Waiving Child Support

[mxgrown]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My girlfriend and I have a 3 month year old son. She wants 100% custody and wants me completely out of his life. In return she will not ask for child support. Her parents are wealthy and she will tell the court that it is in the child's best interest that he stays with her. Is this something the court would accept? I am a professional with no record, no history of abuse and I am an outstanding citizen. She is just resentful towards me since I did not ask her to marry me. Things didn't workout with us due to the fact that we are fundamentally incompatable with each other. That's all!!!!

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

My girlfriend and I have a 3 month year old son. She wants 100% custody and wants me completely out of his life. In return she will not ask for child support. Her parents are wealthy and she will tell the court that it is in the child's best interest that he stays with her. Is this something the court would accept? I am a professional with no record, no history of abuse and I am an outstanding citizen. She is just resentful towards me since I did not ask her to marry me. Things didn't workout with us due to the fact that we are fundamentally incompatable with each other. That's all!!!!

No, the court will probably not go for that. The court is very unlikely to allow you to waive your parental rights. Even if Mom was fully capable of supporting them (and she isn't - the parent's money doesn't count), the court generally won't terminate parental rights unless someone else is willing to adopt.

Furthermore, even if she agrees to no CS today, it can always be modified in the future. So you could find yourself getting stuck with a CS bill in the future.

The closest you could come is simply for you to not file for visitation rights and for her to not file for child support. That wouldn't be a guarantee that neither of you could change your minds, but it would accomplish what she wants in the short run.

HOWEVER, (and this is important), I would very strongly advise against it. Children do better with two parents in their lives - and you would be missing out on the joy of having a child in your life. Even if you and Mom can't stand each other, it is possible to have a decent co-parenting relationship if you focus on the child rather than each other. And I know that for a fact because I've been there. At the time of our divorce, there was a lot of bitterness, but we managed to do OK wrt our daughter. After a few years, all the dust has settled and we get along OK. The same might be true for you. But even if it isn't and you have to do the exchanges at a police station to keep things civil, the child needs you in his life. Please reconsider.

 

[mxgrown]

Thanks for your response. So I just want to clarify if I ask for no visitaion and she asks for no cs would the court allow that? The problem that I am having is that even if I had visitation rights my child would never get to know me because she is in a different state and is asking to be relocated there. The child would not see me that much at all and see me as a stranger. I know it sounds bad but at this point I just want her to have him and never see him again.

 

[nextwife]

She can go back and ask for CS, regardless of what you initially agree. If you are professional, file for a long distance parenting plan/schedule. Whatever you and she agree, unless someone actually ADOPTS this child, you can be put on the hook for child support regardless of whetrher you have walked away from parenting rights or not.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for your response. So I just want to clarify if I ask for no visitaion and she asks for no cs would the court allow that? The problem that I am having is that even if I had visitation rights my child would never get to know me because she is in a different state and is asking to be relocated there. The child would not see me that much at all and see me as a stranger. I know it sounds bad but at this point I just want her to have him and never see him again.

The court will absolutely allow you to not ask for visitation and her to not ask for support. But either of you can ask for it later (although there are some time limits involved).

Don't assume that you can't be part of the child's life. Lots of parents have good relationships with their kids even from a long distance.

Where do you live now? Where do Mom and the child live now? Where does Mom want to move? If you are currently in the same state and you file for parental rights, you may be able to prevent Mom from moving the child if she's currently in the same state as you.

 

[mxgrown]

I live in San Diego and she took off with our child to AZ. Although her family resides in AZ we still have a lease in CA with her name and my name on it. She is coming back to CA for the hearing. So as to your comment about the court allowing us to ask for no visitation or cs doesn't mean that they would grant it correct? She is asking for no CS because she is perfectly able to take care of the child herself. She just doesn't want me in her life because I refused to marry her. Unfortunately she is playing mama bear and taking our child out of each others life which is really unfair.

 

[Neal1421]

Why is there a hearing that is taking place if you don't want visitation and she doesn't want child support?

 

[Nevergrowup]

I live in San Diego and she took off with our child to AZ. Although her family resides in AZ we still have a lease in CA with her name and my name on it. She is coming back to CA for the hearing. So as to your comment about the court allowing us to ask for no visitation or cs doesn't mean that they would grant it correct? She is asking for no CS because she is perfectly able to take care of the child herself. She just doesn't want me in her life because I refused to marry her. Unfortunately she is playing mama bear and taking our child out of each others life which is really unfair.

You could easily file to try to keep her from moving your son to a different state, assuming she moved AFTER the child was born. The child was born in CA, right? File to prevent HIS relocation. The distance might be preventable. The court can't stop her from moving but they can stop her from taking the baby, it would be up to her to prove it is in his best interest. It doesn't sound like you care all that much though and are more concerned with child support. If that is the case, don't try to keep her in CA for no reason.

If you are that anxious to give up on your 3 month old son, then you should probably just do that...you don't deserve him anyway. Dealing with mom is apparently too much of an annoyance for you, so it isn't worth fighting to be a father. And yes, it "sounds" bad.

 

[Proserpina]

Actually the presumption in CA is in favor of the relocation; the burden of proof is on the non-relocating parent to show why moving is not in the child's best interest.

Neal asked a very pertinent question, though.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Actually the presumption in CA is in favor of the relocation; the burden of proof is on the non-relocating parent to show why moving is not in the child's best interest.

Neal asked a very pertinent question, though.

Well...that seems...unfair.

Maybe Cali is just trying to get rid of people and ease some of their financial burden

Do you know offhand of other states like that? Aren't they mostly the opposite?

 

[Proserpina]

Well...that seems...unfair.

Maybe Cali is just trying to get rid of people and ease some of their financial burden

Do you know offhand of other states like that? Aren't they mostly the opposite?

Here you go. Although the article is a couple of years old, I've fairly recently double-checked the information and it still seems to be accurate across the board.

There are several States where the presumption is actually in favor of relocation, despite the standard answer we often give.


http://apps.americanbar.org/family/military/june06dvl.pdf

 

[Nevergrowup]

Here you go. Although the article is a couple of years old, I've fairly recently double-checked the information and it still seems to be accurate across the board.

There are several States where the presumption is actually in favor of relocation, despite the standard answer we often give.


http://apps.americanbar.org/family/military/june06dvl.pdf

Well, thanks! I'm going to keep that handy!

I don't think it matters to the OP anyway...his concern is cold hard cash.

 

[Proserpina]

Well, thanks! I'm going to keep that handy!

I don't think it matters to the OP anyway...his concern is cold hard cash.

I saved that page as soon as it was pointed out to me

But you're right - I honestly don't think this is about seeing the child. This is about the wallet.

It's sad. And I'll be brutally honest (surprise!). If Dad doesn't want to have any part of the child's life, I really do think it's best that he walks away now and doesn't look back.

It would be much more cruel to make a half-hearted (or even full) attempt now, and disappear in 5 or 7 years.

 

[Captian Picard]

Thanks for your response. So I just want to clarify if I ask for no visitaion and she asks for no cs would the court allow that?

Why you in court then (are you in court?)? You don't need to go to court to have this arraignment & as others have said: the court will not sanction this anyway.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

Until OP gets a gf who thinks it's so cute that he has a kid and pushes him into trying to get visitation....