Wife Doesn't want to work so Father pays more????

[crazyinga]

What is the name of your state? Florida

My husband has two kids with an ex. One is about to turn 18. The ex-wife conveniently quit her $55K +job, a year and a half ago (she's remarried), to sell real estate in the middle of a plumetting real estate market. This was just an excuse not to have to work. She's sold only 2 or 3 houses in the last year and a half. She is complaining constantly to the kids that she has no money and can't pay for this and can't pay for that. My husband pays $1500 a month for the two kids. The agreement only mentions this amount. Does not mention an amount per child or when it will end, or what happens when one turns 18. She had a lawyer in the divorce and my husband could not afford one. But yet he did have to pay her atty costs.

So now to get the child support adjusted for one child, does this mean we have to put up several thousand dollars to go to court to do this? And also will likely have to pay her atty costs when its over as well since she is sitting home watching HGTV. Also, the thing that has me so upset is the kids came over last night and said she told them their father will have to pay her the same if not more money when the oldest turns 18 because she is not making any money. That is so infuriating. She is using the money he pays for child support to live on and not 100% for the kids. Now he has to pay her MORE because she doesn't want to work at a real job. I did the math on the child support formula and it appears to be true. He will have to pay her more money now because he is actually working and she basically doesn't have to contribute at all. I have no problem paying any expenses for the kids, but aren't any of the courts doing anything to make the mothers accountable in any way shape or form for the money they get? Is there anyway to stop this or make her accountable?

I know nothing about the law in Florida but I would like to tell you not to let some of the people on here get under your skin with their comments. I think its pretty obvious that there are a lot more on here that are just bottom line for mothers than those who stop and think about the situation before they add comments. Good Luck!

 

[Silverplum]

And yet you want free legal help from those same posters. What kind of brainiac does that make YOU, crazyinga? And in that same vein, if you wish to trash on us, we will be more than happy to remember that when it comes to your thread.

edited to add -- upon re-reading this thread, I am more baffled than before at crazyinga's snitty little rant...we were more than pleasantly helpful.

 

[crazyinga]

And yet you want free legal help from those same posters. What kind of brainiac does that make YOU, crazyinga? And in that same vein, if you wish to trash on us, we will be more than happy to remember that when it comes to your thread.

edited to add -- upon re-reading this thread, I am more baffled than before at crazyinga's snitty little rant...we were more than pleasantly helpful.

There are some on here that are too judgemental of the post and only see one side! Is there a reason why you take it so personal??????

 

[Silverplum]

There are some on here that are too judgemental of the post and only see one side! Is there a reason why you take it so personal??????

Show me which post in this thread offended you. Don't make general statements.

And, FYI, we are not here to "see a side." We are here to help with legal matters.

 

[crazyinga]

Show me which post in this thread offended you. Don't make general statements.

And, FYI, we are not here to "see a side." We are here to help with legal matters.

Thats so true it is about the law but there are many that like to comment on attitide and things such as that. I was just making the statement that she shouldnt let it get to her when some dont like her attitude or feelings. She has the right to feel the way she wants to. Not sure why you seem to be letting what I said bother you....YOU have not offended me nor was I talking about you with that comment!

 

[Gracie3787]

Question: IF, in the original divorce decree / support order it stated support to be paid until the child reaches 18, and did NOT contain language about graduating high school or until age 19, is that something that could be modified into the agreement OR is it like the college deal, where if you did not specify at the time of the original agreement, it stands at age 18?

thanks

It can either be modified into the order at some point before the child turns 18. Or, upon the child turning 18 the CP has the right to file for CS to continue as long as the child is in HS doing well enough to graduate before age 19.

 

[CJane]

Question: IF, in the original divorce decree / support order it stated support to be paid until the child reaches 18, and did NOT contain language about graduating high school or until age 19, is that something that could be modified into the agreement OR is it like the college deal, where if you did not specify at the time of the original agreement, it stands at age 18?

thanks

I'm a little bit concerned that you're asking questions like this, hoping to apply them to your own situation, and getting possibly incorrect advice for YOUR state.

Not criticizing, just pointing out that child support - perhaps even more than custody - is very much a state by state thing. Be careful what you apply where.

 

[ProPerDoper]

Interesting thread!

I read with interest all of the postings here. I did not agree with the allegation that the poster received unnecessary opinions, and I felt like the advice was to the point.

What I would advise however, is that the original poster attempt to gain a better hold on her anger. I know how badly anger can add to the difficulty of co-parenting, especially when it comes from the non-biological step parent. Note that I did not say that she doesn't have a right to her anger. The lack of control that a step parent feels over the funds expended in child support while watching the CP allegedly spend those funds on items other than the children is enought to drive one insane. Add to that a CP that elects not to work, and you've got enough fuel for a forest fire. Bottom line however, is that there is simply no control over that situation. The healthiest response for all is to give it up.

The problem is that the anger that wells up inside of us almost always trickles down to the children in some manner. Whether it is in the form of questions answered of the children about the issue, some under-the-breath comment in passing, or a conversation in the home overheard. Kids pick up on a tremendous amount, and this can be seen in the messages that these kids are delivering back and forth.

If the poster's hubby can't afford an attorney, I would suggest that he study up on what ever self-help Family Law legal writings that he can get ahold of. If the poster has the time then she might consider supporting him in that study effort. Then he might attempt to locate what's often referred to as "unbundled services" or legal advice and direction for a fee. He can argue the case himself, as well as complete most of the legal forms and filings, and do quite well if he applies himself. It is very difficult work if one wishes to do a thorough job of it, but he can do well. Additionally, there are probably lots of practice guides for Florida Family Law that he can obtain. These are a huge help.

How do I know this? My own experience required seven long years of California Dissolution litigation. I had to oppose six Family Law Attorneys, an Appellate Specialist, A personal injury suit (collateral litigation) bankruptcy law, and now collections law to enforce the judgment in my favor. (Monday I'm in court opposing her Claim of Exemption to my Wage Garnishment Order) I was required to go in Pro Per after she brought on her fourth Family Law Attorney, if I was to retain my home and any assets to raise the kids. In doing so, I was fortunate enough to obtain 68% primary physical custody of the kids even though she was a stay at home mom, and be awarded $25K in FL Sect. 271 Sanctions as atty fees at trial for her bad conduct.

The favorable nature of the outcome in my case had little to do with me or my ability in the end. Yes, I put in the effort and worked hard at it, but I had excellent unbundled services which mentored me through the process. Without that help I could not have stood up against the oppression of 2 separate cases against me at the same time, both of which I was answering in Pro Per.

Many a day I was on my knees crying my eyes out under the oppression, not knowing how I could possibly stand up against it. In the end, my hard work paid off.

I hope that the original poster along with her spouse find themselves encouraged to research and apply themselves, and that she will channel her anger into a positive effort for the kids.

 

[GrowUp!]

I know nothing....

You should have stopped there, tool.

 

[Gracie3787]

I read with interest all of the postings here. I did not agree with the allegation that the poster received unnecessary opinions, and I felt like the advice was to the point.

What I would advise however, is that the original poster attempt to gain a better hold on her anger. I know how badly anger can add to the difficulty of co-parenting, especially when it comes from the non-biological step parent. Note that I did not say that she doesn't have a right to her anger. The lack of control that a step parent feels over the funds expended in child support while watching the CP allegedly spend those funds on items other than the children is enought to drive one insane. Add to that a CP that elects not to work, and you've got enough fuel for a forest fire. Bottom line however, is that there is simply no control over that situation. The healthiest response for all is to give it up.

The problem is that the anger that wells up inside of us almost always trickles down to the children in some manner. Whether it is in the form of questions answered of the children about the issue, some under-the-breath comment in passing, or a conversation in the home overheard. Kids pick up on a tremendous amount, and this can be seen in the messages that these kids are delivering back and forth.

If the poster's hubby can't afford an attorney, I would suggest that he study up on what ever self-help Family Law legal writings that he can get ahold of. If the poster has the time then she might consider supporting him in that study effort. Then he might attempt to locate what's often referred to as "unbundled services" or legal advice and direction for a fee. He can argue the case himself, as well as complete most of the legal forms and filings, and do quite well if he applies himself. It is very difficult work if one wishes to do a thorough job of it, but he can do well. Additionally, there are probably lots of practice guides for Florida Family Law that he can obtain. These are a huge help.

How do I know this? My own experience required seven long years of California Dissolution litigation. I had to oppose six Family Law Attorneys, an Appellate Specialist, A personal injury suit (collateral litigation) bankruptcy law, and now collections law to enforce the judgment in my favor. (Monday I'm in court opposing her Claim of Exemption to my Wage Garnishment Order) I was required to go in Pro Per after she brought on her fourth Family Law Attorney, if I was to retain my home and any assets to raise the kids. In doing so, I was fortunate enough to obtain 68% primary physical custody of the kids even though she was a stay at home mom, and be awarded $25K in FL Sect. 271 Sanctions as atty fees at trial for her bad conduct.

The favorable nature of the outcome in my case had little to do with me or my ability in the end. Yes, I put in the effort and worked hard at it, but I had excellent unbundled services which mentored me through the process. Without that help I could not have stood up against the oppression of 2 separate cases against me at the same time, both of which I was answering in Pro Per.

Many a day I was on my knees crying my eyes out under the oppression, not knowing how I could possibly stand up against it. In the end, my hard work paid off.

I hope that the original poster along with her spouse find themselves encouraged to research and apply themselves, and that she will channel her anger into a positive effort for the kids.

Great advice.