Uncertain of Paternity, Child Support and Custody

[tjs05d]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My child's mother and I met and conceived a child in Florida. After my deployment, she took my child to New York and left me. When I arrived back from deployment, I found them both gone.

My child and his mother are now in New York. I reside in Maryland. My child's mother makes it difficult to see my son, refusing to meet me halfway or going as far as not being at the house when I make the drive from MD to NY to see my son.

I have several questions.

1) I am not sure that I am the biological father of the child. FL and NY law both state that if I was not married to my child's mother at the time of my son's birth, which I was not, I am not legally the father. However, if I signed the birth certificate, does that legally make me his father?

1a) If I am not legally his father, do I have to pay child support?
1b) If I am not his biological father, do I have to pay child support?

2) I was laid off for a few months and was unable to pay child support. The court was notified, so my child support payments were temporarily suspended. The custody agreement I have with my son's mother stipulates that I am to have custody of my son during the holidays, that his mother is to pay half his traveling expenses and to send him with money in his pocket. She is not willing to do any of this because of the child support she did not receive when I was laid off.

2b) Is she legally allowed to disregard our custody agreement where such terms are stipulated because of my inability to pay child support? If yes, why? If no, how can I go about enforcing the agreement?

3) This is not the first time she has tried to keep me from my son. Is this or is this not considered custodial interference in the state of New York, what type of crime is it, to what extent, and how could I enforce it?

Thank you for your time.

 

[ecmst12]

If there's a court order for you to pay child support, then you're legally the father.

If mom is not following the court order, you can file for contempt.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

My child's mother and I met and conceived a child in Florida. After my deployment, she took my child to New York and left me. When I arrived back from deployment, I found them both gone.

My child and his mother are now in New York. I reside in Maryland. My child's mother makes it difficult to see my son, refusing to meet me halfway or going as far as not being at the house when I make the drive from MD to NY to see my son.

I have several questions.

1) I am not sure that I am the biological father of the child. FL and NY law both state that if I was not married to my child's mother at the time of my son's birth, which I was not, I am not legally the father. However, if I signed the birth certificate, does that legally make me his father?

If you signed paternity papers and are now on the birth certificate, you're his legal father.

1a) If I am not legally his father, do I have to pay child support?

You're his legal father - it's moot.

1b) If I am not his biological father, do I have to pay child support?

When ordered to, yes - regardless of biology.

2) I was laid off for a few months and was unable to pay child support. The court was notified, so my child support payments were temporarily suspended. The custody agreement I have with my son's mother stipulates that I am to have custody of my son during the holidays, that his mother is to pay half his traveling expenses and to send him with money in his pocket. She is not willing to do any of this because of the child support she did not receive when I was laid off.

2b) Is she legally allowed to disregard our custody agreement where such terms are stipulated because of my inability to pay child support? If yes, why? If no, how can I go about enforcing the agreement?

File for contempt every time she withholds your court-ordered visitation.

3) This is not the first time she has tried to keep me from my son. Is this or is this not considered custodial interference in the state of New York, what type of crime is it, to what extent, and how could I enforce it?

Thank you for your time.

This is a civil matter. Mom cannot withhold the child just because you're not paying child support.

With that said, what exactly do you wish to accomplish?

If paternity is disestablished, you will never have any rights to see the child. Of course you'll also no longer be responsible for child support.

 

[tjs05d]

Re:

Thank you both for your responses. I do wish to continue seeing my child - regardless of proved paternity or not, however - I do not see the sense in paying for a child that is not mine. Also, paying for a child that IS mine and never being able to see him is equally frustrating. Just wanted to get an idea of what I am working with here. Thank you so much.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you both for your responses. I do wish to continue seeing my child - regardless of proved paternity or not, however - I do not see the sense in paying for a child that is not mine. Also, paying for a child that IS mine and never being able to see him is equally frustrating. Just wanted to get an idea of what I am working with here. Thank you so much.

The child IS yours. Biology is moot at this point.

So, you need to fight for your visitation. How often have you seen him? How old is he?

How far do you live from Mom?

(I'm trying to get a feel for what you need to expect if you're not currently having regular contact)

 

[tjs05d]

Re:

I was deployed to Iraq when he was one - I returned 16 months later and she and my son where gone. She filed a restraining order against me so that I could not be near her and my son, which I obviously got repealed. There goes 2 more years and some change. I saw him once again when he was 4 - I was getting back from Afghanistan from another tour of duty, moved back to Florida and met him and his mother down in Ft. Lauderdale.

6 months later, I was deployed stateside to San Antonio, then to DC, where I currently reside. Since moving to DC in April, I've seen him 4 times (I was active duty then and seeing him was contingent upon her ability to bring him to me as I was only allotted a few weekend passes) - all of which I've paid the completely way for or if she contested, had to drive 6 hours each way to New York to see my son.

I was trying to find the forms online - how would I file contempt of court? As I am just recently employed, money for an attorney has not been saved yet, so I'm hoping to do all the research possible and do this myself.

 

[tjs05d]

Re:

Also, while I do not have regular PHYSICAL contact with him, I call and speak to him for about an hour each time, 3 times a week. Not that phone conversations constitute raising a son...

 

[Proserpina]

I was deployed to Iraq when he was one - I returned 16 months later and she and my son where gone. She filed a restraining order against me so that I could not be near her and my son, which I obviously got repealed. There goes 2 more years and some change. I saw him once again when he was 4 - I was getting back from Afghanistan from another tour of duty, moved back to Florida and met him and his mother down in Ft. Lauderdale.

6 months later, I was deployed stateside to San Antonio, then to DC, where I currently reside. Since moving to DC in April, I've seen him 4 times (I was active duty then and seeing him was contingent upon her ability to bring him to me as I was only allotted a few weekend passes) - all of which I've paid the completely way for or if she contested, had to drive 6 hours each way to New York to see my son.

I was trying to find the forms online - how would I file contempt of court? As I am just recently employed, money for an attorney has not been saved yet, so I'm hoping to do all the research possible and do this myself.

Okay, so you're in MD and Mom and kiddo are in Florida.

Word for word (minus names), what exactly does your order say about transportation? Does the order take into account your new location?

I think at least so far that Mom might not actually be in contempt.

When are you next due to see kiddo?

 

[Proserpina]

Also, while I do not have regular PHYSICAL contact with him, I call and speak to him for about an hour each time, 3 times a week. Not that phone conversations constitute raising a son...

Please don't underestimate the power of those phone calls!

It matters, Dad

 

[tjs05d]

Re:

I'm in MD, mom and son are in NY.

I need to go thru my documents to give you the word for word working, but as per our agreement, she is to pay for half the costs of transportation and to make sure he does have some money (amount not specified) on his person when he arrives.

He is due to spend Christmas with me. Mom was supposed to drive him halfway and meet me in NJ, but has since changed her mind and told me that if I want my son, I need to come get him. The reason why I am worried is because the last time she acted like this, I drive with my mother from Michigan (where my mother lives) to NY, only to find that she was not at the house and had took my son with her. Calls to her cell were not answered, and her family allegdely did not know where she was. Stayed overnight in NY just to see if she would show up the next day - to no avail. It wasn't until she found out that I left that she called to say she had forgotten that I was coming and took my son to the other side of NY to visit "friends".

I would be so upset to make a 12 hour roundtrip drive for nothing if she pulls the same stunt again.

Is there anything I can do to have an assurance that he will be there when I arrive?

 

[Proserpina]

I'm in MD, mom and son are in NY.

I need to go thru my documents to give you the word for word working, but as per our agreement, she is to pay for half the costs of transportation and to make sure he does have some money (amount not specified) on his person when he arrives.

He is due to spend Christmas with me. Mom was supposed to drive him halfway and meet me in NJ, but has since changed her mind and told me that if I want my son, I need to come get him. The reason why I am worried is because the last time she acted like this, I drive with my mother from Michigan (where my mother lives) to NY, only to find that she was not at the house and had took my son with her. Calls to her cell were not answered, and her family allegdely did not know where she was. Stayed overnight in NY just to see if she would show up the next day - to no avail. It wasn't until she found out that I left that she called to say she had forgotten that I was coming and took my son to the other side of NY to visit "friends".

I would be so upset to make a 12 hour roundtrip drive for nothing if she pulls the same stunt again.

Is there anything I can do to have an assurance that he will be there when I arrive?

She had..."forgotten"?

Oh boy.

Okay, there's really nothing you can do to guarantee that she'll make kiddo available unfortunately.

Let her know - per your court order - your plans. Turn up. If she does it again, you can call local law enforcement (not the emergency number obviously), and they may make a report, although they likely will not enforce the order itself. Get gas, or buy a candy bar or something so you receipt from somewhere local to prove that you were there in the area.

 

[mistoffolees]

I'm in MD, mom and son are in NY.

I need to go thru my documents to give you the word for word working, but as per our agreement, she is to pay for half the costs of transportation and to make sure he does have some money (amount not specified) on his person when he arrives.

He is due to spend Christmas with me. Mom was supposed to drive him halfway and meet me in NJ, but has since changed her mind and told me that if I want my son, I need to come get him. The reason why I am worried is because the last time she acted like this, I drive with my mother from Michigan (where my mother lives) to NY, only to find that she was not at the house and had took my son with her. Calls to her cell were not answered, and her family allegdely did not know where she was. Stayed overnight in NY just to see if she would show up the next day - to no avail. It wasn't until she found out that I left that she called to say she had forgotten that I was coming and took my son to the other side of NY to visit "friends".

I would be so upset to make a 12 hour roundtrip drive for nothing if she pulls the same stunt again.

Is there anything I can do to have an assurance that he will be there when I arrive?

Not really, but if he isn't there, you can file for contempt. If you have to do that, ask for compensatory time and for her to be ordered to reimburse your travel expenses.

 

[tjs05d]

Re:

It just seems like she can get away with murder and not be held to it! If I file a report with the police and they do not enforce the order - what is the report really good for? I just want her to be fair to me and my son. How can I hold her legally accountable?

 

[Proserpina]

It just seems like she can get away with murder and not be held to it! If I file a report with the police and they do not enforce the order - what is the report really good for? I just want her to be fair to me and my son. How can I hold her legally accountable?

Because it's proof that you did actually turn up and she refused to hand over the child.

It matters in family court.

And family court - not criminal court - is what's important here! If she does it often enough, she can lose custody. To you.

 

[tjs05d]

Re:

It's not my goal to make her a criminal - it wouldn't do my son any good to not have his mother. It just feels like the system isn't meant to work for fathers - I get laid off and can't pay child support and that is a crime - I could get my license suspended, thrown in jail, the whole nine. But she can keep my son from me and all she gets is a smack on the hand, or my son taken away from her. It's frustrating. I don't want to toss my son between two parents because we cannot get along. If that's what it comes down to, then so be it. But it's not healthy for him, I really want to do what's best for him, which is create a stable environment for him to grow with 2 parents working together for his benefit, not working against each other for their own.

In family court, would this mean that my visits would also be supervised, or that if I notified the court of my difficulties they would supervise my arrival?

Again, thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it.