djmastr111
Member
I have been here before and posted about my case probably a year ago when I was going for full custody. I was thinking of anything i could to put my ex under the bus and I want to say that I am sorry. I had gotten pictures of her boyfriend with my son in their home smoking cigarettes and my son has asthma while everyone else said that was stupid and no judge will go for it. Well I want to say that I was handling my own case and the judge had taken my side every time before that I call it "My Case" because I need to remind myself that that is all it is and that I need to stop devoting so much time to it and start devoting time to life, work, school, freedom and sobriety.
There are so many questions I have first is that our child had so many problems in school with us fighting he would never want to leave my house and beg to not go back to mommys he is now 6 as of July 1st. I thought that winning was so important and the truth is IN CHILD CUSTODY THERE IS NO WINNER! I hate myself for thinking the way I did and even though it kind of got me my way and brought me from supervised visits once a month to 50/50 in less than a year it is possible that I should have left my son alone and stayed where I was at? Maybe then he wouldn't have Asthma or ADHD because I don't mind taking the blame for that or even him being sick almost every week when he comes back from his moms. I wouldn't have to worry about any of this. BUT I didn't I decided that I will put him first and live my life by his side and now were best friends which I am told all the time by his mother is the worst thing I can do because she has to discipline him extra for me not disciplining him.
My son is a good boy even though I don't get to tell him that everyday like I wish I could. He begs me to pick him up Thursdays which his mother allows me to do most of the time because she works on all of her days while our child is left with her boyfriend whose children were taken from him by CPS for what reason, I'm not sure and if I found out I would probably go to jail for murder because I don't know what it is but I sense something has been happening to my son over there and since he is not a "Parent" CPS can't drug test him or even go into his home without his permission because its his home not hers which is confusing to me but I think I'm better off not getting them involved anymore because it always comes back to me then I send them to his school or anyone who knows both of us and they usually call and apologize for talking to me like I'm a piece of **** dad. This leaves me with Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday every week that is my weekend visitation schedule. On her days our son is in school and when he comes home their rules are "Video games are not for children", "Watch cartoons and eat TV Dinners or Mc Donalds".
After years I've finally decided that I should be grateful for what I have and leave it alone because when it comes to abuse of a child "the courts will not change custody unless your child is "Physically Abused and it must have to be pretty brutal since I did have pictures of his black eyes "YES More than once" and paperwork from the school psychiatrist which included his mother calling him stupid while he was punching himself in the face, Mentally Abusing a child does not count because our child can't speak for himself and barley speak at all at the age of 6" Why am I so upset I ask myself all the time. Why won't my son just tell me whats going on I promise him that he is safe when he is with me which is why he is willing to do anything that he can to stay at my house when it's time to go home with his mom, who blames me for all of the things that are going on with him being suspended from kindergarden 9 times in his first 2 months. I would like to blame her back but I don't need to it causes problems and I try my hardest to be nice and give her what she wants also so that in my mind she will be happy and do what I ask which is make sure our son is safe.
I'm here because I don't know how much more of this I can handle and it doesn't matter that my family, the school and almost everyone who knows her and myself takes my side. The truth is is that it hurts so ****ing much and I don't understand why I feel like there is nothing more I can do except be good to him or go away and I know it takes time but this has been going on for years. I'm 25 and I never really was patient enough back then to tell the whole story so I probably looked like a pissed off loser dad who just wants to win. That is not it at all and I'm not sure about back then I try to not hold on to the past just as my son does he will forgive anyone for anything the kindest person I know and 6 years ago gave me a reason to live and seek the help I needed. I know I am able to take out student loans but since this last visit from CPS a few things have changed which are things that I can't be sure of because when he is with me we always do the same thing. Video games and ice cream with a book for bed time on friday, Park Saturday, Park Sunday and Pancakes and school Monday the other days are long work days and school where I worry. Sometimes I even think of asking my doctor for Xanax or something maybe it's just me maybe things aren't that serious or else he would find the words and tell me what is going on because I think he knows that I won't let anything happen to him if I can help it.
I don't talk like this in front of him or around him or really to anyone because I just usually don't have it in me I'm exhausted. I want to talk bad about his mom but maybe she really doesn't know what is going on and really does believe it's me. In my mind though she is the most sneaky manipulative person I have ever known after being with her 5 years that is what I feel about her and am confused about why she tries to say that I do everything that I've proven she is guilty of in court which I believe is most of the reason why I got the 50/50 that we have and at that time the judge had left the decision up to me and I didn't want full custody I was happy to see him more than 1 day a month. It just hurts because if I wasn't so nice I could have had full custody but now we have a new judge and the old one does criminal court now. I'm so emotionally involved that I can't keep my cool in there anymore. I get pretty upset and thats why I think I have to leave things the way they are.
Please everyone tell me that I'm wrong and that I need to take a chill pill and stop thinking about it so much or even forget about it. Any advice for me would be great I could really use some positivity and prayer for my son who is gone for 2 more days this week.
There are so many questions I have first is that our child had so many problems in school with us fighting he would never want to leave my house and beg to not go back to mommys he is now 6 as of July 1st. I thought that winning was so important and the truth is IN CHILD CUSTODY THERE IS NO WINNER! I hate myself for thinking the way I did and even though it kind of got me my way and brought me from supervised visits once a month to 50/50 in less than a year it is possible that I should have left my son alone and stayed where I was at? Maybe then he wouldn't have Asthma or ADHD because I don't mind taking the blame for that or even him being sick almost every week when he comes back from his moms. I wouldn't have to worry about any of this. BUT I didn't I decided that I will put him first and live my life by his side and now were best friends which I am told all the time by his mother is the worst thing I can do because she has to discipline him extra for me not disciplining him.
My son is a good boy even though I don't get to tell him that everyday like I wish I could. He begs me to pick him up Thursdays which his mother allows me to do most of the time because she works on all of her days while our child is left with her boyfriend whose children were taken from him by CPS for what reason, I'm not sure and if I found out I would probably go to jail for murder because I don't know what it is but I sense something has been happening to my son over there and since he is not a "Parent" CPS can't drug test him or even go into his home without his permission because its his home not hers which is confusing to me but I think I'm better off not getting them involved anymore because it always comes back to me then I send them to his school or anyone who knows both of us and they usually call and apologize for talking to me like I'm a piece of **** dad. This leaves me with Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday every week that is my weekend visitation schedule. On her days our son is in school and when he comes home their rules are "Video games are not for children", "Watch cartoons and eat TV Dinners or Mc Donalds".
After years I've finally decided that I should be grateful for what I have and leave it alone because when it comes to abuse of a child "the courts will not change custody unless your child is "Physically Abused and it must have to be pretty brutal since I did have pictures of his black eyes "YES More than once" and paperwork from the school psychiatrist which included his mother calling him stupid while he was punching himself in the face, Mentally Abusing a child does not count because our child can't speak for himself and barley speak at all at the age of 6" Why am I so upset I ask myself all the time. Why won't my son just tell me whats going on I promise him that he is safe when he is with me which is why he is willing to do anything that he can to stay at my house when it's time to go home with his mom, who blames me for all of the things that are going on with him being suspended from kindergarden 9 times in his first 2 months. I would like to blame her back but I don't need to it causes problems and I try my hardest to be nice and give her what she wants also so that in my mind she will be happy and do what I ask which is make sure our son is safe.
I'm here because I don't know how much more of this I can handle and it doesn't matter that my family, the school and almost everyone who knows her and myself takes my side. The truth is is that it hurts so ****ing much and I don't understand why I feel like there is nothing more I can do except be good to him or go away and I know it takes time but this has been going on for years. I'm 25 and I never really was patient enough back then to tell the whole story so I probably looked like a pissed off loser dad who just wants to win. That is not it at all and I'm not sure about back then I try to not hold on to the past just as my son does he will forgive anyone for anything the kindest person I know and 6 years ago gave me a reason to live and seek the help I needed. I know I am able to take out student loans but since this last visit from CPS a few things have changed which are things that I can't be sure of because when he is with me we always do the same thing. Video games and ice cream with a book for bed time on friday, Park Saturday, Park Sunday and Pancakes and school Monday the other days are long work days and school where I worry. Sometimes I even think of asking my doctor for Xanax or something maybe it's just me maybe things aren't that serious or else he would find the words and tell me what is going on because I think he knows that I won't let anything happen to him if I can help it.
I don't talk like this in front of him or around him or really to anyone because I just usually don't have it in me I'm exhausted. I want to talk bad about his mom but maybe she really doesn't know what is going on and really does believe it's me. In my mind though she is the most sneaky manipulative person I have ever known after being with her 5 years that is what I feel about her and am confused about why she tries to say that I do everything that I've proven she is guilty of in court which I believe is most of the reason why I got the 50/50 that we have and at that time the judge had left the decision up to me and I didn't want full custody I was happy to see him more than 1 day a month. It just hurts because if I wasn't so nice I could have had full custody but now we have a new judge and the old one does criminal court now. I'm so emotionally involved that I can't keep my cool in there anymore. I get pretty upset and thats why I think I have to leave things the way they are.
Please everyone tell me that I'm wrong and that I need to take a chill pill and stop thinking about it so much or even forget about it. Any advice for me would be great I could really use some positivity and prayer for my son who is gone for 2 more days this week.
