Teen Pregnancy

[Rwedunyet]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

You probably remember me, as you all held my hand through the adoption of my newest son ( who is doing fabulous!).

New Drama.

My son's girlfriend is pregnant. He admits to having unprotected sex with her, so this child is probably his child. The baby is due one month AFTER my son's 18th birthday.

I understand that since my son is a minor, his father and I will be legally responsible for his portion of the child's monetary needs. But, for how long are we legally (not morally) responsible? Of course, I will help in anyway possible after he is 18, so long as my son is doing what he needs to do.

My son has always been a good student, and graduated high school early. So, he is scheduled to start college in the fall. Right now, the plan is for his father and I to aid him in his expenses so long as he is doing well in college, and working part time. If he does not uphold his end of that deal, then the money will stop, so long as that is a legal option for us after he is 18.

The greater issue/concern that I have right now is the motives of the mother of this child. She has decided that she is not going to allow my son to sign the birth certificate or affidavit of paternity because she is on medicaid. She knows that if she "allows" my son to claim their child as his own, that the state will go after "her" child support, and wishes that "her" child support be paid directly to her, so that the state doesn't get any of "her" money. I'm not really cool with this, and neither is my son. Not only does it infringe on his status as father of this child, I *think* it would constitute as fraud.

So, with that said, since my son will still be a minor at the time of the child's birth, who requests the paternity test? My son or my husband and I? Or do we wait a month and have my son do it when he turns 18?


She has also decided that my son will not be allowed visitation away from her for at least a year, because she intends to breast feed. Be proud of me, I'm keeping my mouth (mostly) shut there, since that is my son's fight and not mine. Couldn't help myself though, I bought her a very nice breast pump and wrapped it with a pretty bow.

sigh.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

You probably remember me, as you all held my hand through the adoption of my newest son ( who is doing fabulous!).

New Drama.

My son's girlfriend is pregnant. He admits to having unprotected sex with her, so this child is probably his child. The baby is due one month AFTER my son's 18th birthday.

I understand that since my son is a minor, his father and I will be legally responsible for his portion of the child's monetary needs. But, for how long are we legally (not morally) responsible? Of course, I will help in anyway possible after he is 18, so long as my son is doing what he needs to do.

My son has always been a good student, and graduated high school early. So, he is scheduled to start college in the fall. Right now, the plan is for his father and I to aid him in his expenses so long as he is doing well in college, and working part time. If he does not uphold his end of that deal, then the money will stop, so long as that is a legal option for us after he is 18.

The greater issue/concern that I have right now is the motives of the mother of this child. She has decided that she is not going to allow my son to sign the birth certificate or affidavit of paternity because she is on medicaid. She knows that if she "allows" my son to claim their child as his own, that the state will go after "her" child support, and wishes that "her" child support be paid directly to her, so that the state doesn't get any of "her" money. I'm not really cool with this, and neither is my son. Not only does it infringe on his status as father of this child, I *think* it would constitute as fraud.

So, with that said, since my son will still be a minor at the time of the child's birth, who requests the paternity test? My son or my husband and I? Or do we wait a month and have my son do it when he turns 18?


She has also decided that my son will not be allowed visitation away from her for at least a year, because she intends to breast feed. Be proud of me, I'm keeping my mouth (mostly) shut there, since that is my son's fight and not mine. Couldn't help myself though, I bought her a very nice breast pump and wrapped it with a pretty bow.

sigh.

YOU do nothing. Your son is to request the paternity. Your son is the one who is impacted and who is standing. NOT YOU. Even if your son were 15, he would still have to ask for a paternity test for HIS child. HE is the putative parent. And if he turns 18 one month BEFORE the baby is born, he is an adult. YOU have nothing to do with it all legally. Nor does your son's father. Anything you do is out of the goodness of your heart and is a gift.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

You probably remember me, as you all held my hand through the adoption of my newest son ( who is doing fabulous!).

New Drama.

My son's girlfriend is pregnant. He admits to having unprotected sex with her, so this child is probably his child. The baby is due one month AFTER my son's 18th birthday.

I understand that since my son is a minor, his father and I will be legally responsible for his portion of the child's monetary needs. But, for how long are we legally (not morally) responsible? Of course, I will help in anyway possible after he is 18, so long as my son is doing what he needs to do.

If the baby is born after his 18th birthday then he will not be considered to be a minor and will be responsible for taking care of everything himself.

My son has always been a good student, and graduated high school early. So, he is scheduled to start college in the fall. Right now, the plan is for his father and I to aid him in his expenses so long as he is doing well in college, and working part time. If he does not uphold his end of that deal, then the money will stop, so long as that is a legal option for us after he is 18.

That is a good plan.

The greater issue/concern that I have right now is the motives of the mother of this child. She has decided that she is not going to allow my son to sign the birth certificate or affidavit of paternity because she is on medicaid. She knows that if she "allows" my son to claim their child as his own, that the state will go after "her" child support, and wishes that "her" child support be paid directly to her, so that the state doesn't get any of "her" money. I'm not really cool with this, and neither is my son. Not only does it infringe on his status as father of this child, I *think* it would constitute as fraud.

There is little chance that she can get away with not establishing paternity as the state welfare people are pretty determined to get father's identified. However, your son does not have to wait on that. He can file to establish paternity himself as soon as the child is born.

So, with that said, since my son will still be a minor at the time of the child's birth, who requests the paternity test? My son or my husband and I? Or do we wait a month and have my son do it when he turns 18?

Ok, I am now confused. The way that you worded it previously it sounded like he would turn 18 a month before the child was born. However, it really doesn't matter if he turns 18 a month after, he still is going to be responsible all by himself. That one month difference isn't going to make you responsible.

She has also decided that my son will not be allowed visitation away from her for at least a year, because she intends to breast feed. Be proud of me, I'm keeping my mouth (mostly) shut there, since that is my son's fight and not mine. Couldn't help myself though, I bought her a very nice breast pump and wrapped it with a pretty bow.

sigh.

She doesn't get to decide that. Your son absolutely can file for visitation and get visitation. However, please be cognizant of the fact that there can be some problems with feedings if mom cannot pump, or if the baby won't take the bottle. Also, sometimes supplementing with formula causes major bowel problems for the baby, so that has to be done with care and generally a doctor's advice before trying it is best.

 

[Rwedunyet]

I'm sorry!

I typed "after", in all caps mind you, and meant before. Even proofread and didnt catch it.

The baby is due one month before his 18th birthday.

I was thinking it one way and typing it another. I apologize for the confusion!

 

[LdiJ]

I'm sorry!

I typed "after", in all caps mind you, and meant before. Even proofread and didnt catch it.

The baby is due one month before his 18th birthday.

I was thinking it one way and typing it another. I apologize for the confusion!

That's ok, like I said, it really doesn't matter anyway. By the time it gets to court he will be 18.

 

[Rwedunyet]

Ok Folks, thanks for the information. Once I understand what my legal responsibilities are, I can do a better job with my moral responsibilities.

We will continue with our plan of college and work. My son does intend to request a paternity test, regardless of what the mother decides about letting him sign the paperwork. He feels that having a paternity test done as soon as the baby is born may prevent any complications later. (see, he CAN make good choices when he uses his brain).

I understand that the state will request he pay child support since she is receiving state aid. Can you tell me if this type of child support is typically garnished from wages or will he need to make payments directly to the state?

He also intends to file for a formal custody and visitation arrangement as soon as paternity is established.

I understand completely about feeding. My oldest was unable to take formula for a while, and never really liked the bottle. However, he was still able to have some alone time with his daddy (while I went to the grocery store or took the coveted bubble bath). All my son wants is just some time to cuddle his child, to change a diaper, and get to know this new person who now owns his life without mom hanging over him. If feeding is an issue, surely the baby would survive an hour or two with daddy, but mom is saying that a man just does not have the proper instincts to care for a newborn, so he must have all his visits with her there with them (I remember someone on this forum referring to "Golden Uterus Syndrome", lol). I'll stay out of that, except to encourage my son when he needs it.

Thanks again for the information.

 

[gam]

Ok Folks, thanks for the information. Once I understand what my legal responsibilities are, I can do a better job with my moral responsibilities.

We will continue with our plan of college and work. My son does intend to request a paternity test, regardless of what the mother decides about letting him sign the paperwork. He feels that having a paternity test done as soon as the baby is born may prevent any complications later. (see, he CAN make good choices when he uses his brain).

I understand that the state will request he pay child support since she is receiving state aid. Can you tell me if this type of child support is typically garnished from wages or will he need to make payments directly to the state?

He also intends to file for a formal custody and visitation arrangement as soon as paternity is established.

I understand completely about feeding. My oldest was unable to take formula for a while, and never really liked the bottle. However, he was still able to have some alone time with his daddy (while I went to the grocery store or took the coveted bubble bath). All my son wants is just some time to cuddle his child, to change a diaper, and get to know this new person who now owns his life without mom hanging over him. If feeding is an issue, surely the baby would survive an hour or two with daddy, but mom is saying that a man just does not have the proper instincts to care for a newborn, so he must have all his visits with her there with them (I remember someone on this forum referring to "Golden Uterus Syndrome", lol). I'll stay out of that, except to encourage my son when he needs it.

Thanks again for the information.

My one daughter and her ex were 20, both college students when they had their child. She breastfed for 14 months and the child had issue with formula, so she pumped. Dad had visits outside of her home when the child was 2 months old.

Lots of schedules can be made, have him look up parenting plans for infants. Many feel short frequent visits and that does help and work best when the child is breastfed.

My daughters ex went to college 3 hours away so it further complicated things. But he came home on weekends, instead of the standard every other weekend, he got 3 out of 4 weekends or 4 out of 5 weekends. An interesting schedule the Ref overseeing their case suggested was on Sat, he would have the child 3 hours in the morning, return the child for 4 hours and then he again had the child for 3 hours in the evening. Now when he was off for summer or school breaks, he would have time every other day. Your son should keep in mind moms schedule to, like my daughter worked and went to school, so she also had to pump for that and her court considered that into it. Only so much can be pumped, so he needs to keep that in mind, his own schedule and get creative making schedules and asking for them in court.

I disagree with this moms thinking, it is far easier for a baby to go out that door a bit while a baby, then to take a 1 or 2 year old and then start sending them out the door. My grandson that started when he was 2 months old is 10 now, he has known nothing but a split situation and he is very well adjusted, very few problems through the years with adjustment periods.

 

[Rwedunyet]

Thanks Gam.

My son asked me the other day when I would have wanted my kids to start visitation, if their father and I had not been together. While I couldn't say for sure what I would have done then, I told him that given what I know NOW, I would want visitation to start ASAP so there would be little adjustment for the kids to make.

He's got a pretty good idea worked out. He works a split shift on Thursdays, and Saturdays and evenings on Fridays. He will be in school on Monday evenings, and then Wednesday, and Friday mornings, and will have online classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. His college and his girlfriend are in a neighboring town, about 45 minutes away, so he'd like to be able to come and bring lunch for the mother on Wednesday and Fridays, and spend his two hour lunch with the both of them. Then he would like to pick the baby up on Sunday mornings and return the baby about mid afternoon, if feeding will allow, easing that into an overnight stay where the baby would return to mom on Monday mornings. This should work, as mom is pretty used to my son bringing her lunch and hanging out with her during the week (hence the pregnancy ) AND Mom usually spends Sunday's with her friends. However, mom is insisting that if she is unavailable to care for HER child, then the only suitable person to "babysit" is her mother. She says she will allow dad to "babysit" once the baby is weaned.

I get the whole feeding deal and my son is willing to work around whatever needs may arise. However, mom is using her breasts as a way to control the situation, which is, in my opinion, a really crappy thing to do to a dad.

I REALLY hope that they can work this out without a bunch of drama. I'm a pretty good mom, and a darn good cook, but I suck as a cheerleader!

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks Gam.

My son asked me the other day when I would have wanted my kids to start visitation, if their father and I had not been together. While I couldn't say for sure what I would have done then, I told him that given what I know NOW, I would want visitation to start ASAP so there would be little adjustment for the kids to make.

He's got a pretty good idea worked out. He works a split shift on Thursdays, and Saturdays and evenings on Fridays. He will be in school on Monday evenings, and then Wednesday, and Friday mornings, and will have online classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. His college and his girlfriend are in a neighboring town, about 45 minutes away, so he'd like to be able to come and bring lunch for the mother on Wednesday and Fridays, and spend his two hour lunch with the both of them. Then he would like to pick the baby up on Sunday mornings and return the baby about mid afternoon, if feeding will allow, easing that into an overnight stay where the baby would return to mom on Monday mornings. This should work, as mom is pretty used to my son bringing her lunch and hanging out with her during the week (hence the pregnancy ) AND Mom usually spends Sunday's with her friends. However, mom is insisting that if she is unavailable to care for HER child, then the only suitable person to "babysit" is her mother. She says she will allow dad to "babysit" once the baby is weaned.

I get the whole feeding deal and my son is willing to work around whatever needs may arise. However, mom is using her breasts as a way to control the situation, which is, in my opinion, a really crappy thing to do to a dad.

I REALLY hope that they can work this out without a bunch of drama. I'm a pretty good mom, and a darn good cook, but I suck as a cheerleader!

Just remember that if they cannot figure it out, the judge will figure it out for them. Personally, I think that your son's plan is a pretty good one and I suspect that a judge would agree.