What a 'Deadbeat Dad' is....

[kmodek]

What is the name of your state? MISSOURI

If you want to know what some guys are capable of to keep from helping support their own kids, here's my story.
I remember reading about things like this long ago and not believing anyone would really do those things to keep from supporting their OWN kids.
But, unfortunately, it really DOES happen- trust me.

I left my ex in 98, when our daughter was 2 mo. old. He wouldn't even pick her up, had NOTHING to do w/ her, called her an idiot (yelled it in her face at 2 wks. old) because she wouldn't take her binky and was crying,etc. He was a total jerk to both of us, and I didn't want her growing up hearing that crap.

I've got a CS order and it was done in 99 for $350/mo., which I agreed to when the actual amount was supposed to be $467/mo.

My ex flat out refused to pay, kept quitting jobs every time they would finally track him down and start garnishing his wages,etc. I couldn't get Child Support ENFORCEMENT to do a damn thing. They don't 'enforce' anything. They sit back and say 'it has to reach $5K in arrears before anything can be done'.
So, it finally reached OVER $5K and AFTER I'd moved back in w/ my parents and was in a different county, it took ONE phone call to my new case worker and they prosecuted him for it. Of course his dad paid the $5K to keep him out of jail and the $$ came to me. He got 2 years probation for criminal non-support.
I found out that almost the entire year of 04, he was working for cash and getting unemployment at the same time and my Child Support was being paid by unemployment garnishments! The only way I even found out was that it was taking 8-9 days for the $ to go into my account when it usually is there in 2 days. I found out it has to go thru more routes from garnishments so that's why it was taking so long all of those months-and he never said a word about it!
Oh, and by the way, every year, ALL YEAR LONG, ever since our daughter was born (in 1998), all I've ever heard from his parents is how 'there's no work, he's been laid off,etc.' yet his brother and 2 cousins all work in the same union and they all have jobs all the time-but my ex supposedly just gets the bad end of the deal. Well, I found out he made almost $40K last year and that doesn't include the under the table money he made! When I told his mom about it and mentioned how 'he never had any work', she was 'shocked'. She had no idea he was making that kind of money because he was always telling her his sob story about how broke he is,etc.
Yet his girlfriend QUIT her high-paying management job and sits on her butt while he pays the rent, utilities,etc. AND he pays over $500/mo. just for HER CAR!!!
Now, he whines about how he 'can't afford' the $350/mo CS payments, but they sure do keep HER car payments paid up!!

After 3 years, you can get a modification and my ex's income has more than DOUBLED since the order was first made, so it's supposed to now go up to $545/mo.

Well, now that he knows it's going up, he quit working (he's a union floorlayer) and just sits on his butt or works on the side for cash, thinking they'll say 'oh, you have no job, ok, it won't go up...' WRONG.
They're going to look at the previous year's income and say 'You are capable of earning almost $40K/year, so it's YOUR problem you aren't making that money now.

When we got notification that it was going to go up, he sent the form back, saying he disagrees with the amount. Well, it CLEARLY states that if you disagree with the amount, you have to PRESENT PROOF OF YOUR REASONS for disagreeing.
He didn't send anything in 'proving' anything, because his 'reasons' for disagreeing with the amount are: (AND I SWEAR THIS IS WORD FOR WORD WHAT HE WROTE ON THE PAPER!!!) (I'm replacing my name with 'Kim'. I'm on disability for anxiety and chronic depression. I get $900/mo. and I've saved thru the years and bought our house a year ago. I sold my car and got a cheap one I could pay cash with. I get my bills paid in full every month, so I'm taking care of my daughter and my responsibilites, but wait till you hear what this ass said about it!!)....Now remember, I left HIM, I've only been even HEARING from him for a year now, and irreguarly at that....but somehow he knows my medical background...interesting!!

"I don't make the money that it takes to pay that amount. I made half of what I made last year. I claimed unemployment 5 months this year. That means I got $150 a week. I've been suspended from the union. That means I don't work for them so I can't make that kind of money. I have no job and I can't find one. It's hard enough to pay what I'm paying every month. Every month I get a disconnection notice from my utilities. Another thing that I don't agree with is the fact that Kim doesn't work. She's on disability for anxiety attacks. She's had two in four years. The only reasons she has them is because of me. She can't face the fact we're not getting back together. The time that I got this child support order taken care of I had to hire a lawyer because she quit her job right before we went to court. They determined she could work. There's nothing wrong with her. So it's not fair that I have to pay this amount when she can work and chooses not to."

I SWEAR THIS IS WHAT HE WROTE FOR HIS 'REASONS'!!
Ok, I wouldn't want to be w/ this ass for ANYTHING and I couldn't believe he actually wrote that I have anxiety because I 'cant face that we're not getting back together'??? WTF?? Uh, ok.
Also, when we first had our hearing to start the CS order, he got a lawyer because he thought he'd only be paying about $140/mo. and when he saw the real amount, he went ballistic. He thought having a lawyer would keep him from having to pay that much. I didn't quit my job, in fact, his 'reasons' for disagreeing with the amount THAT TIME was because he thought I should work more hours and they tried to say I was lying about having to pay for childcare! During the hearing, his lawyer asked why I didn't work more hours. I worked from 35-37 hrs/wk, which was FT and all I got- I cut hair at the time. He also tried to make it seem like I was lying about paying for childcare, but if I'd really quit my job, FORCING my ex to get a lawyer back then, WHY would the lawyer have been asking why I didn't work more hours and why would I have even NEEDED childcare???

Anyway, our modification hearing is tomorrow afternoon. It's at 1.30pm and it's always over the phone and I'm interested to see if he's hired a lawyer to talk for him this time.
Regardless, I'm not 'settling' for a penny less. I let myself be forced into that the last time and since he's going to lie and be a jerk about it, I'm not giving in an inch.

So if you ever wondered, this is just a tad of what you have to go through with an ******* who thinks he shouldn't have to help you support his kid, because he doesn't give a **** about you or the kid so he thinks he isn't responsible any more.

He's such a loser.

 

[audster]

cheese for the whine....

ok, trying to be open minded and I don't want to go off on a rant here, but.....

I

left my ex in 98, when our daughter was 2 mo. old. He wouldn't even pick her up, had NOTHING to do w/ her, called her an idiot (yelled it in her face at 2 wks. old) because she wouldn't take her binky and was crying,etc. He was a total jerk to both of us, and I didn't want her growing up hearing that crap.

my reply-
How long were you togehter before that? ok, the yelling at baby isn't cool and would really pi** me off to, but c'mon.....2 MONTHS! Way to hang in the champ....note that OP said nothing about substance abuse or physical violence.....I'm sure it will pop up later though! and, as IAAL will undoubtably want to know.....WHERE DOES THE TRAILER COME IN!!!!

He got 2 years probation for criminal non-support.

my reply-
ok, this is not meant to be directed to OP but wouldn't it be funny if CP's were jailed for something like "Criminal Visitation Interferance". Oh, wait, they have laws for that, don't they? but those can't be important laws because nobody ever seems to want to enforce them. When I went to the D.A., complained to CSE and brought my ex up on contempt charges numerous times, what was I told over and over again....."You just need to work your issues out. Jailing your daughter's mother and step father aren't in her best interests." I love the American Legal System! What a load of Sh*t!

I found out that almost the entire year of 04, he was working for cash and getting unemployment at the same time and my Child Support was being paid by unemployment garnishments! The only way I even found out was that it was taking 8-9 days for the $ to go into my account when it usually is there in 2 days. I found out it has to go thru more routes from garnishments so that's why it was taking so long all of those months-and he never said a word about it!

my reply-
Oh, whatever! You got the support, what does it matter to you if he was making money on the side! Jeez, lady, thats between him and unemployment not him and you...if CS was being garnished from unemployment then he was complying! He's not required to tell you jack! Once the garnishment is in place it's out of his hands. It's not like he can "quit" unemployment to avoid paying CS! He was trying to get more moneyfor himself by working under the table...so what...not you business, you were getting paid!

Oh, and by the way, every year, ALL YEAR LONG, ever since our daughter was born (in 1998), all I've ever heard from his parents is how 'there's no work, he's been laid off,etc.' yet his brother and 2 cousins all work in the same union and they all have jobs all the time-but my ex supposedly just gets the bad end of the deal. Well, I found out he made almost $40K last year and that doesn't include the under the table money he made! When I told his mom about it and mentioned how 'he never had any work', she was 'shocked'. She had no idea he was making that kind of money because he was always telling her his sob story about how broke he is,etc.

my reply-
Who cares! It's between you and him, not you and his parents! Thats a trick my ex uses, going ot my Mom to whine about how tough it is raising our daugher and can't I pay more....blah, blah,blah! I got tired of it and told her to "DEAL WITH ME NOT MY PARENTS!". In fact, my parents got tired of it and told her that if it's such a damn burden, maybe she should just sign over custody and then she have to worry about the 5 rugrats she and her husband have managed to spit out over the last 10 years that the taxpayers are taking care of! Oh, but "it's in the best interest of the child!' "children need thier mother!"

Yet his girlfriend QUIT her high-paying management job and sits on her butt while he pays the rent, utilities,etc. AND he pays over $500/mo. just for HER CAR!!!
Now, he whines about how he 'can't afford' the $350/mo CS payments, but they sure do keep HER car payments paid up!!

my reply-
As long as your getting paid, what business of your is it what his girlfriend does and who pays for her car? You don't work! Oh, wait, it's the universal answer...."That's different!" Note to IAAL----I'm still waiting for the trailer, how about you?

I'm on disability for anxiety and chronic depression. I get $900/mo.

my reply-

Anxiety? Depression? ok, in the calmest and gentelest of tones, I have a real disease that causes real physical problems and some emotional ones (hey, anyone out there know that the mood swings that diabetics have with abrupt changes in blood sugar levels are pretty much the same as someone diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder? Cool, huh?) I have several lovely things in my future to look forward to, including lowered immune system, shortened life expectancy (if you take care of yourself and eat right, you'll still probabably die of some diabetic complication 10-15 years eariler than a non-diabetic), increased risk of blindness, increased risk of liver/kidney/heart disease, increased risk of amputations not to mention having to take shots 3 times a day for the rest of my natural life. And, frankly, it makes getting and keeping a "decent" job problematic at best ("oh, this application says he's an insulin dependent diabetic. Gosh, he may be able to get around our attendence policy. Maybe we better find a reason not to hire/promote him"). But I don't get disability for diabetes, I have to go to work. As a matter of fact, none of the diabetics I know personally are on disability, we all work. So, as far as you being on disability is concerned.....NO F**KING SYMPATHY!!! Kind of like when a fat person gets SSI for being obese,but a person with a "real" disease is denied...kinda torques me off! I mean, really, I would rather work anyway, just for the self worth and pride issue but, wow, hey, $900 a month just for depression...there's months when I got less than that because I had to pay support so my ex could stay home and breed with her hubby, who also doesn't work because he's fat and she's depressed! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

she quit her job right before we went to court. They determined she could work. There's nothing wrong with her. So it's not fair that I have to pay this amount when she can work and chooses not to."

my reply-
If that's what the court found then your income should be imputed at that amount. Sounds to me like you want a free ride at his and the taxpayers expense. If you need that much in child support maybe you should consider letting him have custody.

I cut hair at the time.

my reply-
And you can't do this anymore why???? You have an anxiety attack and cut of your fingers in a fit of depression?

Anyway, our modification hearing is tomorrow afternoon. It's at 1.30pm and it's always over the phone and I'm interested to see if he's hired a lawyer to talk for him this time.
Regardless, I'm not 'settling' for a penny less. I let myself be forced into that the last time and since he's going to lie and be a jerk about it, I'm not giving in an inch.

my reply-
You really sound more like a vidictive ex than a concerned mom. Nowhere in your post do you mention him not paying support or having an arrears. It sounds like you just want more cash. If this is the case, I hope father is smart enough to file for custody and win. It really sounds like the kid would be better off in his care.

He's such a loser.

My reply-

As I replied to your post on the other thread....HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!


But that's just my opinion....I could be wrong............NOT!!!!

 

[stepmom65]

Dead Beat Fathers???

I'm sick and tired of women using the "deadbeat Father" excuse. I can write a 10 page letter on "deadbeat CP Mothers"...and you know who you are..... Get a f*cking JOB!!!!!

 

[audster]

I'm sick and tired of women using the "deadbeat Father" excuse. I can write a 10 page letter on "deadbeat CP Mothers"...and you know who you are..... Get a f*cking JOB!!!!!

Bravo!
I love this woman!!!!!

 

[kmodek]

Apparently you read what you want to see on your screen...

My ex has continuously been in arrears from day one, never pays on time, in full,etc. He pays $50 and then nothing for 3 months.

He's had NOTHING to do with his daughter, he's spent the last 6 years drinking, getting high and going in and out of jail-all while on probation for SOMETHING-he's ALWAYS in legal trouble. He can't seem to grow up.

Yeah, you're right, me and my family have raised a happy, extremely smart little girl WITHOUT her dad around, but I'm sure it would be 'best' for me to hand her over to him and she can watch them get high and drunk and beat the crap out of each other, and eventually HER. Oh, but how will she get to school? He can't drive her...and his girlfriend doesn't want any part of being 'responsible' for a kid that isn't hers.
He's never even bathed her, much less taken her to a doctor appointment, or any of the other THOUSANDS of things a parent does on a regular basis.

I think YOU sound like a bitter resentful parent who has to pay child support and resents it. Do YOU share an EQUAL hand in taking care of your kids? Do you help support them financially AND emotionally? I doubt it. Otherwise, you wouldn't be 'mad' that I am on disability...why do you care? Sounds like you're mad that YOU aren't on disability.

As far as me having something to say about my ex's financial situation....he's a criminal, on parole, and continually committing parole and probation violations, and lying to the gov't and everyone else about how 'broke' he is, while making $40K under the table. He isn't helping me support our daughter but has no problem paying his girlfriends' car payment, which is WAY more than his support amount, and he has the gall to request a hearing to DISPUTE how much he has to spend on his own kid, but has no problem paying out the ass for his girlfriends' car??? Uh, ok. Funny thing though...his girlfriend 'made a deal with him' that she'll STAY WITH HIM if he'll pay her car payments and she'll drive his worthless ass around. They have SUCH a great, stable relationship.
So, she stays and he pays for her car, but fights paying for his daughter.
Gee, which is more important? Definitely not his daughter.

Yeah, I guess you could say I don't like the guy, but it's because he is the epitome of a 'deadbeat dad'. Anyone who spends over 6 years WILLINGLY trying to get out of doing ANYTHING to be responsible for his child...well, I guess you see nothing wrong with that.
As for 'only 2 months', uh, I spent my entire pregnancy listening to him call me every name in the book, threaten me physically and at one time he was in my face with his fist pulled back about to hit me and I told him 'I'm 6 months pregnant and if you hit me, I'll ****ing kill you.'
Our daughter was NOT an accident, she was planned, but as soon as I got pregnant, he reverted to a 10 year old-he wouldn't work, he treated me like complete ****, and while I worked FULL TIME the entire time, even the day I went into labor, he kept saying how 'women use pregnancy as a way to get out of everything...working, etc.' All the while, I was the ONLY one working, which was the case almost our ENTIRE relationship.
He did NOTHING to prepare for our daughter, didn't pay a DIME for anything-I paid for it all-car seat, crib,etc.
When I was in the hospital after I had her, he went home and got high before coming to the hospital.
When the baby was 5 DAYS old, my mom picked me and the baby up and we spent the day at her house so I could get some sleep while she watched the baby (you can bet good old 'dad' wasn't getting up at night to deal w/ her).
When 'daddy' came to pick us up that evening, guess what?? He was HIGH.
When you drove with your child for the FIRST time, were you high? Would you even CONSIDER doing something like that? Does that show you real concern for a 5 day old baby?
Our 'relationship' was pretty much done when he put his fist up to hit me when I was 6 months pregnant, and he refused to go to counseling for anything. Once I had a newborn to take care of and was having full-blown anxiety attacks at the same time, AND had to deal with HIS bull**** on top of it, sorry, but yeah, I was DONE.
I couldn't deal with his crap any more and I don't think it's 'normal' for a father of a 2 month old to sit face to face w/ a baby saying "Your mommy's such a stupid ****ing bitch, yeah, she's just a dumb cunt isn't she?" ,etc.
Yeah, that's the kind of things he was doing, so do you REALLY think I should have 'stuck it out' longer??? Do you REALLY think things were going to get BETTER?
He's done nothing but get WORSE over the years, because now he actually DOES beat up on his girlfriends!
I fail to see how I lost out on anything worthwhile by leaving him and the reason I'm 'bitter' towards him now is because it makes me sick that ANYONE can be such a piece of **** of a parent to their kids. I kept thinking that eventually, he'd grow up and start acting like a dad and be involved with her and have a steady, HEALTHY relationship with her, but instead, it's been the complete opposite and it makes me mad for her that her dad is such a piece of crap and I'M the one who gets to deal with all the bull**** he's going to dump on her and make her go through while she grows up. I get to explain why daddy gets drunk and drives and goes to prison for a year or so at a time or why daddy doesn't call for months at a time or why he doesn't call or come around for birthdays or holidays,etc.
I'm mad that he is doing this to MY DAUGHTER.
I'd rather her have NO dad than one that is a total piece of ****.
If he'd rather not pay child support and sign over all rights, I'd be glad to let him. It isn't so much the money, it's the fact that he FIGHTS being a parent to his own kid.
It sounds like you feel some of the same things towards your ex and that SHE isn't much of a parent. I DEFINITELY believe there are tons of women who are crappy parents, in fact, I've known several myself.
I haven't dated except for a few times since my daughter was born, so it's not like I've been spending my time living it up or screwing around with other guys or having more kids left and right.
My daughter is my #1 priority and concern.
I'm not saying 'all men are deadbeat dads'...I was just posting my story of the crap I've had to deal with. I'm totally impressed with ANY guy who really cares about their kids because I know a lot of married couples where the dad isn't really involved w/ the kids. If you're a dad and you actually CARE about being with your kids and you WANT to be responsible and spend your spare time with them, I commend you completely because you are a rarity these days and all of these deadbeat parents need to wake the hell up and realize how they're screwing up their kids by being so selfish.

 

[kmodek]

I'm sick and tired of women using the "deadbeat Father" excuse. I can write a 10 page letter on "deadbeat CP Mothers"...and you know who you are..... Get a f*cking JOB!!!!!

You seem WAAAY too obsessed with 'your husbands ex' on these forums....Please don't use his ex as your idea of what every single mom having to fight for child support is like.
If you had his kids FT and were fighting to get his ex to at least support them financially, if not physically and emotionally, you'd understand another point of view there is in the situation.
Not all single moms getting child support are money-grubbing losers like you seem to think. Most of us are struggling to raise our kids alone while fighting worthless ex's who do anything they can to avoid ANY responsibility for their own kids.
All the situations suck, but these forums are here to get advice and vent, not to get attacked and judged automatically by people on the other side of the coin in their own situations.
Just as your husbands' ex makes you so angry, my ex makes me feel the same way and my anger is just as valid as yours-we're both dealing with parents who don't give a crap about their kids. That's what matters.

 

[audster]

ok (popping knuckles and wringing hands in anticipation) here goes...

your story is full of missing information and contradictions. Those who haunt these boards get very irate when they think they are not getting the "whole story".

Apparently you read what you want to see on your screen...

No, actually I read exactly what you posted on the screen....DON'T LEAVE STUFF OUT!!!

My ex has continuously been in arrears from day one, never pays on time, in full,etc. He pays $50 and then nothing for 3 months.

Did this slip your mind? You didn't mention this before....

he's spent the last 6 years drinking, getting high and going in and out of jail-all while on probation for SOMETHING-he's ALWAYS in legal trouble.

This either...but I told everyone it was going to pop up sooner or later.... now we're just waiting on the part where he beats her up, threatens to kill her and kicks her puppy....

she can watch them get high and drunk and beat the crap out of each other, and eventually HER.

...and here it is....
Where's your trailer? Hey, IAAL, are you out there? C'mon, help us find the trailer!

I think YOU sound like a bitter resentful parent who has to pay child support and resents it.

WTF? In the dictionary, under redundant, does it say "see redundant"?
Seriously,though...I resent having to worry about my kid being raised by my "deadbeat" ex and her worthless hubby. I resent her being my only kid with bad grades because the time I have with her is not helping her improve her mind, because the other 11 days out of 14 (if ex doesn't find an excuse to not let her come to my home) Mom does nothing to help her with her homework. I resent her husband using her as a live in babysitter for thier younger kids so he and the ex can screw off. I resent her being always being filthy when sent over here. I resent the CSE and the Courts not being able to recognize the fact than males are just as capable of raising kids as females! I resent that NCPs are villified by the family court system but when a CP denies visitation, which happens just as much as an NCP not paying support, the courts don't do jack! Money has nothing to do with it!

He's never even bathed her, much less taken her to a doctor appointment, or any of the other THOUSANDS of things a parent does on a regular basis.

Of course not....doesn't sound like he's had much of a chance...but I will say this...I wasn't around much when the kids were born because I WAS AT WORK! Bills still needed to get paid. Not every Dad can afford to take a bunch of time off for a newborn, even though FMLA allows it. My wife can testify to the fact that I'm every bit as capable as a "caregiver" as she is. I've been laid off while she was still working (and yes, CS came right out of the unemployment check...you seem to have a problem with that). Who do you think took care of kids and house.

Do you help support them financially AND emotionally? I doubt it.

DON'T EVEN GO THERE!!!!

Otherwise, you wouldn't be 'mad' that I am on disability...why do you care? Sounds like you're mad that YOU aren't on disability.

Ummm...did you miss the part where I said I'd rather be at work? The whole thing about pride and self worth? Maybe your the one who only reads what you want? No, I'm mad because people with a real disease are not eligable for disability when fat people (ex's hubby) or depressed people (you and my ex) are...not your fault, the blame there is in the system. What the hell is an anxiety atack anyway? I have anxiety over my daughter having to live in filth. I have anxiety over wining custody three times and them appealing 3 times (on the states tab) and getting her back because the judge did not feel that seperating the siblings "was in the best interest of the children". Like it was her fault ther mom is a baby factory! so by the states logic, if one kid is miserable then they all should be!

he's a criminal, on parole, and continually committing parole and probation violations, and lying to the gov't

You didn't mention this either....i know there's got to be a trailer her somewhere......

while making $40K under the table

Oh, BS....if he's making $40K a year at an under the table job, please, tell me where he's working so I can sign up....or are ya' gonna' tell us he's a drug kingpin next?

he has the gall to request a hearing to DISPUTE how much he has to spend on his own kid

I don't know about gall, but he has the RIGHT to dispute anything he wants.

As for 'only 2 months', uh, I spent my entire pregnancy listening to him call me every name in the book, threaten me physically and at one time he was in my face with his fist pulled back about to hit me and I told him 'I'm 6 months pregnant and if you hit me, I'll ****ing kill you.'

You didn't mention that before....

I was the ONLY one working, which was the case almost our ENTIRE relationship.
He did NOTHING to prepare for our daughter, didn't pay a DIME for anything-I paid for it all-car seat, crib,etc.

...or that...

When the baby was 5 DAYS old, my mom picked me and the baby up and we spent the day at her house so I could get some sleep while she watched the baby (you can bet good old 'dad' wasn't getting up at night to deal w/ her).
When 'daddy' came to pick us up that evening, guess what?? He was HIGH.

...That either....are you sure you don't want to tell us about your trailer?

...because now he actually DOES beat up on his girlfriends!

...here's another one...(yawn)

When you drove with your child for the FIRST time, were you high?

Nope, don't do drugs....I have to stick a needle in my gut 3 times a day just to stay alive, why in God's name would I do drugs?

know a lot of married couples where the dad isn't really involved w/ the kids

Now that's just plain stereotyping....
Sorry, I just feel that something is missing here...the trailer?

 

[stepmom65]

kmodek, I've seen your postings. Specifically: Should I report this as abuse against my child?

And you want to criticize me?????, PLEAZZZZZE!!!!!

Your Quote***If you had his kids FT and were fighting to get his ex to at least support them financially, if not physically and emotionally, you'd understand another point of view there is in the situation.***

We have the children 15 days every month. We pay for everything. No just my husband, but I do as well. Not out of have to, but want to... I have 1 son of my own that I raised ALONE...and he's a full time college student. Get an education and job, you breeded with this idiot so deal with it.

Your Quote***Not all single moms getting child support are money-grubbing losers like you seem to think. Most of us are struggling to raise our kids alone while fighting worthless ex's who do anything they can to avoid ANY responsibility for their own kids.***

Your right, not all single moms are money-grubbing, but there are plenty of them that give the rest of us a bad rap.

 

[nextwife]

I have MANY "single parent" friends. The adoption community has lots of people who PAID out fees and expenses for the PRIVILAGE of being parent to one or more children. They do not, nor ever will get, any child support. These are just regular people working regular jobs. One single mom I know has 7 kids, 2 from China (at an out of pocket cost of $20,000 plus per adoption which includes translation fees, travel, home study expenses. etc.), one from a disrupted adoption and the rest adopted out of foster care. She has only a schoolteacher salary AND had to have several fundraisers to get together the fees to bring her kids here. She still feels blessed BECAUSE she has the opportunity to be a MOM to these kids! Never a penny of CS, nor does she expend an iota of energy worrying about it because she's the one who gets to have the children in her life, which she sees as a privilage.

 

[stealth2]

I can't believe anyone actually took the time to read - much less respond to in depth - these lengthy posts. Fact of the matter is - there are deadbeats of all types - Dad, Mom, CP, NCP. Using one brush to paint one entire segment of them isn't simply stupid - it's ignorant.

 

[kmodek]

Ok, so I should expect to raise my daughter alone, no help financially or physically from her father-got it.
I have no right to resent being treated like dirt because I think BOTH parents should be equally responsible for their kids.
Don't assume that 'dad' was at work, so THAT'S why he 'couldn't help with the baby'. Dad was sitting on his ass doing NOTHING while I worked full time and my MOTHER babysat my daughter.
My life revolves around my daughter but I'm the bad guy because I had the gall to go on a forum and tell my story of what I've gone through. I'm still trying to understand why I'm being attacked because my EX is the one who is totally irresponsible and has never been a father to his daughter-BY CHOICE.
If it helps you sleep better at night to hate anyone who receives child support and is disabled, more power to you.
YOU are stereotyping in every post you put on this thread.
Goodbye.