will I get retroactive child support?

[too sad in az]

What is the name of your state? Arizona
My son's father, who is married is taking me to court to get visitation. My son is 1yr and his father has only seen him 29 times during 2004. I have allowed his father to visit him at any time but because I will not let him spend the night my son's father has taken the attitude all or nothing. I have told my son's father that he can take him at anytime except to his home because his wife his violent. His wife has put holes in the walls, which I saw myself, has written nasty letters to my family, has called my previous employer to get information on me, she and my son's father had a physical fight in front of their 5 year old daughter who then called 911, they have shouting matches and she expressed she did not know if she could love my son. I do not feel this is a healthy environment or my son would be safe. His attorney wrote a letter stating that I am interferring in the relationship with my son & his father. His attorney also sent my attorney a letter stating that he is willing to pay child support of $456 a month. My son's father makes $6,600 a month and has only given $250 a month, when he feels like it skipping other months saying he doesn't have it to give. My questions are; Will my son's father be made to pay back child support / retroactive child support? How do I protect my son without it being considered interference in a father son relationship? And isn't my son far too young to spend overnights away from me, his mother, with a man he hardly even knows? I have an attorney but I feel as if he does not care enough. I didn't feel the need to include every detail to my situation because I was looking for answers or help regarding visitation & child support. But here goes... I didn't know he was married. He & his wife were separated at the time, she was in NY for over a year. I am not ignorant and capable of adding. So let me clear something up. 29 times he saw his son, when he decided to drop by at 10:00pm at night on a week night. I had the heart to let him in to take a peak at him while he was sleeping. He has only seen his son 12 times while he was awake and 6 times before 8:00pm. I have encouraged him to visit on Saturdays or after church on Sundays. I'm not keeping him from his son. However I guess weeknights suite him better when he's out cheating on his wife. I understand your stance but would appreciate some advice based on circumstance not criticisim. Thank you.

 

[GothicAngel]

If you say that your son hardly knows his father, who fault is that? Give the father the oportunity to get to know his son.
Also, if his wife is as bad as you say she is, i'm pretty sure there must be a reason why?
there are always 3 sides to a story his, hers and the truth.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? Arizona
My son's father, who is married is taking me to court to get visitation. My son is 1yr and his father has only seen him 29 times during 2004. I have allowed his father to visit him at any time but because I will not let him spend the night my son's father has taken the attitude all or nothing. I have told my son's father that he can take him at anytime except to his home because his wife his violent. His wife has put holes in the walls, which I saw myself, has written nasty letters to my family, has called my previous employer to get information on me, she and my son's father had a physical fight in front of their 5 year old daughter who then called 911, they have shouting matches and she expressed she did not know if she could love my son. I do not feel this is a healthy environment or my son would be safe. His attorney wrote a letter stating that I am interferring in the relationship with my son & his father. His attorney also sent my attorney a letter stating that he is willing to pay child support of $456 a month. My son's father makes $6,600 a month and has only given $250 a month, when he feels like it skipping other months saying he doesn't have it to give. My questions are; Will my son's father be made to pay back child support / retroactive child support? How do I protect my son without it being considered interference in a father son relationship? And isn't my son far too young to spend overnights away from me, his mother, with a man he hardly even knows? I have an attorney but I feel as if he does not care enough.

I guess you'll stop screwing married men now right?

You can ONLY get child support from the date of the original filing, so, if you haven't filed for support what do you think you should do.

The father of the child has every right to have visitation without your interference. And just in case you're too ignorant to figure it out, one year divided by 29 is more than twice a month. That's standard visitation so get off your high-horse.

OR, there's a very simple solution if you don't like things the way they are. Give the father custody.

 

[too sad in az]

Arizona is my state. I didn't feel the need to include every detail to my situation because I was looking for answers or help regarding visitation & child support. But here goes... I didn't know he was married. He & his wife were separated at the time, she was in NY for over a year. I am not ignorant and capable of adding. So let me clear something up. 29 times he saw his son, when he decided to drop by at 10:00pm at night on a week night. I had the heart to let him in to take a peak at him while he was sleeping. He has only seen his son 12 times while he was awake and 6 times before 8:00pm. I have encouraged him to visit on Saturdays or after church on Sundays. I'm not keeping him from his son. However I guess weeknights suite him better when he's out cheating on his wife. I understand your stance but would appreciate some advice based on circumstance not criticisim. Thank you.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Arizona is my state. I didn't feel the need to include every detail to my situation because I was looking for answers or help regarding visitation & child support. But here goes... I didn't know he was married. He & his wife were separated at the time, she was in NY for over a year. I am not ignorant and capable of adding. So let me clear something up. 29 times he saw his son, when he decided to drop by at 10:00pm at night on a week night. I had the heart to let him in to take a peak at him while he was sleeping. He has only seen his son 12 times while he was awake and 6 times before 8:00pm. I have encouraged him to visit on Saturdays or after church on Sundays. I'm not keeping him from his son. However I guess weeknights suite him better when he's out cheating on his wife. I understand your stance but would appreciate some advice based on circumstance not criticisim. Thank you.

And none of this matters a bit. Now go back and re-read my first response. It's the ONLY legally valid answer you're going to get.

You don't get pity here nor are we going to stroke you and tell you screwing a married man (whether or not you knew he was married) is an extenuating circumstance. The ONLY fact that matters is that he has the same rights to visitation and custody of the child as you do. PERIOD!

Now, when is it going to be time to grow up and fact the fact that the minute you spread your legs for this guy, you were bound to him for a minimum of 19 years. good, bad and ugly.

 

[too sad in az]

I guess you don't get it. I know what rights he has regarding visitation. I'm asking what rights do I have regarding protecting my son from a woman who is very violent. I'm not looking for pitty. You mentioned "WE" in your reply. Are you more than one person, more than one personality? I don't think you can speak for everyone. And you probably have never had anyone lie to you before either. Obvious you're not educated enough to know the entire law. Because if that was the case children wouldn't be removed when parents used drugs, were physical (it's called domestic violence). You got it! I'm not satisfied with your answer, unwilling to accept it and don't believe you! I can deal with being connected, attached, to my son's father for 17 more years. No big deal. I'm talking about what to do regarding his wife's irrational behavior!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I guess you don't get it. I know what rights he has regarding visitation. I'm asking what rights do I have regarding protecting my son from a woman who is very violent. I'm not looking for pitty. You mentioned "WE" in your reply. Are you more than one person, more than one personality? I don't think you can speak for everyone. And you probably have never had anyone lie to you before either. Obvious you're not educated enough to know the entire law. Because if that was the case children wouldn't be removed when parents used drugs, were physical (it's called domestic violence). You got it! I'm not satisfied with your answer, unwilling to accept it and don't believe you! I can deal with being connected, attached, to my son's father for 17 more years. No big deal. I'm talking about what to do regarding his wife's irrational behavior!

And of course, you can PROVE all of this to the satisfaction of the court. And by the way, your ONLY issue until you didn't get the answer you wanted, was about retro-active child support.

There's not one thing you can do about HER unless you can prove she's a danger to the child. Not YOUR OPINION but proof. In court.

And guess what? From what you've described here you'll have a hell of a chance trying to do that.

 

[too sad in az]

Yea yea yea! I had more than one question. I got the answer I needed regarding retroactive payments. Thanks to him filing in August I guess I can bank on getting from August until this thing is settled in back payments for child support. And regarding proof on the lunatic wife. I have it. She has punched holes in walls, written letters, I have affidavits from my former employer, her own husband filed a police report against her when she destoryed his computers and personal property and their own daughter called 911, the police came out to the house and they were issued to go to anger management classes. Mabye I'll need more but that's a start. I guess you'll tell me that won't satisfy the court.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Yea yea yea! I had more than one question. I got the answer I needed regarding retroactive payments. Thanks to him filing in August I guess I can bank on getting from August until this thing is settled in back payments for child support.

Read my response again. And this time pay attention.
Until YOU file for support there IS NO back support. He is filing for visitation. That does not start the support clock.

Now, got it straight?

 

[too sad in az]

My gooodnesssss! I said in my first posting that "HIS" attorney sent "my" attorney a letter stating that his client was willing to pay $456 a month for child support. Which indicates that he is dealing with child visitation & CHILD SUPPORT! Looks like you got caught sleeping. Or maybe I needed to spell it out word for word. Oh wait I'm already literally doing that. I guess you just couldn't wait to jab me for unknowingly being with a married man you overlooked the part I said he makes $6,600 a month & all he wanted to pay was $456. Several times you have told me to "RE-READ" what you have written. How about you "read" instead of jumping to conculsions and accusations.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

My gooodnesssss! I said in my first posting that "HIS" attorney sent "my" attorney a letter stating that his client was willing to pay $456 a month for child support. Which indicates that he is dealing with child visitation & CHILD SUPPORT! Looks like you got caught sleeping. Or maybe I needed to spell it out word for word. Oh wait I'm already literally doing that. I guess you just couldn't wait to jab me for unknowingly being with a married man you overlooked the part I said he makes $6,600 a month & all he wanted to pay was $456. Several times you have told me to "RE-READ" what you have written. How about you "read" instead of jumping to conculsions and accusations.

one more time and hopefully you'll pull your head out of your ass.
A letter offering a compromise on child support means nothing in court. Until you sign the agreement and it is filed with the court, you will receive nothing.

IF, you come to an agreement and it is filed with the court, then and only then will it be a legally enforceable order by the court. It doesn't matter if 50 years ago he sent a letter offering a compromise.

Until a child support action is FILED WITH THE COURT you get nothing.

Now, go bother someone else. You obviously know more about the law than I do. That's why you're in this situation and I'm not.

 

[BethM]

Dealing with the fact that your husband has a child with another woman might tend to make a person angry. I can think of a few things I would have destroyed and there would have been some walls with holes in them also...probably. I'm betting her husband's situation with you has a lot to do with this woman's anger. Are you foolish enough to think she wouldn't be pissed?

Here is your problem. If a complaint was filed against her and the daughter was involved in the incident then you can bet the state became involved enough to at least check out that child's home environment. If the environment had been found unsafe the 5 year old would no longer be in the home.

They were ordered to go to anger management classes. If they did that then they have done all the state requires them to do and their home environment will be considered safe. Her writing letters to you or talking to an employer does not prove her violent or unfit. It proves she was very emotionally upset by the fact that her husband had a child with you. I'm betting the majority of the world would think her reaction normal.

Her stating that she didn't think she could ever love your child. Well, most woman would be hard pressed to feel love for the product of their husband's relationship with another woman. All you are concerned about is whether or not she respects your child. So far you have said nothing to indicate she won't do that. All you have done is given proof of her anger at you and the situation....once again, that would be considered normal anger, in my opinion.

You have basically cooked your own goose by not allowing this father overnight visits with the child. You have caused yourself to loose control over the situation by being too controlling of the situation. If he has seen the child 29 times in the last year and managed to do that under the rules you set then he has done a pretty good job. If you had allowed him overnight visits you might have been able to retain some of the control you so desparately seem to need.

You didn't do that though and now you are going to have to abide by what some judge feels is reasonable. Get ready for this father to be able to have his child over night and at least 2 weekends a month. As far as a one year old being ready to do that...sure he is. If he had been allowed to know his father the way he should have been you wouldn't be worrying about him spending time with someone...you say is a stranger to him.

Your son will benefit from the relationship he has with his father and judging from his father's behavior as far as attempting to see his son I doubt seriously he is going to put the child in harms way.

 

[too sad in az]

While obtaining all of this information I finally decided to do the sensible thing and contact an attorney other than my own. This is what I found out. No my son will not be spending the night at his father's house because here in AZ they have guidelines. Because my son is 1 yr guidelines state that regular visits in three to six hour increments be established to help the child bond, not overnight with someone who has not been in the day to day rearing of the child. In addition, the attorney did say that if the father filed for child support and visitation then at that time child support will be calculated. No two weeks in the summer because the longest a child can be away from the mother or primary caregiver (ME) is three days, and that is if the child is conditition to spending the night away. So my head was never in my ass and I had the right of mind not to let a newborn, now toddler stay away from his bed and home. Mothers do know best. The only thing I may not have ground on is the irrational wife. I can submit my evidence as grounds to not have my child around her but it may not do any good. The only thing this forum has helped me do is compile more questions for my attorney.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

While obtaining all of this information I finally decided to do the sensible thing and contact an attorney other than my own. This is what I found out. No my son will not be spending the night at his father's house because here in AZ they have guidelines. Because my son is 1 yr guidelines state that regular visits in three to six hour increments be established to help the child bond, not overnight with someone who has not been in the day to day rearing of the child. In addition, the attorney did say that if the father filed for child support and visitation then at that time child support will be calculated. No two weeks in the summer because the longest a child can be away from the mother or primary caregiver (ME) is three days, and that is if the child is conditition to spending the night away. So my head was never in my ass and I had the right of mind not to let a newborn, now toddler stay away from his bed and home. Mothers do know best. The only thing I may not have ground on is the irrational wife. I can submit my evidence as grounds to not have my child around her but it may not do any good. The only thing this forum has helped me do is compile more questions for my attorney.

And what did the attorney tell you about retroactive child support or did you forget to mention that???

 

[BethM]

Funny, a friend of mine who lives in Flag Staff didn't run into those guidelines. His son started spending nights and weekends with him at 6 months old. What you are failing to understand is this...the child's father will get limited visitation up until such a point that the child has had time to bond with him. Once that bond is in place your child's father will be allowed to take this child to his home for weekend visitation and probably extended times during holidays and summer months.

I did some research on Arizona law related to custody and visitation. No where did I see a reference to any age limits as far as visitation rights. The link below will answer questions regarding Arizona law and visitation. It even addresses visitation and custody issues with unmarried parents. Don't get cocky and be real careful that you haven't spoken to an attorney who is telling you what you want to hear just to get your money. The worst thing you can do is walk into a courtroom thinking you will walk out a winner. Your best bet is to get used to the idea of your child developing a pretty good relationship with is child.

http://www.supreme.state.az.us/dr/Text/CustodyPT.htm