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r21tn34

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? TX
I live several states away and currently have my child for the summer. The mother calls all the time and has promised our child rewards if she comes home early. She calls every night and talks to her for at least an hour. I work till almost 6 and want her in bed by 10 so by the time she calls and talks I only get about 2 hours a night with her.
Since the child will be rewarded for going home early, she wants to leave, what can I do?
Its like she is trying to keep my from building a relationship with our child. I'm very frustrated. She doesn't want me to see our child very long or develop a relationship but wants to make sure she keeps me partly satisfied by getting child support from me.

Frustrated dad
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
r21tn34 said:
What is the name of your state? TX
I live several states away and currently have my child for the summer. The mother calls all the time and has promised our child rewards if she comes home early. She calls every night and talks to her for at least an hour. I work till almost 6 and want her in bed by 10 so by the time she calls and talks I only get about 2 hours a night with her.
Since the child will be rewarded for going home early, she wants to leave, what can I do?
Its like she is trying to keep my from building a relationship with our child. I'm very frustrated. She doesn't want me to see our child very long or develop a relationship but wants to make sure she keeps me partly satisfied by getting child support from me.
Is this visitation court ordered? If so, Mom cannot get the child "early." She gets the kid back when the CO says she does.

Does your parenting plan include nightly, hour-long phone calls? If not, take control of your household and allow Mom to speak w/kid a couple of times per week - or whatever you find reasonable - for a few minutes, and be done with it.
 

Hypocritical

Junior Member
Silverplum said:
take control of your household and allow Mom to speak w/kid a couple of times per week - or whatever you find reasonable - for a few minutes, and be done with it.
Plan nightly walks with your daughter (away from the telephone). It's a great chance to bond with her. It costs nothing, and Mom can't send her bribe via singing telegram if they don't know which block you're walking down. In addition to the legal stuff you'll hear, love the HECK out of your daughter. She'll know the difference between a bribe and heart-felt involvement (if not now, down the road a bit). Best.
 

GrowUp!

Senior Member
r21tn34 said:
What is the name of your state? TX
I live several states away and currently have my child for the summer. The mother calls all the time and has promised our child rewards if she comes home early. She calls every night and talks to her for at least an hour. I work till almost 6 and want her in bed by 10 so by the time she calls and talks I only get about 2 hours a night with her.
Since the child will be rewarded for going home early, she wants to leave, what can I do?
Its like she is trying to keep my from building a relationship with our child. I'm very frustrated. She doesn't want me to see our child very long or develop a relationship but wants to make sure she keeps me partly satisfied by getting child support from me.

Frustrated dad
In addition to the other advice you received, I would also look to see if there is a standard plan through the Court available on the Court's website. Oh wait...is this the standard parenting time schedule through the court or did you two come to an agreement.

Check out the court's plan and I am sure it states something regarding phone calls. Use that and write a very direct letter to your ex regarding her conversations with the child and the excessive amount of them. "Remind" her that her conversations are bording on interfering with your parental rights and if she does not immediately cease and desist such behavior, you will file an appropriate motion in court and also a civil tort suit for damages.

In regards to phone calls, write that YOUR TIME w/your child is very important and valuable and talking to her each night for an hour is excessive. Simply "ask" her to keep the conversations to no more than 30 minutes and indicate the latest she can call.

Take control of YOUR house. If your ex doesn't like it, tell her to shove it -- with or without the lubricant. It's YOUR time.
 

r21tn34

Junior Member
Well, my child is older and has pretty much made up her mind she's going home early and that she is miserable here. I'm not sure what to do. I've told her that she is with me till a later date but her mother keeps telling her she doesn't have to stay.
 

weenor

Senior Member
ANSWER the question about the order. Is there anything about telephone visitation? If not, cut the mother off to once a week and tell your kid that this is the way it is.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
r21tn34 said:
Well, my child is older and has pretty much made up her mind she's going home early and that she is miserable here. I'm not sure what to do. I've told her that she is with me till a later date but her mother keeps telling her she doesn't have to stay.
And if the CO order states she stay a certain amount of time and you dont' give in then she stay until YOU say she leaves, NOT when the mom or the child decides.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
r21tn34 said:
Well, my child is older and has pretty much made up her mind she's going home early and that she is miserable here. I'm not sure what to do. I've told her that she is with me till a later date but her mother keeps telling her she doesn't have to stay.
Well, in my family, the parent is in charge of the children. But you go ahead and let a minor run your life.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
:) Tigger!

Seriously. There is nothing worse on earth, no, not even insufficient chocolate, than a teenager. But it's incredibly hard to control a teen if the child was out of control before s/he became a teen.

If OP doesn't put a stop to all this nonsense, he will lose this battle, the next battle, and then the whole thing. :(
 

r21tn34

Junior Member
The CO states nothing about phone calls.
The situation is bad anyway. The mother moved away when she was young and didn't allow me to see her, she took off and I didn't know where they were. We were never married. 10 years later my kid calls and wants to see me. I go down to see her and the mother starts the child support issue, fine by me, I tried to do it when she was born before she moved away. I'm trying to build a relationship with her but the mother has put all these ideas in her head all these years. I've been trying to build a relationship for almost a year now. Its a very tough situation. I don't think the kid really wanted me in her life, the mother just wanted money.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
Silverplum said:
:) Tigger!

Seriously. There is nothing worse on earth, no, not even insufficient chocolate, than a teenager. But it's incredibly hard to control a teen if the child was out of control before s/he became a teen.

If OP doesn't put a stop to all this nonsense, he will lose this battle, the next battle, and then the whole thing. :(

I am totally not disputing that!! I agree. I was only laughing because you said what I was thinking.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
r21tn34 said:
The CO states nothing about phone calls.
The situation is bad anyway. The mother moved away when she was young and didn't allow me to see her, she took off and I didn't know where they were. We were never married. 10 years later my kid calls and wants to see me. I go down to see her and the mother starts the child support issue, fine by me, I tried to do it when she was born before she moved away. I'm trying to build a relationship with her but the mother has put all these ideas in her head all these years. I've been trying to build a relationship for almost a year now. Its a very tough situation. I don't think the kid really wanted me in her life, the mother just wanted money.
Then you don't have to allow mom to call at all, if you don't want to. Of course, you catch more flies with honey.

The rest of it is parenting, hon. Read a book. Talk w/your kid. Maybe go to joint counseling together.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
Silverplum said:
Then you don't have to allow mom to call at all, if you don't want to. Of course, you catch more flies with honey.

The rest of it is parenting, hon. Read a book. Talk w/your kid. Maybe go to joint counseling together.

I agree, the worse thing you can do is give up and give in!
 

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