what do I need to do?

[needtoknownow]

What is the name of your state? WA
Here goes. I have a 6yr old daughter and her father has been out of our lives ever since she was 3 months old. We were never married, his name is not on the birth certificate, and as far as I'm aware he's now living in CA. Here's the thing, when we met he had two other children. Both mother's had sued for child support and to my knowledge he still has yet to pay. He has a very long history of drug abuse with a criminal record to match. The last time we spoke I told him I wanted full custody of our daughter and for him to give up his rights to her. Essentially, he'd fight me in court. I spoke with a lawyer then and was told that I basically wouldn't have to worry about anything due to his criminal and drug record along with the fact that paternity would have to be established. Unfortunately, I didn't pursue it any further and I think it's gonna bite me in the ass. It's been five and half years since I've seen him and that's long enough for him to get his act together and have good reasoning to fight me in court. I'm now currently married and have another child with my husband. My 6 yr old daughter recognizes my husband as her father and doesn't know about her biological father. He and I have been together since she was 1 1/2 yrs of age. My husband is the one that's actually wantng me to sue my ex for support. I'd rather not and the reason behind that is because I fear for my daughter's safety. I don't want to allow for visitation rights and one day my daughter never comes back home and can't be found anywhere. My husband wants to adopt my 6 yr old and I want him too as well. What should I do? I'm sure if I sued for support and back pay it would be a large sum, but ultimately my daughter's safety is worth more. Would I be able to sue for support without allowing visitation with proper cause? And If so, if my husband adopts my 6yr old does that release my ex from court ordered support?What is the name of your state?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? WA
Here goes. I have a 6yr old daughter and her father has been out of our lives ever since she was 3 months old. We were never married, his name is not on the birth certificate, and as far as I'm aware he's now living in CA. Here's the thing, when we met he had two other children. Both mother's had sued for child support and to my knowledge he still has yet to pay. He has a very long history of drug abuse with a criminal record to match. The last time we spoke I told him I wanted full custody of our daughter and for him to give up his rights to her. Essentially, he'd fight me in court. I spoke with a lawyer then and was told that I basically wouldn't have to worry about anything due to his criminal and drug record along with the fact that paternity would have to be established. Unfortunately, I didn't pursue it any further and I think it's gonna bite me in the ass. It's been five and half years since I've seen him and that's long enough for him to get his act together and have good reasoning to fight me in court. I'm now currently married and have another child with my husband. My 6 yr old daughter recognizes my husband as her father and doesn't know about her biological father. He and I have been together since she was 1 1/2 yrs of age. My husband is the one that's actually wantng me to sue my ex for support. I'd rather not and the reason behind that is because I fear for my daughter's safety. I don't want to allow for visitation rights and one day my daughter never comes back home and can't be found anywhere. My husband wants to adopt my 6 yr old and I want him too as well. What should I do? I'm sure if I sued for support and back pay it would be a large sum, but ultimately my daughter's safety is worth more. Would I be able to sue for support without allowing visitation with proper cause? And If so, if my husband adopts my 6yr old does that release my ex from court ordered support?What is the name of your state?

Search function. Top of the page. ALL of your questions are already answered.

 

[Neal1421]

What is the name of your state? WA
Here goes. I have a 6yr old daughter and her father has been out of our lives ever since she was 3 months old. We were never married, his name is not on the birth certificate, and as far as I'm aware he's now living in CA. Here's the thing, when we met he had two other children. Both mother's had sued for child support and to my knowledge he still has yet to pay. He has a very long history of drug abuse with a criminal record to match. The last time we spoke I told him I wanted full custody of our daughter and for him to give up his rights to her. Essentially, he'd fight me in court. I spoke with a lawyer then and was told that I basically wouldn't have to worry about anything due to his criminal and drug record along with the fact that paternity would have to be established. Unfortunately, I didn't pursue it any further and I think it's gonna bite me in the ass. It's been five and half years since I've seen him and that's long enough for him to get his act together and have good reasoning to fight me in court. I'm now currently married and have another child with my husband. My 6 yr old daughter recognizes my husband as her father and doesn't know about her biological father. He and I have been together since she was 1 1/2 yrs of age. My husband is the one that's actually wantng me to sue my ex for support. I'd rather not and the reason behind that is because I fear for my daughter's safety. I don't want to allow for visitation rights and one day my daughter never comes back home and can't be found anywhere. My husband wants to adopt my 6 yr old and I want him too as well. What should I do? I'm sure if I sued for support and back pay it would be a large sum, but ultimately my daughter's safety is worth more. Would I be able to sue for support without allowing visitation with proper cause? And If so, if my husband adopts my 6yr old does that release my ex from court ordered support?What is the name of your state?

If you sued for support, you would only be entitled to support after your filing date. WA does not go back to the time of birth.

No, you would not be able to get the money and not allow the father of the child to visit the child, he is not just a paycheck. He does deserve the right to know his child.

 

[Silverplum]

.....No, you would not be able to get the money and not allow the father of the child to visit the child, he is not just a paycheck. He does deserve the right to know his child.

Which is precisely why I advocated the search function.

 

[fairisfair]

If you file for child support then he can file for visitation, you would be very hard pressed to show just cause for there to be no visitation whatsoever.

If you can find him, and you have been married for over a year, your husband wants to adopt your daughter, and bio dad is willing to terminate rights, then that is a possibility, a bunch of ifs.

Remember, he can always file for paternity testing and for visitation on his own as well. He has the same rights to your daughter as you do. Whether or not that seems fair.

Most of your questions have been answered on other posts, and probably better than what I have told you, spend some time on the site researching the answers to your questions.

 

[Neal1421]

Which is precisely why I advocated the search function.

I know, I know.

 

[fairisfair]

Actually, the state of Washington will go back up to 5 years before filing if paternity has not been established.

 

[needtoknownow]

yes, but...

I'm sure that there are answers on other posts that can help me, but not all cases are the same. My ex, legally may have rights to my daughter, but he shouldn't be allowed! What I went through with him, I would rather die than live through again. It may sound lame, but I fear for anyone who falls for his cheap tricks. I haven't talked about this in a long time, so forgive me if I seem a bit emotional. I want to do what's best for my daughter. Of course I'm going to tell her about her real father, of course I'll support her choice if she wants to look for him, but the time definitely is NOT now.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm sure that there are answers on other posts that can help me, but not all cases are the same. My ex, legally may have rights to my daughter, but he shouldn't be allowed! What I went through with him, I would rather die than live through again. It may sound lame, but I fear for anyone who falls for his cheap tricks. I haven't talked about this in a long time, so forgive me if I seem a bit emotional. I want to do what's best for my daughter. Of course I'm going to tell her about her real father, of course I'll support her choice if she wants to look for him, but the time definitely is NOT now.

When you signed up for this board, you agreed to do a search first. Clearly you didn't bother. When it comes to child support (CS) and visitation, there are very few variations. Do the search. You'll learn something.

Your emotional situation is not the same as your legal one. This board is for your legal situation.

 

[Silverplum]

From a private message:
is it true that if the parents of a child were not married, a parent does not have to pay child support until there is a court order?

True.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

YOu will have to establish paternity before he can TPR and your husband can adopt, don't expect any back child support.

 

[needtoknownow]

abandonment...

how can I prove this in the state of WA? If the BF rights to one of his other children has been terminated, will it be easier for me to do the same? The BF has two other children in which I believe his rights to both children have been terminated? Should I try to contact the mother's of his other children? Although I don't know if that would really help?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

how can I prove this in the state of WA?

You have to petition the court to prove paternity first, when the judge rules, dad will be ready to TPR rather than pay child support, you can't prove abandonment if you haven't even attempted to establish paternity, there is nothing to abandon.

 

[needtoknownow]

more...

what If I can't locate the BF? It's not that i'm looking for loop holes, but over the past 5 1/2 yrs all of the info I have given authorities to try and locate him have not given me anything. I've given DOB, alias + legal name, parents old addresses and still nothing. The only way that I have been able to find him in the past was calling the jail facilities.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Go to the court house and file to establish paternity, they will find him. Try http://www.zabasearch.com under his and his parents names etc. Then go from there.