YANQ about child support/subsequent children

[Irish Blues]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

I have a 16-year old child who I pay child support for. I also have a wife and 4 children (ages 7, 4, and twins 18 months), while she has three other children (~13 from a 2nd father, ~10 and 6 from a 3rd father/1st husband) all of which she receives child support for, and is married but has no children with her current husband. We currently earn about $20,000 a year and get state assistance, but I have an offer to take a job in Massachusetts for just over $50,000 a year. (I do not start for 3 more weeks.) I have no idea what her income is (or her husband's income), but it wouldn't matter if I knew - the court won't look at it. Naturally, when she found out I had accepted another job offer she raced off to the lawyer for more child support.

Under IL guidelines, she's entitled to 20% of my net income (except in certain instances...but we'll ignore those here). If she seeks that amount (and there's every indication she will), there is no way I'll be able to afford the new child support amount PLUS pay for housing in Massachusetts plus "normal" expenses like utilities, transportation to/from work, and "normal" personal expenses like food, clothing, diapers, etc. This leaves me with 2 options: move everyone to MA and go broke trying to pay her child support, or stay here and stay on the welfare list instead of doing what I thought was the "right" thing and get off once I had a chance to make things better for my family.

Yes, I know I didn't have to have more kids (I hear those of you saying that), but when she had the 2nd child and (later) got divorced with 2 more, she was rewarded with more welfare benefits, additional child support, and she still didn't have to find a job (despite whatever federal laws are out there)...and that's OK apparently. When she goes back to get more support from each father, her income, financial situation, and the fact that all 4 of her kids are getting child support get ignored - "we have to look at the best interests of YOUR child" - but the fact that my expenses are going *way* up to take this job get ignored, as well as my 4 children. The firstborn gets the cake, everyone else gets the crumbs...except that she can do that with each of her kids.

And yes...Illinois law states that the support amount can be adjusted to take into account "the financial needs and resources of the custodial parent", but from past experience that won't happen. My role will be to sit down, shut up, and pray that the court doesn't order more than 20% in the judgment because "you need to take care of the child you have an obligation to", as if I don't have an obligation to my other 4.

Understand - this is NOT an attempt to get out of paying support. I know there are deadbeats who don't pay, and they should be paying out the nose...but I'm not the only one who's trying to do the right thing, and I'm tird of being treated like less than dirt when I'm taken to court. I just want something that's fair for everyone involved...and when her expenses aren't going up and her and her husband can go out to the bar 3-5 times a week and that's OK but I have to pay my "fair share" and hope I can still pay bills for my kids, I just think something is wrong.

Are there any suggestions, or is the system really slanted toward us NCP's who are trying to do the right thing?

 

[Gracie3787]

Taking into consideration that you ARE supporting your first child, personally I believe that there isn't anything wrong with putting your own needs, and the needs of your wife and other kids ahead of paying more support for 1st child.

You should do whatever YOU believe is best for you, your wife and kids so I really can't advise you as to what you should do. However, I will tell you what I would do if I was in your situation. I wouldn't take the new job, and then when my ex would ask why, I would explain that SHE made it impossible for you to be able to take the job by wanting more CS. I would then also explain that although the job paid more, the cost of living would increase and that combined with an increase in CS to her would in reality leave me with a income DECREASE rather than increase.

I realize that you are on state aid and normally I would advise someone to do whatever they can to get off aid, but in a case like your's it just doesn't make sense. Yes, the "system" is very biased against anyone who is trying to do things the right way.
Good luck

 

[Vote4Pedro]

Do you really have to question whether to take the job?

If you're earning $20,000 now and paying 20% of your net and you will be making $50,000 in MA and paying 20% of your net, plus a higher cost of living; you will still be ahead of the game. Let's say that your rent now is $700 per month (it should be more than that, depending on where you live in Illinois if you're housing a family). Rent is really the only thing that will go up if you move to MA. Even if your rent goes up to $1700 (which is unlikely for an apartment), you will still be ahead of the game. Your child support will probably increase by about $4500 per year or $375 per month (could be less), but your income will increase by $2500 per month. Take out the $375 for extra child support and the $1000 for extra rent and you still have an additional $1125 per month - which is only $291 less than what you make after child support on $20,000 per year (your child support would currently be around 15% of your gross or OR $250 per month if you make $20,000 per year - obviously correct me if I'm wrong). That leaves you with a gross income (after child support) of $1416.67 per month (before taxes). Take out the mandatory social security tax and you're down to about $1315 per month if you don't pay any additional taxes on your income. So right now, you're supporting a family on $1315 per month (plus $250 to your other child). NOW, if you take the job and earn $50,000 per year, you may pay $625 in child support, but you will take home $4167 per month (before taxes) and $3542.00 per month AFTER child support (but before taxes). Take out an additional 15% for taxes and you still have $3010.70 take home; which is $1695 more than what you're making now - even after the taxes and the additional child support. I'm sure you can find a way to support your family in a bigger house in a more expensive neighborhood with that additional $1695 per month (which is MORE by itself than you take home before taxes AND child support right now).

Please, do yourself and your family a favor and take the job. It could be a great opportunity for your family--including your son who receives your child support! Why would you seriously not consider taking a much better job so you wouldn't have to pay more child support? I'm not being mean, but serious. I know it's a lot of money - $625 a month. But the bigger picture is that you will be surviving on your own without help from the state and you'll be making enough money to actually put some away--you won't be behind.

HT

 

[Irish Blues]

You would also have to factor in things like food (current provided by food stamps, which wouldn't be available in MA), doctor's bills (b/c co-pays, the % that insurance doesn't pay) that we'd now incur b/c we wouldn't have Medicaid, transportation expenses, and the fact that we'd still have a house payment along with the rent payment until the house sells.

But....there was good news yesterday - we did manage to reach a deal. We're happy, the lawyer is happy, and her and her husband are furious...so I know it was a good deal. They're guaranteed $600 a month (which is what her lawyer computed to be 20% as described by state law) over the next 2 years, but it will come from a combination of regular payments every 2 weeks and lump-sum payments from things like income tax refunds, net proceeds from the sale of the house, etc. etc. This allows us to still be able to pay our bills, while making the necessary payments over the course of the 2 years. Short of me dying (which I don't expect), they're guaranteed $14,400 over the next 2 years. Period.

In short...the lawyer got what he wanted - 20% of my net income. I got what I wanted - to be able to structure the payments so I can still make my bills. And she's still bitter and pissed off at the rest of the world, just like she was going into this whole thing. The lawyer had to send my wife and I out of the room twice so he could talk to them, and we heard her and her husband yelling at several points while we were out. After about 10-15 minutes, the lawyer came out and said they'd take the deal.

Now, assuming she doesn't have a relapse of stupidity she'll sign the papers later today and we'll be set.

 

[L.Lundy]

Here in Arizona they count the custodial parent's income when calculating the non-custodial parent's financial obligation. I know it's not that way in all states, but I think it's only fair and reasonable. If I were making $200,000 a year, and my ex was making jack sh**, then I'd figure that as long as he was being a good, involved father to our son it wouldn't matter how much he paid. Then again, I'm one of those mean people that also thinks that visitation and child support SHOULD be tied together... some deadbeat CONSISTENTLY not paying his support then bitching about his 'rights' really pisses me off.

I'm glad it worked out well for you, and I hope she signs the papers and gets everything all settled. Congrats on the job offer and good luck

 

[Vote4Pedro]

I'm glad things seem to have worked out

You're right, you do have to consider the cost of food, medical, etc. I also know it's scary to go from having help with your expenses to doing all alone--I've been there. As a single parent with no child support for 14+ years and a child who was often hospitalized, had to have private daycare because of his illnesses, and other circumstances; my parents helped me with a lot. Now that I do it myself, it is tough, but I feel really good about it. It's scary, but I also know that there are people and organizations to fall back on if things get bad again.

Congrats on the new job and on the ability to truly be self-sufficient. I'm also glad the settlement worked for you.

I agree with LLundy. Deadbeats who pay nothing should not have as many rights as those who pay every month. And if a CP makes $200,000 and the NCP makes $30,000; that should be taken into consideration. My son's father makes over $120,000 and his wife makes around $50,000. I make less than $40,000...so I don't think there's a problem accepting every penny of child support. However, if I made $200,000 (or even $75,000); I wouldn't want his money. He was a deadbeat for 14+ years and has only started paying recently. He is still a deadbeat, as he doesn't call my son as he promised he would--not even on or around his 15th birthday. The only time he's involved is when he might have to pay something for medical. Then you can bet he's suddenly interested. I have invited him to every school meeting, doctor's appointment, etc.; and he's not taken me up on any of them. I've offered a very liberal visitation and he's only seen my son for a total of about 10 hours in the past year (since he started paying) and only two times in the first 2 years...nothing after that although he lived in the same town. It's a long story; but I do agree that if someone abandons his/her child; he/she has no room to complain about his/her parental rights.

Anyway, I'm off my soapbox right now. Good luck! Enjoy your new job!!!!!

HT