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  1. #1
    bunkaj is offline Junior Member
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    Question unable to pay child support

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

    I am a non-custodal parent. My ex-husband has moved to TN with my son and has refused to let me see him. This last summer they were in NY and did not let me know so that I could see him. When I call to talk to him they will not answer the phone. The first time I went to court for child support I was only legally obligated to pay $50/month, but I was making enough money to support myself and agreed to pay $60 bi-weekly instead. Since then I have lost my job and decided to go back to school. The judge would not alow me to lower my payments back to the original $50/month. Now I am also pregnant and unable to work due to complications with my pregnancy. My ex-husband is now trying to force me into signing over my rights to my son and is taking me back to court for unpaid child support and medical expences. I can not afford to pay my child support and am afraid that I might loose my son for ever. Is there anything that I can do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    HomeGuru is offline Senior Member
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    duplicate post.
  3. #3
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

    I am a non-custodal parent. My ex-husband has moved to TN with my son and has refused to let me see him. This last summer they were in NY and did not let me know so that I could see him. When I call to talk to him they will not answer the phone. The first time I went to court for child support I was only legally obligated to pay $50/month, but I was making enough money to support myself and agreed to pay $60 bi-weekly instead. Since then I have lost my job and decided to go back to school. The judge would not alow me to lower my payments back to the original $50/month. Now I am also pregnant and unable to work due to complications with my pregnancy. My ex-husband is now trying to force me into signing over my rights to my son and is taking me back to court for unpaid child support and medical expences. I can not afford to pay my child support and am afraid that I might loose my son for ever. Is there anything that I can do?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    Pay your support.

    Think about this from the other vantage point.

    Your son still has to eat. Your son still needs medical care. Your son still needs clothing.

    Your first priority is your child. Make sure he is taken care of.
  4. #4
    bunkaj is offline Junior Member
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    Exclamation bills

    my son is being taken care of. My ex has remarried and the only reason they are taking me back to court is to try to force me to sign over my rights! I pay as much as I can when I can, but I have to eat too, or am I supposed to live on the street so that his father and step mother can aford to pay for there 2nd car?
  5. #5
    Nativity is offline Member
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    Your son deserves to be support by both parents regardless.

    If you end up living on the streets it is no one else's fault besides your own, you lost your job and decided to attend school instead. Apparently you couldn't afford to make that decision.

    You can't afford to send $120 a month but can afford another child?
  6. #6
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    my son is being taken care of. My ex has remarried and the only reason they are taking me back to court is to try to force me to sign over my rights! I pay as much as I can when I can, but I have to eat too, or am I supposed to live on the street so that his father and step mother can aford to pay for there 2nd car?
    You have choices yet to make, and choices to regret having made.

    You are responsible for supporting your child you've already brought into the world. It's not his fault you have made choices that are not in his best interests.
  7. #7
    bunkaj is offline Junior Member
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    Exclamation legal advise

    I wrote on here not to be critisized for my mistakes, but for legal advise. And for those of you who have nothing better to do than to sit around judging other people, you need to wake up and realize that life doesnt always turn out how you expect. Do you really think that I wanted all of this to happen? I wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant. I am trying to get my life back on track and can not catch a break no matter what I try to do. And anyone that has had everything in there life just given to them, dont bother to reply to this. I want the opinion of people who know what its like to live in a rut. and survived to tell the tale!
  8. #8
    Nativity is offline Member
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    You have been given legal advice and judging the type of people that give you advice isn't going to help you out either.

    You need to take responsibility for what is going on. You lost your job, instead of going back out and getting another job you decide to further your education with school. While that is a great thing to do it isn't something that should be done when you have other obligations to take care of!
  9. #9
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    I wrote on here not to be critisized for my mistakes, but for legal advise. And for those of you who have nothing better to do than to sit around judging other people, you need to wake up and realize that life doesnt always turn out how you expect. Do you really think that I wanted all of this to happen? I wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant. I am trying to get my life back on track and can not catch a break no matter what I try to do. And anyone that has had everything in there life just given to them, dont bother to reply to this. I want the opinion of people who know what its like to live in a rut. and survived to tell the tale!
    The legal answer is: You are responsible to support your child/ren, and so is/are the father/s. Both parents legally owe the duty of support to their child/ren.

    The rest of the legal answer is that it's a debt that will follow you the rest of your life, and it is not dischargeable in bankruptcy.

    More legal answer: A judge will certainly judge you. This is merely a prep for court. You will always be held responsible for your decisions: i.e., choosing to go to school instead of work to support your child/ren.
  10. #10
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    I wrote on here not to be critisized for my mistakes, but for legal advise. And for those of you who have nothing better to do than to sit around judging other people, you need to wake up and realize that life doesnt always turn out how you expect. Do you really think that I wanted all of this to happen? I wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant. I am trying to get my life back on track and can not catch a break no matter what I try to do. And anyone that has had everything in there life just given to them, dont bother to reply to this. I want the opinion of people who know what its like to live in a rut. and survived to tell the tale!
    [url]www.livinginarutandsurvivingit/org.com[/url]
  11. #11
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    I wrote on here not to be critisized for my mistakes, but for legal advise. And for those of you who have nothing better to do than to sit around judging other people, you need to wake up and realize that life doesnt always turn out how you expect. Do you really think that I wanted all of this to happen? I wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant. I am trying to get my life back on track and can not catch a break no matter what I try to do. And anyone that has had everything in there life just given to them, dont bother to reply to this. I want the opinion of people who know what its like to live in a rut. and survived to tell the tale!
    I don't think its ME who needs to wake up.

    You have choices. Some will take you down a good path, some will take you into that rut, and into the gutter.

    Pay your support. I would tell a dad the same thing. When you have a child, you don't get to do what you WANT to do - you do what you HAVE to do to support your kid. And that ain't always glamorous, or fun in school.

    Go get a job, and pay your support. If you are disabled, apply for diability. But, you must support your first child first. Figure it out.

    This coming from a survivor. And trust me, my situation was worse than yours will ever be. I almost ended up dead. But I have worked hard hard hard to get past it and out of the rut, to where I am now.
  12. #12
    BL
    BL is offline Senior Member
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    First , you do not state if there are any court orders for visitations ?

    If there are ,under what circumstances led to the CP moving out of State w/ the child(ren) ?

    Are you being denied court order visitations ?

    If so, what have you been doing to enforce your order(s) ?

    Additionally , you have from ( 30 ) - ( 35 ) days from the CS order to file a written objection .

    If you do not , you lose the right .

    What if I disagree with the child support order that is issued at the hearing?

    If either parent disagrees with the support order, he or she has 30 days from the date
    the order was made to file a written objection with the court clerk’s office. A judge will
    review the case file and decide whether or not the order should be changed.
  13. #13
    drpepper404 is offline Junior Member
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    It's a bit sad to see that we live in a soceity where people are so terribly unreasonable and it's become so insanely child-centric that parents are little more than indentured servants to their child masters and the government system we've created to enforce that. In the years I've been involved with men's rights I've seen a lot of these cases and it's happening to more and more women like yourself. Legally there isn't a lot you can do besides petition as often as you legally can for a downward modification and hope to God you get a reasonable judge.
    The positive news is your monthly bill isn't massive and don't listen to people that tell you CS follows you for the rest of your days. The only state that doesn't have a statutory limit on CS collections is CA. Kudos for going to school and trying to better yourself and I truely am sorry the indentured servant system is making that more difficult than it has to be for you. As for visitation, there isn't much that can be done in that regard. The system will hound people for child support money, but visitiation is largely a non-issue that won't be enforced.
    I would also suggest seeing if you can't find a group that offers legal services to low income women in your area, they might be able to assist you in getting your CS lowered to a reasonable sum.
  14. #14
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by drpepper404 View Post
    It's a bit sad to see that we live in a soceity where people are so terribly unreasonable and it's become so insanely child-centric that parents are little more than indentured servants to their child masters and the government system we've created to enforce that. In the years I've been involved with men's rights I've seen a lot of these cases and it's happening to more and more women like yourself. Legally there isn't a lot you can do besides petition as often as you legally can for a downward modification and hope to God you get a reasonable judge.
    The positive news is your monthly bill isn't massive and don't listen to people that tell you CS follows you for the rest of your days. The only state that doesn't have a statutory limit on CS collections is CA. Kudos for going to school and trying to better yourself and I truely am sorry the indentured servant system is making that more difficult than it has to be for you. As for visitation, there isn't much that can be done in that regard. The system will hound people for child support money, but visitiation is largely a non-issue that won't be enforced.
    I would also suggest seeing if you can't find a group that offers legal services to low income women in your area, they might be able to assist you in getting your CS lowered to a reasonable sum.

    IN RE the bold....visitation would be enforced if she took the appropriate measures to get it enforced....- court


    OP- please do not put weight into what this person has said about statutory limitations on support, waiting for that to happen will ruin your credit, your finances, and your life....

    as soon as you can, start paying your support, with extra towards the arrears.....
  15. #15
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    I wrote on here not to be critisized for my mistakes, but for legal advise.
    And you got legal advice. I'm sorry it's not the advice you wanted to hear. Press *1 to get to that line, okay?

    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    And for those of you who have nothing better to do than to sit around judging other people, you need to wake up and realize that life doesnt always turn out how you expect.
    No, it doesn't. However, many choices have predictable consequences. And it's not like someone forced you to go back to school instead of getting another job. As an example.

    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    Do you really think that I wanted all of this to happen?
    Well.... you're the one who chose to not get another job but to go to school. What did you think would happen? The judge and your ex would jump up and down with joy that you've decided not to help support your kid?

    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    I wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant.
    Well - it happened at least once, right? So choosing to have unprotected sex was a foolish choice. From any number of standpoints (have you heard of STDs?).

    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    I am trying to get my life back on track and can not catch a break no matter what I try to do.
    You don't get to choose to stop supporting your kid. That's your primary responsibility. And if that means you have to skip going to school for another X number of years - that's what you have to do.

    Quote Originally Posted by bunkaj View Post
    And anyone that has had everything in there life just given to them, dont bother to reply to this. I want the opinion of people who know what its like to live in a rut. and survived to tell the tale!
    Darlin' - you have no clue. You're an adult and a parent, and you have to make big girl choices now.

    You will not be able to get your support lowered. So you need to find a way to sort out your support obligation. Sorry if you don't like that answer.

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