide which is more important.

Thank you again for your guidance and advice. It truly is much appreciated.

YOu can file a modification and just state that you want to be fair and you want to make sure he isn't paying too much. He will be able to present his information the state and the state will take it from there. Being vindictive is him providing health insurance, paying an arm and leg for it (regardless of what other dependents he has on it and you not using it but holding the out of pocket expenses over his head as though you are a saint for paying them. Being vindictive is not telling him about doctors appointments or not listing him as the father on forms concerning your daughter. There is a difference between being a doormat and being fair. If the court believes he has justifiable reasons for a downward modification they will award it to him.

 

[ajkroy]

insurance correction

Sorry to butt in on this one, but I would like to make a small amendment to something Ohiogal wrote. If a child is covered by two insurances, the primary insurance is the one that belongs to the parent with the first birthday during a calendar year...regardless of whether or not either is court-ordered. So if mom's birthday is in February and dad's is in April, then mom's insurance is primary and dad's is secondary.

Hope that helps.

 

[kik1999]

Thank you again

YOu can file a modification and just state that you want to be fair and you want to make sure he isn't paying too much. He will be able to present his information the state and the state will take it from there. Being vindictive is him providing health insurance, paying an arm and leg for it (regardless of what other dependents he has on it and you not using it but holding the out of pocket expenses over his head as though you are a saint for paying them. Being vindictive is not telling him about doctors appointments or not listing him as the father on forms concerning your daughter. There is a difference between being a doormat and being fair. If the court believes he has justifiable reasons for a downward modification they will award it to him.

I completely respect your perspective and opinion on my situation. I have given him a list of all medical information (when she goes to the dr., specialists, surgery, etc.) he has not shown an interest in being a present - not even when she went into surgery. I have listed him as the father on all forms that request the information. I have him listed (as well as his wife) for emergency contacts secondary to only myself. He does carry the primary insurance and I do utilize it for every appointment since he has added her. I do my part as the CP when it comes to informing him of everything that is possible regarding her education, medical information, school events, etc. I even call or email on little issues like when she says something sweet about his family. For example, she is the one that told me that they were expecting...I sent a congratulations card to their family. I am in no way vindictive when it comes to providing him with info or not informing him of what is going on when she is not with him. I am in no way the "model" parent, but I try my hardest to co-parent with him. But you are correct (and I guess I needed to hear it from someone who isn't involved in the situation), I have been a doormat. To say the least.

I justify it by not wanting to be involved in the legal system and having an awful relationship with him and his wife. Both he and I were children of divorce whose parents dragged us through hell and put us in the middle of every situation possible. We swore we wouldn't do that to our child. So yes, I have been a doormat and there is no excuse I have except I want her to have a happy childhood b/c she shouldn't suffer b/c of the mistakes that we made as adults. I respect your opinion and see your point of view. For that, I thank you.

My fear is that if I file for a modification, HE will be vindictive towards me by using my daughter in some way. I do not in any way think I am a saint. I am the CP, I should be the one taking her to the dr., taking time off work when she is sick, etc. He has other children, I do not.

Our papers state that I have sole physical, and sole legal custody. He is the one that agreed to that during our divorce, as he was in SC in the service and I was in Ohio and as far as he's expressed, he doesn't have any intention on changing that, fair or not. Our court papers state he is to get standard visitation since he has now moved to Ohio, which includes the normal one night a week until 8 pm, every other weekend, split holidays and 6 weeks in the summer. However, we don't follow that schedule whatsoever. He has her Wednesday overnights, every other weekend from Friday after school and takes her to daycare on Monday mornings. He doesn't take any weeks in the summer, we keep our normal schedule. We don't switch on holidays...we actually plan together when their family is getting together and when our family is getting together so she can be present for both family traditions. We actually have joint birthday parties for her with both of our families present and it has worked out well.

I am well aware that he could take me back for joint physical and joint legal and actually wouldn't mind doing that modification on our own, but again, he hasn't expressed any interest in that. He is happy with our situation. I could care less about the money....I just think it would be nice to have him split the child care expenses. I hope that makes sense. I'm not looking for an increase here, just not sure if what we have currently is fair monetarily. I like the way that you worded how I could express it to him; to make sure that what we have currently is fair and the only way to do that is to file for a modification since our circumstances have changed so much in 6 years.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond, its definitely food for thought and I have some decisions to make. Everything is working out status quo. I'm not trying to stir up things and have my little girl's world turned upside-down over $. That is my greatest fear. I prefer the peace b/c I see how happy she is. There is no $ amount that could replace that. Like I said before, we have an unheard of relationship as far as amicable goes. Both sets of our parents praise us (as well as teachers, daycare providers and other relatives) on how we have put aside our differences for the benefit of her sake. Whether that makes me a doormat or not (and you are right, I am) I have never seen a child of divorced parents thrive so much because of it. And not that it makes a difference, but he praises me during parent teacher conferences. I don't think either one of us is doing anything special or out of the ordinary, just being good parents to a child who didn't ask to have her parents split. B/c I do work hard to make her understand that she and her well-being is #1 in my life. Might have to do with she is an only child at my house, and he has others at his, so she gets my undivided attention when we are together. My best friend in the world is a 7 year old. And I thank God for her everyday.

 

[kik1999]

Anyone can respond

Sorry to butt in on this one, but I would like to make a small amendment to something Ohiogal wrote. If a child is covered by two insurances, the primary insurance is the one that belongs to the parent with the first birthday during a calendar year...regardless of whether or not either is court-ordered. So if mom's birthday is in February and dad's is in April, then mom's insurance is primary and dad's is secondary.

Hope that helps.

No worries about butting in. I acutally didn't mean to make this strictly b/t Ohiogal and I. I just value her expertise in Ohio law, which is why it was directed for her to answer the questions. I welcome all comments, positive or negative regarding my situation.

If that holds true, it wouldn't matter...his birthday is in June, mine is in July.

 

[kik1999]

I apologize

I didn't mean for my portion of this thread to be so long winded. I am so sorry!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

Since your daughter has double coverage, are you making sure that you are using both coverages as primary and secondary? If you are, then you should have little to no out of pocket costs for your child's medical needs.

If you are not.....then you need to be doing that.

Also, you mentioned in your first post that dad believes that his child support is going to go down because of the additional children. That would indicate to me that HE intends to be the one to file for a modification.

If he does that, child support will be recalculated based on today's reality. Therefore, its probably going to go up....and you won't be in the bad guy in that instance, because you won't be the one that asked for the modification.

 

[Ohiogal]

I didn't mean for my portion of this thread to be so long winded. I am so sorry!!!!

No worries. If he acted vindictively that would show his immaturity and the court would NOT be happy with him. From what you say you have done a lot to make sure he can be a part of the child's life.

 

[kik1999]

Thank you both Ldj and Ohiogal for your encouraging words. I have tried my hardest to keep the peace and let her enjoy her relationship with her father. I want him to be as much as a part of her life as possible and appreciate the little things that he takes for granted sometimes. Sometimes I wish he could see what it was like to live on the "other side" with a vindictive ex who did whatever she could to milk anything out of him, follow the court order to a T, etc. But I basically am pretty laid back when it comes to him spending time with her, encouraging a strong bond b/t them and I've never really told him "no" when it comes to anything. Switching weekends, going on vacations, etc. Its all so petty compared to the big picture. I even buy him a package when picture time comes around. I get frustrated that he takes it for granted, but then again, I allow it so who am I to complain.

I am going to file for a modification and the last time I mentioned, he said he was going for full custody if I did. I hope a judge would see through THAT vindictiveness, seeing as no circumstances have changed and he has sung my praises until now.

Ldj, I dropped her from my insurance when he picked her up. Are you saying I should add her back on again for the double coverage and less out of pocket? I guess that was stupid on my part for doing so, but I figured I covered her (even though he was court ordered) for 5 years. I didn't realize about the double coverage thing. My ignorance.

Thank you both again ladies. I don't post much, but read often and enjoy both responses that you give to other posters. I appreciate your time.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you both Ldj and Ohiogal for your encouraging words. I have tried my hardest to keep the peace and let her enjoy her relationship with her father. I want him to be as much as a part of her life as possible and appreciate the little things that he takes for granted sometimes. Sometimes I wish he could see what it was like to live on the "other side" with a vindictive ex who did whatever she could to milk anything out of him, follow the court order to a T, etc. But I basically am pretty laid back when it comes to him spending time with her, encouraging a strong bond b/t them and I've never really told him "no" when it comes to anything. Switching weekends, going on vacations, etc. Its all so petty compared to the big picture. I even buy him a package when picture time comes around. I get frustrated that he takes it for granted, but then again, I allow it so who am I to complain.

I am going to file for a modification and the last time I mentioned, he said he was going for full custody if I did. I hope a judge would see through THAT vindictiveness, seeing as no circumstances have changed and he has sung my praises until now.

Ldj, I dropped her from my insurance when he picked her up. Are you saying I should add her back on again for the double coverage and less out of pocket? I guess that was stupid on my part for doing so, but I figured I covered her (even though he was court ordered) for 5 years. I didn't realize about the double coverage thing. My ignorance.

Thank you both again ladies. I don't post much, but read often and enjoy both responses that you give to other posters. I appreciate your time.

OUCH! You dropped your insurance coverage on her? YES YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT. Oh brother. My daughter has dual coverage. My ex and I have yet to pay any out of pocket. What one doesn't cover the other does normally so you would not have hundreds of dollars of out pocket to split. It costs a bit more upfront for the double coverage but when a child has medical problems or such it saves a lot of money in the end. A simple surgery like tubes in the ears is over $2k -- 20% of $2k is $400. If your daughter has double coverage your out of pocket would probably be closer to $20 if that. Add her back on ASAP -- which probably means open enrollment.
Okay so I hollered at you but this is IMPORTANT FOR ANY PARENT -- if your child has an opportunity to be covered by MORE THAN ONE INSURANCE do it! What if your child gets -- God forbid -- cancer? Or something else that is extremely expensive. Even if one insurance covers 90% instead of 80% that can quickly force parents into the poorhouse.

 

[kik1999]

OUCH! You dropped your insurance coverage on her? YES YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT. Oh brother. My daughter has dual coverage. My ex and I have yet to pay any out of pocket. What one doesn't cover the other does normally so you would not have hundreds of dollars of out pocket to split. It costs a bit more upfront for the double coverage but when a child has medical problems or such it saves a lot of money in the end. A simple surgery like tubes in the ears is over $2k -- 20% of $2k is $400. If your daughter has double coverage your out of pocket would probably be closer to $20 if that. Add her back on ASAP -- which probably means open enrollment.
Okay so I hollered at you but this is IMPORTANT FOR ANY PARENT -- if your child has an opportunity to be covered by MORE THAN ONE INSURANCE do it! What if your child gets -- God forbid -- cancer? Or something else that is extremely expensive. Even if one insurance covers 90% instead of 80% that can quickly force parents into the poorhouse.

Open enrollment is in a month. Will add her asap. Thank you for hollering at me. I needed it.